Who do you think you might invite to the birth? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 32 Old 11-02-2011, 04:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
cameragirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2,045
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I know this is early, but I'm thinking about it. Who do you think you might invite?

Assuming I get my VBAC:

DH - obviously he'll be there.

Mom - Not sure. One of my parents will likely be watching DD, so we'll see. She's made comments about why I should just have an RCS, but in the end, I'm sure she understands why I don't want that. She was in the operating room when I had DD. Almost passed out, but she did pretty well.

My Dad - He wouldn't want to be there. He usually shows up once things are cleaned up and baby is fed. He high-tailed it out of the room after I had DD and she was hungry. He's tough, but I'm pretty sure he's hiding a squeamish side. Odd, because he hunts and fishes and what not. He just can't stand human pain, I think.

My BBF - she's due four days behind me. Not sure if she'd be able to make it.

My close cousin - she's due 11/12, so I don't know if she'd want to leave her LO for that long. The hospital doesn't allow kids under 12 that aren't siblings for cross contamination reasons.

Sisters - they teach full time, so unless I go into birth on the weekend, this probably won't happen.

MIL - She doesn't even let me parent my own child when she's in the general vicinity. Seriously - it is obnoxious. NOT a good idea. Last time she stayed in the waiting room.



I honestly can see it just being DH and I. If I must have an RCS for whatever reason, I might be able to have one more person, but I don't want to go that route unless I absolutely have to.


Wife to DH, mama to bikenew.gif DD (7) ribboncesarean.gif, babyf.gif DS born 3/12 ribboncesarean.gif, and have had five early losses. angel1.gif
I have Stiff Person Syndrome and my other car is a candy apple red Rascal. Feel free to ask me about it. wheelchair.gif
cameragirl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 32 Old 11-02-2011, 07:28 PM
 
Janel47's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 251
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It'll just be me, DH, our midwife and her assistant.  Our girls will go with my parents if they're awake, but just until delivery.  I haven't ever liked the idea of having a group around me.  When I'm in pain, I just want DH there and always feel like shielding others from my pain if they're around.  This means stalled labors for me... it happens VERY easily.  In fact, when my parents came to pick up DD1 while I was in labor with DD2, I saw them for like 5 mins and it stalled my labor for a good hour or more. 


Janel, crochetsmilie.gif DIY/crafting addicted wife to DH treehugger.gif for 8 yrs, loving mama to DD1 notes.gif - 6 yrs, DD2energy.gif- 3 yrs, and baby 3 stork-suprise.gif due Feb/Mar 2012, planning our first waterbirth.jpg  homebirth.jpg

Janel47 is offline  
#3 of 32 Old 11-02-2011, 09:02 PM
 
Fly Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 465
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Most likely it will just be DH, my 2 midwives and my doula. This is the same birth team that has been with me for my first two births and I'm excited to have them all there again for this (our last) birth. I have actually considered inviting my MIL and my girl friend who is due in April, but I'm not sure that they would provide the right kind of energy to my birth. Still thinking about it. And then if my 2 DD's want to be there they are welcome too  :)


Maegen, adventurous wife to DH, loving mom to my beautiful DD's and expecting another babe in March 2012!

Fly Girl is offline  
#4 of 32 Old 11-02-2011, 09:45 PM
 
mollsworth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Ours will be a little different, but I'm excited. Midwife and DH obviously. My mom will hopefully be able to hop a flight from Colorado and make it here in time, she will be acting as my doula. Not formally trained but she is everything I will need.

We also will have two interpreters there (taking shifts), since my hubs is deaf. We picked both interpreters ourselves and they are both colleagues and close friends of mine who are very supportive of natural birth. They are with us for all midwife appointments and birthing classes, so I' stoked to have them there. Only possible problem is that one interpreter is prone to fainting at the sight of blood...so we'll see!

Envisioning these people in the room makes my heart warm, so they all feel right. 


Baking a cupcake at 98.6°. This little lady is due early March 2012.

***4***8***12***16****20***24***28***32*ecbaby.gif*36***40**

mollsworth is offline  
#5 of 32 Old 11-03-2011, 10:29 AM
 
LalaithYamainu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

DH, obviously, my mother and father (dad's a doc, and friends with my ob and most of the nurses).  My mother in law, if she can  - she lives overseas right now, but she'll hopefully get to be here.  I wanted my sister in law to come as well, but she just had a little one of her own a month ago, so it's not really a possibility - though she said she'll have the phone in her hand the whole time.

 

I was actually originally hesitant to have my MIL there (which hurt DH's feelings).  But then I attended my nephews birth with her, and it was wonderful! 

 

Though, judging from the way I get sometimes, I have a sneaking suspicion at some point I'm gonna kick everyone out.  At least they can entertain each other in the waiting room. :D

LalaithYamainu is offline  
#6 of 32 Old 11-03-2011, 04:52 PM
 
freelancemom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Guatemala
Posts: 86
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

At this point, probably no one since I'll likely be giving birth in the public hospital. Public hospitals here in Guatemala don't allow anyone in with you. If we get together enough money for the private, then maybe my sister since she's coming down and my husband.

freelancemom is offline  
#7 of 32 Old 11-04-2011, 07:56 PM
 
Brisen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Eastern Ontario
Posts: 6,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

freelancemom -- not even your dh in the public hospital?  That would be frustrating.

 

I'm a super private person and I've never had any desire to have anyone there with me, other than dh.  And I tend to tell him to sleep or have him set things up when I'm labouring.  I spend most of the time back and forth between the toilet and the shower once things pick up, so I just go into the bathroom and close the door and I'm in my own little bubble.  Until I start pushing.  Then I want everyone to focus on helping me.  But "everyone" for me would be dh and my midwives.

 

I had my first in the hospital, and we were about 6 hours away from both families, so they wouldn't have been there, even if I wanted them.  But I just really don't see the appeal.  I mean, my philosophy is that birth is a normal process and that most of the time, it's not a medical event, but it's still basically a bodily function, and I need privacy for those, lol.  Although I can also see wanting family around to help out and encourage you and that kind of thing.  It's just not for me.


Mom to DS(14), DS(12), DD(9), DS(6), DS (4), and DS(2)  

***4***8****13***17***21****26***heartbeat.gif****35****40

Brisen is offline  
#8 of 32 Old 11-05-2011, 01:49 PM
 
RachaelsMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It will be me, DH, kids and the 2 midwives. I've never felt the need to have anybody else watch me give birth, and honestly, I'd prefer to not have visitors for the first couple of days afterward, unless they are bringing me food and are ok with the fact that they probably won't get to hold the baby b/c she will be nursing most of the time.


Erin~ Mommy to 3 curly-headed children and expecting #4 in December. ***4***8***12**16***20***24***28***32***36***40**
RachaelsMommy is offline  
#9 of 32 Old 11-05-2011, 02:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
cameragirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2,045
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I want to restrict visitors, as well. I was Po'd last time when my husband's family just descended upon the hospital room without calling. They came in a huge group, and they're big and loud to begin with. I was still very nauseated, the nurse was trying to give me medication, and I got very overwhelmed. I'm fine with people that I'm close to and that will understand if they don't get to hold the baby, or only hold him for a few minutes, kwim? I really don't want the massive crowd we had for two weeks straight, especially since the one side of the family only came to see the BABY. One brought her grandkids and let them tear through the nursery when I was unable to get up much and stop them. I had to, though, and I didn't let them come over again. They could care less about me, or DH, and what we needed

I was at the hospital for five days after having DD, so the helpful ones were the people that would come and relieve DH so he could go home and shower. They brought me coffee or snacks, magazines to read, went back to our place after visiting to do chores, etc. THAT was helpful.

Wife to DH, mama to bikenew.gif DD (7) ribboncesarean.gif, babyf.gif DS born 3/12 ribboncesarean.gif, and have had five early losses. angel1.gif
I have Stiff Person Syndrome and my other car is a candy apple red Rascal. Feel free to ask me about it. wheelchair.gif
cameragirl is offline  
#10 of 32 Old 11-05-2011, 02:38 PM
 
Kyamo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,354
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DH, of course. DH's family lives too far away, so I don't have to worry about them. That leaves my parents and my sister. We are fairly close and I don't think they would cause particular problems, but I'm not sure that I will want company in that situation. It's hard for me to say since this is my first, but I think I will not be wanting an audience even if it is just close family.

Mommy to  N baby.gif, born 2/20/12.

Kyamo is offline  
#11 of 32 Old 11-06-2011, 12:26 PM
 
LalaithYamainu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Cameragirl, that's TERRIBLE!!!  I can't imagine how upset I'd be... I firmly believe a laboring/post partum mom has the right to kick out any nurse, relative or visitor she doesn't like, so that must have been horrible.  And complaining about not holding the baby enough?  I'd smack them!  Or want to, at least.  Argh.

LalaithYamainu is offline  
#12 of 32 Old 11-07-2011, 11:26 AM
 
Janel47's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 251
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

She??? 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by RachaelsMommy View Post

It will be me, DH, kids and the 2 midwives. I've never felt the need to have anybody else watch me give birth, and honestly, I'd prefer to not have visitors for the first couple of days afterward, unless they are bringing me food and are ok with the fact that they probably won't get to hold the baby b/c she will be nursing most of the time.



 


Janel, crochetsmilie.gif DIY/crafting addicted wife to DH treehugger.gif for 8 yrs, loving mama to DD1 notes.gif - 6 yrs, DD2energy.gif- 3 yrs, and baby 3 stork-suprise.gif due Feb/Mar 2012, planning our first waterbirth.jpg  homebirth.jpg

Janel47 is offline  
#13 of 32 Old 11-07-2011, 04:50 PM
 
happyblessedmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 630
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm probably having a repeat c/s. Not sure who, if anyone, I'm inviting. My husband will be there in absence of anyone else, but surgery isn't really his thing either so if I can fly in a close friend from out of town, I will.


Mom of 7, ages 13, 12, 9, 7, 5, 4, and 2.5!
happyblessedmama is offline  
#14 of 32 Old 11-08-2011, 06:05 AM
 
mamathomas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: RI
Posts: 242
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

No extra guests allowed at our homebirth! 

 

As much as my mother thinks she "has a right to be there" she does NOT!  Too much nervous/negative energy coming from her that I don't want around me.  Plus she lives two states away so thank goodness for that buffer zone!  My MIL lives 45 minutes away but she would never dream of asking and I appreciate that.  It will just be DH and DD, my midwife and her assistant, and my doula who has also remained a family friend since she was present at DD's birth.  That's it for us :) 

 

I'm also very protective of our family space after baby arrives.  DH has two weeks off from work and that bonding/resting time is sacred to us.  Everyone was actually very respectful of that after DD was born so I hope it goes that way again.  Although, my MIL was not in-state with us at that time so I HOPE she gives us our space.  Might have to lay down some "ground rules" just to avoid any undue stress after babe's arrival!


“He allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.” 

- Gabriel García Márquez

mamathomas is offline  
#15 of 32 Old 11-08-2011, 07:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
cameragirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2,045
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Oh good grief! My cousin is in labor and at the hospital, so my aunt called our grandmother to tell her. She posted it on Facebook like she had the place to, and is complaining, too. Complaining that they're delivering an hour away (due to an insurance issue - wasn't their call). Then complaining that they want to be alone for the delivery, and for four hours after. That's actually hospital policy with the four hours after - they want you to establish breastfeeding and do skin to skin with just mommy and daddy. My husband is joking that he's going to hack her FB account and shut her up for awhile, since gma doesn't need to be giving a snooty play by play.

Just enforces my idea that we shouldn't tell extended family until we're ready for visitors. Between the controlling in-laws and the grandma with no filter on my side...I think we'll just do it on our own and tell our parents and siblings to keep it quiet until later.

Oh, and I'm probably going to be on her "list" permanently after this response. My cousin already stood up for me when my grandmother thought it was okay to tell everyone I should just reuse the name of my miscarried LO for this baby, because that baby wasn't real.

"I'm excited for them. They were in a pinch and didn't have much of a choice with the hospitals, but the four hour hospital policy is actually pretty nice. We all want to visit, but they want to save that time to establish breastfeeding and do skin-to-skin bonding with just mommy, daddy, and baby. Sounds sweet. smile.gif"

Wife to DH, mama to bikenew.gif DD (7) ribboncesarean.gif, babyf.gif DS born 3/12 ribboncesarean.gif, and have had five early losses. angel1.gif
I have Stiff Person Syndrome and my other car is a candy apple red Rascal. Feel free to ask me about it. wheelchair.gif
cameragirl is offline  
#16 of 32 Old 11-09-2011, 01:38 PM
 
Brighids Flame's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 87
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

.


Brighids Flame is offline  
#17 of 32 Old 11-09-2011, 02:49 PM
 
sh118's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 146
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Brighid's Flame, go with what you feel is right.  If you change your mind and want visitors, call them AFTER you've had your special time with baby!  Out of curiosity, do you know the clotting disorder you have?  I have a history of clotting during pregnancy, but no known disorder...

sh118 is offline  
#18 of 32 Old 11-09-2011, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
cameragirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2,045
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brighids Flame View Post

I get regular guilt trips about it, so I'm not sure if I'll end up sticking to my guns or not. Am I being that unreasonable?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. People only come to the hospital to see the baby, not the parents. A lot of the time, they won't even want to hand the baby back when the baby is obviously showing signs of getting hungry. It can be overwhelming and discouraging. I'd just tell your nurse that you want to limit visitors, and they'll play bad guy.

Wife to DH, mama to bikenew.gif DD (7) ribboncesarean.gif, babyf.gif DS born 3/12 ribboncesarean.gif, and have had five early losses. angel1.gif
I have Stiff Person Syndrome and my other car is a candy apple red Rascal. Feel free to ask me about it. wheelchair.gif
cameragirl is offline  
#19 of 32 Old 11-09-2011, 04:47 PM
 
RachaelsMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyamo View Post

DH, of course. DH's family lives too far away, so I don't have to worry about them. That leaves my parents and my sister. We are fairly close and I don't think they would cause particular problems, but I'm not sure that I will want company in that situation. It's hard for me to say since this is my first, but I think I will not be wanting an audience even if it is just close family.


If you do decide to invite people, just make sure they know ahead of time that you might ask them to leave, and not to take it personally. Make sure your DH/midwife/nurse whoever knows this and will enforce it for you.



Quote:
Originally Posted by LalaithYamainu View Post

Cameragirl, that's TERRIBLE!!!  I can't imagine how upset I'd be... I firmly believe a laboring/post partum mom has the right to kick out any nurse, relative or visitor she doesn't like, so that must have been horrible.  And complaining about not holding the baby enough?  I'd smack them!  Or want to, at least.  Argh.



My mom was like that. She even said, "I barely got to hold the little shit because all he wanted to do was breastfeed."



Quote:
Originally Posted by Janel47 View Post

She??? 
 



 



I guess you missed that Facebook post. I refuse to call my baby an "it", and there are only so many times you can say "the baby", so if I throw out a pronoun every now and then don't read into it. 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brighids Flame View Post

At the birth it will be me, DH, and a doula. Having anyone else there would stress me out and probably irritate me.

 

As for after the birth, I've already told my family that I don't want visitors at the hospital, and they're acting like it's the most unreasonable thing ever. Because of my blood clotting disorder there are a lot of unknowns, and I want as much time nursing and doing skin to skin with just me and DH as I can get, in case anything goes wrong. I've already gotten lectured by my sister about how "this is the first biological grandchild" and "you should honor mom and dad's wishes." She thinks that I should have them come to the hospital, just peek in the door at the baby, and then leave (as though my parents would be capable of that level of restraint eyesroll.gif). I have a long history of issues with my parents, so just being around them stresses me out. I want my first few days with baby to be blissful, not stressful.

 

Obviously if baby ends up in hospital for a while, we'd have family come and visit there, but assuming all goes normally? I'd rather not have visitors until I've had a chance to take a shower in my own bathroom, have a meal other than crappy hospital food, and just in general get settled in at home.

 

I get regular guilt trips about it, so I'm not sure if I'll end up sticking to my guns or not. Am I being that unreasonable?


NO! You are not being unreasonable! You are going through labor and birth. You have a condition that might cause some issues. You are the mother of this baby. Anybody trying to make this about them is the unreasonable one.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by cameragirl View Post


I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. People only come to the hospital to see the baby, not the parents. A lot of the time, they won't even want to hand the baby back when the baby is obviously showing signs of getting hungry. It can be overwhelming and discouraging. I'd just tell your nurse that you want to limit visitors, and they'll play bad guy.


Do you guys all know my mom or something? She does the same thing with not wanting to give the baby back when they are hungry. We were at my great-grandma's for New Year's when DD was 6 weeks old. I was at the back of the house (there are usually around 75 people crammed in that house) and I didn't even hear her crying at first. When I did hear her, I waited a minute, expecting my mom to bring her back to me, then I finally went and found her and she had no intention of bringing DD to me. She said. "I was going to let you finish eating first." Ummm no, I'm not going to sit down and eat if my baby is crying with hunger. Makes me wonder if she did that to me when I was a baby.

 


Erin~ Mommy to 3 curly-headed children and expecting #4 in December. ***4***8***12**16***20***24***28***32***36***40**
RachaelsMommy is offline  
#20 of 32 Old 11-09-2011, 06:37 PM
 
Cellist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 619
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I only want DH and my doula (possibly 2 doulas; a friend who is one has offered to be there, too) there.  I think a whole roomful of people would irritate the CRAP out of me while I'm trying to concentrate on what I need to be doing.

 

DH and I also decided we didn't want as many visitors at the hospital or right away at home this time, either.  We're hoping just our parents and siblings come to the hospital (last time they had like four days to come, because I had a c-section); we have some weirdo family members I'd rather not have to have awkward conversations with while I'm trying to nurse my new baby.  My friends were actually really good visitors, so they can come if they want.  Hopefully we won't be in the hospital 4 days this time!!!


Birthed a beautiful baby boy, Ethan, 11/11/09.
Cellist is offline  
#21 of 32 Old 11-10-2011, 10:21 AM
 
hippiemwmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 10
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It will be me, my two partners, and possibly a friend of mine who is a birth worker also.  my male partner's sister said she wanted to be there (she's a narcissist/a very angry person) and I politely told her that would not be ok.

hippiemwmama is offline  
#22 of 32 Old 11-10-2011, 05:02 PM
 
RosieL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have not yet brought this up with my mom. I have no idea if she assumes she'll be invited, wants to but will wait for the invitation, or doesn't want to be there. Well, I doubt it's the latter. She lives a mile from my house, and she's incredibly supportive and wonderful. I'm not sure she will have the energy I need when I'm in labor. From reading Ina May and other birth stories from here, I'm inclined to say "nope." I just hope she can understand. She's barely wrapping her head around the homebirth idea as it is. The idea that 'the presence of a person who doesn't have just the right energy could literally slow down labor' will probably be extremely foreign to her. And, of course, I don't wanna tell ma that her energy isn't right. 

 

I'll probably just end up saying that a lot of people will already be here (two midwives, an assistant, and DH), and I don't know what to expect but I expect wanting to be private. Hopefully she'll leave it at that.

 

Have any of you had experience with "hiding" your labor until after the birth? I don't know how I'll be able to do it. I have a feeling if my friends didn't hear from me in a couple days they'd worry sick that something was wrong. And I don't think I could say "Still no labor" if it wasn't true. 


Married to my favorite man in '07. Our firstborn came along in April 2012 (HBC), and our second is on the way, due sometime in May 2014 (planning an HBAC).
RosieL is offline  
#23 of 32 Old 11-10-2011, 05:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
cameragirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2,045
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Not with a birth, but my mom recently hid the fact that she had a back surgery. She only told people she trusted, and told them in a firm tone that they were NOT to tell anyone else, post ANYTHING on Facebook, etc. Word didn't get out.

Is a lot of communication with friends through Facebook? If that's the case, I'd just stay off the topic. Post about something else, "like" something, or have someone else do it for you. Just don't mention it. I don't plan on saying anything online (aside from the DDC) because I don't want people showing up, and I don't really want to be on the clock if you will.

Wife to DH, mama to bikenew.gif DD (7) ribboncesarean.gif, babyf.gif DS born 3/12 ribboncesarean.gif, and have had five early losses. angel1.gif
I have Stiff Person Syndrome and my other car is a candy apple red Rascal. Feel free to ask me about it. wheelchair.gif
cameragirl is offline  
#24 of 32 Old 11-11-2011, 03:52 AM
 
RosieL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,198
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I haven't discussed my pregnancy at all on facebook. I only use it to check up with people who never communicate elsewhere, and to keep a garden log, haha. I have pretty constant daily text exchanges with two friends and emails with two others, and a phone chat with my mom and another friend about thrice a week. Hmmm, I didn't realize until recently that I communicate with friends a LOT. 

 

I guess there's lots of time to condition friends and family to not expect much communication from me at the end of pregnancy. 


Married to my favorite man in '07. Our firstborn came along in April 2012 (HBC), and our second is on the way, due sometime in May 2014 (planning an HBAC).
RosieL is offline  
#25 of 32 Old 11-12-2011, 07:38 PM
 
LalaithYamainu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Haha, facebook status's are checked every five minutes when one of DH's family is in labor - there was much grumbling two births ago when my SIL didn't have a designated facebook updater (she had five family members attending the birth too!)... but that was mostly cause it was a high risk pregnancy and we were all on tenter hooks to see if everything turned out all right or if we needed to call a family fast or something.

 

The SIL I wanted to invite but who won't be able to come will be my "facebook" person - she'll be getting hourly updates by phone anyway, and it'll give her something to do so she doesn't feel left out (she's really upset she can't come, but it's just not feasable).

 

I do have to say though, after the birth is over there's gonna be pretty tight restrictions on who comes to visit - I value my sleep.  I'm probably gonna steal one of my SIL's post-birth practices - when visitors come to see the baby, no cleaning house, putting the baby in clothes and meeting them in the living room.  She met them in the office, where she had her breastfeeding/diaper station set up and a futon to sleep on, so there was very much a sense of entering her "territory".

 

I think I'd be more stressed if the family members I had to worry about were closer - but I'll be very surprised if any of them make the trek.

 

On another note... My mother doesn't want to be there!  Apparently she feels guilty, that it's her "responsability" to support me if I ask her to be there, but she only had C-sections and feels very, very out of her depth.  I told her I wouldn't be offended if she didn't come, and she looked so relieved, saying she'd much rather play solitaire in the waiting room, and stick her head in every now and again.  I think she's terrified of having to watch me be in pain and not know how to help - DH said he is too, and she laughed and said HE can't get out of being there.

 

With her camped out in the waiting room, Dad will probably want to be out there with her a lot of the time, and with MIL's attendance iffy (she's planning on coming, but it depends on me going into labor sometime around my actual due date, since she lives overseas), my "family supported" birth might end up being more private than I planned after all!

LalaithYamainu is offline  
#26 of 32 Old 11-27-2011, 03:31 PM
 
Dandy Lion's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Salt Lake City
Posts: 661
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I really want our homebirth to be quiet and peaceful. I haven't invited anyone, and no one has asked about coming. I think they all think I'm crazy for giving birth at home ;)

 

As for after the birth, I hadn't really thought about it. I gave birth to my daughter the same day my brother got married (in a different city), so I didn't have any visitors. A few days later though my baby daddy's mom and sister came and stayed with us and it was a nightmare. Seriously, the mom should get the first shower. Because my dd was so colicky no one else really wanted to hold her. I had to cook, and clean, entertain guests, and take care of a colicky baby. I plan on scheduling guests as little as possible in the beginning, and I'll definitely not act like I'm feeling okay when I'm not this time.


Happily married to my soul mate, and a mommy of two girls + another baby due in June!

5****10****15****20****25****30****35**stillheart.gif*40

Dandy Lion is offline  
#27 of 32 Old 11-27-2011, 09:39 PM
 
Everlong753's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: PNW
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

 

Dandy Lion- that is so junky :(  

 

This time its us (me, dh, and 3 sons) and I may or may not have a midwife and that's it.   I still haven't decided if I want her assistant to come at all.  It would be nice for someone to take photos though.   I am pretty sensitive in labor and I just can't bring too many ppl around me.  Not to mention our house is TINY and I feel like they will be hovering for lack of somewhere to go.   At my 2nd birth, I had to run and hide in the furthest back bedroom/bathroom because I didn't want to be out in the LR with everyone near the birth pool (mom, sister, mw and mw assistant). 

 

I love my mom, and she's been there for #1 and #2 but I just don't know about doing that again.  I don't feel like I can just relax and do what I need around her but I wish I had that connection.     

 

After a few not-great postpartum periods, we plan to make close relatives wait to come at least 12 hours after the birth (which is about 2 people) and everyone else can wait at least a few days to a week.  It was crappy after my c/s, with loud unhelpful visitors at the hospital and NO help at home.  The next 2 babes we got little to no help again,  so I anticipate anyone around means I have to entertain them somehow, and I'm not down with that.  We got lucky and had some meals cooked for us by a friend last time, that kind of help is welcome anytime of course. 

 

Here's a great blog post by Gloria Lemay about the postpartum period http://www.glorialemay.com/blog/?p=34  


Lisa- mom to 4 boys, expecting our 5th surprise in May 
Everlong753 is offline  
#28 of 32 Old 12-01-2011, 12:20 PM
 
Brighids Flame's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 87
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

.


Brighids Flame is offline  
#29 of 32 Old 12-01-2011, 12:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
cameragirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2,045
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I'd love a doula. I just don't have the money, or the nerve to call people and ask about volunteering. There is one hospital birth center in the area that has volunteer doulas that will come in while you're in labor, but I don't qualify to deliver there because of the VBAC. I also posted in the birth professional forum, with no response.

Wife to DH, mama to bikenew.gif DD (7) ribboncesarean.gif, babyf.gif DS born 3/12 ribboncesarean.gif, and have had five early losses. angel1.gif
I have Stiff Person Syndrome and my other car is a candy apple red Rascal. Feel free to ask me about it. wheelchair.gif
cameragirl is offline  
#30 of 32 Old 12-01-2011, 10:48 PM
 
granolamamaof8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 2
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am pregnant with my sprout #8. We had 47 people in our livingroom for my last birth. It was INCREDIBLE, but we are going with less this time. I am a doula and childbirth educator, and love the idea of allowing anyone who wants to be part of the incredible experience to be there I had more neighbor kids around the birth tub than I realized, until my son was born!

 I have always had my parents, any siblings who wanted to come (I'm oldest of seven), my husband, kids, and a few close friends, so there was always a big group. This time I will still have my family and a few close friends, but it will be closer to 20 than 50!

 Either way, Mama's need to decide what is best for THEM, and what they will be most comfortable with. I grew up in a big family, and watching my mom homebirth, and I am very comfortable with people being all around. It is so... normal and natural feeling. People laughing, talking and singing around me. No Dr.s and Nurses coming at me. It's beautiful because it's what I want.

 My only complaint about the HUGE group was that my kids got lost in the chaos. They had friends everywhere, so they were not as involved. My sixteen year old son did deliver the baby, but my two year old was upstairs playing and no one realized he wasn't there. With my four year old's birth he cam ein less than an hour, and my littlest ones swam in the birth tub as I delivered. COMPLETELY involved!

granolamamaof8 is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off