Telling friends or family who suffer from infertility? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 08-03-2011, 02:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey mamas, I'm wondering if anyone else has people close to them who are suffering from infertility, and how to tell them. My sweet sister has been trying to conceive for several years now, and in the mean time I've had 2 babies (and now another on the way) and my sister-in-law has had 2. It's SO HARD to see her wanting children, and not being able to have any, and me getting pregnant at the drop of a hat.  greensad.gif  Especially this time, when we were trying to NOT get pregnant and we did, it's like adding insult to injury. I just don't want to hurt her anymore...

I also have a dear friend in the same boat and she's seen all the friends around her have baby after baby. It's just so hard to be like, "Hey, I didn't even TRY to get pregnant and I did!" to someone who's been trying so hard for so many years.

 

Any advise or tips on handling this situation? Anyone else have something similar in their life?
 


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#2 of 9 Old 08-03-2011, 06:43 PM
 
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Having been infertile, I would recommend you tell your sister earlyish and privately. Depending on your relationship, I would say over email, so she has time to react privately. If you're very close perhaps in person would be better, but she should know before you make the big announcement.


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#3 of 9 Old 08-07-2011, 05:51 AM
 
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My best friend is suffering from infertility and has been trying for about a year now. She was one of the first people I told. She did say she was jealous but made sure to tell me how happy she was for me. She is so great! I do try to keep my excitement to a minimum around her just in case they don't conceive this month. 


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#4 of 9 Old 08-07-2011, 02:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We found out yesterday that my brother and his wife are also expecting and just told the rest of my family... so now I'm really having a hard time knowing what to do! I know it will be doubly hard now that two of her siblings are expecting.  greensad.gif  Ashley, I appreciate your advise though - my first instinct is to wait as long as possible to tell her, in order to avoid the pain it will cause her (of course she's also happy for us too!) but I think you're right, that I should tell her first before the "big announcement." I wish so much I could "beam" her some of my fertility!


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#5 of 9 Old 08-13-2011, 02:20 PM
 
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hi! i have been having trouble to conceive for 8 years. i am now pregnant through ivf. during my time ttc i was personally very happy for my family when they were having children. i think the main things to avoid is complaining about the aches and pains etc in pregnancy in front of them. be careful which baby names you choose (they might have saved themselves a favourate just incase) a close friend of mine stole my favourate name and i felt that they took it as an opportunity as i couldnt concieve. and just appreciate that you are pregnant and happy about it in front of them. it was always nice for me to see pregnant people who really appreciated it and looked after themselves as we do sometimes take it for granted. 

another thing- dont talk a lot about how you are going to decorate the nursery. it can be a fantasy for people unable to have children and can be hurtful. 

 

i hope this helps.

 

natalie x

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#6 of 9 Old 08-14-2011, 11:53 AM
 
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I'm in the same boat with my little sister.  My older sister just announced she is pregnant, and now I am, and I know my little sister, who has been trying for quite a while and has been diagnosed with PCOS, will have a hard time when I let her know.  I think I'm going to wait until 10 weeks before I tell anyone, but I want to tell her first, and in private. As much as I am excited, and glad I've finally conceived, I really wish that she had been able to before me.


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#7 of 9 Old 08-15-2011, 06:08 AM
 
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as someone who has watched all of my friends get pregnant around me, i would much rather know over e-mail/text so i can have time to grieve, get it out of the way, and then be happy for you when i see you in person. 

 

it is hard to want something, work so hard for it and watch people just pop-up pregnant.  so give her time to grieve for herself, and then she can be genuinely happy for you, like i am for every single one of my friends. :)

 

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#8 of 9 Old 08-21-2011, 05:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jennyvangy View Post

I'm in the same boat with my little sister.  My older sister just announced she is pregnant, and now I am, and I know my little sister, who has been trying for quite a while and has been diagnosed with PCOS, will have a hard time when I let her know.  I think I'm going to wait until 10 weeks before I tell anyone, but I want to tell her first, and in private. As much as I am excited, and glad I've finally conceived, I really wish that she had been able to before me.


Thanks Jenny! I did end up telling her before any of the other family. Both my sisters-in-law have now gotten pregnant/had babies but not my sister.  =[   I always thought we would have babies together, and now I'm probably having my last. I feel so sad for her and for what I know we both hoped to experience together.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by vivica2 View Post

as someone who has watched all of my friends get pregnant around me, i would much rather know over e-mail/text so i can have time to grieve, get it out of the way, and then be happy for you when i see you in person. 

 

it is hard to want something, work so hard for it and watch people just pop-up pregnant.  so give her time to grieve for herself, and then she can be genuinely happy for you, like i am for every single one of my friends. :)

 

-viv-

Viv, I did end up telling her via email before making the big announcement to the family (thanks to a pp's great advice!)  I think it did help her to be able to respond how she needed to, instead of trying to be happy right away for my sake. We haven't had time to sit and chat together yet, but I'm hoping that she's been able to process it as she needs to.  It is hard to "pop up pregnant", as you say, when someone you love is trying so hard and can't.   =[
 

 


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#9 of 9 Old 08-22-2011, 07:39 AM
 
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My sister who has been TTC for a long time was in town this weekend (she lives in another province) so I decided even though it's early, that I would let her know.  She cried, but was happy for me. It was nice to share it with her, and then I just stopped talking about it and talked about her journey.  I got pregnant this month after having a cranio sacral fertility treatment from my other sister, which is pretty out there for my TTC sister, but I made them get together to do it this weekend.  Now I'm praying that this will be her month!


"Well behaved women seldom make history." Laurel Ulrich   To make my mark I familybed2.gifnovaxnocirc.giffly-by-nursing2.giffemalesling.GIFhbac.gif waterbirth.jpgcd.gif adoptionheart-1.gif, among other things,  and try to live a sustainable, natural life. My brood includes DD1, DS1 2 and 3, and expecting another in Aug 2014. 
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