Gender Preference? Help me feel better! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 07:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you have a gender preference?  I do, and it is making me so anxious.  We don't plan on finding out the gender until birth, and it's killing me!  Of course, I think if we found out and it wasn't what we are wanting, I think it would be hard to deal with for the rest of the pregnancy.  I'm thinking that when the baby is born, I'll be so excited and it won't matter as much.

 

What do you think?


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#2 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 07:59 AM
 
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As we have two little boys now, I would love it if this one was a girl.  That being said, I love the fact that our two boys play together so well and seem to enjoy the same kinds of activities.  So yes, I do have a preference, but it's not a strong one.  With DS2, I really thought it was a girl because I was so sick and the pregnancy seemed so different from my first.  I was really happy we found out at our 20 week ultrasound because it gave me all that time to get used to the idea of another little boy, so when DS2 arrived we were prepared.  But that's a huge part of my personality - if I'm offered a surprise for now or later, I WANT MY SURPRISE NOW!!!  LOL.


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#3 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 10:49 AM
 
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We have 2 girls and I am hoping for a 3rd girl. Most people are totally surprised because they "ass"ume we are trying for a boy. We haven't decided if we will find out or not. We didn't with #1 and we did (but didn't tell anyone we did) with #2. I'm torn for the exact reasons you mention!


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#4 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 09:11 PM
 
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I had a really hard struggle with gender disappointment. Ill allow myself to grieve if it's not the baby I dreamed for. But I can say without a doubt I will love this baby for who they are because I was lucky enough to be blessed to be his/her mom. I love my sons, they are amazing, I wouldn't want them any other way. :)


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#5 of 15 Old 08-01-2011, 11:32 AM
 
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I have two girls and never found out what they were until they greeted us.  However I think this time around we'll find out.  Mostly so I don't five thousand begging phone calls from my mother again. 

 

I'd prefer another girl.  Little girls have my heart.  I had wanted boy until I got my girls now I'd give anything for another one.  My husband wants a boy.  He was happy with girls until his little tomboy started wearing dresses, brushing her hair and wearing girly shoes. 

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#6 of 15 Old 08-01-2011, 06:39 PM
 
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I've always wanted a little girl - I grew up with 2 sisters and it's just what I know.  I can't even really communicate why I had such a strong preference with my first.

 

We had an ultrasound in Tanzania (where we were living at the time) at 21 weeks and the dr told us we were having a boy.  I admit I was really disappointed at first - not so much that I was having a boy, but just with the realization that I had NO control over it and no matter how much I wanted a girl, I might never have one.  After a few days, I was feeling a lot better and within a few weeks was pretty excited about having a son.

 

Then, we moved to the US and our midwives wanted to do another u's at 27 weeks, and the tech told us congrats on our little girl!!  I was really shocked but apparently the first u/s tech was wrong, because we have a beautiful daughter now.

 

I think it's normal to be disappointed with the gender - for me, I wanted to know ahead of time because I knew I would need some time to get used to and excited about the idea of having a boy, and it really didn't take me long (although I have to admit I was even more excited when I found out we were actually having a girl).

 

For this pg, Im much more neutral - I loved having sisters and would be thrilled to have another girl, but I definitely would also be excited to be able to have the experience of having both a boy and a girl. 


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#7 of 15 Old 08-01-2011, 08:37 PM
 
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I think it's normal to have gender preference. I was sure that my second child was a girl. I picked a girl name, called "her" Allison up until 24 weeks when we found out it was a boy. DH was really wanting a boy. I'm not going to lie, I was disappointed. I didn't cry or anything... but it was a shock. I wanted "one of each". With this pregnancy, I have absolutely no gender preference, which is weird to me. I really really wanted a boy with my first and got him. This time I'm indifferent. People also often "ass"ume that I want a girl because I have two sons. If anything, I think having another boy would be amazing, and having a little girl seems like a foreign planet to me. My first and 2nd pregnancies were so different, and this one is much like my 2nd pregnancy. Who knows who's in there. DH and I picked a gender neutral name with different spellings, so baby will be named the same no matter what the gender. All of my friends hope I have a girl. I think everyone else is more stressed about the gender of my baby than me. 

 

But that being said... DH really really badly wants a girl. I think if we have a girl... I might go into debt buying all of the cute clothes/cloth diapers that I never could before. redface.gif


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#8 of 15 Old 08-02-2011, 06:59 AM
 
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I want a boy today. I want to get rid of all of Adas clothes and buy boy clothes bag.gif

Yesterday I wanted a girl because I love the idea of two sisters playing together.

It just doesnt really matter to me, but I know DH wants a boy, and thats what Im feelin. Im actually going to start a thread about that.

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#9 of 15 Old 08-02-2011, 11:39 AM
 
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This is the first pregnancy that I haven't had a preference in. I wanted a boy with each of the others and got 4 girls! This time I truly don't care. Another girl would be awesome because we know girls, we're good at girls, we have girl stuff, we are just a girl house. A boy would be scary in a lot of ways, but exciting too of course. I felt bitter disappointment when we found out our fourth was a girl, (boy that makes me sound like a horrible person!) so I know that feeling well. 

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#10 of 15 Old 08-02-2011, 01:34 PM
 
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Isn't that a primal fear: fear of the unknown

Forever and ever, growing up. playing with dolls, etc. I wanted a little girl baby. So, my first was a girl & I was selfishly complete= I always got what I wanted... time goes on. I get divorced. I grow up. blahblah.gif blah.. meet DH 2ND pregnancy & the the first time I experience gender preference. Because I was "good" at girls, having a perfect daughter, having only a sister and being a girl myself, I broke down & wailed when my US tech said I was carrying a boy. mecry.gifDS was born & turned out in every possible way to be the most loving and sweet baby who needed/adored me a thousand ways more & different then DD. Right after comes Baby #3 I wanted a boy. Got a boy! Another snugly little boy!

Now, in the present tense. We are expecting #4.prego w/ Paraguard IUDoops.gif + Being 35 yrs old with a pretty full nest = gender preference is an issue.  DH has had only boys with me.  He is terrified each pregnancy that it could be a girl and ecstatic when they turned out to be boys. I assume he had the same gender preference that I did with my first. You are comfortable with what you know.

DD is her own entity and is 1/2 and 1/2 between her dad's & our home, so she is totally against a girl usurping her rule as princess.hopmad.gif

I just want everyone happy. That sounds so lame. Even as I write it, lame. But, I am so worried about other issues, you know? DH just "knows" it's a girl this time (fear) and everyone friends/family just "love" the thought of us "even"ing it out with a girl. 2 of each. Like how is that relevant in any way?

Really?

I have learned allot being a mother for 14 years. First and foremost. Each child is completely unique and their own little person. No matter your delusions on molding their character. I am just hoping to be a good mother to this (unexpected) baby girl or boy.

I hope you all get your wish. If not, take heart. Life is unexpected in the surprising way that teaches you happiness can be be bigger and better by being different from what you initially wanted.

 

Remind me of this again in a year! wink!wink1.gif

 

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#11 of 15 Old 08-02-2011, 02:01 PM
 
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My husband and I were COMPLETELY convinced that we were having a girl. I only had one ultrasound at 24 weeks (having a HB, wanted to make sure placenta was in agood spot, etc) and were told it was a boy! It actually took me a couple of days to get used to the idea, but now I'm so connected and in love with this baby I can't remember why I wanted a girl so badly! And actually, you won't be finding out the SEX until the birth...baby's gender wont show itself for a couple of years probably ;)

 

I have to say, though, that finding out that I'm having a boy (although really, I've had enough clients be told one thing based on MULTIPLE u/s just to find the opposite at birth) really helped me work out some issues I had around gender. I think I have always been so sensitive to girsl being discrimintaed against that I was unconsciously discriminating against boys!! It's been a real learning experience.

 

Baby just kicked me REALLY hard in the ribs...I guess he concurs :)


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#12 of 15 Old 08-03-2011, 01:55 AM
 
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I enjoyed reading this - what great perspective!  Thanks londongandert.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by londongandert View Post

Isn't that a primal fear: fear of the unknown

Forever and ever, growing up. playing with dolls, etc. I wanted a little girl baby. So, my first was a girl & I was selfishly complete= I always got what I wanted... time goes on. I get divorced. I grow up. blahblah.gif blah.. meet DH 2ND pregnancy & the the first time I experience gender preference. Because I was "good" at girls, having a perfect daughter, having only a sister and being a girl myself, I broke down & wailed when my US tech said I was carrying a boy. mecry.gifDS was born & turned out in every possible way to be the most loving and sweet baby who needed/adored me a thousand ways more & different then DD. Right after comes Baby #3 I wanted a boy. Got a boy! Another snugly little boy!

Now, in the present tense. We are expecting #4.prego w/ Paraguard IUDoops.gif + Being 35 yrs old with a pretty full nest = gender preference is an issue.  DH has had only boys with me.  He is terrified each pregnancy that it could be a girl and ecstatic when they turned out to be boys. I assume he had the same gender preference that I did with my first. You are comfortable with what you know.

DD is her own entity and is 1/2 and 1/2 between her dad's & our home, so she is totally against a girl usurping her rule as princess.hopmad.gif

I just want everyone happy. That sounds so lame. Even as I write it, lame. But, I am so worried about other issues, you know? DH just "knows" it's a girl this time (fear) and everyone friends/family just "love" the thought of us "even"ing it out with a girl. 2 of each. Like how is that relevant in any way?

Really?

I have learned allot being a mother for 14 years. First and foremost. Each child is completely unique and their own little person. No matter your delusions on molding their character. I am just hoping to be a good mother to this (unexpected) baby girl or boy.

I hope you all get your wish. If not, take heart. Life is unexpected in the surprising way that teaches you happiness can be be bigger and better by being different from what you initially wanted.

 

Remind me of this again in a year! wink!wink1.gif

 



 

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#13 of 15 Old 08-03-2011, 07:24 AM
 
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When I imagine having two kids, I picture "the girls" playing.  I think this is mostly because I'm one of four girls. 

 

When I was pregnant with DD, I convinced myself it was a boy mostly because I had always imagined a girl baby.  I had succeeded in convincing myself so completely that I was actually disappointed for a moment when we found out at 20 weeks that it was a girl. 

 

This time, I sort of prefer a girl.  In part it's because we already have a full wardrobe that ended up being highly gender specific over time (gifts and DD preference, I suppose).  In part, it's because I've known few boys in my life until high school and college.

 

Overall, though, I think that the sex of the baby means very little.  If I have a girl, I will raise her to be inquisitive, independent, confident and creative.  If I have a boy, I will do the same.  I will do my best to protect my daughter from messages that emphasize appearance, subservience, and modesty and I will do my best to protect my son from messages that emphasize violence, conquest, cockiness. 

 

All that said, I'm totally finding out the sex at the anatomy scan.  I don't like surprises!  And, I think it will help us pick a name and begin to imagine the future person coming to join our family.


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#14 of 15 Old 08-17-2011, 11:31 AM
 
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Yeah. I have a 14-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy. My son is just SO overwhelming, SO wild, SO fiery... and he wears me down. I am 37 and really, I would LOVE to have another girl like my daughter was. She was so calm and sweet and listened so well. Henry... not so much.  Plus the friends I have IRL who have 2 boys within 3 years of each other, they fight... CONSTANTLY. I really don't feel like refereeing boy fights constantly in my 40s. Ugh. I am wishing and wishing it is a girl. I want to know... but I am scared that if I found out it was a boy, I would be upset the rest of my pregnancy... OTOH, if I find out at birth, I will just be so in love that it won't matter. *sigh* I am just crossing my fingers... :p


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#15 of 15 Old 08-19-2011, 08:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by adorabelle View Post

Do you have a gender preference?  I do, and it is making me so anxious.  We don't plan on finding out the gender until birth, and it's killing me!  Of course, I think if we found out and it wasn't what we are wanting, I think it would be hard to deal with for the rest of the pregnancy.  I'm thinking that when the baby is born, I'll be so excited and it won't matter as much.

 

What do you think?


I'm in the exact same situation 100%!

We had a boy first. We found out and had everything we needed way before he was born. Family ws great about buying Gender specific items too, even though we didn't necessarily ask for that.

 

This time around, I am really hoping for a girl because I think this will be our last one. 

I have so much that I want to share with a girl. I'm not going to make this a big long mushy post, but being a woman, there are some things that just can't be shared with a boy. heartbeat.gif

 

My family is dying for a girl because all of my siblings have had boys (7 of them!).

DHs family is expecting a girl because that's the way things work for them boy...girl.....

 

 

However, that being said, I'm so excited to be having another!


 

 


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