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#31 of 55 Old 11-17-2013, 10:35 PM
 
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I guess I'm the oddball. I enjoyed all three of my births. All three were c-sections. I probably could have had the last two children via vaginal birth had I been educated enough before my second birth but I didn't. I still love them the same and  have wonderful memories of their births, even though they were c-sections! I brought a human being in to the world! Nothing can bring me down when I know I've done that, regardless of how they got here.

 

I guess I'm an oddball too.  My first c-section I was disappointed, but mainly just because it was unexpected.  I never felt the need to morn over it.  However, I didn't have any real expectations going in and I think that's the difference.  When you think that something will happen just because you will it to be so you are setting yourself up for disappointment. 

 

After suffering infertility I can tell you that just getting pregnant and going to term with a pregnancy is amazing!  Just think of everything that has to happen in order for a new life to start and grow!!! Creating a human being is is truly wondrous and I agree it doesn't matter how they got here.


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#32 of 55 Old 11-17-2013, 10:49 PM
 
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Can anyone shed light on this? I still feel like there must be something wrong with me that I couldn't birth my son naturally, or even go into labor on my own. And I'm grieving the loss of what could have been a beautiful, intimate birth.

 

I'm so sorry you feel this way.  Something wrong with you?  Well, if there is something wrong with you then there is something wrong with me.  In my first birth my water broke at 38 weeks...waiting for labor...no true labor although I was already dilated...pictocin...yeah labor...baby still high...oh breech/transverse baby...to the OR we when.  Oh well!  Why was the baby in that position? Who knows?  Why didn't they know he was breech???  I could ask those questions all day long, but I choose to see it in a different light.  All those things happened because he was meant to be born by c-section...Thank you modern medicine for my dear sweet perfect child. 

 

And yes. You didn't get a an intimate birth, but that doesn't mean it wasn't beautiful.  As a mother that has suffered infertility I ask you... Why did you get pregnant?  Did you want a baby or did you want a birth?  I know they say birth is important too and well maybe it is.  However, to me birth is just something I have to do in order to get what I really want and that is a baby.  

 

I hope you can come to terms with everything and enjoy your precious baby.  You sound like a great mom and that is why you had the c-section.  You wanted to do what was best for your baby.  You sacrificed something you wanted for him (to make sure he was o.k.).  That is love. 


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#33 of 55 Old 11-18-2013, 10:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am sorry you had such a hard experience. I wanted to share that I had a c section and I feel  at peace with it, for what it is worth.

I was also  sure I would have a natural easy labor- I was not scared of birth, and somehow I wasn't even really letting myself be aware of any dangers around birth. I thought if I thought positively about it it would be just fine.

I ended up needing a c section- and maybe this is part of why I feel peace about it, because in my case I really felt it was necessary.

It did not interfere with breastfeeding for me, so I don't think it has to for everyone.

I am sorry you also had struggles with breastfeeding and am glad you worked through it to bf your baby now! I don't know about that stuff you mentioned but if it is banned by the fda you might look into more natural plant milk supply help. On the bf forum here you may get some answers.

 

I just think it is really important to forgive yourself and love yourself and don't blame yourself.

I also think in this day and age doctors are more trained to assist childbirth thgough c sections than before c sections were so practiced, doctors had to be trained more to guide women through non surgical births.

But many non surgical births also result in pain for the mom, damage to her body, tears, etc.

Ultimately in my own experience, I ahd been thinking the birth was so important in the outcome of my baby's well being but even though I had a c section I went right into natural attachment parenting, breasfeeding, etc. I don't think my baby was traumatized from the birth  what so ever.

For me, my body got weaker from the surgery and I still have not done the work o get back in shape. But I know many women who do the work (work out) and their bodies after c section are plenty strong. I had some earlier life experiences tha kind of broke me down and I had to rebuild so I think I was able to apply some of that to my c section.

I wish you peace in your journey. don't blame yourself. Be kind to yourself, And you DID give birth! Don't trivialize your powerful journey into motherhood. Sometimes becoming parents just breaks our lives right open! .

I mean, yeah, I can feel how my body is different form my c section and it isn't ideal. I can't quite asses how different since I am more out of shape in general than before I had my baby. So if I think about and look at my birth I guess I could see the frightening parts, But overall I think I have accepted it. I don't blame myself or feel that I am less than someone who gave birth vaginally.

Thank you. I wish I had had your attitude, to move on to parenting and know from the start that the birth itself wouldn't traumatize the baby. In fact you are right, vaginal births, even natural unmedicated ones, can be traumatizing for mother and baby. Someone told me that cesearean birth is the least traumatic way for the baby to be born because they don't have to be squeezed down the birth canal. I guess that makes sense. I mean I wanted his first experience of the world to be in the warm, soothing water, not the cold, bright OR, but it is what it is. He suffered no ill effects from the surgery or the medications they gave us and for that I am thankful. I am slowly moving on. I think one day I will come to terms with it...just not right now.

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#34 of 55 Old 11-18-2013, 10:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Your description of your child looking into your soul so amazing and touching. To him it does not matter if he came form your vagina or c-section incision, if you have pitocin or not, if he was clean or covered in vermix, to him your are the World, to him you are the Mother and no one else. True love perseveres and there is no  love truer than the love between mother and her child. You saw all of this in your eye because you are bonded to him.  Do not fall prey to the textbook of descriptions  of bonding experiences. Honestly, all that "skin to skin, breast crawlsetc" is pretty meaningless if we consider how many adoptive parents fall in love with their children every day. Love and bonding is not in your skin but in your soul and your soul has it.

 

Love what is, rather than what you wished for and you will feel better.

 

 

Congratulations on motherhood!

Aww, this paragraph made me cry happy tears. I guess at that moment I knew in my heart he was bonded to me..or else I would not be able to recall it, eh? It is so fascinating to me that babies know who Mom is when they come out. Knowing this and knowing my C-section WAS, in fact necessary (we would have eventually died if labor had not set in) helps me accept it. The bonding occured the nine months he was in my womb, not the 24-odd hours of the birth process.

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#35 of 55 Old 11-18-2013, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so sorry you feel this way.  Something wrong with you?  Well, if there is something wrong with you then there is something wrong with me.  In my first birth my water broke at 38 weeks...waiting for labor...no true labor although I was already dilated...pictocin...yeah labor...baby still high...oh breech/transverse baby...to the OR we when.  Oh well!  Why was the baby in that position? Who knows?  Why didn't they know he was breech???  I could ask those questions all day long, but I choose to see it in a different light.  All those things happened because he was meant to be born by c-section...Thank you modern medicine for my dear sweet perfect child. 

 

And yes. You didn't get a an intimate birth, but that doesn't mean it wasn't beautiful.  As a mother that has suffered infertility I ask you... Why did you get pregnant?  Did you want a baby or did you want a birth?  I know they say birth is important too and well maybe it is.  However, to me birth is just something I have to do in order to get what I really want and that is a baby.  

 

I hope you can come to terms with everything and enjoy your precious baby.  You sound like a great mom and that is why you had the c-section.  You wanted to do what was best for your baby.  You sacrificed something you wanted for him (to make sure he was o.k.).  That is love. 


Thank you. Yeah, I would've gone longer if I knew he would eventually be born vaginally because I didn't care about the pain. But I knew in my heart he wasn't and if I stayed longer under Pitocin he would eventually get distressed and it would be an EMCS which would be even worse..NO time to ask questions. So I know I made the right choice at the right time.

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#36 of 55 Old 11-23-2013, 02:47 PM
 
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My story is like others...(added into the mix first child and older mother)...

 

Planned for as natural a birth as possible. Was quite sure I had the balls for the pain etc (ahem).

Come due date no action.

Slightly frightened into a membrane sweep.

A somewhat 'false' labour begins the next day.

Contractions for a day and a half...but no real progression...

Lots of midwives faffing about being encouraging...but possibly not telling the entire truth the entire time.

Drugs - no progression.

Hot tub - no progression.

Two days in - section.

 

Hmm.

 

I still grieve.

She will be my only...so I only got one roll of the dice.

But - it is what it is....and I have to say that the struggles I'm having with her now as a three year old, are far outweighing any nagging feelings about the way she arrived!!!

Having said that - I do totally allow myself some quiet sad thoughts...whenever I feel the need. Some pains and regrets and negativity never fully go away, we can only absorb them, and do our best not to let them overwhelm us so we're incapable of enjoying the good stuff. Or at least that's what I tell myself!

 

:eyesroll

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#37 of 55 Old 11-27-2013, 01:31 PM
 
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I struggle with mine too sometimes even though I don't doubt for a second I made the right decision. For me, at 35 weeks I was diagnosed with pre-e & one of my twins was having random decels, stayed in the hospital for a week being monitored and finally made the call to do a planned c-section at 36 weeks because with the decels my boy was having, I felt a planned c-section was a better choice at 36 weeks than waiting longer and maybe ending up with an emergency c-section. Regardless, I do grieve for the birth I didn't have, but I also feel that I made the best possible choice for me and my family. And I feel very lucky that I did get to have a vaginal, drug-free birth with DD1 as I would have been extra sad to never have the experience at all as we are done having children now. And my c-section went as well as it could, my twins were healthy as full-term infants, just small as to be expected at 36 weeks, I had some problems initially breastfeeding them directly since they were so small, but I pumped and fed them for awhile and got them on the breast with minimal effort not too far down the road. I sometimes wonder if there was anything I could have done to change it, but no, what could I do? You can't prevent pre-e, at least not in all cases, as I was already doing all the things folks recommend to help avoid pre-e. No one knows why my boy was having decels, they checked everything they could, but it was nothing obvious. Anyway, just wanted to add another voice to the sharing as I know it helps me to read others' stories!

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#38 of 55 Old 12-04-2013, 09:57 AM
 
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My story is like others...(added into the mix first child and older mother)...

 

Planned for as natural a birth as possible. Was quite sure I had the balls for the pain etc (ahem).

Come due date no action.

Slightly frightened into a membrane sweep.

A somewhat 'false' labour begins the next day.

Contractions for a day and a half...but no real progression...

Lots of midwives faffing about being encouraging...but possibly not telling the entire truth the entire time.

Drugs - no progression.

Hot tub - no progression.

Two days in - section.

 

Hmm.

 

I still grieve.

She will be my only...so I only got one roll of the dice.

But - it is what it is....and I have to say that the struggles I'm having with her now as a three year old, are far outweighing any nagging feelings about the way she arrived!!!

Having said that - I do totally allow myself some quiet sad thoughts...whenever I feel the need. Some pains and regrets and negativity never fully go away, we can only absorb them, and do our best not to let them overwhelm us so we're incapable of enjoying the good stuff. Or at least that's what I tell myself!

 

:eyesroll

:Hug  I know that dd is going to be my only now. At the time I didn't care to think or plan ahead. And so agree that some of the pain will never go away - not the physical but the pain of feeling cheated.


Cheerfulness enables us to remember no problem lasts forever ~ Unknown
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#39 of 55 Old 12-04-2013, 10:42 AM
 
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Oh, honey, I'm sorry you and your sweet baby had to go through this.

 

The C Section is NOT your fault. Say that to yourself 10 times. :)

 

I don't know if you remember my birth story (from the other site) but I labored for 56 hours with my first baby, I pushed for more than 3 hours and the baby had made NO progression. I delayed a C Section as long as I could, but I was passing out and hallucinating and out of my mind with the pain and I was really scared my baby's head was being repeatedly struck against my pubic bone.

 

After many hours I finally consented to a C Section. I was sad. I had wanted an Ina May birth, preferably in my garden while I was picking tomatoes, instead I got this medicalized nightmare.

 

At the time (I was in my early 20s) I was told I had an Adroid Pelvis. I knew it was different than a normal woman's pelvis, but it wasn't until years later when I studied childbirth while becoming a lactation consultant that I realized just how unusual and dangerous an Android Pelvis can be to vaginal birth. Before that I grieved. At around 9 months after my first baby was born, I had a little break down and cried for days. I really mourned my inability to give birth to my baby. Instead I put EVERYTHING I had into breastfeeding. Birth is one day, breastfeeding is months or years in your child's life. We had a difficult time at first, but after 4 months of struggling with nipple confusion, colic, a hypertonic baby, etc we prevailed.

 

I lost my next pregnancy, when S. was 15 months old. I got pregnant with her sister the next month. The labor was the same as my first. Shorter (maybe 26 hours) and i felt the baby move the first half hour of pushing, then she just STOPPED. My damn pelvis again. I pushed for a few more hours, then had the vision of my baby's head banging into my pelvic bone again and actually said, "That's it. It's over, I can't do it." My doctor and my DH wanted me to try some more, so I did. No luck. I had my second C Birth. I didn't grieve this one, I KNEW I had tried my damnedest to get that baby out. Breastfeeding her was the easiest thing in the world. Different than my first baby.

 

Fast forward 11 years. I find myself pregnant again. (After an other miscarriage a few years earlier.)  I see my OBGYN, my friend. He says, "You don't want to try an other VBAC do you?" This doctor is renowned for his success with VBAC Mamas. Even he thinks it's not a good idea. At the time I am suffering from a chronic pain disorder, I'm not 100% well, I'm much older. I have fantasies of just having my baby at home with no help. They are just that, fantasies. I go to the hospital on the day we chose, as I am having contractions... again,,,, and after an amnio to see if my baby's lungs are mature, I go into full blown early labor. I wait all day, as my doctor has emergencies. He asks me if I'm OK, do I want the C Birth now? No, I tell him, those other Mamas have emergencies, it's better if I labor a while. Finally it's time and I have my C Birth. Before that, I hide in the small bathroom of the OR. I don't want to come out, I'm scared. I know it will hurt, but I haven't been in hard labor and pushing like with the others. I'm still on my feet. The nurse knocks on the door, and I realize I have to come out of the bathroom, have my Spinal and get my baby out.

 

She's born! An other C Birth. An other healthy baby. Her little head peeks out of my body, eyes wide open looking at all the people in the OR (my case was "unusual" so I'm a case study for students and residents) The resident doing the actual removal of my baby says, "Hi, Baby!" and I start to cry. She's not crying, just looking around, soaking it all in. Finally I tell her, "Sage CRY, honey. Mama needs to know you're OK." She does.

 

We nurse in the recovery room and all is well. My husband is holding her after her nursing, she was swallowing only a few minutes after her birth. She pees on him. It's a joke our family will always remember.

 

I don't regret anything anymore. Nature gave me a screwed up body. but I was able to conceive, and gestate and lactate. I do miss never having a vaginal birth. But, it's history now.

 

Honey, you will have some sadness. But, the past is over. It's OK to be sad about the C Birth (my friend, a midwife always calls C Sections "C Births".... because they ARE births.) Time will heal that wound.

 

I know the sadness and the grief. It will pass. When it starts to overcome you, pick up that little boy of yours and smell his hair. That helps. I know.

 

:Hug


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#40 of 55 Old 12-04-2013, 10:59 AM
 
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I did want to add, BGirl that growth plateaus out at around 16 weeks of age!

 

He will never grow again at the rate he did the first 12-16 weeks. It's normal to plateau out at this age.

 

I agree that formula is often fed at a level too high for a newborn's stomach, which should never be "totally full" at this age. Overfilling of the stomach can cause a baby to expect that feeling and only breastfeeding and letting his appetite acclimate normally will help. It may take time, let him nurse as he likes.

 

Domperidone is not "banned" but the FDA will not approve it in ready made form. You can get it by prescription from a compounding pharmacy. I'm willing to bet the drug companies, many of whom make infant formula don't want Dom on the market. It's a much better galactagogue than Reglan and has fewer side effects. (And domperidone is not even formulated or supposed to be given via IV that was done for GI problems, as it is also a gastric emptier, and it shouldn't even have been done then.) Big Pharma doesn't WANT a good glalactogague in USA on the market, so even though there are few side effects with normal oral use of Dom, it isn't available unless you have it formulated or buy it from out of the country. I've used it with hundreds of clients and never seen a side effect aside from the occasional loose stool. Use it if you need it.

 

But, the growth plateau is normal for a baby his age. After the plateau stage he will gain, but never again like he did the first 16 weeks. It's just how infant growth works. It slows down as they get older.


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#41 of 55 Old 12-04-2013, 02:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, honey, I'm sorry you and your sweet baby had to go through this.

 

The C Section is NOT your fault. Say that to yourself 10 times. :)

 

I don't know if you remember my birth story (from the other site) but I labored for 56 hours with my first baby, I pushed for more than 3 hours and the baby had made NO progression. I delayed a C Section as long as I could, but I was passing out and hallucinating and out of my mind with the pain and I was really scared my baby's head was being repeatedly struck against my pubic bone.

 

After many hours I finally consented to a C Section. I was sad. I had wanted an Ina May birth, preferably in my garden while I was picking tomatoes, instead I got this medicalized nightmare.

 

At the time (I was in my early 20s) I was told I had an Adroid Pelvis. I knew it was different than a normal woman's pelvis, but it wasn't until years later when I studied childbirth while becoming a lactation consultant that I realized just how unusual and dangerous an Android Pelvis can be to vaginal birth. Before that I grieved. At around 9 months after my first baby was born, I had a little break down and cried for days. I really mourned my inability to give birth to my baby. Instead I put EVERYTHING I had into breastfeeding. Birth is one day, breastfeeding is months or years in your child's life. We had a difficult time at first, but after 4 months of struggling with nipple confusion, colic, a hypertonic baby, etc we prevailed.

 

I lost my next pregnancy, when S. was 15 months old. I got pregnant with her sister the next month. The labor was the same as my first. Shorter (maybe 26 hours) and i felt the baby move the first half hour of pushing, then she just STOPPED. My damn pelvis again. I pushed for a few more hours, then had the vision of my baby's head banging into my pelvic bone again and actually said, "That's it. It's over, I can't do it." My doctor and my DH wanted me to try some more, so I did. No luck. I had my second C Birth. I didn't grieve this one, I KNEW I had tried my damnedest to get that baby out. Breastfeeding her was the easiest thing in the world. Different than my first baby.

 

Fast forward 11 years. I find myself pregnant again. (After an other miscarriage a few years earlier.)  I see my OBGYN, my friend. He says, "You don't want to try an other VBAC do you?" This doctor is renowned for his success with VBAC Mamas. Even he thinks it's not a good idea. At the time I am suffering from a chronic pain disorder, I'm not 100% well, I'm much older. I have fantasies of just having my baby at home with no help. They are just that, fantasies. I go to the hospital on the day we chose, as I am having contractions... again,,,, and after an amnio to see if my baby's lungs are mature, I go into full blown early labor. I wait all day, as my doctor has emergencies. He asks me if I'm OK, do I want the C Birth now? No, I tell him, those other Mamas have emergencies, it's better if I labor a while. Finally it's time and I have my C Birth. Before that, I hide in the small bathroom of the OR. I don't want to come out, I'm scared. I know it will hurt, but I haven't been in hard labor and pushing like with the others. I'm still on my feet. The nurse knocks on the door, and I realize I have to come out of the bathroom, have my Spinal and get my baby out.

 

She's born! An other C Birth. An other healthy baby. Her little head peeks out of my body, eyes wide open looking at all the people in the OR (my case was "unusual" so I'm a case study for students and residents) The resident doing the actual removal of my baby says, "Hi, Baby!" and I start to cry. She's not crying, just looking around, soaking it all in. Finally I tell her, "Sage CRY, honey. Mama needs to know you're OK." She does.

 

We nurse in the recovery room and all is well. My husband is holding her after her nursing, she was swallowing only a few minutes after her birth. She pees on him. It's a joke our family will always remember.

 

I don't regret anything anymore. Nature gave me a screwed up body. but I was able to conceive, and gestate and lactate. I do miss never having a vaginal birth. But, it's history now.

 

Honey, you will have some sadness. But, the past is over. It's OK to be sad about the C Birth (my friend, a midwife always calls C Sections "C Births".... because they ARE births.) Time will heal that wound.

 

I know the sadness and the grief. It will pass. When it starts to overcome you, pick up that little boy of yours and smell his hair. That helps. I know.

 

:Hug


Your post made me tear up. I must be hormonal! I hope I can come to terms with my C-birth because if I do have another baby and end up with another C-section it will be devastating.. although not in the same way of being shocked and traumatized, but horribly disappointing. That will likely be my last child, and for some reason it is so important to me to experience natural, unmedicated vaginal birth. As someone who has studied childbirth, do you have any insight as to why my situation happened the way it did? Do you think the double nuchal cord had anything to do with his ability to descend, and if the midwives had known he was OT beforehand, would they have been able to make him turn? I feel like if I just knew the answers it would help give me closure. I keep thinking if I had chosen homebirth as I originally planned and not let my OB discourage me, it would be a different story...so I try not to think about it.

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#42 of 55 Old 12-04-2013, 02:36 PM
 
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Its still very new, you will need time but it will get better. My first birth was quite similar, premature rupture of membranes no real labor after, I waited for 5 days though before I finally gave in and went in for the induction( I did go in every day for IV antibiotics to prevent infection) . My cervix was still high and hard, they started with the foley bulb followed by pitocin eventually on the max dose for 8hrs. It started to cause decels in my son's heart rate which is a typical side effect of an induction, they wanted me to do a c-section then I convinced them to stop the pitocin and wait, they stopped the drugs and my son's heart rate went back to normal. We waited until the morning but my natural contractions had basically stopped completely. In the morning They said I was developing an infection and we did the c-section although the reason for the surgery on my file was written "failure to progress". I was so sad with the birth yet so happy with the beautiful baby. It was all very confusing. I went into it just believing "I could do it" and totally unprepared for the what if it doesn't side. I also was quite naieve and din't realize that my Dr was not pro natural birth.I didn't know what questions to ask, plus I was in Japan so there were some communication issues. When I was pregnant with #2, I knew I wouldn't be able to relax in a hospital so I got a midwife and planned for my homebirth. I really liked the book "birthing from within" to help process my first birth and let go of some of those fears and issues I had to prepare for my birth. The hardest thing was somehow preparing for the possibility of a transfer and another c-section and not have that ruin me. I felt that by having midwives I could trust 100% if we had to cross that bridge it was for a good reason and not because of the circumstances or protocol in the hospital. The home birth went really well but I see now that I have long labors with a slow buildup, its just that my water broke too early the first time.With my 2nd pregnancy my midwife had me take special vitamins from week 36-38 of my pregnancy to strengthen my amniotic sac and my water only broke at the very end of my labor, 5 min before my son was born.  I think if you can start writing and even burning it after if you want, it can help to start processing your birth. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you or your body! 


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1***5****10****15****20****25****30****35**coolshine.gif*40****45, Due June 10th, 2014

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#43 of 55 Old 12-04-2013, 02:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I did want to add, BGirl that growth plateaus out at around 16 weeks of age!

 

He will never grow again at the rate he did the first 12-16 weeks. It's normal to plateau out at this age.

 

I agree that formula is often fed at a level too high for a newborn's stomach, which should never be "totally full" at this age. Overfilling of the stomach can cause a baby to expect that feeling and only breastfeeding and letting his appetite acclimate normally will help. It may take time, let him nurse as he likes.

 

Domperidone is not "banned" but the FDA will not approve it in ready made form. You can get it by prescription from a compounding pharmacy. I'm willing to bet the drug companies, many of whom make infant formula don't want Dom on the market. It's a much better galactagogue than Reglan and has fewer side effects. (And domperidone is not even formulated or supposed to be given via IV that was done for GI problems, as it is also a gastric emptier, and it shouldn't even have been done then.) Big Pharma doesn't WANT a good glalactogague in USA on the market, so even though there are few side effects with normal oral use of Dom, it isn't available unless you have it formulated or buy it from out of the country. I've used it with hundreds of clients and never seen a side effect aside from the occasional loose stool. Use it if you need it.

 

But, the growth plateau is normal for a baby his age. After the plateau stage he will gain, but never again like he did the first 16 weeks. It's just how infant growth works. It slows down as they get older.

 

Lol, he's still gaining an ounce a day at 18 weeks! I weigh him almost weekly at the local breastfeeding support group I attend. It's a huge relief to see that. I honestly think a lot of the problem was that I mis-reading his cues. I thought every time he was fussy at the breast or even suckled peacefully after that golden 20 minutes on one side, it meant I didn't have enough milk. I had so much anxiety that I didn't even listen to my IBCLC. She practically begged me not to take Dom, and I did anyway, felt like hell, and my son started gaining 2 ounces a day! I finally figured out that sometimes babies need to suck when they're not hungry....duh. I will keep in mind that Mc Chunkersons may not gain his usual once/day in the coming weeks, and try not to freak out about it. I agree that the Dom issue is probably fueled by the drug companies. I've done a lot of research on it and have seen nothing indicating it is anything but safe for most people. For some reason my brain doesn't like it, but I have mental health issues, anyway. I think it's a travesty that such a safe medication that would help many women breastfeed is not readily available. The formula companies are truly vile entities aren't they?!

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#44 of 55 Old 12-05-2013, 12:58 AM
 
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MaggieLC, thanks for saying all that. I find myself crying with anger towards my body, since on top of a c section, it wouldn't make enough milk to feed my baby properly. I have tried everything for lactation and blame my lack of it on my inability to process the trauma of 72hrs of labour and a section. I feel that the only thing that keeps me from falling into a deep post partem induced depression targeted at my messed up body, is my beautiful son who needs me to keep it together. Today I realized that soon I need to get off the Domperidone (my son is 4.5m old) and I has a small breakdown because the thought of my milk drying up and not being able to breastfeed the little I do, is almost too much to bear in top of everything else. I have come to rely on Domperidone and am not sure how getting off of it will be. I hope, one day soon, that I can stop blaming myself for the c section and inadequate milk supply. I know in my rational brain that its not my fault but at the emotional level it's hard to swallow.
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Lol, he's still gaining an ounce a day at 18 weeks! I weigh him almost weekly at the local breastfeeding support group I attend. It's a huge relief to see that. I honestly think a lot of the problem was that I mis-reading his cues. I thought every time he was fussy at the breast or even suckled peacefully after that golden 20 minutes on one side, it meant I didn't have enough milk. I had so much anxiety that I didn't even listen to my IBCLC. She practically begged me not to take Dom, and I did anyway, felt like hell, and my son started gaining 2 ounces a day! I finally figured out that sometimes babies need to suck when they're not hungry....duh. I will keep in mind that Mc Chunkersons may not gain his usual once/day in the coming weeks, and try not to freak out about it. I agree that the Dom issue is probably fueled by the drug companies. I've done a lot of research on it and have seen nothing indicating it is anything but safe for most people. For some reason my brain doesn't like it, but I have mental health issues, anyway. I think it's a travesty that such a safe medication that would help many women breastfeed is not readily available. The formula companies are truly vile entities aren't they?!


I'm glad you are doing better. Domperidone does have the possibility to cause anxiety and depression in some women. A similar drug (which is easily available in the USA) called Reglan causes a much higher percentage of women to feel depressed and anxious when taking it, but it IS possible to have these side effects from Dom. If it doesn't agree with you AND you don't really need it, there is no reason to take the drug.

 

I had to take Reglan for a GI problem and nausea many years ago. I found myself curled in a corner, crying hysterically, while my children gathered around me, crying themselves. I HAD to get off the drug. No one told me it could cause this side effect, and when I called my doctor he causally said, "Oh yeah, some women get really anxious and depressed from it." Nice, would have been nice to know, as I have a tendency towards anxiety and depression anyway, and this doctor KNEW that. *sigh*


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Your post made me tear up. I must be hormonal! I hope I can come to terms with my C-birth because if I do have another baby and end up with another C-section it will be devastating.. although not in the same way of being shocked and traumatized, but horribly disappointing. That will likely be my last child, and for some reason it is so important to me to experience natural, unmedicated vaginal birth. As someone who has studied childbirth, do you have any insight as to why my situation happened the way it did? Do you think the double nuchal cord had anything to do with his ability to descend, and if the midwives had known he was OT beforehand, would they have been able to make him turn? I feel like if I just knew the answers it would help give me closure. I keep thinking if I had chosen homebirth as I originally planned and not let my OB discourage me, it would be a different story...so I try not to think about it.


Hon, you will heal, it's only been a few months! :Hug I felt the same way after my first C Birth (that an other C Section would be devastating and I wouldn't want anymore children) .... but went on to have two more babies, and I would have had more if my health and our finances had been better!

 

I have a skeletal knowledge of childbirth, (what is required for certifying as an LC and post partum doula)  but I'm not a midwife and I don't do labor doula work, so I don't want to try to guess what may have happened during the birth. I do know that a nuchal cord can certainly "hold the baby back" and prevent them from descending properly. I don't know if anything could have been done to "unwrap" the cord, twice, from his neck, only a midwife would be able to answer that question. I do wish I could answer, but I don't know the answer to this. :hug

 

I remember being very scared going into my second labor. But, once it started, I knew my body would know what to do. Our circumstances were different, your situation (the nuchal cord etc) are things that don't repeat themselves in most cases, so you have a better chance of a VBAC than I did. I have a pelvic anomaly, which doesn't change from pregnancy to pregnancy. I had the same problem with all 3 term pregnancies, and all resulted in C Sections.

 

With my second labor, my body did know what to do. Also, when my baby stopped moving down during pushing, I was suddenly filled with the knowledge "this isn't going to work, and there is no reason for me to feel bad about it." My DH was whispering in my ear, "Honey, do this, you want this so badly, you can do it." It was very sweet of him, but by that time, I KNEW that baby was "coming out the sunroof" like her sister did. (Our joke word for a C Birth.) I was sad that I couldn't have a vaginal birth, but calm when I was again taken into the OR, None of the fear that accompanied me the first time was present. I knew what to expect, and also, this labor confirmed, at least for me that my first C Birth was necessary. When I got pregnant with our third near term baby (I had two pregnancies in between, which I lost) I was at peace (although sad) at the prospect of an other C Birth.

 

There's a good chance your situation will not happen again. Follow your instincts on how to conduct your labor, if a midwife is willing to guide you through a home birth or if you choose a hospital, I would advise you hire a Birth Doula. These women are not midwives, but know how to take care of the mother during labor. C Sections are reduced dramatically in births that a Birth Doula assists, and it may be your best chance. I would also suggest a Birth Doula in addition to the midwife for a homebirth, also. Midwives and Birth Doulas have different roles. The midwife watches the birth process, wholly, and a Birth Doula assists the mother the entire time. Doulas make a difference in fear, pain levels, intervention and C Section rates. I would suggest looking into it when you are ready to have an other child. For now.... keep your attention on that sweet little boy of yours. He's adorable. :Hug

 

Whatever the outcome, you'll heal and be OK. Again, smell that little boy's fuzzy little head: I've found that a powerful antidepressant! bfinfant.gif 


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#47 of 55 Old 12-19-2013, 04:27 PM
 
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I struggled with my first c section, too. You are not alone. I went into spontaneous labour a few days after my EDD, but it took me two days to fully dilate. By the time I had to push, I was scared and exhausted. I pushed for three hours before they told me my daughter was stuck because my pelvic bones are narrow. It took me ages to accept this experience. It also took a long time to bond with my first born. I was so disappointed that I did not have a classic mother child bonding experience, it ultimately my first born and I are now close and you, too, can hopefully accept that your past need not define your relationship with your children. And for what it's worth, I recently had another girl. Again, tried for and almost had a home birth. Then my daughter went into fetal distress and a c section suddenly became necessary. I was unhappy to have surgery again, but the fact that I had a great labor and was open to c section repeat made it much easier, spiritually in he post partum period. I was able to bond right away with no. Two by getting some midwifery support in the recovery room. My point being, Iwish all mamas well with their birth plans but please know that there are things your ob or midwife can do to make a c section a more positive experience (without having to rely on the crappy old, "just be happy you and baby are alive" advice). I asked the hospital to call in a nurse who could stay with me and baby in the recovery room for an hour, so I could try nursing and skin to skin contact rig away after surgery, she made sure I didn't hurt myself and helped position baby when I was too weak. Little things like that can help further the bonding and healing process.
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Update: I've done more research, and I do believe I probably had an unnecesarean. The reason I say this is that I read the overall infection rate when membranes are ruptured is 1% (compared to .5% when water is intact.) To me, that is not enough risk to justify induction in the first place, which carries its own risks-chief of them being cesareans. I only had a 1% risk of infection-and that's including people who had cervical exams! If I refused, my risk would be even lower. Even IF I beat the odds and started developing an infection, I could get antibiotics at the hospital, or worst case, an EMCS. But at least I'd have known I did EVERYTHING possible to avoid it. I wish I had been able to find and assimilate this information before I made the decision to go along with what my Medwife suggested. See, I've come to believe that the medical system trains providers to gain mothers' trust, so that when they're in labor-the most vulnerable time of our lives-we tend to trust whatever they say. That is NOT to say that no cesareans are necessary-indeed, some are, but I'm far from convinced that mine was. I plan to write a letter to the Medwife practice at OSU letting them know I am very disappointed that they didn't let me know about expectant management as an option. I have a healthy baby boy now, but I went through hell to get him, quite possibly unnecessarily, and my uterus is permanently scarred, making future births riskier.

 

They told me all kinds of lies, like the cord being around his neck was "holding him back" and he may have asphixiated if born vaginally, which is a complete lie. I know for a fact that 70% of babies are born with nuchal cords and the Dr/midwife simply slips it off as soon as the baby's head is out. The fact is that he wasn't in an ideal position-which they did absolutely NOTHING to identify and fix during my pregnancy nor my labor, and without as much water, he couldn't turn and descend. I don't normally 'out' people, but I feel so pissed off in this case that I don't care anymore. I do NOT recommend hospital birth to anyone who is low-risk, and I especially don't recommend the "midwives" at OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY. They are a total sham and a lie. Please, for the sake of yourselves and your babies seek out home birth with competent midwives. And DO YOUR RESEARCH. I had the one "complication" I had never given much thought to because I believed it was the minority. It is, but it happens and women are cut open every day for no good reason. That's my spiel, thanks for reading.

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Medically speaking, 1 % is not a low risk at all. It is 1 person out of each one hundred.

 

My brother was born with cord around him. Major resuscitation. He would have died at home because en entire team had to work on him

 

I do not buy the arguemtn that birth at home is safer. Yes, thee are fewer intervention but it is not because there is something magical about home. Thing liek OR, NICU or Blood banks are simply not available at home.

 

I have read plenty of studies on home birth . The risk of neonatal l death goes up by 2- 9 times depending on a practitioner.

 

I am sorry you had procedure you did not plan on. You can always request your medical records and go over them with another provider if you're not sure that the right thing was done.

 

Low amniotic fluid is a dangerous condition and there is very little can be done. As far as turning your baby in uterus, I know a lot of people advertise that they can do but studies do not confirm it. Often babies turn back because there is reason for them to be in breech (Cord, hydrocephaly etc ) and there  need c-section to come out safely.

 

I hope you will find some peace in motherhood.

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Medically speaking, 1 % is not a low risk at all. It is 1 person out of each one hundred.

 

My brother was born with cord around him. Major resuscitation. He would have died at home because en entire team had to work on him

 

I do not buy the arguemtn that birth at home is safer. Yes, thee are fewer intervention but it is not because there is something magical about home. Thing liek OR, NICU or Blood banks are simply not available at home.

 

I have read plenty of studies on home birth . The risk of neonatal l death goes up by 2- 9 times depending on a practitioner.

 

I am sorry you had procedure you did not plan on. You can always request your medical records and go over them with another provider if you're not sure that the right thing was done.

 

Low amniotic fluid is a dangerous condition and there is very little can be done. As far as turning your baby in uterus, I know a lot of people advertise that they can do but studies do not confirm it. Often babies turn back because there is reason for them to be in breech (Cord, hydrocephaly etc ) and there  need c-section to come out safely.

 

I hope you will find some peace in motherhood.


I understand that SOME women, given the facts on both sides, may feel more comfortable with induction. For myself, I would have felt safer waiting at home for labor to start, continuing to monitor my temperature regularly, IF that option had been made available to me. I also understand that they have liabilities to consider, and for the few who do experience complications/god forbid death of a baby because of PROM, it is a very significant risk, but it should be up to the woman to make her own decision based on the risks and benefits of each choice. Don't interventions, especially c-sections, also carry risks? Haven't women hemmorhaged, lost their fertility, had incisions open up, and babies been accidentally cut with the knife?

 

And for the record, I don't believe home birth is completely safe. There are some scenarios that are impossible to foresee (cord prolapse, hemmorage etc), and may be impossible to transfer to the hospital in time. But these scenarios happen very infrequently compared to the unnecessary interventions that in themselves can cause fetal distress and worse. I believe overall homebirth has better outcomes for low risk women. If not, then with 98% of our nations births happening in hospitals, why is the infant mortality rate in the U.S. so high compared to other industrialized nations?

 

Not trying to be argumentative here. Your post several months ago gave me comfort. I'm just stating some of the facts I've learned and my opinion. I plan to VBAC my next child at home barring major complications (fingers crossed)-my husband is completely supportive of it.

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#51 of 55 Old 04-07-2014, 06:04 PM
 
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 I believe overall homebirth has better outcomes for low risk women. If not, then with 98% of our nations births happening in hospitals, why is the infant mortality rate in the U.S. so high compared to other industrialized nations?

Infant mortality includes babies up to age 1 and so encompasses pediatric care. Perinatal mortality is the stat to look at to assess how births are going. Also when comparing countries, you need to be sure to compare apples to apples. The data needs to encompass all of the same cases. The US includes some births in perinatal mortality stats that would not be included in other countries, like births before a certain gestation (sorry, I forget the details). There are a lot of great stats coming out now about homebirth in the US. I would recommend investigating, and not reading just pro-homebirth sources either. 

 

I'm sorry you were so disappointed with the OSU midwives. Not everybody will like every provider, of course. For future readers of this thread I feel I must note that I had a great experience with them, and so did several of my friends. If you are upset with the way they handled your birth, I am sure they would talk it over with you further if you asked. 

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Infant mortality includes babies up to age 1 and so encompasses pediatric care. Perinatal mortality is the stat to look at to assess how births are going. Also when comparing countries, you need to be sure to compare apples to apples. The data needs to encompass all of the same cases. The US includes some births in perinatal mortality stats that would not be included in other countries, like births before a certain gestation (sorry, I forget the details). There are a lot of great stats coming out now about homebirth in the US. I would recommend investigating, and not reading just pro-homebirth sources either. 

 

I'm sorry you were so disappointed with the OSU midwives. Not everybody will like every provider, of course. For future readers of this thread I feel I must note that I had a great experience with them, and so did several of my friends. If you are upset with the way they handled your birth, I am sure they would talk it over with you further if you asked. 


To be clear, I was really happy with them up until the way that they handled this situation. I always felt respected, and like an active participant in my care. I trusted them implicitly. Hence why I never questioned why they were recommending induction when the stats I had read seemed to indicate such a low infection risk..or for that matter, why she wanted to do a vaginal exam when the protocol for PROM is to put nothing in the vagina. In hindsight, a doula would have probably saved me from an unnecesarean. I have learned one can't trust their husband to advocate in such an emotionally tense situation (at least I can't trust mine :-(), and my "friend" that practically begged me to be my "doula" was effectively useless. Also, I don't blame the OSU Medwives-it's the system they are working with. OSU probably has a protocol for how many hours they will "let" you go with membranes ruptured before they want to intervene. It is a liability issue for them. But, if my son had suffered side effects from the high dose of Pitocin, or the surgery, they would be off the hook. That's another lesson-never trust anyone who works for the conventional medical machine. Be they M.D., Midwife, or Witch Doctor, no one will be as natural as a Midwife attending births at home (or probably a birth center-we don't have those in central OH.)

 

 

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Don't make the mistake of assuming that because your baby ended up being fine (alive, neurologically intact), it was inevitable to be fine.  It's not inevitable.  The business of medicine is prevention and the closer you get to knowing absolutely an intervention was necessary, the higher risk you run that it won't work because it is too late.  Ask me how I know.


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#54 of 55 Old 09-20-2014, 06:28 PM
 
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Quoteriginally Posted by erigeron 
 Infant mortality includes babies up to age 1 and so encompasses pediatric care. Perinatal mortality is the stat to look at to assess how births are going. Also when comparing countries, you need to be sure to compare apples to apples. The data needs to encompass all of the same cases. The US includes some births in perinatal mortality stats that would not be included in other countries, like births before a certain gestation (sorry, I forget the details). There are a lot of great stats coming out now about homebirth in the US. I would recommend investigating, and not reading just pro-homebirth sources either. 
 
I'm sorry you were so disappointed with the OSU midwives. Not everybody will like every provider, of course. For future readers of this thread I feel I must note that I had a great experience with them, and so did several of my friends. If you are upset with the way they handled your birth, I am sure they would talk it over with you further if you asked. 



To be clear, I was really happy with them up until the way that they handled this situation. I always felt respected, and like an active participant in my care. I trusted them implicitly. Hence why I never questioned why they were recommending induction when the stats I had read seemed to indicate such a low infection risk..or for that matter, why she wanted to do a vaginal exam when the protocol for PROM is to put nothing in the vagina. In hindsight, a doula would have probably saved me from an unnecesarean. I have learned one can't trust their husband to advocate in such an emotionally tense situation (at least I can't trust mine :-(), and my "friend" that practically begged me to be my "doula" was effectively useless. Also, I don't blame the OSU Medwives-it's the system they are working with. OSU probably has a protocol for how many hours they will "let" you go with membranes ruptured before they want to intervene. It is a liability issue for them. But, if my son had suffered side effects from the high dose of Pitocin, or the surgery, they would be off the hook. That's another lesson-never trust anyone who works for the conventional medical machine. Be they M.D., Midwife, or Witch Doctor, no one will be as natural as a Midwife attending births at home (or probably a birth center-we don't have those in central OH.)
 
 
I have to take issue with the bolded statement. I had a terrible, terrible homebirth experience with a 'naturally minded homebirth midwife'. She literally pulled my uterus out during a mismanaged third stage and then denied she'd pulled on the placenta. I was watching her do it in the mirror!

With my next birth, I found an amazing OB. He is hands off during pregnancy and birth, and especially so in the third stage for me.

I think one takes a gamble with any new provider.
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#55 of 55 Old 10-06-2014, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have to take issue with the bolded statement. I had a terrible, terrible homebirth experience with a 'naturally minded homebirth midwife'. She literally pulled my uterus out during a mismanaged third stage and then denied she'd pulled on the placenta. I was watching her do it in the mirror!

With my next birth, I found an amazing OB. He is hands off during pregnancy and birth, and especially so in the third stage for me.

I think one takes a gamble with any new provider.
I am sorry you had such a bad experience with the home birth midwife. I think there are competent midwives and incompetent ones just as with OBs, or any other profession.
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