having a rough time - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 07-18-2011, 04:13 PM - Thread Starter
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ok, let's see if I can make this coherent enough that people will actually read it. I am having a hard time. Some people do well with pregnancy, they enjoy it (well most of it), you know those women who glow? I am not one of those people. I was very very sick with my first pregnancy. To the point that I pretty much couldn't get off the couch for 18 weeks. After that I pulled a muscle between my ribs and could hardly sleep for several weeks. I am less sick with this pregnancy which is good because I have a daughter who is turning two next week to take care of. I still feel pretty horrible. Not as sick but everything hurts! My back hurts, my pelvis hurts, my uterus hurts, not cramps or braxton hicks it just aches. I have had round ligament pain and sciatic nerve pain already. I didn't even know that was possible this early in pregnancy. I would love to go to the chiropractor but we just don't have the money for it. 


More than any of those things though I am lonely. One of my goals this pregnancy has been to not complain (very much) since all I did last time was whine (even though it was pretty deserved). We moved to a new city about 6 months ago and I don't have very many friends here. I get sad really easily and since I have gotten pregnant I have become a total worry wart :( I'm worried something will happen to my baby or my daughter. I'm worried that my husband won't come home from work one day because of a car accident or something. Things that I have no control over. I also have been feeling VERY guilty about not being able to take my daughter to the park or do other fun things with her that we used to do. She asks me every day if mommy is sick. I almost always have to say yes. She has been acting out a little bit I am sure because I don't have the ability to give her the attention she is used to. I also feel guilty about not being able to take care of the house or cook for my husband. He has to pick up so much of the slack and I just feel bad about it. 


I am also kind of panicking about having two kids. How will I get them both in their car seats when we have to go somewhere? How will I ever leave my house! It is hard enough for me with one. I guess I am a huge wimp but I don't know what to do about it. 

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#2 of 7 Old 07-18-2011, 04:37 PM
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First off, hug2.gif


I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right now.  I'm not a "glower" either.  For me it's mostly the nausea and heartburn (already been around for awhile now, and I'm only 15 weeks, so sadly yes, things can start early) It sounds like you went thru alot first time around!  And this one too, is there any way to get to a chiro?  


I totally get the worry - I found that going from 1 to 2 kids is when it really kicked in.  Not sure why it did, but it did.  And it sucks.  For me, I try and run a "worst case" scenario in my head and come up with a plan to make it okay.  Then I can usually breathe for a bit.  Can you try that?  Some meditation maybe?  You can find some great books from the library, and its free!  :) 


I know its so much easier said than done, but PLEASE dont feel guilty!  Kids are okay not going to the park or doing fun stuff for a while.  They snap back pretty quick, I promise.  :)    And don't feel bad about your dh "picking up the slack", thats what partners do, right?  We lean on each other when we're not feeling well.   We let the other know we appreciate their help and when they're down, we do it for them.  It all works out in the end.  


You're not a wimp, remember that.  You're a mom who's feeling ill and overwhelmed, thats all.  We've all been there, and will be there again soon.  


hang in there my dear! 

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#3 of 7 Old 07-18-2011, 04:38 PM
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Oh my gosh...that's a lot to feel all at once.  hug2.gif


I moved to my husband's family farm, away from all of my family and friends (good thing my husband's my best friend and his parents are wonderful!).  Five months later I found out I was pregnant.  We didn't have a lot of money and had really bad luck with our cars (something always needed to be done with one or the other...just sucky bad luck), so I often felt stuck.  And blue.  And lonely.  (Not all the time, but enough to remember it.)


Once sweet DS was here it really REALLY helped when I started going to my monthly breastfeeding group.  Most of us are like-minded and the support is amazing and children and pregnant women are always welcome.  Even if you aren't like-minded, you should take your daughter and go, because you'll receive a listening ear and perhaps take heart as to what others are saying and going through.  It's there that I also found a weekly play group...something your daughter might enjoy.


I know you're tired and sore, but maybe seeking out other pregnant moms and moms with toddlers will energize you and hopefully make you feel less lonely.  And maybe some of that worrying will go away.  Hopefully some other mamas will have good ideas for you.


All the best to you!

Blessed mom (11.10) and wife (5.01-met/12.07-married).  HI!  nocirc.gif  namaste.gif  

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#4 of 7 Old 07-18-2011, 06:28 PM
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Girl - I get the guilt.  I had it when pregnant with my daughter because I felt awful at the amount of TV I let her watch so I could get by in my son's pregnancy.  They totally rebound.  Never fear.


Do you have a way to get around?  I would say finding a supportive group of women might be really helpful to your mental health.  I know that *for me* when I spend too much time around myself or just my kids I get punchy and *need* to be around other women.  Maybe that would be helpful?

Chatty Girl - 3/2006, Lovey Boy - 1/2010, Delicious Baby Girl - 1/2012
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#5 of 7 Old 07-19-2011, 06:00 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you all so much for the kind words. They really do make me feel better. :) 

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#6 of 7 Old 07-22-2011, 10:52 AM
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Your post sounds exactly how I felt my last two pregnancy, they were rough!  Then you add staying home and feeling gloomy to that, I was not a happy camper.  I do agree with the other moms that say you should really try to get out.  Go for a walk, go to the park, get yourself a little treat like an iced chai or decaf coffee while your out and it will seem like a treat to you too.  There are so many wonderful play or meeting groups out there b/c EVERY mother has been where you are right now, every single one.  Try to find friends that you click with, not just ones at similar points in there pregnancy/similar aged kids or that you have identical parenting styles. 


I think what has really made a huge difference for me during this pregnancy is 1. Getting really good (pricey EEK) prenatal vitamins, I really believe that the cheaper ones I used the last 2 times made me feel even worse.  2.  I excercise at least 4 days a week.  I don't always feel like it, actually sometimes that is what I complain the most about, but seriously getting away for that hour of sanity has changed my life.  I used to be tired, frustrated with my children, didn't have enough patience and was depressed at times.  Now I'm no Mary @$#$%#$% Sushine, but I am happy.


I hope that some of this helps, I just thought it might be nice to hear from someone who has been through it and has been able to change it. 

Sarah knit.gif married to Micah, mama to dd1 (9), dd2 (7) and ds (2). We love to homeschool.gif h20homebirth.gif goorganic.jpgchicken3.gif
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#7 of 7 Old 07-27-2011, 12:51 AM
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Crashing here. Sorry you're feeling this way. You might want to look up Symphasis Pubis Dysfunction and see if it could possibly be the cause of your pelvic and back pain http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symphysis_pubis_dysfunction

Mother of two boys and a stork-boy.gif on the way!

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