Do you ever get upset - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 12 Old 09-07-2013, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Someone has a natural hospital birth, homebirth, vbac, eetc and maybe the birth happened fast or they needed some pit or got an epi, or the cord got cut before they wanted, and they are feeling bad about the birth and see it as traumatic when you tried to do everything right and the universe picked you to be the receipient of a traumtic labor amd then a crash csection.

I'm still having negative feelings over my failed vbac and I having a hard time feeling bad for someone because their labor went to fast or they brokedown and got pain relief. Instead I get jealous. I hate feeling that way. greensad.gif

I would of took pit, an epi, only ate ice chips if it meant not having to get cut again. I'm sure its grass/greener thinking on my part.
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#2 of 12 Old 09-07-2013, 02:37 PM
 
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I hear ya. It's like running a marathon but not making it to the finish line. Sorry it didn't work out.
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#3 of 12 Old 09-10-2013, 08:44 AM
 
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I find it helps not thinking about what other people had to deal with or whether they are justified in feeling however they feel because a lot of time I think it's me trying to figure out if I am justified in feeling what I feel.  If what happened to me was worse or better than what happened to someone else.  So it's easier if I just focus on what happened to me and say, "well, what happened was crappy, it sucked, and it's ok that I am angry."  I'm allowed to be upset about what happened to my family regardless of what happened to someone else.  And so are you.

 

Birth is a lot about luck despite what people will say.  You can do all the right things and get hit with bad luck.  Or good luck.   Sometimes we get a bad hand, and its ok to be mad about that.  to feel jealous.  to long for what we wish we could have had, and grieve what we did not get. 

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#4 of 12 Old 11-19-2013, 07:39 AM
 
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yes

my failed vbac was also a hard blow - I am grateful I had healthy babies but even years later I still have times where I feel sadness that I couldn't just have a normal birth. those moments are less, but I still do feel that, and bite my tongue when I hear those complaining about having to take an epi they didn't plan on compared to the experience I had. I think i'll always have a bit of birth envy too.

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#5 of 12 Old 11-19-2013, 04:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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its so much worse when it happens to you twice! Its like, shuddup someone forgot to light your aromatherapy candles, I had to get cut open! lol
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#6 of 12 Old 11-22-2013, 05:45 AM
 
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Well, yeah. I was upset about needing Pitocin, but I would have gladly taken a medicated vaginal birth over a c-section. I am so sorry you had to go through this twice! Once was bad enough, I can only imagine. :(

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#7 of 12 Old 11-22-2013, 05:42 PM
 
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hug2.gif Kiachu, I understand completely. You have my sympathies. It is so hard not to envy someone whose experience was nowhere close to yours on the trauma scale. I have these feelings, too. I don't apologize for them, either. I have them, and that's just how it is. Mind you, I so far have not verbally expressed them to others, and doubt I ever would, but I DO express them on here. It should be a safe place for those of us who did not want to be sectioned to vent out. My heart goes out to you and all the other moms who had to have sections. Hope we can all someday come to terms...but I think it is OK to always feel some birth envy, as Star*mora put it so eloquently.
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#8 of 12 Old 11-22-2013, 10:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kiachu View Post

its so much worse when it happens to you twice! Its like, shuddup someone forgot to light your aromatherapy candles, I had to get cut open! lol

:yeah


mama to callum (april 8,07) and everett (sept 24,09) - blessed to be married to my life's love since '98. novaxnocirc.gif

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#9 of 12 Old 01-10-2014, 05:40 PM
 
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I've had THREE C-sections, with 3 planned natural births- all with midwives.  The last one was an attempted homebirth, because I wanted it SO bad, and thought that was my best shot.  I have been at the point for some time where I completely avoid talking about birth or reading about birth because it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.  We've just decided to have one more baby, though, so I need to start thinking about it again and maybe try to get some healing from this last one.  I understand the feeling of being jealous.  You're not alone and I think it's probably healthy to recognize it and be posting about it here, where you can get some support from others who understand.

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#10 of 12 Old 01-24-2014, 12:05 PM
 
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I just thought of something to share here. I had two c sections and before my second one someone actually said to me well at least you know you will have an EASY c section. Obviously this person didn't know what they were talking about.
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#11 of 12 Old 02-03-2014, 10:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lovemylab View Post

I just thought of something to share here. I had two c sections and before my second one someone actually said to me well at least you know you will have an EASY c section. Obviously this person didn't know what they were talking about.


What the heck? What is an "easy" csection? People are so damn ignorant.

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#12 of 12 Old 02-03-2014, 12:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There is this assumption its easy. Its major abdominal surgery regardless how clean of a scar you have.
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