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#1 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I thought it might be fun and a little cathartic to share the different reactions we are getting from folks as we share the happy news.

 

For the most part I am getting a lot of happy congratulations. Most people are also saying, "Time to get a bigger house." in the next breath. I find that funny since we are in the process of moving from a one bedroom to a 2 bedroom at the moment. Evidently that's not big enough!

 

Unfortunately my mother, who has been my number one support person for most things has been her usual pregnancy related fear mongering self. She has not reacted well to any of my pregnancies, despite being well aware of our TTC. This time around my pregnancy was a bit of a surprise to DH and I. So when I got implantation spotting and my toothpaste started tasting really bad (just like the other 2 pregnancies) I knew something was up and gave her a pre announcement talk that I expected her to say something nice or keep it to herself should I get a positive pregnancy test.

 

At this point I need to say that I am going to be 40, my son has Down syndrome and is currently in the middle of 3 years of chemotherapy for leukemia, and doing really well. So yes, there are some things going on that I need to be aware and careful of.

 

When I told my mother the happy news, she did pretty well not saying something evil for a few minutes, but then after recovering from the surprise mentioned that I shouldn't say anything to anybody until I did some testing and knew I wasn't going to terminate. And then went into a long speech about me being 40 and dieing and leaving behind 2 kids. Way to take happy news in stride Mom! Now she is concerned that I need to see a doctor ASAP just to make sure "all of my parts are in the right place."

 

I'm confident she'll come around, she always has in the past, but in the mean time, it stinks.

 


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#2 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 12:27 PM
 
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Wow!-- well I don't even know you, but I'll say a heartfelt congratulations!!

 

Everyone pretty much assumed we were done, with dd being almost 6yo now, and with the bedrest, etc. that I endurer during that pg.  Our family members are all surprised and thrilled- which is nice  :)  I've only told a couple of close friends, and was surprised at the strange reaction I got from one of them.  She has several little ones at home, and we met after my dd was out of the baby phase.  I think she kind of pegged herself as the "baby" friend, and me as not being into babies, and seemed kind of not so nice flustered about the news- like it changes our roles somewhat or something.  Weird.  I think my sister is a little jealous- as I would likely be if our places were reversed. 

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#3 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 12:31 PM
 
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We haven't told anyone yet and I'd like to wait as long as possible.  When we shared the news that #4 was coming along we got such responses as "sh*t happens" from FIL and when I told my step-mom on the phone, my dad just walked out of the room to get the gin.  shake.gif 

 

Luckily we don't live very close to family.  In 3 weeks we go down to CA to my in-laws' for a wedding and I definitely don't want to say anything then.  In October my parents (dad & step-mom) will come to visit and I'd like to not say anything then yet either.  It doesn't matter if this pregnancy was unexpected or not, since overall people don't respond positively then I don't see any reason to share the news with them.  I'll just share the news with some friends that I know will be supportive.


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#4 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You would really think that people would realize that there is one, and only one way to respond to the announcement, "I'm pregnant." Some form of, "Congratulations!"

 

 

 

 


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#5 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 05:21 PM
 
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Wow!  I'm really sorry to hear about how some of your families and friends have reacted.  I agree, the ONLY social appropriate response is- Congratulations.  I must also admit that hearing about your experiences makes me feel like I'm not so alone.  My parents are never happy to hear that we are having a baby.  With #1 my mom wouldn't acknowledge the pregnancy until after the 2nd trimester.  With #2 my father refused to say congratulations and instead said "you know how I feel about that issue."  He feels it is irresponsible to have a baby with the economy so bad, wars, etc.  With #3 he didn't say anything and my mom said, "well congratulations, I guess.  It would have been better if it was later."  Family can be is weird.  I know my parents love their grandchildren but they just can't help themselves from letting fear consume them.  So congratulations to all of you!  A baby is a blessing!


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#6 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 05:53 PM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post

You would really think that people would realize that there is one, and only one way to respond to the announcement, "I'm pregnant." Some form of, "Congratulations!"

 


truedat.gif

 

Quote:

When I told my mother the happy news, she did pretty well not saying something evil for a few minutes, but then after recovering from the surprise mentioned that I shouldn't say anything to anybody until I did some testing and knew I wasn't going to terminate. And then went into a long speech about me being 40 and dieing and leaving behind 2 kids.

 

What a horrible thing to say.  Especially to someone who HAS a child with Downs.  FWIW, and I hope you don't find this offensive, it makes me really happy to see young children with DS, because 1) for the most part, it means their family CHOSE them, and 2) because they are the most joyful children, and I think they're a special kind of gift to the people in their lives.  Hugs to you, mama.  hug.gif


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#7 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 06:49 PM
 
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AbbieB -- CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!  I'm so sorry people -- family especially -- have reacted poorly.  I have two cousins (both in their 20s) that have children with DS.  One also went through many surgeries and leukemia as well -- and has been in remission for leukemia for three years and just completed kindergarten with her classmates and will move on to the first grade!  Rock on, you adorable, strong, inspiring children with DS!!

 

As for me, MIL was AWESOME!  She's one of nine kids.  They know and love big families.  My own parents?  Not so much.  My dad's resopnse was "Congrats," followed by, "I wish you'd send the girls to public school..."  because obviously that has *so much* to do with pregnancy?!?!  ugh.  My parents just hate that we homeschool.  And that we don't vax.  And that I'm Catholic.  (I could go on and on...).  My mom said congrats I think.... then said, "Better you than me."  ... um... what does that mean?!  So weird.  Still weirds me out.  but.. oh well. ... oh, and my brother and his wife announced their pregnancy (their first.. and probably only) a month before our surprise.  I think my brother was pissed I stole some of the thunder.  Meh.  Can't win them all I suppose.  I am one of three kids.  I only have four cousins on my mom's side (dh has THIRTY first cousins on his mom's side). 

 

I don't know what their beef is exactly, but FIVE kids is just nuts.  Three was probably a lot.  Four was pushing the limits (already past the limits, really).  but five?  Oh goodness, NOBODY has FIVE kids.  (in their thinking).  Whatever.  *I* am happy.  And the four girls we already have totally ROCK! ;)

 

(edited for spelling... sheesh...)


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#8 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post

Quote:


truedat.gif

 

Quote:

 

What a horrible thing to say.  Especially to someone who HAS a child with Downs.  FWIW, and I hope you don't find this offensive, it makes me really happy to see young children with DS, because 1) for the most part, it means their family CHOSE them, and 2) because they are the most joyful children, and I think they're a special kind of gift to the people in their lives.  Hugs to you, mama.  hug.gif



Thank you. DH and I feel the same way. We decided before even getting pregnant the first time that we would never terminate a pregnancy, no matter what. I think that goes doubly now that our DS is here. What kind of message would we be sending to our son (and daughter for that matter) if were were to do terminate another child for Ds?

 

And it's true, DS is a joyful child and brings so much love and life to our family. Sometimes I think that I am the luckiest person in the world to have been given the opportunity to have him in my life. He is truly a gift.

 

What is really weird is that my parents have been our number one supporters since DS was born. I want to believe that my mom is just tackless with pregnancy issues and she is not really hearing herself and understanding the bigger message she is sending. In her head she is just worried like the pp said because of the economy, war, our finances, our emotional ability to handle stuff, etc... But those are her issues, not ours. ;)

 

Talking about this with other moms is really helping move past it. Thanks!

 


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#9 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 07:06 PM
 
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Congrats to all the other mamas!   I agree that that is really the only way to answer an announcement. 

  I doubt people will be very happy for me when I tell. They haven't been since I announced my 3rd. By the time I announced my fifth they were actually hateful, and six and seven I just didn't tell them until it was obvious. The ones who are supportive are the only ones who are worth telling anymore. That's another reason I am grateful for a ddc!


Wendy,loving wife to Brian, happy mama of Trinity(15), Christian(15), Gavin(13), Logan(11), Griffon(9),Jubilee(7), Epiphany (4), and Lucian Danger( born 18 April 12) <3
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#10 of 63 Old 08-22-2011, 07:17 PM
 
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I've only told a few people, and everyone's been thrilled. DD took a long time and a lot of miscarriages to get here, and of those I've told they think it's awesome this one was so easy. We haven't told family yet, but will in 2.5 weeks assuming the ultrasound is good.

 

For whatever reason, I'm the person people tend to come to when they have a problem, or something they need to talk out, and I've had many "I think I might be pregnant" conversations. If the person seems less than thrilled about the situation, I respond with "how do you feel about this" and try to help them work it out. But I've never said anything disparaging about another person's pregnancy, and never would. Even if my 2 year old turned up pregnant at like 15.


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#11 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 01:47 AM
 
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I come from a family of 10, and my husband from a family of 8, so we tend to get pretty positive responses to having #3.  I'm not sure if that will continue as we have more (I'd love to have 8+), but for now everyone seems happy.  The rude comments come from my sister-in-laws when I talk about my choice to homebirth, not vax, co-sleep etc.  They ask it like somehow having a 3rd will change my mind on all those issues: "So, with this one do you plan on doing all that weird stuff you do?  Well, it will serve you right if you end up in the hospital again, you know?" Lovely.


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#12 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 10:59 AM
 
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Congrats to all the other mamas!   I agree that that is really the only way to answer an announcement. 

  I doubt people will be very happy for me when I tell. They haven't been since I announced my 3rd. By the time I announced my fifth they were actually hateful, and six and seven I just didn't tell them until it was obvious. The ones who are supportive are the only ones who are worth telling anymore. That's another reason I am grateful for a ddc!



Exactly! Starting with #5 we got some nasty comments. With #6 we didn't tell until 12 weeks and got some nastier comments from family. Our friends were awesome. With this one, #7, I don't even want to think about how people will react. Especially since my dd will have had our first grandchild by the time we announce. Everybody loves a pregnant granny, donchaknow!

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#13 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 11:34 AM
 
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I have no clue how my DH's family will react...and to be honest, I don't really give a hoot moon.gif

My mom knew were wanting 4 kids so it's been no surprise at all for her. She's quite happy with me having a bunch of kids...I'm sure she worries as all parents tend to do but she's never said anything bad about us having more than the "usual" amount of children. My dad isn't really a part of my life other than the occasional phone call so when I told him he acted all shocked....pffft....he's such a strange man. Anyway, I'm sure my DH's family will act all shocked and disturbed like usual. My one SIL may be cool with it but that's it. Our friends are the only people that are supportive and happy for us. All my close friends do think I'm nuts...as do I ;) but they are still totally pumped. If I do convince my hubby to go for #5....HAHAHAHAHA! I honestly can't wait  to hear some of the comments!


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#14 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 12:05 PM
 
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DH won't let me tell anyone yet!  bag.gif  Well, not family, anyway.  He had an aunt who had multiple, MULTIPLE, M/C's. and she would call everyone and tell them as soon as she POAS, then have to call everyone later when she lost it.  Apparently, she had an STD at some point in her youth, and that effected her uterus/tubes.  Her last 2 M/C's were both tubal, so they both ended up removed.  Then she couldn't get PG at all...She is now a mom to 2 beautiful adopted girls close to DD's age.  twins.gif

 

Anyway, he wants to be "sure" the baby is sticky and on it's way before we tell people.  We may wait til October to start telling people.  I feel that regardless of if we lose the baby or not, the baby is here NOW and we should all celebrate it.  It took us 5.5 years to get here, and I know people would be happy for us.  My dad will be sad about it b/c we live 1200 miles away and *he* will never get to see it, just like he *never* gets to see DD.  Planes fly both ways, I've tried explaining to him, but it seems *we* are the ones who must visit him.  The last time we visited, (last month actually, when I conceived, lol), he said he would do more to come visit us.  Maybe this will be a motivator?

 

I have told 2 friends, one cried and said how happy she was for us b/c she knows the struggles we've had.  The other one was super excited and told me to update her as often as possible, (she is in another state).  I know the inlaws and the rest of my family will freak out in a good way.  At least, I hope they do, lol. 


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#15 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't even imagine some of the nasty comments you mamas with big families are getting. I remember random strangers coming up to me when I was hugely pregnant with #2, admonishing me to not have any more, WTF?!?! I could not believe that it happened over and over again.

 

I wish I was younger so that I could envision the possibility of having more.


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#16 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 02:34 PM
 
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Hi everyone,

I've been reading through your responses and I can't believe how nasty people are about your pregnancies! It seems to me that how many kids you want to have is a decision that you make based on your family style and the resources you have available--not on whether your mom wants more grandkids (or fewer! I never thought I'd see the day...) But congratulations to all of you and I hope the dumb comments are short-lived and deeply regretted.

We've only told a few people who knew we were trying, and our parents--it's been a short but uphill road to get pregnant, so everyone who knows is thrilled for us. I'm not sure what will happen when we start telling the wider world in a few weeks, but hopefully nothing too traumatic...

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#17 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 05:47 PM
 
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WOW!  You all have had some shocking reactions from family!  

 

I haven't told my mom yet because I am terrified (not to mention not very far along) but have told a few close friends.  My DH is a musician(30) and I am currently a student (not quite 25) so with the lack of a secure financial situation I'm sure my mom will be asking me how I plan on taking care of a child and of course "...What about your EDUCATION!?"  I know ultimately her and my dad will support us, but I am dreading the initial reactions from her.  My MIL may have her concerns, but I know that if she is going to burden anybody with them it will be DH, but he seems to think she'll be thrilled.  

Any advice on spilling the news? (both sets live over 2500 km away, so in person is not an option)


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#18 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 06:39 PM
 
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Wow, some of those responses are insane! I am so sorry to those who have had to endure that crap. Babies are blessings to be celebrated!!

 

My family and friends were all VERY surprised. We were done...totally. We were planning on DHs vasectomy soon. They were all very very happy for us though. They knew that I kinda wanted another one (though, I was happy with staying a family of four).


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#19 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 07:23 PM
 
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Well I think my response to my own pregnancy might have been the worst. It's our first, and everyone else is so excited for us.....my initial reaction was to cry, second was denial, third was anger, fourth was to cry again, and fifth was fear! None of those seem like good reactions to me! It was planned, we wanted this, but now it feels too real....I have been told this feeling will pass....that very mama feels this way in the beginning. Well I hope so, cause all I feel right now is bloated, fat, emotional, breast pain/enlargement and tired! greensad.gif

I'm looking forward to a more positive outlook on my pregnancy, but I'm not quite there yet!joy.gif
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#20 of 63 Old 08-23-2011, 08:55 PM
 
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my first week was awful, i was just in complete shock.  I was feeling resentful for missing out when my husband attended a show and had a boys night out while i stayed at home... worrying.  Now that we have told a couple of close friends and I feel immensely better.  It's my first, so I'm not speaking from much experience, but from what i have heard (and experienced so far) I think it is normal to feel a lot of negative feelings at the onset of a pregnancy.  It's not all sunshine and rainbows!


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#21 of 63 Old 08-24-2011, 08:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post

You would really think that people would realize that there is one, and only one way to respond to the announcement, "I'm pregnant." Some form of, "Congratulations!"
 

yeahthat.gif

 

DDCC...I am sad and not surprised about the awful things some of you have had to put up with.  When I had my first, I dealt with "You're not ready" and "You're too young" (at 25) to "You're too old" and "Was this an accident?" (at 39).  Try to focus on the good responses and do what you can to be as gracious as possible regarding the fact that some people just don't know how to behave.

 

And, for the first time moms, it is, unfortunately, probably decent training for the garbage that will spill out of people's mouths regarding how you parent your child!

 

Congratulations to all of your on your upcoming wonders!


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#22 of 63 Old 08-24-2011, 10:48 AM
 
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I totally got the "you're too young" thing when I had my daughter at 25. Apparently mid-20s with a spouse, mortgage, and degree is "too young" to have kids. It's nice that she'll graduate high school when I'm 43, and this one when I'm 46. I have my late 40s and beyond to do things other than raising children!

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#23 of 63 Old 08-25-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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I totally got the "you're too young" thing when I had my daughter at 25. Apparently mid-20s with a spouse, mortgage, and degree is "too young" to have kids. It's nice that she'll graduate high school when I'm 43, and this one when I'm 46. I have my late 40s and beyond to do things other than raising children!



I'm turning 25 next weekend and am trying to prepare myself for hearing my mom tell me i'm too young, especially since I DON'T have a degree (almost!) or a mortgage yet!


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#24 of 63 Old 08-25-2011, 12:55 PM
 
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Overall I think our families reacted good. We told both in the same way. Bought identical picture frames and put an ultrasound scan inside. 

However, we got burnt right after telling my mom. She asked about names and we made a huge mistake of telling her our names. She and my sister didn't stop criticizing and offering other suggestions that we plainly didn't like. Then we she heard I don't want to know the sex of the baby, she started bugging me that she has to know but she won't tell me. So what's the point of me not knowing and her knowing then? We left my family very disappointed b/c of the all the criticism of the names and etc.

 

The very next day we were celebrating his mom's bday and we did the same thing for her (the picture frame). It took her a little while to figure it out, but when hubby's SIL saw the frame, she got it immediately and hugged me with "Are you pregnant?!" Then the MIL got it and was so happy. It was the best reaction ever. She said we made her day by thinking of such a special way to break the news.

When people are happy for you, it's just nurtures your soul.

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#25 of 63 Old 08-25-2011, 02:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sunflwrmoonbeam View Post

I totally got the "you're too young" thing when I had my daughter at 25. Apparently mid-20s with a spouse, mortgage, and degree is "too young" to have kids. It's nice that she'll graduate high school when I'm 43, and this one when I'm 46. I have my late 40s and beyond to do things other than raising children!


Oh its ridiculous, right?  I had DD at 27 and got the "but you're young" thing.  C'mon.  I guarantee I'll get "omg you'll be 30 with this one" thing--like I completely passed through my childbearing years between 27 and 30.  I think families just need something to say so they come up with stupid stuff like that.


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#26 of 63 Old 08-25-2011, 08:13 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you guys have had bad reactions. What is wrong with some people that makes them so tactless? Congratulations to you all, be it baby #1 or #10!

 

We haven't told too many people, but the close family reactions have been  positive. We're holding off until the ultrasound next week to tell my grandparents, as they are bigtime worriers.

Any anxious reactions are now coming more from the fact that Monday I quit my job of 6 years. I was miserable there, and I'm just one semester from finishing my graduate degree, so I'm back in school now. It's a lot of stress, but ultimately I really feel like it is the right decision for our family (even if it means we have a lean few months). It's at least GOOD, exciting stress, whereas I was having all kinds of BAD stress at work.

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#27 of 63 Old 08-26-2011, 06:02 AM
 
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Sorry for the negative reactions.

 

I was expecting them honestly, it is baby #4, everyone knew I was finished and a lot of people didn't react great to #3 and continually asked after if we were done. BUT my sisters were all thrilled, my mom had the goofiest smile on her face, my dad, FIL and Step MIL were happy. The only one who wasn't was my MIL and I don't talk to her anymore so Hubs told her and wisely didn't share her whole reaction. Friends and everyone else were shocked but happy. We did get a lot of "So trying for that boy, huh?" and when people who knew saw me for the first time it was "Chris sure is hoping for a boy"

I don't know what people are saying when we aren't around and I don't care, we are happy......

 

although Mommas that aren't, that is so normal. I have been there. with #3 I was upset for about 3 months and know many other mommas that felt that way too. I was actually upset with this one too because I had plans. BUT I thought of me last pregnancy and my friends who spent their pregnancies upset and then I think of us now completely thrilled with our babies and I decided that I would imagine myself in 2 years, in 10 years and you know what, this is an awesome thing, so now I am happy, ecstatic even.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.

 

 

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#28 of 63 Old 08-26-2011, 07:29 AM
 
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Finally told my mom, dad and FIL.  I thought my dad would be the worst, but he actually said, "WOW, that's great!" and started giggling, lol.  FIL said he was "so freaking excited" and started giggling, lol. 

 

My mom, who I thought would be the most supportive, said, "I though you couldn't get *that way*?"  then asked how far along I was and said, "Well, don't get too excited yet."  shake.gif  Then she said, "You will have to fly down here so I can be in the delivery room."  She's in FL, I'm in MI.  Why she can't fly up here if she wants to be @ the birth, I have no idea.  I said, "actually we're having a home birth," and she said, "Why would you want to do THAT?"  She was there when DD was born and knows I went totally naturally and knew I wanted a home birth then but couldn't get someone to do it.  So finally she sighed, said, "Well congratulations, I'm happy for you I guess." 

 

We still have our grandparents and MIL to call.  I have an epically poor relationship w/ MIL, so that should be interesting.  She is currently living in Mexico, so thankfully will not be here when the baby comes.  She visited for 2 weeks starting the day after DD was born, and it was a nightmare.  She said she came to "help" but did nothing, I cooked, cleaned up after her, did her laundry, etc. all after having JUST had a baby, plus caring for my baby, and she had the NERVE to tell SIL that I was lazy and doing nothing around the house and using DD as an excuse to not do chores.  I overheard her say this, and it just gutted me.  guilty.gif  But she was paying for the groceries while she was there, and so that made it ok, apparently.  This is only the tip of the iceberg of our bad history.

 

We'll see what happens.


~Christy crochetsmilie.gif, mom to DD Sage (12-2003) joy.gif and DS Isaac (04-2012)  babyboy.gif, wife to Josh geek.gif.

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#29 of 63 Old 08-26-2011, 07:49 AM
 
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wow Christy your MIL is worse then mine!

 

and your mom, it's so insane I had to laugh, that you would fly down to have the baby so she could be there. Tell her women aren't allowed to fly after like 28 weeks or something.

 

sorry about the women, but yeah for the guys reactions!


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.

 

 

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#30 of 63 Old 08-26-2011, 08:45 AM
 
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My mom has good intentions but no tact, lol.  And she talks before she thinks about what she's saying.  I did think she was kidding at first, but then realized she was dead serious about my flying down for the birth...w/o my DH or DD, and use a random care provider @ the hospital there, you know, so SHE can be there for the birth.  nut.gif  I'm sure I'll get a phone call in a few days w/ more sincere congratulations after she's had a chance to think about things, but we'll see. 

 

Sadly, I have inherited some of this from her!  bag.gif  Words just pop out of me sometimes, lol, but ALWAYS when someone tells me they are pregnant, I am gushing congratulations and hugging them!!


~Christy crochetsmilie.gif, mom to DD Sage (12-2003) joy.gif and DS Isaac (04-2012)  babyboy.gif, wife to Josh geek.gif.

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