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#1 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 12:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Is it just me, or does the crowd here at Mothering seem to be...well, more mature? When I go to other pregnancy forums, it feels like I'm reading and responding to a group of high school aged kids. While this site is smaller, it seems to be a lot more comforting compared to the freaking out, anxiety ridden posts elsewhere. Is it just a more educated group? Maybe just the type of people drawn to this site?Peace.gif

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#2 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 04:00 AM
 
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cameragirl, that's definitely my experience, too. I really don't feel like I fit in AT ALL. I find it difficult to relate, honestly, and this was the case when I belonged to other due date clubs in my last pregnancy. That said I do have a group of women that I am still close with from another board.

 

 


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#3 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 04:04 AM
 
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I can't really compare, but I did join another ddc for my pregnancy with my youngest, and it was about the same as here, just not as many homebirths/natural births were being planned, and a few more ultrasounds.  There was one woman who was also a member of both ddcs, but I think in the end she was a total troll, and just about the only source of nonsense in either ddc.

 

I'm surprised to hear you say Mothering is smaller, though; it has grown so much since I joined!  I guess I assumed it was as big as any other forum out there.


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#4 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 04:41 AM
 
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Oh yes its certainly more layed back! Plus on the other DDC the mommies are CONSTANTLY obessing about having a miscarriage. The group is so big that unlike this one where faces become familiar from day one they are dropping like flies and I don't even remember hearing of them before! Oh and if I hear one more of them say they are rushing to the ER about a 6week miscarriage I will scream! I better prepare!!! LOL


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#5 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 07:10 AM
 
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I don't even go to other sites. With my first baby (10 years ago) I did some of that, but there weren't many open forums...just information. When I found MDC when ds was a baby, I never went back. It's always been the place I go for support when I need it. I think we tend to see birth and pregnancy as a normal event, rather than one full of worry and disaster. That's what I like about this place.  And, if the worst does happen, it's such a supportive place to be for that, too!

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#6 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 07:16 AM
 
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I was on another site with my first and my DDC was a nest of drama. I was able to find a good place for me in the site's cloth diapering board, but my birth board was crazy. With my second I popped in, but quickly left since it was so weird.

 

I am lucky that the CDing board split off and I've been at a private site with those mamas for the past 4+ years. There were a lot of us pregnant when I was carrying DS2, and I didn't really need a DDC. The number of us having a baby now is pretty small, and I am so glad that MDC seems a really good fit with intelligent information and well-thought plans.


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#7 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 07:28 AM
 
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the majority of the time I visit other boards is when I have googled a pregnancy question and seen what other people have to say. I had an app on my phone that went straight to pregnancy message boards, and the girls on that were definitely juvenile. I'm not interested in being a part of drama, another reason I really like mothering.


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#8 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 07:35 AM
 
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Mothering rocks! I also think that it fits with my not so mainstream ideas on pregnancy and delivery, not to mention parenting!


Living a life like no one else, with my husband, and all our children
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#9 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 11:51 AM
 
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I just feel like this board is more supportive and more crunchy without being overbearing. We have a good mix of everything here without people forcing their opinions on others. Thanks for making this place so welcoming! 


twin boys born 11/28/08, pregnant with #3 due 3/13/12

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#10 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 12:19 PM
 
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With my first I was on another board, and they were the support I needed at the time.  But my natural parenting inclinations evolved throughout my pregnancy.  I started out with a very clinical, medical approach and ended up wishing I had a doula and midwife, and not the horrible medical experience I'd lined myself up for.  After I had my DS, I wandered over to the Mothering boards and found the ddc I should have been a part of from the beginning.  Not only are we still in touch five years later, I count them among my dearest friends.  I have met many of the moms and kids in person, and most of us are a regular part of one another's lives.  

 

Most ddcs bring together women who have one thing in common - a due date.  This one adds a factor that I think is really important - a more natural approach/feeling/philosophy/respect/notion about motherhood and parenting.  That commonality means a lot, in the long run!

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#11 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 01:17 PM
 
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I'm very active on tww and I love a lot of those girls to death. I don't find most of the immature. But it's definitely more mainstream. My ddc there ...maybe one or two other homebirthers. In another ddc someone posted a youtube vid of an 8 yr old nursing and EVERY person said "that's nasty, she could at least pump and give it to the kid" except ONE person that said "to each their own." I couldn't believe it. I get a little worked up over there somtiems lol. I fit in better over here, crunchy-wise. But I've been on tww longer.


Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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#12 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What is tww? Mothering is a little smaller than say, Baby Center or Parenting, but it definitely makes up for it with the crowd. I can talk about my miscarriage here, and about my fears, and not have it be a total freak out. I can ask about placental encapsulation out of curiosity, and not get a chorus of "EWW! Gross! I would NEVER do that!" I can also talk about my need for a medical birth due to a health condition, and you know what? Everyone seems to accept that the experience needs to be different for everyone, because we're all different ourselves. Thank you to everyone here for making it that way. smile.gifgrouphug.gif

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#13 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 01:51 PM
 
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Twoweekwait. Sorry. lol. It's pretty busy. I'd say a page full of new pee stick threads a day. I enjoy that. :D


Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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#14 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 01:53 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cameragirl View Post
Everyone seems to accept that the experience needs to be different for everyone, because we're all different ourselves. Thank you to everyone here for making it that way. smile.gifgrouphug.gif


Yup, yup, yup. Totally agree. You ladies are really my lifeline right now, too, because I can't talk to people about my pregnancy IRL yet (and even then, I have so few friends close by who have been pregnant and can commiserate). You all are awesome!


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#15 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 03:30 PM
 
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cameragirl, you just let me know if you ever want to chat about placenta encapsulation - did it before, doing it this time ;)

 

 

 

 


“He allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.” 

- Gabriel García Márquez

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#16 of 33 Old 07-21-2011, 05:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh yes its certainly more layed back! Plus on the other DDC the mommies are CONSTANTLY obessing about having a miscarriage. The group is so big that unlike this one where faces become familiar from day one they are dropping like flies and I don't even remember hearing of them before! Oh and if I hear one more of them say they are rushing to the ER about a 6week miscarriage I will scream! I better prepare!!! LOL


My sister commented on the high strung attitude in her DDC last year. She said she had to stop logging in because they would freak out so bad that it started to get her scared. We all have fears, but it is like comparing an adult conversation to Chicken Little screaming about the sky falling. smile.gif

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#17 of 33 Old 07-22-2011, 06:37 AM
 
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The board I was on when I was pregnant with my ddc was pretty cool, but it had a much different feel. For the most part everyone was much younger (early 20's), and a lot less educated. I think we all grew a lot together, and I learned so much on the board. I was due at the end of the month and didn't figure out if I was even pregnant until 7 weeks, so there weren't any miscarriages that I can remember. The site is very different now though, so I'm happy to be here. I think most of us are in our thirties and  educated about the best birthing options for us.


Happily married to my soul mate, and a mommy of two girls + another baby due in June!

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#18 of 33 Old 07-24-2011, 02:17 PM
 
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Definitely!! I am part of more "mainstream" forums for other things, but I come right back to MDC when I am pregnant. Its the only DDC I am ever a part of! I love it here.....


Mama to nine gorgeous babies, with finale #10 due April'14.
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#19 of 33 Old 07-24-2011, 02:58 PM
 
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I definitely think it's a more mature group of women.

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#20 of 33 Old 08-03-2011, 07:21 PM
 
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I decided to go check out a message board with ddcs I was a member of when I was pg in the past, since I'm bored and trying to avoid cleaning up the kitchen.  I have to say, as much as I miss being able to click on blog links in people's sigs here, I'm glad they're so low-key.  The sigs on this other board are super fancy, with collaged pics of kids with their full names and birth dates sometimes.  I like the fancy pg tickers, but there is one which uses a real picture of a fetus (deceased) to show what the baby looks like now... that's hard for me.  I find the pictures beautiful on their own and I wouldn't mind coming across them if I were looking for them, but to scroll past them again and again while reading on a message board... a little much for me.

 

(Just to clarify -- I think this is totally different from having photos of your own stillborn baby, for instance, in your sig or as your avatar.)

 

It doesn't help that someone there just posted that they're having twins, and there are already a couple of others twin pregnancies in that ddc.  I lost twins in an early miscarriage a few years ago, and I've been thinking about them a lot this time.  That really has little to do with the board itself, it just didn't help my impression of it.


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#21 of 33 Old 08-03-2011, 07:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I decided to go check out a message board with ddcs I was a member of when I was pg in the past, since I'm bored and trying to avoid cleaning up the kitchen.  I have to say, as much as I miss being able to click on blog links in people's sigs here, I'm glad they're so low-key.  The sigs on this other board are super fancy, with collaged pics of kids with their full names and birth dates sometimes.  I like the fancy pg tickers, but there is one which uses a real picture of a fetus (deceased) to show what the baby looks like now... that's hard for me.  I find the pictures beautiful on their own and I wouldn't mind coming across them if I were looking for them, but to scroll past them again and again while reading on a message board... a little much for me.

 

(Just to clarify -- I think this is totally different from having photos of your own stillborn baby, for instance, in your sig or as your avatar.)

 

It doesn't help that someone there just posted that they're having twins, and there are already a couple of others twin pregnancies in that ddc.  I lost twins in an early miscarriage a few years ago, and I've been thinking about them a lot this time.  That really has little to do with the board itself, it just didn't help my impression of it.


I don't think I'd want to see that, either. I appreciate how meaningful those pictures can be, though. I used to volunteer for a local hospital's L&D bereavement team, and they take pictures to store for when the parents are ready. In ticker form, though...I don't know.

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#22 of 33 Old 08-03-2011, 08:11 PM
 
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yeah, I understand. You sort of need to prepare yourself before seeing a stillborn baby. :(


Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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#23 of 33 Old 08-04-2011, 05:19 AM
 
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I have friends who really dislike Mothering. Their experience has been outside the board, on Facebook groups based from MDC, where they were derided for hospital births. One of these friends is a cloth-diapering, twin BFing, crunchy momma who's passionate about kids getting vaccinated against death-risk diseases. When she got told that she was risking her babies lives and being irresponsible for vaccinating, she turned off completely. She and I just don't talk about the fact that I'm here.

 

I haven't experience anything of the like on these boards, and find it really confortable and useful. I really like it here, and I can usually find people asking the same questions I'd ask, with the same desires for evidence and such. And this place seems to be filled with academics (profs or students) of which I am one...which makes me even more comfy. I am so happy I've found this place, but I am slightly wary of groupthink/groupjudge sometimes. 


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#24 of 33 Old 08-04-2011, 09:02 AM
 
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I love mothering and feel that I find many more women who share my beliefs than on other boards.  But there is a wide range of beliefs even on Mothering, and I have seen some of the bad effects of the group think/judge too.

 

I am planning my third home birth, and think that homebirth is a wonderful choice for SOME women.  Yet I have seen threads where it was obvious that it would be in the best interest of mom/baby to transfer to the hospital, but no support was offered from all the many commentators to transfer.  Instead they each trashed the doctors and hospitals and cheered this mother on  and praised her for declining medical interventions at the pleading of her doctor.  This wasn't their baby and they aren't the ones who risked the loss.  Not one stood up to say that there are times when homebirth isn't a good choice, or maybe you should listen to the docs at this point, and let her know that she isn't less of a woman if she gives birth at the hospital and that THE most important thing is to get the baby here safely.

 

She got so much support to stay home against strong advice not to and her baby died during labor.  It broke my heart.  And it made me angry.  I am an advocate of homebirth as a choice, but do not try to convince other women that it is best for them.  That is a decision that each individual has to make on their own after informing and educating themselves and careful consideration of all the factors.

 

The same can be said of vaccinating, parenting and discipline choices, feeding choices etc.  I hate when someone thinks they have figured out the best way and force it on others and condemn them for doing otherwise.  It may be the best choice for them.  That does not make it the best choice for others.

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#25 of 33 Old 08-04-2011, 11:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You'll see the same negativity from a certain subset of members on any forum, though. It is unfortunate, but people tend to say things online that the would never say in person. MDC isn't immune from that.

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#26 of 33 Old 08-04-2011, 12:57 PM
 
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I feel like the mothering forums tend to have more honest helpful advice than the other boards. The mommies and mommies to be are more educated and less fear based. This is why I'm here. I know there are exceptions to this, but generally I feel more informed and relaxed here.

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#27 of 33 Old 08-04-2011, 08:06 PM
 
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I prefer Mothering over other groups, mostly b/c it's more laid back and not fear based. I'm in a DDC on a cloth diapering forum, and if I hear one more person say, "Go to the hospital" I'm going to freak! Other than ectopic symptoms, or hemorrhaging, I don't see any reason to rush to the hospital for anything at this point in pregnancy. One woman was asking about very light spotting after sex, and only one person said it was completely normal. The other responses ranged from telling her to not have sex anymore to get to the ER asap.


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#28 of 33 Old 08-04-2011, 08:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You're right - the hospitals can't do much at this point in pregnancy. They can provide beta tests and ultrasounds for peace of mind, but that's about it. I only went with my miscarriage because I woke up soaked in blood and it scared the crud out of me, and then I developed a fever. greensad.gif I say when in doubt, call the OB or midwife, and don't freak out. Keep calm and carry on, ya know?

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#29 of 33 Old 08-05-2011, 04:05 AM
 
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You'll see the same negativity from a certain subset of members on any forum, though. It is unfortunate, but people tend to say things online that the would never say in person. MDC isn't immune from that.
 


Wise words.


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#30 of 33 Old 08-12-2011, 07:03 AM
 
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Small update -- I figured out how to block the site that used the pics I found difficult to see.  I was also landing in pregnancy forums when doing google searches for stuff and coming across these tickers.  Not the biggest deal in the world, but I'm glad I don't have to worry about it now.


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