Does everyone want to know the sex these days? Or do some people wait until the birth? - Mothering Forums
March 2012 > Does everyone want to know the sex these days? Or do some people wait until the birth?
Toposlonoshlep's Avatar Toposlonoshlep 01:36 PM 08-12-2011

With DS we didn't want to know the sex. We were pressured by family and friends to find out, and it almost slipped from US technician and a nurse at one point, but we stuck to our guns and LOVED the extra surprise and excitement when he was born. 

 

Everyone I know finds out though. When I tell people I don't want to know, they look at me like I'm an alien.

 

 

Anyone else in the green club?



bcblondie's Avatar bcblondie 01:39 PM 08-12-2011

With DS we found out and I was happy with that. But this time around I'm debating waiting til the birth. I don't know, It's a suprise either way, right? And I'm nervous that if it's a boy I'll have gender disapointment at the birth. Better to know early and get over it. But then again, I think it would be amazing to birth the baby and look and actually see the sex for yourself... I don't know....


cameragirl's Avatar cameragirl 01:57 PM 08-12-2011
I think I could wait this time, but DH really wants to find out. Most of my friends that do home births have decided to wait.
happyblessedmama's Avatar happyblessedmama 03:30 PM 08-12-2011

We found out with #1 and #6, but not #2, 3, 4 or 5. I like the at-birth surprise better, but for practical reasons (I will need to replace baby clothes) I think we will try to find out this time.


Brisen's Avatar Brisen 03:58 PM 08-12-2011

We have never found out.  I do like the surprise of finding out at the birth, but it's annoying having to call the baby "it" through the whole pregnancy.  Also, my cousin had a baby when I was pregnant with my first and not many people I knew were finding out the gender.  When she was pg, the ultrasound tech told them it was a girl, but it turned out to be a boy.  So I'm nervous about trusting them, even though that's the only time I've heard of it happening to anyone I know.  I was thinking we might find out with this one, so we can get rid of the stuff we don't need, but I would probably worry that the u/s was wrong and not get rid of anything anyway.


GrowingPeaPod's Avatar GrowingPeaPod 09:54 PM 08-12-2011

I found out with DS but I am a huge planner and dont want to have all gender neutral stuff like room decor and clothes. Plus my DH only wants 1 more and I really want a girl and if its not a girl we are going to debate having more so knowing a head of time can help us plan for birth control options after baby and stuff and just help us plan better. I love the idea of waiting for a surprise and a cousin just had her third and didnt find out as she still had her son and daughters clothes and it was really fun to get the call letting us know that it was a girl and all the stats.


cameragirl's Avatar cameragirl 10:00 PM 08-12-2011
I wish there actually was a decent selection of gender neutral clothing out there. Even with the clothing out there, often they still look very boyish or girly. I kind of wish clothes were neutral like they were back when we were kids. Even toddler clothes back then were more neutral.
Toposlonoshlep's Avatar Toposlonoshlep 06:29 AM 08-13-2011


I completely agree with you!!! Luckily, I kept my DS's clothing, and because we didn't find out with him, it's all white, yellow, or green. I guess I lucked out because those are the colors I prefer anyway. I am not big on the pink/blue thing. I think it's completely overdone in western society to the point of absurdity. Did you know that pink was traditionally a boys' color and was considered too strong for a girl? Hee hee. Now boys can't wear pink? My DS has a snowsuit that is light and dark purple. 100% of people have called him a "she" when he was wearing it. It makes me so angry that apparently even purple is a girl color now....

 

From Wiki:

 

In Western culture, the practice of assigning pink to an individual gender began in the 1920s[12] or earlier.[13] An article in the trade publication Earnshaw's Infants' Department in June 1918 said: "The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl."[14] From then until the 1940s, pink was considered appropriate for boys because being related to red it was the more masculine and decided color, while blue was considered appropriate for girls because it was the more delicate and dainty color, or related to the Virgin Mary.[15][16][17] Since the 1940s, the societal norm was inverted; pink became considered appropriate for girls andblue appropriate for boys, a practice that has continued into the 21st century.[18]

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by cameragirl View Post

I wish there actually was a decent selection of gender neutral clothing out there. Even with the clothing out there, often they still look very boyish or girly. I kind of wish clothes were neutral like they were back when we were kids. Even toddler clothes back then were more neutral.


 


indigosky's Avatar indigosky 10:46 AM 08-13-2011
I'm pregnant with #2 now, and not finding out (for the second time). But I agree, OP, people do look at me like I'm an alien! Or else they say, "Oh, good for you, I could never do that!" as if we've chosen to take on some monumental feat.

I'm also annoyed by the, "Oh, you want to be surprised," comments. For me, it has nothing to do with "wanting to be surprised." It's just that I don't think sex matters that much, especially when you're little, and I think the stuff people PROJECT onto babies and children based on what's between their ladies is ridiculous. So I sort of feel like it's a small gift to ourselves and our baby to have nine (or so) months when we're free of all that b.s. It would be fine with me not to know the sex for at least several years, and just to get to parent a child, without worrying about gender at all.

We have gender-neutral baby clothes and girly clothes (gifts) from when DD was small. If this one is a boy, he'll wear gender-neutral and some girly stuff until boy hand-me-downs make their way into our lives. No big deal.

I'm still baffled by the limited color choices in most baby clothes, too. So almost everything is pink or blue, and then there's the obligatory pastel yellow, green, and white, for we aliens who don't find out in advance. But there are plenty of other colors in the world -- why can't babies wear red, orange, purple, brown, black turquoise, most of which (it seems to me) should still be safely gender-neutral?


Toposlonoshlep's Avatar Toposlonoshlep 11:06 AM 08-13-2011

Amen! Also what happened to bright colors? WHy does everything need to be all soft and pastely?
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by indigosky View Post


I'm still baffled by the limited color choices in most baby clothes, too. So almost everything is pink or blue, and then there's the obligatory pastel yellow, green, and white, for we aliens who don't find out in advance. But there are plenty of other colors in the world -- why can't babies wear red, orange, purple, brown, black turquoise, most of which (it seems to me) should still be safely gender-neutral?
 


 


SageR's Avatar SageR 11:34 AM 08-13-2011

I've wanted to wait for each of my babies but not dh, so we will probably find out with this baby. 

 

I don't really like most baby clothes either.  We gave away all of our old baby stuff so we are starting from scratch. I just want a bunch of kimono wrap style gowns but of course I can't find what I want for what I can afford, so I'm thinking about making them. Why is the simple stuff so much more expensive ? I personally think there is nothing sweet than a newborn in soft natural cotton or wool, but if you mamas like bright stuff check out Basic Brilliance.  Lots of color choices.


BirthFree's Avatar BirthFree 12:01 PM 08-13-2011

My DH really wants to know, but I really don't... and he sucks at keeping secrets.  So... I think unless he can come up with some awesome argument, it's green club again for us.  It's something I adore about pg and birth... and since this is the last one... 

 

We have NOTHING nothing nothing in terms of clothing - but I'll just save $ and buy new baby clothes when baby is here.  I'd have to buy new (well, used new-to-us, same thing) anyways.


Toposlonoshlep's Avatar Toposlonoshlep 12:42 PM 08-13-2011

I don't know about you, but I am a big fan of community boards and thrift stores in wealthy communities for all-"new" wardrobes. You can get huge bags of clothes, most like-new or brand new for either nothing (if it's a trade in the community or a bag of hand-me-downs) or under $20.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirthFree View Post

My DH really wants to know, but I really don't... and he sucks at keeping secrets.  So... I think unless he can come up with some awesome argument, it's green club again for us.  It's something I adore about pg and birth... and since this is the last one... 

 

We have NOTHING nothing nothing in terms of clothing - but I'll just save $ and buy new baby clothes when baby is here.  I'd have to buy new (well, used new-to-us, same thing) anyways.



 


indigosky's Avatar indigosky 12:44 PM 08-13-2011
Quote:
Originally Posted by SageR View Post

if you mamas like bright stuff check out Basic Brilliance.  Lots of color choices.


I know other color baby clothes exist, but we rarely buy clothes -- everything is hand-me-downs or occasionally from the half-price day a the local kids' consignment sale, which means our options are limited to what other people have already chosen. The consignment sale was yesterday, and the baby section is almost exclusively racks and racks of pale pink and pale blue. I have to admit, I had a moment of being surprised that newborn clothes were divided by gender. I had this moment of thinking, "What? They're just babies! Why does it matter?"

And then I remembered what year and country we're living in, and sighed.


loveandlight33's Avatar loveandlight33 03:10 PM 08-13-2011
We didn't find out before and we won't again this time. I caught my dd & was the first to find out she was a girl, that really was an amazing moment. I still have clothes from both, so we should be ok either way. I also adore natural, simple clothes but they are so pricey!
cameragirl's Avatar cameragirl 04:12 PM 08-13-2011
If you ladies have a Goodwill in your area, they have 50% off sales every federal holiday. If you go to the nice areas of town, you find some awesome deals. I find brand new clothes with tags on all the time. One time I found a hand-tailored, circa 1940's jacket from Bloomingdale's for DD. (Imagine the little jacket that John Kennedy wore to the funeral, but soft yellow with hand knatted lace trim.) It was adorable! Gender neutral is hit or miss, but you can often find hand-sewn items there that are more neutral.

I remember that back when we were kids, it was mostly primary colors. I wore a lot of red and blue, and teddy bears were popular for both sexes. I looked back at pictures, and my male cousins wore pretty much the same type of outfits for the first couple years. The only difference was that our church dresses were frilly and pastel. In pictures of my grandfather and great grandfather, the boys are in long, frilly gowns! I had to ask for my grandpa to tell me who the babies were, because you just couldn't tell.
JMJ's Avatar JMJ 05:25 PM 08-13-2011

We're planning to not find out, actually hoping to avoid ultrasound altogether.  We had an "emergency" ultrasound (midwife thought she might be twins at over 37 weeks), and we didn't want to tech to know and us not and didn't realize that she was going to look at everything, so we found out a few weeks before DD was born last time.  I was really disappointed by that, but we've always had a lot of more gender neutral colors, and I realized that even the gender neutral colors seem to be mostly assigned to one gender or another.  If you put your kid in a green shirt, everyone thinks boy.  Yellow is more likely to be girl.  Brown, red, aqua, black, and grey are all for boys while purple, lime, and white are for girls.  If it looks gender neutral and doesn't have frills, it must be for a boy.  It's impossible to dress a child gender neutral anymore.


RachaelsMommy's Avatar RachaelsMommy 10:03 PM 08-13-2011

I found out with my DD. I waited until birth (no u/s at all) with DS. Even though we wanted another girl, we were in love with him the minute we saw him. It was so much more exciting waiting. Plus I think if we would have found out vis u/s, I would have been disappointed. Yeah I would have gotten over it, but then I'd feel guilt for feeling that way in the first place. I loved being the first to know and being the one to announce it. Clothing wasn't an issue b/c it was June, and he just wore white onesies and diapers. Within a couple of days of course our parents and grandparents bought him a bunch of clothes.We are definitely waiting again this time. I donated most of the clothes from my first two since we live in Ohio, and I figured what are the odds of me having the same genders int he same seasons. I kept all of the sleepers though, b/c that's what I mainly dress them in when they're little. Otherwise, I'll need clothes for either sex since neither of my kids were born in late winter/early spring.


mamathomas's Avatar mamathomas 01:22 PM 08-14-2011

DH and I were just talking about this yesterday.  We found out with DD and really enjoyed knowing that first time around.  This time though, we're pretty sure we want to wait.  We are planning on having a 20 week anatomical scan so we'll have to be careful not to sneak a peak, but I'm sure we'll manage.  We're planning a homebirth this time around and everything just seems so much more relaxed.  It feels more in tune for us this time to wait and see who we have when we catch him or her at the birth :)  


Janel47's Avatar Janel47 10:58 PM 08-14-2011

We're not finding out either.  This will be a first for us.  It occurred to me as we went to DD2's ultrasound that I really didn't care what we found out and I would like to find out at birth, but that was too late in the game for DH.  HAHA!!!!  He's fine with waiting this time since I gave him more than an hour's notice.  ;)


amberskyfire's Avatar amberskyfire 11:52 PM 08-14-2011

We're waiting. I like the surprise! Anyway, I know of a few people that were told the sex absolutely 100% positive by the doctor and it ended up being wrong. One mom (friend of a friend) was really distraught. They bought everything pink and it was a boy and she freaked out in the birth room thinking that baby was hemaphrodite because doctor had assured them it would be a girl. Of course, the doctor immediately reassured her,  but it was still majorly stressful for them. That's kind of a silly anecdote, but it's just one reason of many why I don't want to know. What if I mentally got attached to a baby of one sex and it ended up being another? But then I tend to worry about really silly things. lol.gif


BirthIsAwesome's Avatar BirthIsAwesome 12:29 AM 08-15-2011

We're not finding out and we didn't with Ds either :) I have a nice selection of gender neutral newborn and 0-3 month clothes, so that's very nice. We'll have a few months to get girl clothes if it's a girl. I so agree with all the boy/girl clothes crazyness. I often dress Malachi in gender neutral onsies even now, and people actually have assumed he's a girl many times. I love bright stuff for 6 mos. and up, and have some nice bright yellow, orange, and kelly green onsies that are so cute :) 


StacieM's Avatar StacieM 01:29 AM 08-15-2011

Totally understand the "alien" feeling.  I plan to wait for this one.  We've done it before, but we did find out with most our kids.  My SILs don't find out either and neither does one of DH's cousin who just had her 5th child.  So it helps that we are not the only ones in the family who have done it or do it that way.

 

I just hope I can hold out this time around!  I'm feeling strong boy, but I'm always wrong.  I just hope I don't put myself into a mental frame of mind to be disappointed because I was wrong for the 7th time lol.  Then again, thinking back...I never was disappointed being wrong with the others, so I'm sure things will work out great.  I really just want everything to go smoothly with this pregnancy.


catters's Avatar catters 04:16 PM 08-17-2011

We found out with DS and DD.  I was very happy with that and liked the time bonding with him and her and being able to use their name, etc.  This time, DH wants to wait, and I am very unsure about that... I suppose it'll be just as wonderful, but I liked finding out before, but this is our last and I'll defer to him for this.  Although, I will be scrutinizing our NT scan for the "nub angle".  I guessed correctly with both my previous children, and even though it's not 100%, it'll be my cheat.  HA!!  I understand those who want to wait, and I totally get wanting to find out.   To each their own.  :)


*bejeweled*'s Avatar *bejeweled* 04:21 PM 08-17-2011
We didn't find out with DD. It was the best surprise I've ever, ever been given! joy.gif
Lolafanana's Avatar Lolafanana 05:17 PM 08-17-2011

we won't be finding out either.  Actually, most of my friends are surprised at birth as well. 

 

With #1, we "knew" she was a girl right from the start so we were asked if we wanted to know, we said "sure, just tell us she's a girl!" and she was.  With #2, we "knew" he was a boy right from the start but wanted the surprise.  So, we waited to the end.  It was so fun to ask, "is it a boy?" to only look under him and see testicles!  i will NEVER forget yelling to my DH, "he has balls! he has balls!!!"  It was the BEST feeling.  There is no way we'll find out this time around either but i am pretty sure that this is a girl :)


thomatuttle's Avatar thomatuttle 01:49 PM 08-18-2011
With our daughter, we didn't find out. We wanted it to be a surprise, but even if we wanted to find out we couldn't have. In both our ultrasounds (20 week anatomical one and a 30 week to check on placental placement) she kept her legs tightly closed. With her, it was kind of a double surprise because as soon as she came out my mom yells, it's a boy! The whole time i felt like she was a girl though so I lifted her leg and was like that is definitely not a boy! This time around, DH wants to find out, and since it'll be our last I've said ok. We'll see if he can keep the secret though! We normally don't tell anyone but immediate family until after the 12 week mark due to our history of mc, but this time around my husband has told all the coaches that work for him as well as some friends. I really don't know if he could keep the secret or not!
farmheart's Avatar farmheart 05:35 AM 08-20-2011

found out first time, didn't second but totally KNEW it was a boy, and not planning on finding out this time. my reason? I don't trust the safety  of ultrasound.

but I agree people had the strangest reactions "you are so brave" or "good for you" I didn't know it was heroic not to find out LOL


Janel47's Avatar Janel47 06:06 PM 08-20-2011

Isn't that so strange?  Yes, it means having gender neutral clothes around.... but otherwise it really doesn't change anything, does it?  I mean, if people want to give me a badge of honor, they can!biggrinbounce.gif
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by farmheart View Post

found out first time, didn't second but totally KNEW it was a boy, and not planning on finding out this time. my reason? I don't trust the safety  of ultrasound.

but I agree people had the strangest reactions "you are so brave" or "good for you" I didn't know it was heroic not to find out LOL



 


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