Birth is Birth is Birth - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 03-15-2014, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have twins, but I did not carry them. My partner did. I have been living the experience of a non-bio mama who raises these kids like they are my own, because they truly are in my heart and commitment! Then, five years later, I really want to carry. I wanted to experience pregnancy and had my hopes set on a water birth. Turns out, due to a previous surgery, that I was not cleared for a natural delivery. I mourned. I tried to be positive, but I was sad to have labor taken off of my bucket list with this one and only pregnancy. And then....I had coffee with a friend. I kept referring to the arrival as "the surgery", "her due date", or other terms. Never did I say "birth". My good friend stopped me and said, "you mean, the birth..?" It was powerful for me. It affirmed that I was indeed having a birth. And when I heard her first cry, it took my breath away and brought a tear to my eye like every other woman who has given birth.

What did you mourn, experience, or learn during your unexpected c-section..?
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#2 of 11 Old 03-15-2014, 10:40 PM
 
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Beautiful insight mama. Congrats!!
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#3 of 11 Old 04-08-2014, 09:10 PM
 
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Thank you for sharing that. I have never thought of my baby's entrance into this world as his birth. It has always been "the surgery", a traumatic, frightening, and painful event. It's hard to see the beauty in it when I think about the fact that my body was sliced open with a knife, my internal organs removed, put back and stitched together again...It is just so ugly, garish, so unlike the sweet, peaceful water birth I dreamed of. But ultimately he was born, he's OK, I'm OK, and one day this broken body may get to VBAC in the water after all. Til then I just try to take one day at a time and enjoy my sweet little boy..

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#4 of 11 Old 04-11-2014, 08:33 PM
 
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Maybe we need to stop romanticising birth and making it about photo ops and using it to give us self esteem. Birth means to bring forth. When a child exits the womb into the world it has been born and the mother has given birth. A csection is birth with help.
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#5 of 11 Old 04-14-2014, 02:10 PM
 
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I am "the hated one" among mothers and probably very confusing.  I chose to have a c section--  meanwhile, I am the one who eats organic, nursed for two years, never took any pain meds after delivery, homeschools my kids...and have been called a "crunchie mama" so why the c section?  Well, a number of reasons but none were really a requirement for it and a natural birth was still a definite option...but with my second, when they went in for the planned c section, the cord was wrapped three times and under her arm so that would have been an emergency c section which made me chuckle...looks like I would have had one anyways...

 

But I've never mourned not having a vaginal birth-- I actually look back quite fondly on my c sections and, unlike my neighbor who stared at the ground and painfully told me "I had to get a c section" when she had her first a few weeks ago, I openly say, "I wanted a c section..." 

 

I think birth is beautiful and lovely and I tip my hat to ALL mothers who bear children whether its w/ epi, or not, natural or planned c section...because choosing to become a mother is such an honorable choice and I've nothing but respect, no matter how we bring them into the world.

 

I've no doubt you love all of your children equally-- carried or not-- but I am happy you chose to experience pregnancy and birth because, hey, why not right?  ;)

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#6 of 11 Old 04-20-2014, 10:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by SunshineMommyAZ View Post
 

I am "the hated one" among mothers and probably very confusing.  I chose to have a c section--  meanwhile, I am the one who eats organic, nursed for two years, never took any pain meds after delivery, homeschools my kids...and have been called a "crunchie mama" so why the c section?  Well, a number of reasons but none were really a requirement for it and a natural birth was still a definite option...but with my second, when they went in for the planned c section, the cord was wrapped three times and under her arm so that would have been an emergency c section which made me chuckle...looks like I would have had one anyways...

 

But I've never mourned not having a vaginal birth-- I actually look back quite fondly on my c sections and, unlike my neighbor who stared at the ground and painfully told me "I had to get a c section" when she had her first a few weeks ago, I openly say, "I wanted a c section..." 

 

I think birth is beautiful and lovely and I tip my hat to ALL mothers who bear children whether its w/ epi, or not, natural or planned c section...because choosing to become a mother is such an honorable choice and I've nothing but respect, no matter how we bring them into the world.

 

I've no doubt you love all of your children equally-- carried or not-- but I am happy you chose to experience pregnancy and birth because, hey, why not right?  ;)

 

Well that just goes to show that we as moms are all different. There is no "cookie cutter" mold for 'crunchiness.' I know a mom who cloth diapers, baby wears and had a home birth, but chose to do CIO with her daughter and uses donor milk by necessity. Another mom in our group nursed for 2 yrs + and had a vaginal hospital birth and uses disposables. While  *I* personally cannot understand why someone would choose an elective cesarean, it is a valid choice. Just as valid as me considering my c-section to be the worst experience in my entire life. I respect you for making the decision that made the most sense to you. It is a bit harder when we plan for something that meant so much but ends up going completely awry. I hope in time I can look at my son who's so happy and healthy and appreciate that part without letting the birth trauma drag me down.

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#7 of 11 Old 04-26-2014, 07:46 PM
 
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Beautifully said! I had both of my kids by c-section and they are 7 and 9 now and I can promise that all these years later the exact way they came into this world is the farthest thing from my mind. If given the choice, I would not have chosen c-secs, but I didn't have a choice. I'm fortunate to live in a place and time where medical help is available

You know how some people focus so much on their weddings but forget that it's really about the marriage, not the wedding? I think some people, do the same thing about birth. It's about the child you will have for the rest of your life, not the one day you give birth. Believe me, when that kid is nine years old with crazy hormones and blasting Katy Perry...you won't remember she was born by c-sec, home birth, water birth or anything else LOL!!

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#8 of 11 Old 04-26-2014, 10:07 PM
 
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You know how some people focus so much on their weddings but forget that it's really about the marriage, not the wedding? I think some people, do the same thing about birth. It's about the child you will have for the rest of your life, not the one day you give birth.

So well said.  I did not have a C-section, but my birth story is a difficult one that ended with my baby in NICU.  Just because a birth is natural, does not mean it will be the ever glorified beautiful fairy tale birth we all hear about.  Blessings to all the Mamas!

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#9 of 11 Old 06-08-2014, 01:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kiachu View Post
Maybe we need to stop romanticising birth and making it about photo ops and using it to give us self esteem. Birth means to bring forth. When a child exits the womb into the world it has been born and the mother has given birth. A csection is birth with help.
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Originally Posted by Melinda1980 View Post

You know how some people focus so much on their weddings but forget that it's really about the marriage, not the wedding? I think some people, do the same thing about birth. It's about the child you will have for the rest of your life, not the one day you give birth.
These are both very important points.

In preparing for the birth of my baby, I got caught up in all the positive, empowering birth stories that are out there. I was expecting the birth to be the most meaningful, empowering, beautiful experience of my life. Well, it was traumatic, painful, and horrifying...ending in cesarean (we had planned a home water birth). I have worked through a lot of the emotions and disillusionment, but I am not sure if I've healed 100% from the after-shock and trauma. Quite frankly I still wonder and believe that my son (who's now 4) also experiences lasting effects (it was a very long intense labor before the cesarean). In the end, it has been a very humbling journey and a lesson in acceptance and surrender ~which is just as spiritual, important, empowering and beautiful as what women who have natural home births report experiencing. It's just not the rosy, candle-lit, "easy" version

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#10 of 11 Old 08-03-2014, 07:19 PM
 
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It's interesting that you post this and I read it today.

Today, as I sit and agonize over weather to fight for a VB3C, have another cesarean...What to do? Because somehow I have lost "friends", been judged and have been deemed this infiror being because I haven't, "can't", "failed to", whatever...have a vaginal delivery.

So today, I'm posting on ICAN about switching Drs for my planned cesarean delivery, and it dawns on me.
Weather you have a baby vaginally.
Weather you have a Cesarean planned.
Weather you have a Cesarean that's unplanned.
Weather you have a home birth, water birth, birth in car, on a train or at the grocery store.

There are things that are true in matter how you give birth to your baby.
1. YOU ARE A MOM.
2. YOU ARE A WOMAN.
3. YOU GREW LIFE!

Beyond that, HOW you give birth doesn't matter. Not the slightest. It doesn't magically make you a better mom, if you birth "naturally". It also doesn't mean that if you have a Cesarean for whatever reason, that you'll totally stink at being a mom, and they'll write books based on HOW NOT TO BE LIKE THIS CESAREAN MOM.

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Married to my sweetheart since 2007!
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#11 of 11 Old 08-03-2014, 07:22 PM
 
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I'm also pretty sure they won't put:

"This woman sucked at mothering because she had a Cesarean" on anyone's Epitaph.

Stay at home mommy to Jack, Ben, Marjorri and baby due Dec 2014!
Married to my sweetheart since 2007!
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