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#1 of 156 Old 11-22-2011, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, so even without doing much research, I'm leaning against circumcision.  It just seems cruel.  As far as I know at this point, it's medically unnecessary, so I dont understand why I would agree to allow someone to cut on my newborn's genitals.  

 

so i'm asking,..what are your thoughts on this??? is there a point of view perhaps I haven't considered?? 

 

i should also note that dh is completely pro circ, so if you've BTDT, how did you convince your dh to not circ???


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#2 of 156 Old 11-22-2011, 07:54 PM
 
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If your son wants to have it done, he can make that decision when he's older.  But, if you make the decision for him to be circ'd, there's no turning back.  It's a part of his body.  I would just be matter of fact with your partner about it.  It was a new issue for my partner, but he was very open about receiving information.  Our son is intact and it's just not a big deal.  Like I said, it's just part of his body.

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#3 of 156 Old 11-22-2011, 08:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by wwisdomskr View Post

If your son wants to have it done, he can make that decision when he's older.  But, if you make the decision for him to be circ'd, there's no turning back.  It's a part of his body.  I would just be matter of fact with your partner about it.  It was a new issue for my partner, but he was very open about receiving information.  Our son is intact and it's just not a big deal.  Like I said, it's just part of his body.



I definitely agree.  It's not medically necessary and we aren't religious, so I don't feel the need to cut off part of my son's body.  I would never participate in any form of genital mutilation on my daughter, so why would I on my son?  DH and I haven't really talked about it much yet now that we know that we're having a boy, but he knows my stance on it since we talked about it a lot when I was pregnant with DD.  DH is worried that our son will want to look like daddy or feel weird that he doesn't look like daddy or the other boys, but I don't see that as being an issue.  He can make the decision (and pay) to get himself snipped when he's an adult, if he really feels like he needs to but hopefully he won't feel the need to do it.


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#4 of 156 Old 11-22-2011, 08:26 PM
 
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I just honestly do not think it makes sense to cut off part of the penis, especially since there is no medical reason and the AAP doesn't even recommend it as necessary/standard now.  DH didn't have any issue with keeping DS intact so I am not a help there. I am sorry you have to figure out how to convince a partner, that seems hard.  We haven't had any issues and there is a lot of support in the other forum about how to care for an intact penis and/or reasons not to circ.  It can be really helpful.


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#5 of 156 Old 11-22-2011, 08:45 PM
 
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I have 3 boys...all 3 are intact. My DH is circed and wanted it done. I made him watch a video(most horrible one I could find) and then gave him lots of info, sites on the net, etc....told him that I DID NOT want it done and that it would emotionally scar me for life as well as physically scar my kids for life too. I think he saw how much time I put into researching it and realized that leaving them alone was probably the best option. I also said if he could come up with CONCRETE evidence showing me that there was a benefit, we would discuss it. Not that he would have changed my mind but I wanted him to know he could discuss it with me. He just never even bothered to look into it and now he's proud to say that he's got 3 whole children and he's looking into restoration for himself:) He confessed to me, long after seeing the video, that he was quite upset his mother had allowed that to be done to him... :(

I have to say though, that if he was adamant on the issue....I am the kind of woman that would do just about anything to protect her children. It would be over my dead body...


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#6 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 04:31 AM
 
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My son is not circ'ed either (and if this little one is a boy, he certainly won't be). My husband was all for my decision, because he is and was not overly happy that it had been done to him. Two arguments I've heard against are 1) when your son is older his intimate life will be more satisfying for his partner and in turn for himself, and 2) with European boys not being circ'ed, and an ever decreasing number of US boys being circ'ed, you are going to eventually end up with a reverse psychological effect...where if you ARE circ'ed you will look/feel odd compared to other boys your age.

 

While these may not be the reasons I'd give for not having it done if I had to make my list, or were trying to persuade a mommy, but I've heard them used persuasively with a daddy ;)


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#7 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 05:19 AM
 
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We didn't circ DS.  I just didn't want to handle cleaning it after and didn't really understand why I should do it despite my religion (not Jewish, but it's still prevalent in our religion).  I saw a few pictures that completely freaked me out too and I didn't want to put my DS through that. I have friends who did it and some who didn't.  It's one of those really personal decisions, so just trust your instinct!


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#8 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 05:36 AM
 
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2 of my sons are circed and 2 are not. No future sons will be. The AAP recommended it, as did the ped, at the time of my first sons birth. I did not have access to the web, or natural minded people, and honestly didn't even think about it...I thought it was always done. duh.gif  He went on a nursing strike right after the circ was done, but other than that it was straightforward. My next son was botched.bigeyes.gif   There will be surgery needed when he is older to fix what was done. It was the same procedure!!! I couldn't believe that it is such a crap shoot as far as how good the Dr is, what Their personal preference is for how much to take off or not. Obviously that was when I started researching...it is also when the AAP changed their recomendation(again). I have had zero issues with my boys staying intact (other than judgemental family) but still feel sick that the first two were done at all. My husband wanted it done at first, saying that when he worked in a nursing home there was a difference, but on further introspection he feels that there was a bias and the proper care was not made for the intact men. He swears it would not have taken more than a minute more to take care of them, and nursing homes are not what our decision is made on.

  


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#9 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 08:37 AM
 
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Our DS is intact. There is NO good arguement out there advocating for chopping off a part of a newborns penis for no good reason IMO. Let your DH try to come up with some  - he won't find any. I had my DH watch a horrible video and he was totally fine with keeping DS intact after seeing that.

 

As for the thinking that intact sons will want to look like their cut father's - Im sorry I think that is ridiculous. Your son will look like himself in many ways. While he may resemble your DH, he will have a unique look all his own - why shouldn't that include his penis?? I mean what are men trying for mini me's ?? If your DH had to get a nose job to correct a deviated septum one day - would he then advocate for your son to get a nose job too so they could look alike?? I really just don't get it!!!


If the people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny." Thomas Jefferson.

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#10 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 08:50 AM
 
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My sons are not circ'd.  When I was pregnant with DS1 it seemed like such a big issue.  I felt that it should be my husbands decision, since he was the one with a penis.  However, now that I know more, and as soon as my son was born, I knew that was a crap reason, and it was really an easy decision: of course I wouldn't cut off part of my perfect son's body.  Who cares if DH has a penis or not, it's not his penis to make the decision about!  Luckily DH, who is circ'd, had a best friend who wasn't, and so didn't think it was weird at all. He was completely supportive of leaving our babies intact. 

 

As far as convincing others, and judgemental relatives, I've found that people don't really discuss genitalia.  They may say one or two snide remarks, but it's not really dinner table conversation.  I agree with others that it should just not be up for argument without thorough research on both sides.  "He won't look like me" just isn't a valid reason.  He may have dark hair, and daddy is blonde.  He may be shorter or taller than daddy. Why does a difference in a penis mean we should cut something off him, but we aren't running out to die our baby's hair or binding their feet to make sure their shoes are the same size.  Of course our children won't look exactly like daddy: penis included. 

 

I'm not Jewish, but circumcision seems very prevalent among my conservative Christian religion.  I have been reading a lot in the New Testament about it, and I really feel that even if that is an issue, there are lots of scriptures to support NOT circing.  If anyone wants me to look them up again, I can do that.

 

Many parents feel like circing is a personal decision, and I totally agree, but I think it should be the personal decision of the child, not the parents.  I'm not sure it I know very many intact men who would even consider circumcision when they are adults, so why would we do it without their consent when they are young?

 

 


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#11 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 09:57 AM
 
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There will be no circumcision happening for our son.  It has never been up for debate.  Fortunately I don't have to convince my DH (who was circumcised) because it would be an "over my dead body" situation otherwise.  We, personally, consider it mutilation and not something we'd do without significant medical need.

 

If I did have a DH who pushed for circumcision, I would not be above going Lysistrata on his ass if all debate failed. wink1.gif


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#12 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 10:04 AM
 
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All our children will be intact and whole.  It's an issue DH and I feel passionately about.


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#13 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 01:14 PM
 
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Like WendyBird, we circ'd our son. He was our first and we thought that was just what you do. I signed the consent before he was born, and we didn't even know we were having a boy.

 

We planned a homebirth for our 2nd child. I asked the ped. about circumcision, should we decide to do it. She said they would have to refer us to a pediatric surgeon and it would be done when baby was 3 months old. I started to get concerned. If they wanted to wait 3 months, why is it normally done on a newborn? I started to research, and I did not want to proceed with circumcision if we had a boy. DH wasn't so sure. He didn't want the 2 little boys in the bathtub to notice they were different.  Somehow I ended up talking to a friend at church about all this. She had her first son circ'd, but not his younger brother (they are in their 20's now). They noticed the difference, but it was never an issue. I was really glad to hear this, just weeks before my baby was born. My mind was made up. And we had a girl.

 

Now it is not even a question for me, though DH may need some reminders. We will not circ. Like jennyvangey mentioned, it is very common in our conservative Christian circle. I think I have been reading the same passages in Romans and 1 Corinthians that point directly to NOT circing.

 

My personal thoughts are that if God put it there, who am I to take it away? And I will never forget my little boy screaming as they cut him. Or my nephew, who at 16 months old, had to go under anesthesia last week to have his circumcision repaired.


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#14 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 01:16 PM
 
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We're anti-circ. I'm opposed to cosmetic surgery on children, period, plus who wants an open wound that you KNOW is going to get pooped on? There are 40 bajillion reasons not to circ and not one good reason to circ (unless you're Jewish, and I'm not convinced it's important enough but I won't touch that one).


DH is almost 30 and intact. He has never had a problem with his foreskin.


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#15 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 02:31 PM
 
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We were really on the fence.  

 

Ultimately, we decided against circumcision, born at the very beginning of my husband's family medicine residency.

 

Two years later, he assisted as a resident on his first circumcision.  He is a man of few words, but he came home that night and said, "We made the right decision.  No one will ever do that to my child."

 

 


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#16 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 02:53 PM
 
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We will NOT be circing our little boy. If it was up to DH, he would, but this is an argument I will not lose. DH said before we knew it was a boy that he decided it wasn't worth arguing about, so I think we are set .... but I haven't confirmed since we found out it is a boy yesterday. Like I said, I won't lose that argument, though - I will not circumsize my child!

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#17 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 03:19 PM
 
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DDc crashing to say ... I'm so proud of all you mamas who kept your baby intact. When our son was born in the late 1990's, folks really tried to label us "hippy-dippy" for not circing. Now, we moved across country and most of my son's peers are intact.
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#18 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 05:04 PM
 
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We are 100% NOT circumcising our ds (if we have a boy that is).

The majority of Canadians don't have it done (it does vary province by province) I've read conflicting country wide percentages though, anywhere from 15% to 30%. 
It's not covered by our universal healthcare (the Canadian Pediatric Association has taken a stance against it since 1975) and some hospitals are starting to ban the procedure altogether. And can we all say Yay! for Newfoundland, the province that has a near 0% circ rate since 2003! I live in the province which has the highest rates of circ. greensad.gif 

Of all my friends who have had baby boys, I only know of one who had it done.

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#19 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 05:19 PM
 
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No circ. for us either.  Fortunately it wasn't even a debate DH and I had to have... phew.


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#20 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 05:31 PM
 
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My boy is not circ'd; the only thing I had to do to convince my ex-dh was to show him valid research about why it is not necessary and about how most babies don't get anything stronger than sugar water for pain relief. I can't watch videos or look at pictures of the procedure being done, it makes me sick to my stomach, but the ex ran across some while he was furthering my research, and came away from the experience completely convinced that it wasn't something we were EVER going to put a son of ours through. 


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#21 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 05:36 PM
 
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We didn't circ our little guy either.  At first DH wanted him circ because he is himself but after a youtube video he changed his tune. Good luck!

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#22 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 05:58 PM
 
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I am leaving that decision up to my partner.  He wants to have it done.  He says it is gross to have all that extra skin and hard to clean.  I guess, also, it would help that son looks like Da.  Boys are often lax on bathing, too.

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#23 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 06:20 PM
 
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JenniLove, as someone who regularly has sex with an intact slob, I assure you it is not at all difficult to clean an intact penis AND it's not at all gross. In fact, no one should ever clean under the foreskin except the boy; it's attached until around puberty, at which point all he has to do is pull it back, soap it up, and rinse it off. My intact husband spends approximately 10 seconds on penis care a day.

 

Bonus points, it's cleaner to masturbate with foreskin. You can pull it up over the top and catch the mess. No stained sheets, dirty clothes, or significant spray.

 

You all wanted to know that, didn't you :)

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#24 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 06:26 PM
 
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My previous husband was intact.  My current partner is not.  I have no preference, so I left the decision up to him. 

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#25 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 08:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JenniLove View Post

I am leaving that decision up to my partner.  He wants to have it done.  He says it is gross to have all that extra skin and hard to clean.  I guess, also, it would help that son looks like Da.  Boys are often lax on bathing, too.

The skin is not extra, its an integral part of the whole. The circ rate is way down in America... more parents know better and the large influx of non -circing immigrants is also keeping the numbers low. So, really its the cut ones who will soon be in the minority.

My nephew got cut. I couldn't talk his mom out of it. The diaper changes were torture for both of them. She'd have to deal with bloody rawness of the little penis covered in poop. Diaper changes made them both cry for weeks.

My intact little guy... just wipe. No biggie. Eventually the foreskin gets slide-y on its own and you have a 40 second talk with your school age boy about retract, rinse replace. My son is now 16 and never had any issues.

Please check out our great Case Against Circumcision forum here on Mothering.
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#26 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 09:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by daylicious View Post

We are 100% NOT circumcising our ds (if we have a boy that is).
The majority of Canadians don't have it done (it does vary province by province) I've read conflicting country wide percentages though, anywhere from 15% to 30%. 
It's not covered by our universal healthcare (the Canadian Pediatric Association has taken a stance against it since 1975) and some hospitals are starting to ban the procedure altogether. And can we all say Yay! for Newfoundland, the province that has a near 0% circ rate since 2003! I live in the province which has the highest rates of circ. greensad.gif 
Of all my friends who have had baby boys, I only know of one who had it done.


I think it's closer to 9% in Alberta. The last time I asked a few OB's at our hospital as well as our MW, they were very sure that it wasn't over 10% here....I know it's less in BC but YAY Newfoundland!!!!! Awesome!!!


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#27 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 09:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniLove View Post

My previous husband was intact.  My current partner is not.  I have no preference, so I left the decision up to him. 



It really doesn't matter if you have no preference. Your son might. Please leave the decision up to your son. How would you feel right now if one of your parents decided to chop off a part of your genitals and you had no say in the matter? You seem very nonchalant when talking about cosmetic surgery on your newborn. Did you know, every year, twice as many baby boys die from circ than from SIDS? Over 217 baby boys in the US die for NOTHING. Please do your research. Your boy deserves to have his whole body.

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#28 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 09:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniLove View Post

I am leaving that decision up to my partner.  He wants to have it done.  He says it is gross to have all that extra skin and hard to clean.  I guess, also, it would help that son looks like Da.  Boys are often lax on bathing, too.



Gross? Like...as gross as an open wound in a diaper?

 

I just don't get the "leaving it up to my partner" thing. It's not his decision. It's not yours, either. It's your son's. It's his penis.

 

He's going to look like Da? Wow - I've never seen that. Are you planning on doing a hair transplant, too? (Yes - I'm being ridiculous, but the idean that a little boys genitals are going to look like, or not look like, their father's, solely based on the presence or absence of a foreskin is really, truly bizarre. FWIW, my oldest boy is almost 19. My youngest boy is 6. Neither one of them has ever noticed that their own fathers don't have foreskins. DH doesn't go around the house naked. My ex did, sometimes, before we split up - but ds1 never noticed the difference. He did notice the hair!


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#29 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 09:55 PM
 
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leaving it up to the father is really a misnomer. if you have a hospital birth, the MOTHER is the patient and it is the MOTHER who must sign for the surgical removal of a newborn's healthy functioning body part (which is often done without any pain relief at all, by the way).

 

if you are birthing the baby, it is time to make a decision, and take personal responsibility for the choice you make. the hospital requires YOUR signature on the consent form. they can't do it without YOUR ok.

 

many mothers who have signed for circumcision later regret making that choice. there is a long long thread on the CAC board in which mothers who regret circumcising their sons have posted. you might want to read through it, in case you are contemplating signing for circumcision.

 

it really is true that the more you know about circumcision, the worse it gets.

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#30 of 156 Old 11-23-2011, 10:16 PM
 
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All of my 4 boys are intact and this one will be too. I don't recall any of them ever noticing they were "different" than either of my husbands, and my first husband walked around naked all the time. If it does come up, you can truthfully explain that it was something painful and unnecessary done to your DH without his permission, and you didn't want to do that to him. It's that simple. Please, please, PLEASE read all the anti circ info. Please educate yourself and your DH, for your sweet baby's sake.


rainbow1284.gifJess, mama to five boys joy.gif

 

 

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