"Excuse me?!" A thread to vent about all the weird, rude and inappropriate things people have said about your pregnancy - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-25-2011, 11:20 PM
 
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this is slightly off topic.  But my sister and her husband regrettably chose to terminate their pregnancy after 18 weeks because of numerous problems that were unexpectedly discovered.  My sister is having a very hard time with this and is worried what people will think.  Though I may not agree with what occurred, she is my sister and I love her and I don't want to see her hurt.

 

That said, it was decided to tell people that they lost the baby due to complications.  It was hoped that would be that and people would be smart and compassionate enough to leave it at that. 

 

It simply amazes me how many people will not simply let it go.  I cannot tell you how many people have asked "what exactly happened?" or something along those lines.  I do not think that is ever appropriate for someone to ask!!

 

If someone tells you there was complications and they  lost the baby, for gods sake you would think people would say I'm sorry and let it go.  Why do people insist on knowing the details?  Whatever the situation was that caused the loss of the baby, it is not something that people typically want to sit and discuss with you.

 

It makes me so disgusted.


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Old 06-26-2011, 07:53 AM
 
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Oh gosh, how heartbreaking... and exactly why I didn't want my in-laws to blab the news to their ENTIRE town at the fouth of july picnic. But there's no getting around it.

I hope your sister has come up with a few comments that make these insensitive people feel sorry they were so rude...

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Old 06-26-2011, 07:05 PM
 
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How awful, I'm so sorry for your sister!  I can't imagine dealing with people being so nosy about something so heartbreaking!  I don't even know what I would say.


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Old 07-03-2011, 08:13 AM
 
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I have only told a few people since I am only 10 weeks because I already know what is coming. This is my 4th child (girl, boy, girl) and people assume if you already have a combo of boys/girls that there is no reason to have another. People who have kids that are the same sex have an 'excuse' to 'try for' the opposite of what they have according to mainstream America.  So far EVERY person I have told (except my AP mama friends) have asked 'was this a surprise?' I got a lot of what I considered rude comments when I was pg with my 3rd child and even more after she was born...."NOW are you done?" type of things. I am not even doing the 'big FB announcement' because I dont feel like hearing it!! My husband got a taste of it when he went on a rafting trip and told his 8 friends.....and got "dude, are you NUTS?" type of comments.  I am picturing the following:
 

Didnt you just HAVE a baby?? No, she is 26 months. Yes, I am 'still' nursing her and will continue as long as she wants. No, I am not planning to wean her before the baby comes.

 

Were you TRYING?  Um, that is pretty personal? This was actually my MOST planned pregnancy......since I was 'still' nursing my periods were irregular so I used ovulation predictor strips.

 

NOW are you done? This is usually from people who chose to have less kids than I did. This probably IS my last baby but I am not planning to tell anyone that!

 

My other favorite are the 'Better you than me!' type of comments

 

If I decide to go with a homebirth this time, trust me, I will not be telling anyone of my intentions beforehand because I cant imagine the crap people get about that! I had a med/intervention free waterbirth last time and people thought it was totally whacky......like WHY wouldnt you get an epi since they are available? And about how 'risky' it was. People are so annoying :)

 

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Old 07-03-2011, 09:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by chilichiki View Post

I cannot tell you how many people have asked "what exactly happened?" or something along those lines.  I do not think that is ever appropriate for someone to ask!!


O_o what on earth is wrong with people? Is there no filter between the brain and the mouth? If somebody wants you to know that kind of stuff, they'll TELL you... for pete's sake.

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Old 07-04-2011, 09:30 AM
 
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A neighbor said "wow, you're popping 'em out, huh?" Um, I guess. I have a 10 year old and a 2 year old, but I didn't think it was so quick.

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Old 07-04-2011, 12:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Someone said to me yesterday "Cesarean babies grow up to be more attractive."  I wanted to punch him in his face.  Thanks for the baseless opinion, dude.  I guess everyone should have elective abdominal surgery to have cute kids.  WTF?

Someone else said "If I ever have kids I'll have a cesarean because I don't want my vagina to be ruined."  Where do people get these ideas from??  Seriously. 

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Old 07-04-2011, 06:35 PM
 
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TV and celebrity gossip magazines
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by squidink View Post

Someone said to me yesterday "Cesarean babies grow up to be more attractive."  I wanted to punch him in his face.  Thanks for the baseless opinion, dude.  I guess everyone should have elective abdominal surgery to have cute kids.  WTF?

Someone else said "If I ever have kids I'll have a cesarean because I don't want my vagina to be ruined."  Where do people get these ideas from??  Seriously. 



 


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Old 07-05-2011, 01:55 PM
 
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Another one from one of the doctors I work with:  "well congrats but I hope this convinces you to finally get a tubal!"

 

I can't figure out why they're so pushy with the stupid tubals.  You'd think they'd want women to keep having babies.  My answer was "actually it was planned and I never want a tubal."  He rolled his eyes and walked away.  Not my favorite doctor.


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Old 07-05-2011, 09:02 PM
 
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I just remembered some from a "friend" when I was pregnant with DS.  Her son was born with Down Syndrome, though he has a pretty mild form.  Although he's a happy, cute, friendly kid, she seems pretty bitter about it sometimes.  We were talking about who-knows-what, and she told me, "Well, you just never know what's going to happen.  Your baby's not born yet."  And then something about how anything could be wrong with him, and we'd never know til he was born.  Umm, would that mean I'd love him any less?  We were fortunate that our baby was born without any handicaps or issues that we know about, but he'd be our baby no matter what, and I can't imagine loving him any less if he'd been born otherwise.  

 

Then one day at lunch, towards the end of my pregnancy, I was talking with her and another friend about how big I was getting and that I couldn't wait to have my baby on the outside.  I also mentioned something about having a natural birth.  She said, "I just know you're going to have a c-section."  For the next month, it seemed like every time she saw me, she reminded me how I was going to "have" to have a c-section.  I didn't.  I had a straightforward natural birth, with just AROM to get things moving again after a long, sleepless night of contractions.

 

There were other comments made along the same lines.  Needless to say, we don't talk anymore.


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Old 07-08-2011, 08:04 AM
 
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last time I was pregnant: "Don't you know what causes this by now?" and other equally rude (but all in good fun, of course *sarcasm*) comments from my brother in law. of course when I lost that baby I never heard a word from him or his wife. Yup, I'm still pissed.

 

And from a friend when I was miscarrying  "you probably had them to close together" (I got prego when my baby was 4 months). Um wow, blame my loss on me, cuz of course  mothers never blame themselves when babies die, we need others to do it for us.

 

With this pregnancy I haven't told yet, but I'm sure the rude comments will come flowing....

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Old 07-08-2011, 08:45 AM
 
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When I was telling family members about my choice to have a natural birth at a birth center the reactions I got were "no pain medication? not even___? you should ask if you can have___?" and "what if something happens?" type questions as if midwives wait until it's an emergency to suggest a hospital transfer.  Why do people think that? it's ridiculous!  For some reason they think having an intervention free plan for a birth is dangerous, but if I were to say i'm planning a c-section they'd probably be fine with it. sheesh!

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Old 07-08-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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Maybe we should all get these!!  lol.gif

 

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Old 07-10-2011, 11:21 AM
 
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its amazing how many people are so accepting of a pre planned c-section but so quick to criticize anything else!


Mother of one hyperactive little boy bouncy.gif(9/07) and expecting baby number 2 (Henry Magnus!) on January 25th.

 

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Old 07-11-2011, 08:26 AM
 
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 OMG, you're so right... Like I saw in a natural birth video somewhere (paraphrasing), "We've normalized what used to be reserved for abnormal situations, and ostracized normality."  Ugh.


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Old 07-11-2011, 08:42 AM
 
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I'm still floored by a lot of these comments.  Here I am turning 38 in a few days, with two kids, and pregnant ON ACCIDENT (like a freaking Teen Mom that just forgot how it basic intercourse works) and I've yet to have one negative comment.  I live in the middle of the Bible Belt and nobody comments on my 18 month old asking for teet in public, or my inability to consider birthing interventions, or just getting knocked up so quickly after having a kid.  Maybe people just know that I won't tolerate these comments...I don't know.  But I seriously don't know how a lot of you don't just literally smack the person that is saying them!


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Old 07-21-2011, 01:44 PM
 
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I went to the dentist today and had to tell the hygenist that I was pregnant because she was about to give me an xray. She then proceeded to bombard me with questions, stories, and unsolicited advice for the next 30 minutes.  How far along are you, do you know the sex, man, my patients are really having big babies these days, I don't know how they do it, don't give your kid a bad name, 20 years ago one of my patients told me that she was going to name her son Brock and his last name is Cully and I didn't stop her, and I ran into the kid about 2 years ago and asked him if he got called broccoli and he told me yes and that he could have killed his parents for it . . . .

 

It went on and on and on. I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg; once I start to show more I imagine it comes full blast from strangers. Hopefully I'll have a 15 pound baby and I'll name it Apple Sauce, so she has more to add to her stories. harumph. angry.gif


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Old 07-21-2011, 03:27 PM
 
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Brock Cully ROTFLMAO.gif


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Old 07-21-2011, 07:33 PM
 
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Brock Cully ROTFLMAO.gif



ditto!

 

 

I just get things like "Was this planned?" and "How did that happen? or I get silence. 


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Old 07-21-2011, 07:39 PM
 
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Brock Cully ROTFLMAO.gif



I'm just laughing and laughing at the computer...my husband must think I'm nuts...  lol


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Old 07-22-2011, 10:36 AM
 
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It is pretty funny. eyesroll.gif


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Old 07-22-2011, 11:44 AM
 
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i hate now that im showing... that strange people just think my belly is public property.... im sick of people coming up and touching my belly asking when im due... what are you having... i had one woman ask me while i was out with my girl friends if the father was involved... what kind of baby freaks are people now a days... i dont wanna be rude but i dont wanna give strangers information about my new baby....its aggravating....

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Old 07-22-2011, 03:12 PM
 
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BabyBrodysMama - your post reminded me of the stupidest comment I got back when I was pregnant with my first.  I was 19/20, living with my boyfriend at the time and while it was unplanned, the baby wasnt unwanted.  One night we were over at my moms visiting with her and her boyfriend and another friend of theirs.  The boyfriend (and his friend) were getting on our case about getting married.  We said no, it wasnt a plan before so it wasnt a plan now, butthanksforasking.   They kept on us (granted, they were drinking) and I kept defending our choice that this was a different time; no, kids wont tease him/her on the playground for being a "bastard"; we can be great parents without being married, etc.  

Then the boyfriend asks, "are you sure you even know who the father is?!"  With my live in boyfriend, right next to me!  I yell back, (I kept my cool the whole time, but this was beyond insulting) Of course I do!!!  But now, he's really on us.  "do you really know its yours? how can you be sure?" to my bf, and back to me, "you probably dont even know, do you!".  I called him a couple unmentionable names and stormed out. 

I'm still pissed at my mom and bf for just sitting back and letting this turd be so disrespectful.  Shocker of all shockers, we did break up and I no longer speak to my mom.  

 

But really? B/c I wont get married I have no idea who the father is?!  Huh?! 

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Old 08-15-2011, 11:38 PM
 
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Yes, I dug deep and found this thread so I could rant about a dear friend's insensitive comment... I was talking to her about how neat it felt to have the baby kicking, then went on to say that I'd finally lost the bloat weight and something lighthearted about how maybe the baby had used up the extra... and she said, "You have a little parasite!" (Then apologized because I didn't laugh as heartily as she did... but I mean really? I am voluntarily giving my body to this baby to live in right now, and I find it an honor to do so. It's not a 'parasite').


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Old 08-16-2011, 05:54 PM
 
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Here's something from my very own husband:

 

We were chatting about baby stuff this morning and all of a sudden he says "and we can get you some diapers"

 I said "what?"

"you know, so you don't have to worry about peeing in your pants" (referring to a conversation we had a while ago about my fear of pregnancy making my bladder weak)

 

I was so shocked I didn't even get mad just told him that no, I didn't want to wear adult diapers just in case I peed.  I felt so embarrassed and small. 

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Old 08-17-2011, 07:20 PM
 
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Every single person at my work has said 'you're crazy'. EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.

Except for one, who also has four kids - he said, oh my God, that's amazing, that's awesome! Why can't everyone say that? It honestly is starting to hurt my feelings a bit.

I know having 5 kids will be busy, but I already have four and work full time, and we are doing just fine, thankyouverymuch.

A very kind friend of mine suggested that they just mean, 'wow, I couldn't do it, and I'm shocked that someone else can'. So I'm going with that for now. But the next person who says it just might get a 'thanks for the support' from me. greensad.gif
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Old 08-18-2011, 06:55 AM
 
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Every single person at my work has said 'you're crazy'. EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.

Except for one, who also has four kids - he said, oh my God, that's amazing, that's awesome! Why can't everyone say that? It honestly is starting to hurt my feelings a bit.

I know having 5 kids will be busy, but I already have four and work full time, and we are doing just fine, thankyouverymuch.

A very kind friend of mine suggested that they just mean, 'wow, I couldn't do it, and I'm shocked that someone else can'. So I'm going with that for now. But the next person who says it just might get a 'thanks for the support' from me. greensad.gif


Yesterday when I walked into the office a few of my younger employees joked, "Listen, we love you, this is an intervention, no more babies." I laughed it off, whatever... but I don't really understand why it bothers other people when you have multiple children... like it really bothers them. My husband and I have two children already but so what! We take care of them, I'm not living off the government or asking anyone else to care for them and I know we're doing a hell of a better job that some parents.... what the heck is the problem??!

 

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Old 08-18-2011, 07:22 AM
 
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I don't understand why people are so against having large families? I'm fairly sure I want a big family but even if I don't end up having one I'm certainly not going to talk to other women who do like they are out of their minds, it's their choice. 


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Old 08-18-2011, 10:51 AM
 
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I'm also having my 5th. I actually haven't gotten any bad comments, but then I'm not showing yet either. I also don't work outside the home.

 

The comment I have gotten is, "So how far along are you again?" "3.5 months, I'm due the very beginning of Feb." "Oh, man, I was hoping you were like 8 months, that's a LONG time." And that was from my husband. smile.gif


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Old 08-18-2011, 12:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kaitlyn811 View Post

I don't understand why people are so against having large families? I'm fairly sure I want a big family but even if I don't end up having one I'm certainly not going to talk to other women who do like they are out of their minds, it's their choice. 


Not taking anyone's side, but probably a lot of the views are feeling that the world is overpopulated enough and having more than 2 kids to replace the father and mother is overkill anymore, because child mortality rates aren't what they used to be and it's just contributing to the "problem".

 

Again...I'm just answering your question and relaying what I've heard people say, not trying to start anything.

 

But methinks Joyfulgrrrl is on to something -- a lot of people comment "you're crazy!" and they really mean "I couldn't do that!"...totally!

 


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