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#1 of 102 Old 07-08-2011, 05:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On another board I was once apart of, there was a post to put your vents and it was a lot of fun. I thought I would start one here too because I really am an emotional mess. Feel free to add your own vents.

 

Work has just been crazy lately, and I have a lot of deadlines to meet by Tuesday. I haven't even had a chance to start on a couple of things that are due. And, the dog that we've been waiting to adopt for months is finally going to arrive tomorrow. DH's grandma is getting married out of town tomorrow though, so dh has left for the weekend and I'm on my own to bring a new dog home. Add that to a custody battle for my oldest dd, and I think I might just need a good cry. It's just too much!


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#2 of 102 Old 07-08-2011, 06:12 PM
 
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I really want to be happy about this pregnancy. I really do. We had a miscarriage in May, though. We had tried for 13 months and I was getting ready to get tested for infertility issues, and I was excited to finally be pregnant. I woke up all bloody one day, and it was so terrible. I'm caught between trying to be happy about this, and being sad and scared. My beta tests this week doubled like the should, but I have to wait another week for an ultrasound to confirm that things are looking okay. The only people that know this time are my husband and my doctors. Last time DD (almost 5) knew and it was soo horrible trying to comfort her. I want to share the news, but I just can't right now. I need that confirmation, and so does my husband. It's especially hard because we share a house with my mom, and I'm sure both Mom and my daughter sense something is up. It shouldn't be this hard, you know? With my daughter I was sick the whole time, and now I'm not really sick but I spend my time wondering. praying.gif

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#3 of 102 Old 07-08-2011, 07:46 PM
 
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I am seriously too emotional right now to vent about how emotional I am nut.gif

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#4 of 102 Old 07-08-2011, 08:59 PM
 
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This doesn't really have anything to do with pregnancy but oh well. I was getting frustrated this morning looking for my cell phone and I accidently slammed my finder in a drawer. It hurt so bad and I walked all over the house cursing and yelling scaring my DD's. Now my poor fingernail is black and is still throbbing and hurting like crazy!!! Augh!! It's not been a good day.  gloomy.gif


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#5 of 102 Old 07-08-2011, 09:27 PM
 
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Things have been really looking up for me the past few days. But the past 2 weeks was a huge rollercoaster. My cat died just about 2 weeks ago and I'm still really upset. I feel a lot of guilt over it, for letting her outside. And I had bleeding / slowly progressing tests with this pregnancy so far that really tested my faith. But like I said, things are getting much better. Thank goodness. Because I was headed for meltdown.


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#6 of 102 Old 07-08-2011, 09:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Camera: I can totally understand your worry. I've been cramping all day, and every time I've gone to the bathroom I've checked. This waiting is so hard, but somehow we have to keep anxiety away because that's not good for babies. I'm glad your tests are looking good so far. Good luck with your ultrasound

 

June: hugs

 

Flygirl: Ow, seriously, black?

 

bcblond: I'm so glad things are getting better and you got good test results. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

 

AFM: I spent the evening "nesting" to get ready for the dog. I figure this is the last time ever my floor won't have fur, so I'm getting my house as clean as I can. Somehow I have had energy and the ms has gone away. That makes me a little nervous of course, so hopefully in the morning I'll feel like death again.


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#7 of 102 Old 07-09-2011, 11:13 AM
 
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Camera and Dandy: yep, still expecting things to go wrong and expecting every trip to the bathroom to end in a red wipe =/ I can't wait till we are safely in that last month of if the baby were born then it would probably be ok. Man this is going to be a long wait...


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#8 of 102 Old 07-11-2011, 08:29 AM
 
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Yeah, the bottom half of my nail is seriously black. And it still hurts.


Maegen, adventurous wife to DH, loving mom to my beautiful DD's and expecting another babe in March 2012!

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#9 of 102 Old 07-11-2011, 12:25 PM
 
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OWW! Slamming your finger is NOT fun. greensad.gif

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#10 of 102 Old 07-12-2011, 01:22 PM
 
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So this is more of a tired sigh then a good vent:

 

I can't wait to be past 12 weeks... And this little teeny pencil dot is wreaking havoc on my system.  I had a huge golf ball size blemish appear on my shoulder blade over the course of 6 hours.  Ok, so maybe its only dime sized, but its swollen and painful and deep and it feels like a huge golf ball!  I'm Quasimodo over here!

 

And I'm more tired than I've ever been in my life.  I pulled all nighters studying for exams, getting maybe 4 hours of sleep in 48 - 72 hour time frames, and was never this tired.  I go to sleep tired, I wake up tired, the only time I'm not tired is when I am suddenly ravenous and am too hungry to sleep.  The tiredness also seems to be affecting my emotions, as I'm suddenly struggling to stay sane and not go bat-stuff at people who are in my path to the bathroom.  On the plus side, I'm too tired to really worry or get worked up over the spotting I've had the last 3 days.  And I only sliced open my thumb on a mandolin, I didn't squish it so life is pretty good.

 

Hope you guys are well :)

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#11 of 102 Old 07-13-2011, 06:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't really know what to do right now. We just adopted our dog on Saturday, and she is a sweetheart. It took a few days for my allergies to kick in, I'm pretty miserable now. There's no way we're going to send her back, but I have to be able to breathe too.

 

I used to be allergic to dogs, but then a few years ago I lived with someone who had a dog. After 6 years I stopped testing positive for dog allergies. This was only a couple of years ago, but I guess my resistance has faded. We chose a breed who is supposed to be good for people with allergies (a greyhound), and before we adopted her I let another greyhound get fur all in my eyes and it didn't bother me.

 

If I wasn't preggo I'd go through the series of injections, but you can't start them while pregnant. I can't take my asthma medications because they're not on the safe list, so benedryl it is, which means I turn into the walking dead. I hope I get a solution figured out soon :(


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#12 of 102 Old 07-13-2011, 08:56 AM
 
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Hi Dandy Lion, I have allergies too, had the injection shots and am up to maintenance.  Benadryl also knocks me on my butt, but there is another antihystamine Xyzal that doesn't have that affect on me.  Its a Class B drug, might be worth talking to your allergist about.

 

Didn't you also say you went through the house cleaning everything before the new pup arrived?  Maybe you stirred something up, or the cleaning solutions you picked up irritated your sinuses, I know I have reactions to dust and dander.  Since you did the fur in the face test, and it took several days before you started reacting, it could be that the pup only today rolled in a particular weed that you are allergic to, and its not really her?

 

You probably know the standard advice of having the dog sleep in a different room than you at night, never allow her on your pillows or blankets, using saline rinses, washing your hands, having hubby bathe the dog every couple days or so, etc.

 

Good luck, before I got my allergy shots I was constantly 'sick' with 'colds' because my symptoms were the same and I am allergic to summer grasses, winter trees, fall weeds, and dogs, cats, dustmites, cedar woods, etc etc etc.  I know how miserable it can be and hope you feel better soon.

 

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#13 of 102 Old 07-14-2011, 08:11 AM
 
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I spent all day yesterday crying. It was just a horrid day. First, I was three days from buying tickets for myself and my sons to go to Canada to visit my parents for the first time in 10 years and my dad wrote and started freaking out about us going through Mexico City airport, where we had a 12 hour layover. I was already nervous about traveling alone with two kids, but then he started going on about crime rates and stuff. i responded calmly and then he wrote back about kids being snatched and sold into human slavery and my pregnancy hormones took over and I totally lost it. Then in the middle of all that, I broke a tooth and I'm deathly afraid of dentists, so I had a complete meltdown. Poor DH had no idea what to do for me. :(

 

In the end, our trip was cancelled. I feel very stupid about it all, but I can't handle the pressure right now and we can't fly through a safer airport because my sons are still not registered as Canadian citizens and don't have visas for the US. They DO have visas for Canada, which took us a year to get, but at this point, I'm thinking it's better to just chill here and put another level on the house so we have room for this baby. Part of that comes from the fact that my dad wrote back after I said maybe we should wait til the kids can fly through the US and he had his own little meltdown and basically said that nothing will ever work out so there's no point in even trying to see his grandkids, and then a nice guilt trip about my choosing to live in Guatemala and a bunch of other stuff. Cue yet another meltdown from me. Then I started spotting and my husband suggested I chill out before I lose the baby, which made me feel even worse. I finally did calm down and go to bed and this morning there's no blood at all.

 

In short, it was a really, really horrid day and now I'm just depressed. Yay, baby hormones!

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#14 of 102 Old 07-15-2011, 09:18 AM
 
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I am so emotionally fed up.  I have been more than patient.  Today is day 6 of spotting, a mix of fresh, clots, and old brown blood.  6 DAYS.  I don't know if I'd rather know something or not.  I haven't had any cramping, just some lower back pain and some scary twinges.  6 weeks 5 days today, but I don't really want to get the bloodwork or U/S yet.  Seriously WTF.  Just stop bleeding already!!!  All I want to do today is curse and kick things.  And nap.

 

Grrrrr.

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#15 of 102 Old 07-15-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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My house was in a flood 3 weeks ago (baby was conceived within a day or two of the evacuation). We were able to get to our home last night. The basement is still filled to the top step with water. The upstairs didn't even look like a house. It looked like a horror movie set. The ceiling was on the floor, everything was covered in thick, smelling sludge and the walls are falling apart. The house was unrecognizable. The water reached the roof. I am still in shock at how bad it really was. I went in prepared to see the very worst and what I saw blew my mind!! We are living in a friends basement with our three small children. We are trying to figure out what to do and how to put our lives back together. The government helps some with money, but that won't even be enough to have someone clean it out and gut it. I feel like my head is spinning!! I picked up a clean-up kit from the Red Cross today and everyone there was so kind and I just lost it. bawling.gif


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#16 of 102 Old 07-15-2011, 01:57 PM
 
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Mamaprek, oh my goodness!  That's hard to imagine.   Can you even fix a house that has gone through that or do you start fresh? 

Your last sentence reminds me of what I do.  I can't handle people being nice to me when I've got hidden emotions, it sends me over the edge.  I've no idea why and I've not been able to find a way to stop it.  Kind of embarassing and I feel bad for the person being nice to me.  Wish I understood why.

Best of luck getting that sorted!  I guess there's not really a bright side to it...maybe you come out of it all with a stronger community? 

 

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#17 of 102 Old 07-15-2011, 04:46 PM
 
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Baconlover, I bled for a MONTH with william. It started as a couple days of pink, then went to mostly brown but I did have some days of red, and some days of tiny clots. A MONTH I thought I was gonna miscarry any day. I was sure of it. And if it was gonna happen could it get on with it already?! But the bean hung on. The fact that it's not really getting worse makes me think you're ok! I honestly think if you were miscarrying it would start to pick up by now. We're rooting for you hun.

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Originally Posted by BaconLover View Post

I am so emotionally fed up.  I have been more than patient.  Today is day 6 of spotting, a mix of fresh, clots, and old brown blood.  6 DAYS.  I don't know if I'd rather know something or not.  I haven't had any cramping, just some lower back pain and some scary twinges.  6 weeks 5 days today, but I don't really want to get the bloodwork or U/S yet.  Seriously WTF.  Just stop bleeding already!!!  All I want to do today is curse and kick things.  And nap.

 

Grrrrr.



 


Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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#18 of 102 Old 07-15-2011, 04:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so tired


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#19 of 102 Old 07-15-2011, 04:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandy Lion View Post

I'm so tired



Amen to that.


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#20 of 102 Old 07-15-2011, 05:12 PM
 
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thanks Bcblondie. That helps a lot.  I'm trying to figure out if my emotional meltdown is hormone related, and i really hope it is.  i just havent felt very pregnant, just crabby hungry, tired, and like hissing at people.

 

I'll second / third Dandy Lion and Lilkat too.

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#21 of 102 Old 07-15-2011, 10:12 PM
 
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You know what drives me crazy?!  That we are supposed to carry on with our lives as usual even though we are tired/nauseated/puking/sore/dizzy, but when DH gets a tummy ache.....oh my, he can't possibly function.  Oh, as a matter of fact he must lie in bed and no one can even talk to him headscratch.gif

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#22 of 102 Old 07-16-2011, 04:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So last night I was seriously trying to respond to everyone, but I just couldn't because I was so tired. lol!

 

Bacon: thanks for the info, I'll ask about it. Allergies have been better the past couple of days, so maybe I just had a little bug or something I was fighting off and I was really sensitive. Hopefully they stay away until I can start shots. Sorry about your bleeding. That must be so difficult to feel like you're in limbo. It's good it isn't getting any worse though. Hang in there and get some rest.

 

Freelancemom: that sounds really rough. I hate guilt trips from family members. I hope the past couple of days have been better, aside from being sick all the time.

 

Mamaprek: OMG, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine what that would be like for anyone, but especially you being pregnant. Hugs

 

 


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#23 of 102 Old 07-16-2011, 05:34 PM
 
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I'm so emotional right now! This thread was a great idea!


Sara - - PreK Teacher, Birth Doula, Wife to Shaun (8/13/05), Mama to Caleb (8/17/06), Chance (6/22/08), and Brielle (10/31/09) - - - winner.jpg

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#24 of 102 Old 07-17-2011, 03:23 PM
 
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I'm seriously emotional for no reason.  Today I stated thinking about how it was no longer going to be me and my DS during the day and how the bonds were all going to change which is kind of ridiculous but I had to have a good cry before I could go into the grocery store. 

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#25 of 102 Old 07-18-2011, 10:51 AM
 
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I had a complete meltdown last night, which started with yelling at DH for yawning too many times too loudly. He told me I was far from perfect, and repeated several of my anxiety "scripts" that he hears a lot. It really hurt my feelings and I dissolved into a huge crying mess, talking about how I don't even know if the baby is alive and I wish they wouldn't make me wait until 12 weeks to get a u/s. How I hate that they make me wait until 8 weeks to see a counselor who will explain what pregnancy is all about and then assign me to a doctor (I SO resent that; I have done this before!!!!!!!). There were SO many other things I moaned about, but it was all out.

Today, DH suggested I ask outright if I can just have a u/s sometime between 6 and 7 weeks to help calm me down. If the baby is not alive, I seriously do not want it there an extra 6 weeks until I can get a u/s by "following the rules."

Last pregnancy, I had different insurance and they did a u/s for me at like 5.5 weeks! I actually didn't see a heartbeat until almost 7 weeks, but at least they did that for me. I didn't have to go through a pregnancy educator last pregnancy, and *I* got to choose my own provider, not be assigned one. I am so pissed off about this all.

SO, I went looking for my PCP's email address to ask if she could help me get an early u/s, but the clinic finally told me when I called that she does not have an email address; I can only "email" if I have the "mychart" installed, which I do not have the code for yet, as I just joined this insurance in May. HATE HATE HATE HATE this insurance.

I don't want to have to tell the nurse how pathetic I am, but I was going to blame my desire for a u/s on my extreme anxiety, insomnia related to anxiety (which I did not have prior to pregnancy), etc. and see if I could get what I want that way. Seems like calling would only get me to another gatekeeper - the nurse.

Why does health care have to be so HARD!? I am a medical social worker, too, and I am having trouble working the system for MYSELF!

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#26 of 102 Old 07-18-2011, 11:14 AM
 
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Oh Cellist... sorry you are having to deal with all of the that! :(  Hang in there!


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#27 of 102 Old 07-18-2011, 11:38 AM
 
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Hugs, Cellist. I hope you can get an earlier u/s and some peace of mind!


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#28 of 102 Old 07-18-2011, 04:51 PM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Cellist View Post

I don't want to have to tell the nurse how pathetic I am, but I was going to blame my desire for a u/s on my extreme anxiety, insomnia related to anxiety (which I did not have prior to pregnancy), etc. and see if I could get what I want that way. Seems like calling would only get me to another gatekeeper - the nurse.

Why does health care have to be so HARD!? I am a medical social worker, too, and I am having trouble working the system for MYSELF!


I have no understanding of how your health care systems work (or don't work) over there.  It's very different here. 

 

Pardon me if I'm being to nosy - but is there a particular reason that you are so on edge about this?  Ie; previous loss, anxiety disorder, stress, etc?  I certainly don't ask to judge.

However, if there is something there, that makes you certain that an early scan would help you, then I think you have every right to demand one.  The mental health of the mother is important, (as I'm sure you know) and stress can adversely effect pregnancy.  The only thing I would suggest is waiting until there is something to be seen, because going too early may also cause you a lot of anxiety.

 

Again, I confess ignorance of your health care system, but if you have no luck with your insurance, and you are running out of options, then I would just show up at the local ED and tell them you are in a lot of pain.  They will be compelled to give you a scan to rule out an ectopic. 

I understand that this idea might be a bit naughty in some people's eyes, but if my years working for the state health dept here in Oz have taught me anything, it's that sometimes if the system doesn't work for you, you just have to work the system. 


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#29 of 102 Old 07-18-2011, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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megame: I was totally like that this weekend too. My daughter is so excited about being a big sister, and I really hope everything goes well between them, and us.

 

Cellist: insurance issues are the worst! I can't believe they're assigning you a care provider. Have you considered just paying out of pocket so you don't have to deal with all that crap?


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#30 of 102 Old 07-19-2011, 05:22 AM
 
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Milk8shake - yes, I have an anxiety disorder.  Last time I saw a heartbeat at 6w5d and it was great to have that reassurance.  I'm hoping I can just tell my provider how helpful that is and see what happens.  I feel bad about using the ED the way you say; the last couple days have been a bit better anyway, so maybe I can ride out the uncertainty.

 

Dandy Lion, I did think about paying privately, but I don't think we can ultimately afford it.  I just hope I can convince the OB coordinator to assign me to the person I want.  I think I have identified someone now...

 

Thanks all, for listening!!


Birthed a beautiful baby boy, Ethan, 11/11/09.
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