Considering Repeat CS in 2nd preg...dealing with judgment... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 12-31-2013, 02:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm due with my 2nd LO in June and am in the midst of considering my options. Right now I want to just have a "playing it by ear" policy and see how the pregnancy goes, how the baby's measuring, and where my thoughts are come April/May.

 

Anyway, I feel like whenever I bring up that I'm considering a repeat CS, I get a lot of judgment from people. People feel so strongly about this topic (in both directions) and it seems impossible to just gather unbiased information. According to everything I read, you're a horrible mother if you have an elective CS, and you're a horrible mother if you risk a VBAC. I get so tired of the attitude I get from people and articles and forums I read. I've stopped looking into any of it lately because it's so irritating. It makes the decision so much more difficult for me.

 

I guess I'm not asking anything in particular, just venting to people who might get it a little. For those who've made this choice already, was there anything that helped you with it?

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#2 of 7 Old 12-31-2013, 03:14 PM
 
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It is your body. Who cares what other lay people think IRL on the Internet.

 

It is between you and your doctor.

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#3 of 7 Old 12-31-2013, 03:33 PM
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OP, I don't have advice for you, but I want to tell you that I so very much understand how you feel. My first was a CS after a long natural labor, due to him being a 12 lb child. I'm terrified to try a vaginal birth again. Yet signing up for another CS should I ever have another child seems like defeat too. I get it.

Anyone who judges you does not understand. This is YOUR BODY. Hugs.

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#4 of 7 Old 12-31-2013, 03:48 PM
 
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I totally feel your pain. Even though we realize that it's our decision, etc., it's hard to deal with the judgement. I am part of another group and I recently posted that it is so hard because we have a CHOICE... so... if something goes wrong with whatever decision we choose, we'll feel we should have chosen the other option. Neither option is risk free. There is no sure answer. I too am conflicted. I wasn't with my 2nd because I planned a VBAC, but never went into labor and had to have a repeat c/s. I was really bummed, but happy to get my healthy baby. They observed a large window during that c/s so I was pretty much set on a c/s this time around, but now I'm feeling conflicted and can't decide. I feel I might be aiming for the VBAC for selfish reasons, they I think the routine c/s mightn't be necessary, etc. Good luck with and remember that shortly after the birth no one will think about it either way except on the rare occasion that you end up in a "birth stories" conversation. 

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#5 of 7 Old 12-31-2013, 07:10 PM
 
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It does feel like everyone expects us to have strong feelings or a decided preference. I, personally, didn't. Either way things ended up was going to be okay with me.

 

I ended up going with a repeat c-section simply because that was my doctor's preference, I knew my odds of a successful VBAC weren't as high if my doctor wasn't fully on board, and didn't feel like changing doctors. Had my doctor not had a preference I would have waited until late in the pregnancy to have gotten an idea of baby's size and position to decide which way to go.

 

I know that my reasons for my choice may seem kinda lame. Especially considered there isn't a single other thing the whole pregnancy that I did just because my doctor recommended it. But it's mine reason and I'm really okay with that. My kids are now 7 and 10. Yes I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd tried a VBAC, but I'm also okay with the repeat c-section. With my first baby I dilated to 9.5, so I got to do labor and knew that it wasn't anything I was scared of. I knew it was something I could handle. I'd ended up with a c-section so I also knew that was something I could handle as well, even though, yes, the recovery sucks. This left me with no real strong feelings either way about what I had to have happen. I really was okay with going along with the flow until one option or the other made itself the better choice in my mind. 

 

Your not alone in not having a decided preference and that's okay. 


Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
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#6 of 7 Old 01-05-2014, 08:23 PM
 
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As others have said it's your choice.  People often have strong opinions, but it doesn't mean they have all the facts or your best interests at heart. I would suggest that either way it should be decision between you and your doctor.

 

At beginning of pregnancy I thought I wanted a VBAC.  It wasn't terribly important to me, but it seemed like something that might be worth a try and my doctor was ok with it.  As, the pregnancy advanced I really didn't care any more.  I just wanted my baby out and healthy.  I didn't go into labor so we scheduled a c-section.  The c-section turned out to be the right choice.  Big Baby...Big Shoulders...was never going to drop.

 

The recovery was much easier than the first and I have no regrets about how things turned out.   I think the fact that you don't have strong feelings either way is actually good.  If you were dead set on a VBAC and it didn't happen how miserable would you be for something you had no control over?  If your feelings aren't strong then, just don't worry about it for now.  A wait and see attitude is not a bad thing when is comes to child birth...you never really know what's going to happen anyway.

 

Best of Luck and Congratulations on your coming baby.


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#7 of 7 Old 01-06-2014, 10:24 AM
 
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I hope you feel free to choose whatever feels right to you without concern about judgement. It's no one else's business, and no one else has the same stake in it. Do what is right for you and feel good about your choice. Best wishes!

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