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#31 of 35 Old 12-28-2011, 08:57 AM
 
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I was pretty ready for this pregnancy to be done, but then I read an article that said that babies born before 39 weeks are at an increased risk for learning disabilities.  There's a lot to be said for letting baby cook for a few more weeks, so I've changed my mindset!  It's funny because people ask me when I'm due and when I say Jan. 12 the say: "Oh, so you can have the baby any day now!" but now I silently think "Hopefully not until the official due date!"  Now I'm making it a priority to enjoy doing all the stuff I won't be able to do so freely once the baby is here (like loooooooooong showers!).


Me (38), DH (47) and big Z (2 1/2)
m/c 07/14 and Baby EDD: 5/24/15! Stick, baby, stick!

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#32 of 35 Old 12-28-2011, 09:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by demoonunit View Post


This is my first, but I definitely feel like it's going to be hard to "share" my baby. It's crazy, because before I got pregnant, I thought when I had a baby I'd want to show her off immediately and have her around lots of people right from the get-go, but now that I'm preggers, I feel like I will probably want her all to myself. I get anxieties already just thinking about people holding her. I hope I can learn to calm that neurosis, at least a little bit!

 

I feel this way too! I barely want people around NOW... MIL is coming to visit and I just want to hide. I feel like baby WON'T come out until I have my 'cave' nice and safe and private. I feel like a pacing animal these days.

 

I wish I could say I enjoyed this pregnancy more. The nerve pain from compression in my hands from swelling is really awful though, it has kind of eclipsed a lot of the enjoyment I expected in the last weeks. I do a lot with my hands and I can't hold a fork, knit, type, write, pat my dog, anything for long periods of time (if at all. Knitting is actually totally out and if you're a knitter, you'll understand that this is making me crazy).

 

I've been waking up in the middle of the night with burning, searing pain in my hands which isn't helping the 20+ weeks of sleep deprivation from hip pain (just when I'd gotten to a point where I could sleep through it too). The burning is just unreal. It's like the real sensation of burning - and running my hands under cold water like you'd do for a bad 1st degree burn at 3am just isn't my idea of a good time. And I feel so GUILTY for being so miserable about it! Come on out baby... we are ready any time you are.

 

 


Weaving, knitting mama of one beautiful daughter born at home,  reading.gif and yoga teacher namaste.gif planning a homebirth.jpg with our second, due mid-january. Trying to crochetsmilie.gif & sewmachine.gif & notes.gif more... We like to fly-by-nursing1.giffamilybed1.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#33 of 35 Old 12-28-2011, 11:06 AM
 
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To the mamas worried about "sharing" their babies after they are born..... I had that feeling before my son was born as well.  I suspected that other people holding him or wanting to see him would make me uncomfortable but I was not prepared for the degree of anxiety that came shortly after the birth.  Not only did it make me ill to think of someone else holding him, I would just seethe if anyone else would look at him.  It was crippling actually.  I think it was so bad, though, because instead of just hiding for a few days to allow us to bond as a new family and me to get my emotional and hormonal "feet" underneath me, we allowed family to come over right away to visit.  I felt I was just being irrational and disallowing people to come and visit for a while would be selfish.  I still have uncomfortable feelings associated with this period because of the fact that I didn't honor myself and my desires and my needs when I should have.  I felt vulnerable and horrible handing him over to others, as though I was removing a vital organ from my body and passing it around for everyone to gawk at.  This time, for us, it will be different.  I will not allow people to come and visit before we are ready as a family... all of us, my son, my husband, and myself.  I know people are well meaning and really just want to be involved in such a special time and I don't blame them... but the most important thing is that we nurture ourselves and our new families during a fragile and sacred time.  If that means hiding out for a few days or even weeks, if you need it.... I absolutely think you should do it without guilt.  Caring and empathetic people should honor your request and try to understand that the need for some solitude after such a life changing event may outweigh the want of others to be involved. 

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#34 of 35 Old 12-28-2011, 01:14 PM
 
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As I've been reading this conversation, I've been thinking that nobody should have to let someone else hold their newborn. If people come to visit, if they are sensitive to your needs and those of the baby, they should understand that. The problem is when people don't understand that, especially family. I personally would not offer to let anyone hold the baby, especially if you are uncomfortable with it, even if you feel like you "should". If you feel uncomfortable with something, I think it is one of the first lessons of motherhood to trust that instinct. Of course people love to hold babies, but they can wait until the baby is a little older. It is really important for you and your baby to be together in those early days.

 

I visit other moms after babies com as a part of a group I'm in - we make meals for each other and drop them off, and sometimes we help out a little with things that need to get done. I never would ask to hold a NB, and I turn people down most of the time if they offer, unless they're actually shoving the baby at me with a relieved look on their face. I will not offer to have people hold my baby until I am comfortable with it, and I will tell them that they can hold her another time if they ask and I'm not comfortable with it. 

 

If you wear your baby (a moby or other kind of wrap works great for a NB) sometimes that can help to discourage people from asking, too.

 

I think it is totally normal to feel like you don't want to share your baby yet (look at how many of us feel that way, how strongly we feel, and how anxious we feel about it!), and that it is fine to honor that feeling!


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#35 of 35 Old 12-28-2011, 02:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L'lee View Post

As I've been reading this conversation, I've been thinking that nobody should have to let someone else hold their newborn.

 

I never would ask to hold a NB, and I turn people down most of the time if they offer, unless they're actually shoving the baby at me with a relieved look on their face.

 



It's funny because as much as I love holding babies, I never hold my friends' newborns. I don't know why, but it just doesn't *feel right*. And I felt this long before I got pregnant. I think it's just an instinctual thing that I was feeling without realizing it...that newborns should only be in mommy's arms.

 

I have friends that have had babies within that past year, and I look at their Facebook pictures and there are dozens of different people holding their newborns. It just looks so wrong to me! I mean, I think it's wonderful for kids to be socialized, but for me, I feel like I want my newborn to ease into the social world, not be thrown into it...even if the "social world" includes family. 

 

Part of me wants to not even tell anybody that I'm in labor so I have the option of having a few days to ourselves without having to worry or offend anybody. I know that our parents would respect our wishes if we told them we had her but didn't want visitors, but I think it would be easier on them to just not even know she's here until after the much needed grace period.


First-time momma-to-be with my amazing man. Planning a homebirth and expecting a baby girl mid-January 2012. love.gif

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