Im new to the site and seeking some support an maybe someone to chat to who knows what im going through. Heres my story, bare with me
So i have a son, almost 2. His labour was 9 hours long and ended in the crash team getting him out via episiotomy and ventous. He had the cord round his neck twice due to me having a super long cord.
I have, 8 weeks ago, had my daughter who was born after an emergency section due to a cord prolapse. It was all so quick. They discoverd my prolapse at 13.19pm and my daughter was born at 13.24.
She was taken away for 3 hours to be tested on then my husband had her, i woke up around 5 hours after the op.
I then was told that as it happend so quick, the surgeons etc didnt have time to scrub up so there fore i was going to be kept in for a week on iv antibiotics so i didnt get a wound infection however 2 days later a consultant said id be fine and discharged me, no oral antibiotics! Low an behold, had my staples removed on day 5 an the section wound came apart and showed signs of infection. Ive since had 2 infections and, 2 months on, the wound is still open and unbelievably sore and i have a district nurse visit my house everyday and they have to open up my wound an pack the inside with this sponge like stuff that encourages it to heal from the inside out. This is pure torture and absolute agony and i scream an push the nurse away. My poor son cries when the nurse comes (husband works so i lay on sofa to have it done as i cant leave the kids on their own).
Im starting to feel really down. I feel sad i never saw my daughter born, i never got that first special hold or skin to skin, i have a photo of holding her when i woke up an cant remember it, they cut open my daughters head with the scalpol trying to get her out as they were rushing (glad they did as she would of died otherwise) and thats now scarred although its on her hair line so wont be noticed as her hair grows, im in constant pain everyday with my wound, its always sore, i shake an get nervous when the nurse arrives because i know how painful it will be when she packs it, i cant even look at my tummy because i can see where its open, can litrally use my two fingers to separate it, its disgusting.
Worst part is, a cord prolapse is very rare but ive been told that if my waters had of broken when i had my son (they did only when his head was born), i would of ended up having a cord prolapse with him (my waters broke as i arrived to hospital with my daughter) which is why it instead ended up round his neck and that i had a prolapse this time due to another long cord which is obviously a problem i have and means i will need sections for future babies as the risk of natural birth is too high. Im glad in a way as id never risk a natural birth again but with all the problems im having still with my wound, the thought of another section terrifies me an puts me off wanting more children in future even though ive always been adamant id have 4 children. Having a cesarean was painful enough but having it packed is on a whole other level. Ive been having it packed for 3 weeks now an was told when it was done today, that its not healing/closing so they have had to change what they pack it with and its even more painful. I couldnt walk properly afterwards.
Its so hard. I have a nearly 2yo who i want to play with, jump and roll around with and an 8 week old baby to look after and the pain makes it so difficult.
I cant be the only one going through this? I feel so alone and down right now. Ive spoken to my health visitor about how im feeling and shes coming to see me again next week and wants me to go see my gp too. I think i need to if im honest. But the thought of ending up on tablets for my mood makes me feel even more depressed.
Have any of you ladies been through or going through the same??
If you got to the end of this post then i take my hat off to you! Thank you for reading it all. Be great to hear from someone who can relate and i can chat to about things.
Many thanks x
Yes, your story sounds like it was so traumatic for you and your daughter. I'm so sorry that you are still in pain. Anti-depressants can help you get through a difficult time like this. I hope that you can find people to surround you and help you with your kids and also take care of yourself. Giving birth under normal circumstances is hard on a mom, what you went through is so much more intense. Who else can you call on? Can you afford to hire someone to come watch kids or help you? Can you call up friends and ask for help? We experienced a traumatic event in our family this last May (also began with a cord prolapse** so I feel much tenderness towards your family) and I had to let go of my independence and just call up people to help me do everything, even people I barely knew. People do want to help. It sounds like you feel guilty you can't play with your older child but the most important thing you can do for him is to rest and get better.
Also, do you have access to a counselor? You have suffered serious injury to your body and your baby came pretty close to death. Having someone to talk about these things with and all the feelings that come with it is important for your health.
Finally, it is totally reasonable to be scared of having more children, but it sounds like that is something important to you so.... talking to a counselor and processing your trauma will help you be able to make the right decision for you, whatever it is. And also, it does sound like many of your healing issues have to do with the extreme emergency nature of your c-section. With a planned section, the surgeon would have time to scrub up properly and make a careful incision. But no one would blame you if you decided it was all too much. You do whatever you need to take care of yourself, okay? It sounds a cliche but keep breathing and take it one day at a time. Be easy on yourself, you have been through a lot.
Lots and lots of hugs. I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.
**Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
I don't want to mislead. I didn't have the same experience as you, but we could be two sides of the same coin. My daughter's cord prolapsed before arriving at the hospital, no section, and she died. Your child lived but your body was torn apart in the process. Either way it's a hell that no one should ever have to go through.
DD1 6/2009 DD2 5/1/2013-5/5/2013 (HIE) DS 3/2014
Hey, congratulations :)
Thank you for sharing your story, it was really interesting. I'm sorry you feel this way and hope you are feeling happier now? I had an emergency c section and have found it really hard, every week is full of ups and downs, my little girl is 4 months now. I went from the birth and a week after completely elated and extatic that we were both fit and well, to a complete crash of depression with so many questions like does she know who her mummy is? should i of spoken out sooner? would things of been different? And some real anger that **** appears now, making me resent other mums and how well their births went. My other half missed my labor and just got to the hospital as i was having the c section, so missed out on any magical moment. I hope your feeling better now and thank you for sharing your story and feelings, its comforting to know im not alone in my thoughts and feelings, i dont feel as alone as i did an hour ago xxx