how do you keep your happy? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 13 Old 08-23-2011, 11:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Soooo, over the years ive seen various articles that talk about how the moods of the mom during pregnancy affect the neurodevelopment (and thus the temperament and personality) of the baby during pregnancy.

First of all what do you think about this theory?

Secondly, what do you do to stay happy, peaceful and calm inside when hormones are changing, body is changing, etc?

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#2 of 13 Old 08-23-2011, 01:20 PM
 
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I don't know ... I think it could have some merit. I had a VERY stressful, very upsetting pregnancy with my DD and I worried about how it would affect her. A friend of mine called me one day afetr she had read an article saying that women who are under stress while pregnant actually have stronger babies who are better able to handle stress. It made me feel a lot better, whether there was any truth to it or not.

 

My daughter is just fine and has not shown any ill effects from my stress levels. She is a happy, fun, cheerful, active, and emotionally secure little girl.

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#3 of 13 Old 08-23-2011, 01:40 PM
 
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With dd4 there were some seriously, seriously stressful points and I wasn't in a good place for a lot of it.  Thus far, she's a joy, but she doesn't have an overly bubbly personality.  Her sisters can get her to laugh, but she otherwise doesn't dole it out freely.  I've wondered if this was directly related to stress during her development, or simply her temperment in general.  Who knows.

 

But with this baby #5, I'm keeping my happy by running.  My mind, body and soul feel better after running.  It is truly one of the most amazing upward lifestyle spirals I've experienced.  I feel good after I run, so I eat well.  Eating well makes me feel better and continue to move my body.  Moving my body clears my mind and puts me in a better mood overall.  And on and on and on.

 

The other way I'm working to get my happy on is by decluttering.  With baby #5 on the way, our already modest house is feeling more cramped by the day ;)  So... simplifiying is the answer I'm sure!  Less stuff = less mental blocks = less cleaning = less wasted time = more closeness as a family.  And that all equals happy.


Judy, wife to my Catholic deacon husband ... homeschooling mother to my four girls and now a rainbow1284.gif BOY!!! Forever remembering our loss (8/11) angel3.gif .

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#4 of 13 Old 08-23-2011, 02:57 PM
 
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Hmm, interesting.  I had a lot of stress during my pregnancy with DS2 and he is definitely my most intense, high needs child.  I know I want to do more to keep my happy during this pregnancy, if only for my own state of mind! 


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#5 of 13 Old 08-23-2011, 03:17 PM
 
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It seems to me, that the temperament of the babe is what effects me. With my son, I had the most awesome feeling of calm and joy even though I felt awful and there were a lot of stressful things going on around me. He is a very calm and joyful kid.

 

DD was high needs and still is a bit of a diva and that pregnancy was full of emotional surges.

 

So far, I have that feeling of calm so I'm hoping for another average needs baby.


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#6 of 13 Old 08-24-2011, 08:41 AM
 
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I'm spiritual so I definitely feel the metaphysical and psychological state of being plays a significant role in creating the life in the womb.  Energy is the creating life force and effects all living things whether we're aware of it or not.  I don't believe that we create on a purely physical level...there's so much more than meets the eye.  When I'm pregnant I notice a huge change in the things I can subject myself to and I feel that stems from what is healthy or unhealthy for baby.  Every experience we have resonates within us and the life we're growing.  I can't watch horror movies or listen to death metal, I can't tolerate someone raising their voice and when I let a bad word slip with another adult I feel very dirty, are some examples that effect me on a more profound level now.

 

As for how to keep happy.  Sometimes it's just not possible and we shouldn't add the worry of that hurting our baby.  For example my FIL is dying of cancer right now, this is very difficult.  I'm not worried that my feelings are really raw and today my eyes are so puffy from all the crying I did last night.  It's part of life.  Our baby will cry and know sadness just like the rest of us.  Holding back emotions is much more unhealthy than processing them.  I find myself explaining my feelings internally with my baby and it helps me to feel like the negative feelings are more productive....and that I'm teaching my baby valuable life lessons. 

 

I guess for me the best way to keep happy, is to be conscious of what I'm feeling and why.  To work through that when it arises.  To be grateful for the wonderful people I have in my life and all the things I feel blessed by.  What it comes down to is my faith that brings me back to happiness hearts.gif


Tanya treehugger.gif DH-Brian, DD Adri (8), DD Izzy (7), DS Ollie angel.gif (1/5/11 @ 17 weeks) and our rainbow1284.gif baby due April 12th, 2012.

Of all the lessons I did not learn as a child, or even as an adult; I learn through being, mother to my children. Through love and through pain, we are delivered and blessed!

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#7 of 13 Old 08-24-2011, 08:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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~im really enjoying reading all of your posts. so many different and insightful perspectives. smile.gif

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#8 of 13 Old 08-24-2011, 10:55 AM
 
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my ds is very calm, and observant, and i was young when prego with him.  so the healthy lifestyle wasnt there, but the happy was! with dd, i was much healthier but had strews due to a 1 year old and running a daycare. she is very strong-headed, and self reliant (to a fault sometimes). so i think she is the strong one.   i fully subscribe to the idea of this and will be trying to "keep my happy" while preggo with #3!


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#9 of 13 Old 08-24-2011, 03:22 PM
 
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I don't buy it.  My twins couldn't have more different personalities, and of course went through all my moods together.  Baby A is a roller coaster, high highs and low lows.  She smiles quickly and easily at anyone who looks at her, but she also has earned the nickname "crank-opotamus" for a reason.  Baby B is even tempered and stoic.  Doesn't really smile at strangers and can take time to get her to smile at family.  But, she's rarely fussy or cranky, either.  


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#10 of 13 Old 08-24-2011, 05:00 PM
 
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I think that stress (not just "happy") is one of a myriad of things that contribute to a human personality developing in the womb. There is no way we can control or influence all of those myriad things, even if we knew exactly what all of them are. So I'm choosing to try and follow the fallback mantra of "what's good and optimal for mom is good for the baby." Staying even and more happy than not is certainly good for me, so it's a great thing to focus energy on, regardless of the potential baby benefits! 

 

What AiryFairy said rings wonderfully true and wise: "I guess for me the best way to keep happy, is to be conscious of what I'm feeling and why.  To work through that when it arises.  To be grateful for the wonderful people I have in my life and all the things I feel blessed by."

 

 


Married to my favorite man in '07. Our firstborn came along in April 2012 (HBC), and our second is on the way, due sometime in May 2014 (planning an HBAC).
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#11 of 13 Old 08-29-2011, 10:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i think its unrealistic to expect to be zen and happy all the time. I mean real people have emotions right? We're not stepford wives lol. I agree that its important to recognize and realize those emotions. I also think its wise to manage stress well with exercise, meditation, nutrition, music, etc and to surround ourselves with positive healthy people. I dont think this is the time to engage in drama or high stress situations. Sometimes life throws big changes at us but right now is probably a good time to maintain the status quo and make decisions that would keep life as balanced and as stressfree as possible. think its unrealistic to expect to be zen and happy all the time. I mean real people have emotions right? We're not stepford wives lol. I agree that its important to recognize and realize those emotions. I also think its wise to manage stress well with exercise, meditation, nutrition, music, etc and to surround ourselves with positive healthy people. I dont think this is the time to engage in drama or high stress situations. Sometimes life throws big changes at us but right now is probably a good time to maintain the status quo and make decisions that would keep life as balanced and as stressfree as possible.

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#12 of 13 Old 08-29-2011, 10:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RosieL View Post

I think that stress (not just "happy") is one of a myriad of things that contribute to a human personality developing in the womb. There is no way we can control or influence all of those myriad things, even if we knew exactly what all of them are. So I'm choosing to try and follow the fallback mantra of "what's good and optimal for mom is good for the baby." Staying even and more happy than not is certainly good for me, so it's a great thing to focus energy on, regardless of the potential baby benefits! 

 

What AiryFairy said rings wonderfully true and wise: "I guess for me the best way to keep happy, is to be conscious of what I'm feeling and why.  To work through that when it arises.  To be grateful for the wonderful people I have in my life and all the things I feel blessed by."

 

 


Well said mamas!

For me stress is almost impossible to avoid. So i try to make it to kundalini yoga once a week for my balance(although I haven't been in two weeks bc of feeling like crap). At my core,I personally feel like a woman of the earth with incredible strength while pregnant and I also feel pregnancy is a huge time for healing. I find a lot of hard things for me happen when I am pregnant bc it's when I have the most strength to process and deal even though I am physically feeling like crap and doing my best to just ride out the hormonal waves that feel like tsunamis sometimes.


"E" reggo :yoga wash.gif :clothes and if I have time knit.gif peas in a pod with overworked DP "E" Cosleeping, Extended breastfeeding, Cloth Diapering(a bit obsessed), babywearing, SAHM to DD wl 9/09 and expecting homebirth in 4/12 joy.gif
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#13 of 13 Old 08-30-2011, 05:37 AM
 
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When I was pg with dd, I was incredibly stressed and anxious- and she's a very intense girl, with the shortest temper in the world.  The trick for me is that a lot of that stress came from me trying to control every little thing to keep her safe (I was on bedrest for 4 months, a complete germaphobe, etc.)-- so for me to tell myself that I'm now responsible for controlling yet another thing- that something else could be my fault, just seems counter-productive!  What I'm tyring to do this time, for my own sanity as much as anything else, is to try to let go of some of that sense of responsibility.  Telling myself often that other women eat mint chocolate chip ice cream during pg with no ill effects (I read on some website that mint oil can cause mc, so I freaked out) or any of a gazillion other little things that I could obsess over.  Other women have healthy pgs without going completely psycho about every little thing-- and so that's what I'm trying to remind myself and do.  Oh- and I'm definitely not "happy rah rah" all the time- but when I get worked up and I'm trying to remember to give myself some breaks- talk on the phone to a friend, go for a walk, watch a show with dd, read a book.  Also thinking a lot about when this new babe is an older child and how cool it's going to be for all of us :)

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