are you finding out the gender. why/why not? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 07:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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okay, who's finding out the sex and who's not? Why did you choose as you did?

 

I have 5 weeks to figure out if I want to know or not and I am completely TORN!  Hubs wants to know and would be able to keep it secret from everyone. I would be fine with him knowing, but not fine if other people knew and I didn't.  Although he would tease me. Since we have no baby clothes at all (despite having had 3 girls) we do need to get baby clothes and I really hate yellow baby clothes, but am fine with whites, reds, dark yellows, greens and generally bold fun colors, maybe I just hate pastels)

 

If we find out we will have one of those cake parties to announce it to everyone all at once, and that would be fun, but I keep imagining how cool it would be to not know, I have imagined the baby sliding out and then checking. ( I would totally punch someone if they announced it after baby was born if I waited all that time, but I am certain the Hubs and my awesome midwife wouldn't say a word.) and honestly I totally love the idea of leaving people hanging although I think I might make myself a shirt that says "No we aren't trying for a boy"

 

so just tell me why you chose what you did. I'm curious and maybe it will help me make a decision.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

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#2 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 08:12 AM
 
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Well, for us, we will not be finding out because there is no ultrasound for home birth around here. In a lot of ways it would be beneficial for us. We not only need baby things (which people have offered to hand down if we knew), but DS would love a brother and is dying not knowing. Although, I have to say I do love the surprise of the moment too. Although I've always had someone tell me, never got a chance to look myself (usually a bit preoccupied and forget to even care about what gender they are, only glad they are there LOL).


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#3 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 10:08 AM
 
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i saw a cute idea

have the dr write the sex on a paper and put close it in an envelope. Take it home, make a special moment (dinner, or a meaningful place, or with friends or?) and open it. Make finding out a little less clinical feeling maybe and a little more "special"? I thought it was a nice idea. 

 

we wont find out. we like the wait. 


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#4 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 10:59 AM
 
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We are finding out. DH would not be able to go without finding out at all. I like to blame him but it is not a huge deal to me to not find out, I am curious too.  My sister did not find out for her first and it was incredibly exciting to wait and then keep my mouth shut until they looked to see what they had.  She definitely didn't look right away.  For me, I really like naming the baby and being able to call it that name before it is born. DH also seemed to be more connected once he could put a name with the baby and had seen it.  I also think he is more easily connected because he knows what all having a baby entails.  There were so many new things at birth swirling around in my emotions that it was helpful to feel like I at least knew some things about my new little guy.  Also, this is only my second, I feel like if it was 3 or 4 I might want to change it up you know?  I am kind of a slow adjuster to new things and since we do the anatomy scan anyway, it is hard for me to say no to knowing! I admire people who can wait, I toy with the idea, but luckily my DH can't.


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#5 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 11:01 AM
 
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We are waiting for the surprise.

If we would find out, I would still want to keep it between the two of us. Then despite our best intentions for keeping secrets, I think we would accidentally start using "he" or "she" instead of "the baby," and give out too many hints. So I'm glad DH is on board with not finding out.

 

It does seem like it will be a challenge in getting baby stuff (it's really easy to find pink and blue stuff, but not so much the neutral stuff) but I'm not a fan of the blue for boys and pink for girls anyway, so it might help keep the rest of the family from giving us piles of blue or pink.


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#6 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 11:40 AM
 
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SURPRISE!  my hubby is really into leaving it for a surprise and although i'm really bad at surprises i'm on board with him.  I love the idea of waiting until the birth to find out, i feel like it will just be that little bit more exciting.  I am also more into gender neutral clothing so i will have a great excuse for asking friends and family NOT to indulge in super gender-exclusive things.  I think if i have a baby shower i'll tell people that instead of 'boy' or 'girl' toys and clothing we'd like 'animal' themed clothing or something like that.  who knows.  Our family seems into it as well, my mom told me explicitly that if we DO find out the gender ahead of time I am forbidden from telling her, lol!


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#7 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 02:53 PM
 
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This baby will be our 4th suprise! We've had all hospital births and with each one DH has been the one to announce the gender. It's been so special. There are so few suprises left in life and this kind of suprise is just to special for us to find out early. It makes all of the hard work worth it.

 

 

On a side note my doc was very happily suprised when I told him that we will not be finding out the sex until birth. He said that it rarely happens anymore.


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#8 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 03:56 PM
 
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We will find out (on Dec 2!). This is our first, including first grandchild on either side.

 

I think my personal reason to find out is because I really want to name this baby. I feel like my bond will develop even stronger if I can call him or her by name for the second half of pregnancy. I feel a distance every time I think "him or her." I also have practical reasons. We're doing gender-neutral everything (bright primary colors for nursery, probably red, orange, or purple big stuff like stroller or carseat), but I have a friend with twin girls and I want to buy ALL HER CLOTHING off her because it's all beautiful, not too princessey, good quality clothing. I just love the stuff she has picked out, and she's being nice and holding some stuff for me. But holding til April seems silly.

 

My husband wants to find out, hands down. He hasn't really dug deep into figuring out why, but when I approached him and said the ultrasound for us to find out is not medically necessary, and we'll be paying out of pocket for it, and it could be up to $700, he still 100% wanted to know. So, I guess he has a strong desire. 

 

Next, everyone else wants to know. I have a mom, MIL, and a bonus mom (BFF's mom) who are pining to become grandparents, want to shop, etc. They aren't pushy, but REALLY would like to know. I also have friends (like above-mentioned twin momma) who think it's silly not to find out for other people's sake. I don't agree, but ah well. :shrug:

 

I have to be honest, I would love the opportunity to raise both boys and girls. If we had two of one gender and I was pregnant with a third, I'd probably want to know earlier rather than later. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting both gender kids. I also don't think that means I'd love them any less at all. 


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#9 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 05:07 PM
 
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We'll find out!  I wand to be able to call it by a name and it helps me feel more connected.  Also, I want to know if I'm right.  DH wants to know too. 


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#10 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 05:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueone View Post
Also, I want to know if I'm right.  

 

Oh, and that's the other thing, I have NO IDEA, no inkling, no intuition, no feeling, no hint of whether this babe is a girl or boy. It feels somewhat strange not to have a feeling for it! My mom is 100% convinced it's a girl (she had me first, I think she wants me to follow her steps because she says she just loved every second of our young lives). DH thinks it's a boy. 
 

 


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#11 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 06:25 PM
 
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Not finding out.

 

This is our third, and third home birth. I have never had an ultrasound so it's never been an option. But, I've known the gender from early on with the other two, and I have a pretty good feeling this time around too. If I'm wrong, it might be kind of fun. We just pick out a boy and a girl name. I have no problem with gender neutral clothes, when we can find them. I like all of the yellow duckie outfits, green froggies, brown bears, etc... In fact this baby will be wearing the same newborn clothes as his/her brother and sister did. I saved them all, they still look new. Plain old white onesies for the first few weeks are OK too. It's not like I'm dressing a newborn up in anything other than a super soft onesie, nightgown or footie jammie anyway. There is time for the gender specific colors and styles after the babymoon.

 

That moment after birth, when I first look my baby in the eyes has been so amazing. The feeling of, I know you, and I always have is fantastic. It's always been a minute or 5 before I look to see what the gender is, but it really has not mattered. I remember double and triple checking too, because in the glow of holding my new baby I forget. I'm too locked in on their face and eyes.

 

If I end up with an ultrasound for some medical reason, I will admit it would be HARD to not find out. I mean if the info is right there and all. But I do not have any desire to seek it out.


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#12 of 34 Old 10-08-2011, 08:08 PM
 
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We will find out for sure.  We have a name picked out either way and we want to start using it! Clothing will need to be sorted and anything I can do ahead of time is a good idea. We may need to shift bedrooms, and again knowing that in advance helps. Mainly we just like to know and bond as soon as possible. We have never been disappointed to find out via u/s rather than birth.


Wendy,loving wife to Brian, happy mama of Trinity(15), Christian(15), Gavin(13), Logan(11), Griffon(9),Jubilee(7), Epiphany (4), and Lucian Danger( born 18 April 12) <3
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#13 of 34 Old 10-09-2011, 01:20 AM
 
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We are going to wait for the surprise!  A couple of reasons-- I don't care at all about color of clothes, etc, in fact I would rather not have pink stuff innocent.gif.  The other is that I have attended birth for the last 10 years and my favorite thing is when they don't know!  Which rarely is the case-- the moment after the birth when the parents are waiting in anticipation to find out is just priceless!


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#14 of 34 Old 10-09-2011, 06:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for all the great repliesm, it gave me a lot to  think about. Wendy's rang turest, I have never regretted finding out via ultrasound. I do hate saying s/he too.  some of the against finding out arguements are good too and almost had me convinced but then the fact that most people are too busy looking at their faces being amazed. The event will be amazing even if I know the sex already.

 

SO we are finding out and we have placed a friendly wager on it as we did last time (Hubs lost last 2 times ago and had to do all the dishes for the remainder of the pregnancy, he wasn't able to come to the ultrasound so I brought him back a pink bottle of dish soap ). I am guessing it's aboy this time and if it is Hubs has to clean the bathroom 6 times (he has not cleaned a bathroom since we met, although he does a lot of other gross tasks) and if it's a girl I have to get all the laundry in the house done in one week. He will take the kids out occasinally while I tackle this. He is the one who always does the big catch ups in laundry...and really does most of the laundry. So this should be a fun wager.  The funny thing is we are both dort of hoping for the opposite of what we are betting we get.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.

 

 

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#15 of 34 Old 10-09-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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Those are high stakes! thumb.gif Good luck Thursday! Nice way to make a wager. If you "lose" you get some extra housework on your plate but get the gender you're hoping for. Hehee. 


Married to my favorite man in '07. Our firstborn came along in April 2012 (HBC), and our second is on the way, due sometime in May 2014 (planning an HBAC).
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#16 of 34 Old 10-09-2011, 07:07 PM
 
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We want to find out. I had a hard time connecting to my last pregnancy because of a history of miscarriage, and that shifted suddenly when I could switch from "it" to "she." That pronoun really makes it feel like a person.


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#17 of 34 Old 10-09-2011, 11:19 PM
 
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I absolutely loved having my DH tell me it was a boy when our son Oscar was born. It was wonderful to be surprised and I wouldn't change a thing. I still remember that moment and it was one of the happiest of my life.

 

I'm torn this time around, but leaning toward having it be another surprise. If we find out, I will probably keep it secret if it's a girl, because everyone wants it to be (which makes me angry but that's another story), and because I don't want to get showered with pink girly crap.

 

Yeah, I'm probably going to let this one be a surprise again...


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#18 of 34 Old 10-10-2011, 07:24 AM
 
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We will be finding out.  I'm neutral on it--I feel like this is also a girl, but I would be happy to be wrong.  DH really wants to know--I think it helps him bond with baby to think about it.  We tried to stay gender neutral with the "stuff" we got for DD, so clothing is the only real factor--and she has a lot of GN newborn clothing left over.  I can't stand the frilly dresses--last time I was gifted a number of awful ones.  If it happens again I'll leave the tags on and sell them on ebay or return them.  I know it sound snotty, but its not my style, so why would I dress a baby that way? 


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#19 of 34 Old 10-10-2011, 10:53 AM
 
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As with #1, we are not finding out. This issue is more important to DH than to me (this time around, anyway). If he had wanted to find out the sex for this birth, I would have gone along with it. But, I like the challenge of finding gender-neutral clothing. It puts the brakes on all the pink, and forces me to select things that I *really* like, when I do make purchases.

 

My SIL is almost apoplectic about it. She works PT for a major retailer and would love nothing more than to pull every pink thing from the clearance shelves and use her 30% discount to get them for even less. We're not finding out the sex just so she can fulfill her shopping/acquisition desires. And while it would be nice to have a fully outfitted infant, it's just not necessary.

 

Finding out the sex early would also engender lots of name suggestions, and possibly hurt feelings if we did not use or seriously consider those names. This way, the process is more private.


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#20 of 34 Old 10-10-2011, 11:46 AM
 
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We didn't want to find out but the doctor slipped.  We had a very "medical" pre-pregnancy with genetic screening, IVF etc. so wanted to have some surprise.  The doctor slipped when telling us about the embryos "We have two healthy, chromosonally normal XY's"  Argh!!!


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#21 of 34 Old 10-10-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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Hmmm, I'd like to find out this time, but don't know if we will...DH doesn't want to so much.  It doesn't matter for clothes or anything, I've got lots of neutral newborn, we've had two girls, and my sister has a boy and another one coming (TOMORROW!) and we share our baby/kids clothes when we can.  I think mostly I'd just like to know because it makes it seem more personal to me.  I'd love to be able to pick out a name and call the baby that!  With the first two we didn't find out and I didn't even want to.  We'll see.  I suggested I could find out myself and not him, but he doubted my ability to keep the secret :)Hmph.


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#22 of 34 Old 10-10-2011, 12:25 PM
 
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NicMom - Does that mean congratulations on your two baby boys are in order? orngbiggrin.gif Yay!


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#23 of 34 Old 10-10-2011, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RosieL View Post

NicMom - Does that mean congratulations on your two baby boys are in order? orngbiggrin.gif Yay!



Congrats, even if the dr was a butthead who let it slip!


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.

 

 

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#24 of 34 Old 10-10-2011, 01:25 PM
 
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No, just one of them took, thankfully!  We really, really, really didn't want to put in two embryos but the second one wouldn't have survived freezing and thawing so we threw it in anyway.  So we have one little boy in there.  We have had our baby names picked out for years but won't start to call them by it until much, much later in the pregnancy.  If something happens we don't want to have been calling the baby by its name because we then won't feel right using the name again in another pregnancy.

 

Even though we know it is a boy, we will probably go with a lot of gender neutral, brightly colored clothes.  I hate pastels.  Turns out babies really don't care for them either so it works out.


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#25 of 34 Old 10-10-2011, 02:00 PM
 
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We're not finding out and did not find out the first time.   Though I am sorely tempted (clothing is so much easier!).      I'm afraid if we knew the gender we would spend 20 weeks creating an image/hopes of who our little girll(or boy) might be.   We want to see the baby for who s/he is, not for who want them to be.  For us,  the best way to do that is to know nothing concrete about the baby before we look into those beautiful eyes and hear that sweet cry for the first time.  

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#26 of 34 Old 10-12-2011, 04:38 PM
 
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We'll be finding out.  With the first two, I didn't know until they were born, which was great.  With my third, we found out because I wanted to get rid of the baby clothes that wouldn't be in use.  This time, I'd like to find out just so I can buy clothes if it's a girl and if it's a boy, come up with some names.

 

I like the idea of having the gender written down on a piece of paper and opening it at a special time.  I'm thinking, dinner with our really good friends and my mom...


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#27 of 34 Old 10-12-2011, 09:27 PM
 
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we have 3 girls and this is our last.  )sorry, sick sleeping baby on...typos)....we had decided not to find out.  I am struggling with it . DH wants to wait.  mostly i am a planner and want to cycle out some girl clothes before baby comes, if it is a boy.  i am trying to talk myself into waiting, just because it is our last chance to :)

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#28 of 34 Old 10-13-2011, 10:16 PM
 
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We're torn...DH really wants to know, DD has been waffling both ways, I would *like* to know but I would more *love* to not get an U/S.  I think the big problem for me is that I know deep down, I want another girl--want DD to have a sister (because this will be our last) and she really wants a girl on some level too, though we'd all be more than fine with a boy, of course.  I think that knowing ahead of time if it were a boy would be really good to help with all our bonding.  I pointed out to DD that I think we should just assume it IS a boy, and plan for a boy (name-wise at least) so if it is, we'll say --yay, just what we thought!!--and if it's not, we'll really be surprised.  Surprises aren't always a good thing around here though...guess I have about 4 more weeks to figure this out!!  We NEVER tell anyone else, though, what we're hoping for or whether we're going to find out--this is a family only discussion as far as we're concerned, and lovely anonymous supporters on MDC too ;-)  I think hoping for a specific gender is often a touchy subject and I understand why--I wish I could feel like I didn't care one way or another...maybe because of how much I adore DD it's hard to imagine anything else but another girl (who would of course, be a completely different child regardless)!


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#29 of 34 Old 10-14-2011, 08:00 AM
 
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We will be finding out for sure. My husband super wants to know and I think that it will help our son to think about the baby in a more concrete way knowing whether he will be having a sister or brother. I really am strongly feeling girl to the point where I think it is almost unnecessary to check. I felt as strongly that our son was a boy last time, so I am feeling pretty confident. We will definitely be surprised if it goes the other way, but I would be so happy for our son to have a brother and we have a great boy name on the back burner. :) 

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#30 of 34 Old 10-14-2011, 11:00 AM
 
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Rasa, I feel exactly the same way about hoping for another girl.  That and it would avoid the circumcision "discussion" entirely. 

 

With DD, I KNEW she was a girl, almost from the beginning, but didn't feel confident enough to say it.   With this one, I feel strongly that its a girl, but not as strongly as with DD.  Maybe its because I really would prefer a girl?  Or because I know DH would prefer a boy, and I don't want to set him up for disappointment. 


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