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#61 of 102 Old 07-30-2011, 09:05 PM
 
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texanromaniac, that does sound rough, especially with all the pregnancy hormones, feeling sick, etc.  I totally understand venting.  I think it really helps me get my head around my feelings.

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#62 of 102 Old 07-30-2011, 09:41 PM
 
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Disclaimer: I know lots you ladies have been trying to conceive for a long time and it wasn't easy for you.  Please don't take this next rant the wrong way....

 

I shouldn't even say this but, I feel cheated somewhat for being pregnant again.  Our ds is only 9 months and I wasn't ready for another.  I know in the big picture it's not a huge deal but still...I was enjoying my body returning to it's natural shape and being able to have a few glasses of wine once in a while. 

Today I lost it at our family reunion.  Everyone is drinking and having a great time and I'm stuck with both kids feeding, changing and trying to get them to sleep in a hotel.  I feel somewhat deprived of being myself.  Instead, not only am I mommy, my body is now being taken over too. 

Selfishly, I do have to say I'm having a hard time being excited about this pregnancy.  We've told most of our family and I always feel the need to add that it was a VERY unexpected surprise.  I don't want anyone else to get excited because I'm not excited.

I know long term I will love this baby just as much as my other children but something inside of me just wants to scream.

 

There, I said it.  I know it's awful but it's how I feel. 

 

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#63 of 102 Old 07-31-2011, 08:15 AM
 
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Alyadri, don't feel bad. You will love the baby once it arrives and I totally understand how you feel. While I'm not feeling unhappy with this pregnancy (well, except when I have to puke every five minutes and DH asks WHY), I found myself pregnant when my first was 7 months old and I was horrified. I felt the same, losing my body again before I even had a chance to get it back, I couldn't go out for the festivals that everyone else did because I was pregnant AND had a baby to deal with. And on top of it all, I felt horribly guilty that my firstborn wasn't going to enjoy two years of being an only child. I was sure I was cheating him out of a special experience by having a baby so soon after him.

 

The end result was that I was depressed during the pregnancy (personally, I think I still had post-partum depression from the first) and right up until about 8 months when I started to get excited. When my second son was born, he was wonderful and perfect and of course, I loved him just as much as the first.

 

We can't always help our feelings, particularly this early in the pregnancy when you probably don't feel great anyway and are just dreading the next several months. I think it's perfectly normal, so don't beat yourself up over it!

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#64 of 102 Old 07-31-2011, 11:30 AM
 
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alyadri,

 

You are not the only one.  I am also having trouble getting excited about this baby. 

 

This was not planned--we actually talked it over several months ago and decided that we were done with two.  My kids are 6 and 3 and they are finally somewhat independent.  They are out of diapers and they sleep thru the night and it is finally easier to take trips, etc. My youngest is starting preschool in the fall and I was really looking forward to a few hours alone 2 days/week.   I am so not ready to start over with the diapers and the sleep deprivation and the teething, etc.  I am also not ready to turn my kids world upsidedown as our little family of four seems so perfect right now.

 

I still haven't told hardly anyone about this pregnancy--partly because we have a history of loss but partly because I'm just not happy about it

 

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#65 of 102 Old 08-01-2011, 08:15 AM
 
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I feel really horrible about posting what I did but, unfortunately I can't lie to myself and pretend those feelings aren't there.  I'm sorry there are others feeling the same way.  Again, I know I will be excited soon enough but it just feels so overwhelming right now.  Our son had colic for the first 6 months and we're finally able to enjoy the little boy we always knew was there! 

 

On a side note, I hope everyone has a great day today redface.gif


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#66 of 102 Old 08-01-2011, 08:23 AM
 
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hug2.gif  to all.  Alyadri, colic for 6 months?  That's insanely hard.  I hope things ease up for you with this little one.


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#67 of 102 Old 08-01-2011, 02:06 PM
 
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Argh, I think I need to get off of DDC's now because it seems almost every time I click in, someone is miscarrying or having a late loss.  I haven't even been to the doctor yet for our first visit and I'm already an anxious wreck.  Perhaps it's the hormones, but IRL and online people seem to be losing their pregnancies right and left.  I'm freaking out.  :(  I just needed to get that out.  I don't mean to be a downer, and I'm sure much of this anxiety is hormone fueled, but I'm just super paranoid.  I've only had one loss and it was very very early, so now that I get farther along, I just get more stressed out.  gloomy.gif


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#68 of 102 Old 08-02-2011, 07:21 AM
 
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Had a total meltdown last night.  I'm feeling so sick that I can barely move and am feeling so utterly guilty that I haven't been able to do anything outside the house with DD.  I'll be 9w this Thursday and am just trying to hold on to hope that it will eventually get better.  I can't take this much longer. gloomy.gif


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#69 of 102 Old 08-05-2011, 04:27 PM
 
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I'm having a bad day (after a few bad days).  Dh is super busy at work; he's been getting home after 11pm.  He took a pillow with him this morning and likely won't be back until late Sat.  OK, I can handle that; lots of moms have their dps away for way longer.  I emailed dh today to whine a bit and ask how things are going.  He hasn't emailed me back yet.  angry.gif  And I want chicken wings.  greensad.gif


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#70 of 102 Old 08-05-2011, 05:38 PM
 
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I'm tired of the inlaws. It wouldn't bug me as much normally, but I'm exhausted, sore, and do not feel like putting up with BS. Grr. My husband has aunts that never had kids and never married, and they like to be controlling. For some reason, they think it is cool to post from his Grandma's facebook account when they want to pick on me. They don't like me because I don't put up with the BS that they're constantly bringing. Last night, one of them was trying to stir stuff up when I said that my husband and I both have ancestors that lived in the Cumberland Gap area of VA. I could tell it was one of the aunts, because his grandma is in bed early and never argues with me. They were kind of insinuating that I couldn't possibly have tracked my husband's ancestry right - haha. I worked under a well-known PI for four years, and I qualify to get licensed if I pay the fee and take the test. I know a little bit about researching through public records, thank you very much. I just stopped responding to that one. My MIL told me to tell her when the aunts are up to no good, so we'll have to pass that on. They get so bad that we've avoided family get-togethers, and his parents finally saw it and had enough of the aunts.

This morning I posted that I wish I could go to the hot springs, but they're two hours away and I'm not up to driving. Now - I KNOW sitting in the HOT water is not a good thing. Most of the developed hot springs actually have 2-4 pools of varying temperatures. While the hot pool may be 105*, they have pools that are around 75-80* and would be perfect for me. I've been down this road - I know really hot baths aren't okay. Anyways, an inlaw from the other side of his family posted something along the lines of "ya know, that is NOT healthy for the baby!" Yeah, I know. I am also not going, because driving two hours up a curvy mountain road each way is asking for me to start barfing.

I don't get why some people get all rude and pushy when you're pregnant or have a kid. I could go into all of the stuff they've pulled, and some of it is really ridiculous. But I won't...I don't need to get my blood pressure up over people being stupid.

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#71 of 102 Old 08-06-2011, 05:58 AM
 
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cameragirl, I am flabbergasted that grown adults think it's OK to post, posing as someone else, just to stir stuff up.  It's great that his parents have figured out what's going on and are supporting you.

 

Dh is back in my good books; he did email me back with a little lovey note, and then he ended up coming home instead of sleeping at work.

 

It's only 8:30 here, but it's already time for my emotional vent post of the day.  (I've come back here after writing the rest of this post and I thought I should add a teal deer warning.  I get rambly sometimes.  Also, the whole thing is kind of whiny.)  I cannot get my mind off twins.  It's not good for me; I tend to obsess and block out other important things when I get like this, and obsessing won't make a difference one way or the other.  I miscarried twins between my second and third kids; I was 10 weeks pregnant when I lost them, but they looked 8 weeks along.  

 

The last couple of days have seemed designed to keep me thinking about twins.  It was the birthday of twin brothers who are friends of mine on facebook, and they were wishing each other happy birthday.  On the radio, someone from a musical group was talking about her partner, who is their sound manager and the father of their (pause for effect)... twins!  Now, I know I'm going to hear about twins if I hang out on a pregnancy forum, but I don't remember hearing about them so much as I have in the last couple of days.  When I checked out another ddc, the newest post was a mom posting to say she just found out she's carrying twins, which will be her 6th and 7th babies (just like it would be for me if I were carrying twins).  She's the third mom in that ddc to find out it's twins.  Then I wasn't even on a pregnancy board, but someone posted a link to a couple of twin birth stories out of the blue, and one of those was another mom having #6 and #7.

 

 And this morning, it occurred to me that, hey, I have been this far pregnant with twins before... maybe I can dig up a journal or old MDC post and compare how I was feeling then with how I'm feeling now!  No luck with MDC, as I joined halfway through the next pregnancy, but I did manage to dig up a journal from that time.  I was fuzzy on the details; I only knew I had been pregnant in the summer and miscarried in early September.  I happened to be journaling fairly regularly at that time.  I don't have a due date listed because my cycles were wonky and I miscarried before they did an u/s, but I got a faint positive on July 31st.  With this pregnancy, I got my first faint positive on July 24th.  So I'm guessing I would have been due in the same month.  Now, I don't really believe in signs or whatever, but this feels like it's a bit over the top.  Like it's some kind of cosmic joke and I'm being set up to believe it's twins.  I wrote a bit in my journal about my symptoms, but nothing unusual; I know I didn't throw up with that pregnancy because I don't throw up much when I'm pg and I remember the few times that I have.  I remember going camping at 5 weeks and being pretty hungry a lot of the time, but nothing so unusual that I wrote about it in my journal.  And, of course, who knows if that pregnancy can be used as any kind of gauge of how I would feel if I were pregnant with twins, because I ended up losing it.

 

ETA: duh.gif  I went up to "I'm Pregnant" after posting here, and there was a thread about viability scans.  I thought it might be interesting to read, since I have never had one but keep seeing them mentioned.  Turns out the OP is worried about twins because her friend just found out she's carrying twins.  Obviously I just need to walk away from the computer.

 

I wish dh didn't have to go in to work today.  I could use a day of distraction, and there is a fair nearby (a Dairyfest, actually, and I'm all about dairy, especially now), but I do not feel up to going on my own.  


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#72 of 102 Old 08-06-2011, 09:49 PM
 
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grouphug.gif to you all! 

 

Hey Brisen, I'm not having twins lol.gif I just had to add that so I can't be lumped in with the omg so many twins!

I have to admit I was freaking the hell out before my first US that showed only one little bean in there especially since I have identicals and fraternal run in my family and my mom has been joking ever since i had my boys that my next pregnancy would be triplets. I even randomly met someone that had twins then triplets at the park the month were decided to TTC. When I say freaking out I mean anxiety attacks and maybe getting 4 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky. I feel your pain and I would be/was freaking out too. Are you planing on having an US any time soon to check for twins or are you just going to ride it out? hug2.gifdeep breaths. 


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#73 of 102 Old 08-07-2011, 11:37 AM
 
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Brisen, I think about twins a lot too.  I lost twins between having my son and my daughter.  I was also 9.5 weeks along.  From the moment I got this bfp, I was convinced that it was twins, but I had a quick u/s already at 8 weeks and there was only one there!  I must admit that I am completely insane and occasionally think that maybe the CNM missed the other one on the u/s because she did it very quickly dizzy.gif

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#74 of 102 Old 08-07-2011, 12:31 PM
 
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Thanks, biffer, lol.  I'm happy to hear that others are having twins, it just doesn't help distract me from my obsession.  Triplets after twins?  That's crazy!  But that's one way to make your twin pregnancy & babyhood seem like a walk in the park.

 

Junebugsmom, that's exactly the kind of thing I would do!  I probably won't be 100% convinced until the baby is born.  redface.gif


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#75 of 102 Old 08-08-2011, 09:36 PM
 
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Yeah I had my OB check very throughly since my friend had missed twins at 8 weeks and didn't find out till they went for the anatomy scan. It is awesome thought because they have it video taped and their reaction is so awesome.


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#76 of 102 Old 08-09-2011, 02:47 PM
 
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Saturday morning after I had woken up and gotten dressed, I bent over to pick a book and had a twinge of pain that started on the left side of my lower back and sort of shot down through my bum and down my leg a few inches. It twinged on and off for the rest of the day, and through Sunday, but wasn't terrible. However, Sunday night it started hurting so bad that I couldn't walk, turn, bend, or do anything except sit in certain positions, and lie down if I did it very carefully. I didn't think too much of it because I have loose joints and a bad back, so I'm used to my back or hips being out of place for a bit. Except it usually gets better after a good night's sleep. And 2 days later, I'm still in excruciating pain if I don't walk/lay/sit just right.

 

I don't know what to do, because I still nanny 2 days/week and we were not planning on telling my boss about our embryo yet. But there is no way I can take care of a 4 year old when I'm in this state. I can't even take a shower without DH home because I'm afraid I'll bend over and get stuck. I have no idea if it could be pregnancy-related, or if I should go see a doctor about it, or what I can do to make it feel better. I'm just frustrated about being stuck on the couch and helpless, and about possibly having to tell my boss and/or quit my job a lot sooner than i was planning.


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#77 of 102 Old 08-09-2011, 02:59 PM
 
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Oh Brighids, that sounds awful! Can you get in to see a chiropractor? They're going to be your best bet if you're dealing with loose joints and strained muscles. I feel so much better after getting adjusted, especially during pregnancy when things are wonky because of balance issues and relaxin.

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#78 of 102 Old 08-09-2011, 04:03 PM
 
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Have you had sciatic nerve problems before?  That's what it sounds like to me.  A chiro would definitely help; there are stretches you can do, too, but I think they're more to keep a mild case from getting worse.


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#79 of 102 Old 08-09-2011, 06:48 PM
 
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Brighid, I've had the same thing happen to me a couple times over the years; alternating cold and hot packs helps but the only thing that fixes it for good for me is going to my chiropractor. Hope you get some relief soon!


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#80 of 102 Old 08-10-2011, 08:00 AM
 
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I agree with Brisen and lilkat! I've had sciatica with all of my pregnancies and it hurts SO bad.  A chiro and hot/cold packs were the only thing I found to help relieve the pain.  Also, lots of leisure walking helps too!

I hope you start feeling better soon!

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Originally Posted by Brisen View Post

Have you had sciatic nerve problems before?  That's what it sounds like to me.  A chiro would definitely help; there are stretches you can do, too, but I think they're more to keep a mild case from getting worse.
 

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Brighid, I've had the same thing happen to me a couple times over the years; alternating cold and hot packs helps but the only thing that fixes it for good for me is going to my chiropractor. Hope you get some relief soon!



 


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#81 of 102 Old 08-10-2011, 09:46 AM
 
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I also had sciatica in both prior pregnancies, but it usually didn't start until well into the 2nd/3rd trimester! I'm so sorry mama, I know how excruciating it is! Chiropracter is a godsend to help with that pain though. Hope you get some relief soon!


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#82 of 102 Old 08-10-2011, 09:50 AM
 
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THis is my first pregnancy (7 weeks today!) so it's all new. ALl I know is that I'm so, so tired... and I'm TIRED of being tired!!

 

And i'm TIRED of being emotional! I've always prided myself on being rational and calm - i rarely have "crazy female" moments, but now i can't seem to stop crying! My poor fiancee, he's being so patient, but i feel horrible every time i feel myself starting up!!

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THis is my first pregnancy (7 weeks today!) so it's all new. ALl I know is that I'm so, so tired... and I'm TIRED of being tired!!

 

And i'm TIRED of being emotional! I've always prided myself on being rational and calm - i rarely have "crazy female" moments, but now i can't seem to stop crying! My poor fiancee, he's being so patient, but i feel horrible every time i feel myself starting up!!



No worries MamaValley!  He understands:)  They all do.  You are not crazy...it's a part of it. xo

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamathomas View Post

Had a total meltdown last night.  I'm feeling so sick that I can barely move and am feeling so utterly guilty that I haven't been able to do anything outside the house with DD.  I'll be 9w this Thursday and am just trying to hold on to hope that it will eventually get better.  I can't take this much longer. gloomy.gif



Hang in there mamathomas!  I'm going through the same thing.  My OB told me that I will probably get worse.  I'm in bed 24/7 feeling like I'm going to lose my lunch every second of the day.  I cry a lot.  It's really hard for me to cope too.  My poor husband is taking care of me...he can't get any work done.  At least we know we will have our beautiful rainbow at the end of this hard time ((hugs))hug2.gif


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#85 of 102 Old 08-10-2011, 08:27 PM
 
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I'm tired of not being myself anymore.

 

I've turned into this person who is "always sick" and "always miserable".  I don't want to be this person.  I want to go back to being the fun me.

 

All I've got to hang onto is the hope that by week 12 this will start to lift and I'll start to feel better.  I work full time and it's a huge strain.  I struggle so much with the balance of being a good employee and not giving in to the ms or looking after my body and if I need a day off, it's probably because I "need a day off" for baby's and my sake.  I am really lucky though where I work that it's a very understanding workplace.


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So I have to post, so much has happened since last week and its just building and building. So I was working a temp job and had another job a permanent job lined up and had a little over a week gap between the two so we could do a little family vacation and for me to get some appointments and stuff taken care of that I needed to.

 

So last Wednesday I got a call from my new boss saying that there ended up being an issue and he is going to have to delay letting the girl I am supposed to replace go and at this time he cannot hire me. Mind you HE saught ME out for this job. I stopped networking and everything from my last job as this was "for sure" and I was supposed to start that next Tuesday. I understand she found out and is throwing a fit but its not ok to hire someone and then pull the job away. I am freaking out as every day I am not working is that much less savings we will have for my husband to take off work when baby is born and that much less for baby stuff plus bills will be tight as well.

 

So on top of that stress Monday I start feeling more sick then I had and Tuesday wake up at 6 am to stomach cramps, vomiting and diarrhea. Now I am not someone the pukes easy and with the cramping I knew this was more then just morning sickness as I have IBS and know the type of cramping I was having was more related to that but still in the back of my mind I am worried about miscarriage and just checking to see if there is any blood and thankfully no. So I end up being sick all day and even have my aunt come take my DS as I was feeling so crummy. I start getting really worried as I am not able to keep any water or gatorade down so around 4:30 call the midwife and my general and they both said to go to the ER or Urgent Care as I was not keeping anything down.

 

After about 30 mins at Urgent care they give me a shot of some anti nausea medicine and send me home telling me if I throw up anymore of if my fever gets worse or I just feel worse I will have to go to the ER and get and IV fluids. Luckily that did help and I was able to keep some gatorade down but I was so missirable and so dehydrated I was having a bad headache and leg cramps and my back hurt and I was so whiney and I know I was annoying my DH but after going thru that I wonder how he will handle me thru labor and then that just started stressing me out more.

 

Finally on the mend today and able to eat some solids and they think I just had a bug but now so worried about my DH being my coach/support thru the labor. He just is not the most empathetic person yet he doesnt think we should hire a doula as that is his job.

 

Ugh feels alot better to just say this instead of thinking it.

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#87 of 102 Old 08-20-2011, 01:20 PM
 
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Today is so beautiful that it makes me want to cry. I started back on steroids to see if that helps control my spasms without Ativan or Flexeril. (Don't worry - I went over it with the perinatologist.) Steriods make me hurt. I'm all achey and the pain medication I have isn't really helping. I should keep it up for awhile to see if it helps, because I'd like to not have to deal with spasms or withdrawal in my precious newborn when the time comes. It just sucks. My other options are IVIG (gamma-globulin from donors) and I'm going to set that up soon, as well as Immuran - an anti-rejection drug. The drugs I use are actually considered fairly safe by perinatologists, but Ob's and other specialists won't touch them without covering their butts. I still feel this underlying fear, probably in part due to the miscarriage. I just want a healthy, happy baby.

I want to go pick the massive amount of tomatoes in the garden, but it is going to hurt and I am too tired to shower again today. The juice from tomato plants is slightly toxic, so it itches on my like crazy. I thought I was getting the new Kathy Reichs book in the mail today, and I was looking forward to a leisurely day of reading. When it didn't come in the mail, I checked and the book doesn't come out until Tuesday.

I think the only upside today is watching our chicks drag around a french fry like it is going to kill them. I imagine them thinking "Watch out! That thing might BLOW at any minute!!!"

Wife to DH, mama to bikenew.gif DD (7) ribboncesarean.gif, babyf.gif DS born 3/12 ribboncesarean.gif, and have had five early losses. angel1.gif
I have Stiff Person Syndrome and my other car is a candy apple red Rascal. Feel free to ask me about it. wheelchair.gif
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#88 of 102 Old 08-24-2011, 01:15 PM
 
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Ohhhhh I'm so ticked off right now.  I had someone today tell me that that they'd rather have their child be AUTISTIC like my daughter than be un-vaccinated like my son.  Are your freaking kidding me???????????? I literally shut up and walked away from her.  I mean what do you say to that?? I would have punched her in the face before I could have mustered anything out.

She has 1 child - - not that there is anything wrong with first time mom's - but how dare her say that she would rather have her daughter be Autistic.  She has no idea the everyday battles that our family goes through.  I have a younger brother who is also on the spectrum - this is something I've lived with my whole life and it's not easy.

 

We fully vaccinated our daughter because we thought it was the 'right' thing to do.  Now, after researching the things I put in my childrens bodies I've made the decision to selective vacc if vaccinate at all.  I understand that not everyone agrees with this method but I'm not shoving my views down other people's throats.  It is a decision that fits OUR family.  Simple as that.  I don't need people attacking me because of a choice that we've made that in no way affects her or her child. 

 

Rawwwr - really needed to get that out.

 

 


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#89 of 102 Old 08-24-2011, 01:33 PM
 
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Wow! What a rude thing to say! I would have had the urge to punch her face, too!

Wife to DH, mama to bikenew.gif DD (7) ribboncesarean.gif, babyf.gif DS born 3/12 ribboncesarean.gif, and have had five early losses. angel1.gif
I have Stiff Person Syndrome and my other car is a candy apple red Rascal. Feel free to ask me about it. wheelchair.gif
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#90 of 102 Old 08-26-2011, 05:38 PM
 
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I am 13 weeks today and my morning sickness is worse than ever.  I want to cry! 

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