Good ultrasound / Bad midwife visit . . . - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 11-02-2011, 04:12 PM - Thread Starter
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Yesterday was a really good day, as we got our 19-week ultrasound!  It was amazing how much we could see going on in there.  If he's always moving this much, no wonder I can't sleep! 


We had a midwife appt the same day, it was my third appt.  The last two were great; I've seen a different midwife each time (it's a large practice, and they seem to rotate).  Both of the last two were calming and reassuring, and made me feel much better.  (As I've mentioned before, I've had major issues with going to doctors, and found this much, much easier.)


However . . . yesterday the midwife I saw was abrasive, and I came out of there feeling like I was being condescended to and yelled at.  I was an idiot, and went ahead and asked my list of questions.  She wasn't happy about my being 19 weeks and not haveing gained any weight (other than a five pounds that I think I put on at the beginning, bf I went in for my first appt).  Then there was a small issue on the ultrasound (bubble kind of thing, from a blocked duct in the brain; the Dr. at the ultrasound place said it was nothing to worry about; that it is sometimes linked to a genetic defect, but that the vast majority of those cases have some other problem, and our baby didn't show any other problems; it would probably go away).  He was reassuring about that, but she wasn't, and said we'd have to check again at 28 weeks w/ an ultrasound.  Which, I guess, is reasonable, but she wasn't reassuring about it.


Then . . . I asked about the possibility of different birth positions at the hospital where we'll deliver and she said there were options, but immediately started lecturing on me about how they assess the baby right away, and how it's all about the baby's safety.  Like I was attached to some crazy idea about childbirth at the expense of my child's life!!!!! I was kind of upset. 


Then . . . (why didn't I just shut up?) I mentioned that I'd had an ear ache/infection (it was probably just swimmers ear, I get that even though I don't swim), and that I didn't go to a dr right away (again, I NEVER go) because I didn't want either antibiotics or cipro (swimmers ear med) unless I really needed it.  Cirpro has really bad possible effects for pregnant women . . . that's what they usually give me.  So I did some research, and tried olive oil & garlic & mulein flower drops from Whole Foods, and it totally worked in a couple of days.  She started telling me not to try taking care of things myself, and that if it cleared up that it was definitely not an infection (ok, it probably wasn't.  but obviously nothing ever gets better w/o antibiotics?)  and that I should call them.  Then I said I was still having stuffiness and asked if it was ok to use Debrox . . . and she acted like I was stupid to ask if it was safe, bc it is safe . . . well, I was just being careful! 


Ugh.  I came out of there trying not to cry, which was RIDICULOUS -- we had just had an amazing ultrasound and been told that we had a healthy little boy, and so many people get bad news there, it was wrong of me . . . but she made me feel horrible.  THIS is why I don't go to doctors, bc they make me feel like this!  So now I feel like an irresponsible, stupid person incompetant to have a baby.  And I also have a fear of delivering with this person if she is on duty, because if that's the case, just knock me out and cut the baby out!! I don't know what to do.  I was feeling so positive about this birth . . .

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#2 of 8 Old 11-02-2011, 04:22 PM
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I'm so sorry you were treated like that. I would definitely ask to not see her for any more appointments, and I hope she's not on call when you're in labor.

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#3 of 8 Old 11-02-2011, 06:20 PM
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I am so sorry. Do you have the choice of seeing a different midwife? Btw - ear infections DO clear up on their own or with home treatment all the time. In fact, there have been studies that show that antibiotics may not be needed in many cases.
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#4 of 8 Old 11-02-2011, 07:23 PM
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Wow, classic MEDwife going on there...  I would definitely make sure you don't have any more appointments with her!  Last pregnancy the hospital I was at had about 12 midwives that rotated L&D shifts.  I went in with a false labor and got reamed over the coals for it (like it was my fault I was having contractions and not dialating???) ... both DH and my doula ended up yelling at her for making me cry.  I don't know why people like that go into midwifery instead of just leaving women alone, but thankfully MOST midwives aren't like that.  Thankfully, we had a very calm, reassuring midwife on call when I delivered.  I hope you don't have any more interactions with her! 

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#5 of 8 Old 11-03-2011, 02:43 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone!  Yeah, Janel,  that was one of the things I've been thinking about . . . why would you go into this line of work if you didn't want to help mothers & babies?  I understand that nursing is a very good career, and that aspects of it other than being nurturing might draw someone in, but why specialize in midwifery of all things if you weren't nurturing?  Everyone one else has been terrific so far, right down to nurses and receptionists, so I was really taken aback . . .


I will be calling the practice to complain and ask not to have her again, and also to ask what the situation is with midwives being on-call, hopefully more than one at a time! If not, I honestly think I'd risk it with a strange doctor rather than her!


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#6 of 8 Old 11-03-2011, 11:23 PM
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Wow, sorry about your bad experience.  Even though it is uncomfortable, I would be sure to bring it up and let them know you do not want to work with her again and ask what your options are for avoiding her at delivery.


As far as your ultrasound goes, sounds like your baby boy has a choroid plexus cyst.  They are totally harmless little bubbles filled with cerebro spinal fluid in the part of the brain that just makes fluid.  Not a big deal and I am sorry she took some of your joy away from your happy experience.  Unless other markers for a genetic problem were found, I wouldn't worry about it for a second.  My daughter had two large ones, and a week later they were gone.  She is six now and healthy/normal.



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#7 of 8 Old 11-04-2011, 01:24 PM
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Sorry your appointment went so badly, but at least you know who you don't want at your birth!  I don't know how things are where you live, but where I am, there seems to be a big difference between midwives who came into it after being a nurse first vs. midwives who trained just as midwives.  Not all the time, but it's a trend I've noticed.



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#8 of 8 Old 11-06-2011, 11:21 AM
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That stinks! There are a couple in the practice where we WERE going that I wrote off. They will usually just let you skip them. You might still get that person if you go into labor though. However if you wait long enough and don't go running right in you will probably be fine even if you do get them.

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