When you know it's not a good match... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 09-13-2012, 05:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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After meeting someone for an interview, have you ever felt like it just wasn't a good match (for whatever reason)? Have you ever "turned down a client" or referred them to someone else because you didn't think it was a good fit from your perspective? If so, how did you have that conversation? I'd like to hear about others' experiences with this.


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#2 of 6 Old 09-19-2012, 11:29 AM
 
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I am strongly of the mind that while there is a "doula for every woman", I am not the doula for every woman. I have no problem referring out if I know I am not the right fit. I don't think it's fair to that woman to try and be her doula if I know I can't give all of myself to her for one reason or another. I personally have a really hard time supporting smokers. I'm not saying smokers don't deserve a doula, of course they do, it's just not me. I would not be able to fully give of myself in that situation. I always tell women who interview me that if they feel like we don't connect to be honest with themselves and to interview other options so I think it's wise to do the same for ourselves. 


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#3 of 6 Old 09-19-2012, 07:24 PM
 
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Sometimes i know right away, that they need to meet the other midwives and sometimes i will meet them a second time just incase it was an off day for one of us. And if there is a great connection with mom but dad is like sand paper it is also a no...
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#4 of 6 Old 09-26-2012, 04:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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How do you have the conversation if you're the one "turning them down"?


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#5 of 6 Old 09-26-2012, 11:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiacait View Post

How do you have the conversation if you're the one "turning them down"

Perhaps you can tell her that you are no longer available for her EDD and give her a list of other doula's to call. That might be the easiest way without hurting her feelings. I honestly don't think it will be that bad as long as you provide her with some resources to find another doula. I wouldn't be offended if someone told me they didn't think it would work out but they could point me in the right direction. She'll click with someone else I'm sure smile.gif

good luck!!


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#6 of 6 Old 09-30-2012, 04:20 PM
 
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I only recently had this happen. I left the interview and just felt kind of off. It took them about 2 weeks to get back to me after our interview and while I thought about just going forward with it because I knew she wasn't going to have many options but after a lot of reflection, I replied with a list of other area doulas she might be able to contact. I also explained that I was going to be going out of town for a convention around the time that I'd be on call. This usually isn't an issue because of my back up arrangement but it just worked as a better turn down in this case. Just be respectful and give her some other resources and I think you'll be fine. It took many years of doula-ing to finally get to a point where I let myself be a little picky about who I take on. Good luck.


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