Potty phobia - needs to train for health reasons - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-19-2013, 01:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok.  In doing naked time for potty training, the typical child finds pee dripping down their leg to be aversive and they learn to use the potty to avoid said pee dripping and it teaches them bladder control and how to recognize the sensation of "having to go".  DD is absolutely "ready" to learn the potty.  It's been in the making since she was 12mos casually peeing on the potty when put there after a nap.  She tells me when she has to pee/poop either in her diaper or when naked.  She can hold it - pee up to 4 hours while awake and poop, well until she has a diaper on so all day if need be. She was successfully using the potty for 3 days in a row, completely unassisted she would run over, pee without any prompting or reminding, and come get me to empty it quite excited and proud of her accomplishment. So please no discussion on age and readiness - she's ready.

 

Problem 1:   After the 3 days in a row (Friday afternoon through Sunday) we were back to the work week and she's at our house with my FIL for about 5 hours while I work p/t.  I explicitly told him DO NOT place her on the potty.  Gently remind her from time to time that she can sit there, offer her snacks for sitting on it (sort of a reward/incentive to hang out there), but do not make a big deal about it.  And since he has a tendency to dismiss anything I say I had DH call him and reiterate.  I get home from work, FIL leaves, DD nurses as usual, I tell her whenever she's ready, she can sit on the potty.  I go let the dogs out, walk back to the living room to find a puddle of pee surrounded by foot prints where she ran through it.  No biggie, clean it up, continue the occasional reminder, not much about using the potty, but just to hang out there and eat a snack.  Another accident about an hour later.  And several more that evening, followed by the return of the potty phobia which I absolutely know is somehow connected to the FIL.  She's been naked all week now, and hasn't used the potty once - not once.  She will hold it for as long as she can until her bladder just explodes and once she starts to pee, will sprint through the house.  Thank god for wood floors but she has zero aversion to peeing on herself.  Now to that, she's never been one to cry over a wet diaper, and my FIL is not consistent about changing her frequently either.  Usually he's at our house but on the days I've dropped her off there, for the 4 hours that she's actually with him at their house, I'd bring 6 diapers - she'd come home with 4 clean, 1 soaking in the wet bag (cloth diapers) and one soaking on her with him saying "oh I just put her in that one" yet it had already leaked through her bottoms. 

 

Problem 2: She's had a non-stop diaper rash for the last 2 months.  The only times in her life she ever had a rash prior where when teeth emerged and it was just a mild red that disappeared once the teeth popped.  It went away briefly after the first month but reappeared with the heat.  She's a heavy wetter at night and even if she doesn't wake to nurse, she's pretty wet in the am when I change her.  I've tried getting up to change her mid-sleep, various diaper creams and lotions, finally concocting my own mix of coconut oil, tea tree oil, and lavender essential oil which considerably cleared it up.  But what remains are basically blisters on and around her crotch.  Until this stint being naked, she would wake up crying "booboo" and tell me her butt hurt.  She hasn't mentioned a booboo lately but it's visibly still an issue. and every wet diaper causes a flare.

 

She's dairy and oat free because of sensitivities and I avoid them as well since she is still nursing.  We use nothing but chemical free soaps/detergents. Our home is air conditioned and she doesn't spend any length of time in the heat bc it's been too humid out, so just later in the evening.  I've been successful calming the flares with Epsom salt and lavender in the tub although we've reached a bit of an "anti-bath" phase so a wash cloth will have to do (she used to shower with me but hates that as well).

 

I need encouragement or tips on how to reduce the phobia and tackle this potty training.  I have no intention to night train as she's definitely not ready for that - can't hold it that long, still nurses down, occasionally wakes to nurse, too heavy a sleeper, and still not ready to convert her crib.  So mainly daytime.  She does still poop in diapers but will specifically ask me for a diaper to poop in.  She's a bit too verbal and smart for her age and her own good, and fiercely independent and thus the struggles with FIL - DH was the same way and their relationship is rocky to this day bc his father insists on doing EVERYTHING for everyone.

 

On a quick note about FIL, we've done everything from gentle talks to stern demands - he still took DD out for ice cream on her 18mo "bday", in spite of having watched her from 6mos old and knowing about her dairy issues, because he thought he'd heard me mention (when DD was like 9mos) that at 18 mos she'd be fine with dairy. jaw2.gif   That was a rocky few nights getting it to pass through her system. 

 

Alternate care is not an option, I left my former full time job to work part time because we couldn't afford daycare with that arrangement (and I had crazy ever-changing hours) so now I'm part time, DH is full time x2, it covers the bills but no wiggle room (certainly not for daycare), and FIL is the only retired family member.

 

Summary:

How does one get rid of the potty phobia? (I'm a dog trainer but DH is not fond of the idea of me busting out my clicker and "training" our human child...)

 

How do you help a child recognize that pee is gross and not to be stepped in and not fun to have on your legs?

 

Obviously frequent diaper changes, but any other ways to develop more of an aversion to wet diapers? (we do leave covers off the cloth so it's easier to see they are wet and she's gotten rashes from every disposable diaper on the planet - natural included so we're sticking to cloth)

 

Anyone with experience dealing with multiple people having contact with the child during potty training, esp stubborn people, how have you dealt with them?

 

I apologize for he length, if you've read this far, thank you, it was far quicker in my head orngtongue.gif

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Old 07-19-2013, 06:43 PM
 
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My youngest is 3 and still has these issues.   She's rather stubborn and also too smart and independent, so I attribute her potty issues with that.  

I'll tell you my tactics......  :) 

 

No diapers/pull ups unless it's nap time.   She also could hold it during a nap.  

 

I made a huge deal production out of going to the store and letting her pick out her very own brand new pack of undies.  Then again, once she kept a pair dry for a day or 2. 

 

I offered reminders also, including flooding her with water to make her go more to 'know the feeling" of having to go.

If she had an accident and it was on the floor, I made her go get a towel and together we cleaned it up. No shame, no yelling.  Just simply, go get a towel and lets clean this off the floor.  No one wants pee on the carpet/floor!!  This stopped after she slipped and fell in her puddle once.  :/  Since she has older siblings, she wants to do what they do.   A few mentions of her siblings using the potty and having the oldest tell her how cool it is to pee in the potty and not your undies and that it was yucky seemed to sink in with her also.  I would also make her go get her own clean undies if they got wet. 

 

She frequently will just pee herself, too busy playing.   I told her that if she kept the same pair of undies on a whole day, and they were dry at bed time, I would take her to the store and get her a (matchbox) car.   After a few trys at this, it worked and she is very proud of her brand new police car. 

 

Have you tried corn starch on her rash?   My youngest also would get horrid rashes, which I now know was also her dairy issue!   At the suggestion of my dad of all people, I tried the corn startch and it cleared it up within days.   He said that is what his mom used.

 

As far as your FIL.....I'm not sure what advice I have to give.    we know consistancy is key with PTing, maybe if you tell him again, the "rules" so to speak, he will catch on. 

 

What kind of phobia is she having?  Just sitting on the potty, or actually going?   My YDD went thru a phase I also called a phobia.  She would scream and cry b/c it was dark in the bathroom.   Even tho a stool LIVES under the light switches in both the kids bath and the downstairs bath and she was fully aware on how to operate the light switch b/c she can and did turn her bedroom light on.  I would tell her to do pee pee checks, and we'd all "go" before we left the house.   She'd refuse, throw a fit, wouldn't go near the bathroom.  But as soon as we got in the car or to the store she'd have to go.   I have no advice other than hang in there.  It seemed like once she realized that when we are at the store, the bathroom is not so nearby.  If we are at the park, there isn't one, she started to "go" before we left w/o throwing a fit.  

 

Seems to me that it's a sort of power struggle.    They want to be big, but still want to be the baby.   I looked at it as well, she'll get it.   There are not any (normal functioning) kids in school in diapers.   It will happen, I just need to teach her and give her time to do it herself. 


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Old 07-19-2013, 08:49 PM
 
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Too bad about disposables giving her a rash. My DD started getting an awful rash from her nighttime diapers around that age and we started using one disposable at night. Probably because it pulls the wetness away or something but it works. Otherwise I was spending the whole day working on getting her bum to clear up and just as it was getting better by the evening the night diaper would take us back to a sore bottom.

 

Are you using stay-dry type of diapers? Natural fibres are awesome but in some situations the polyester stay dry layer in pocket diapers really helps. Sometimes it's not enough but worth a try if you haven't. A little more on the diaper advice than potty, sorry, but we haven't done the potty thing yet.

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Old 07-19-2013, 09:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Jenni1894 View Post

My youngest is 3 and still has these issues.   She's rather stubborn and also too smart and independent, so I attribute her potty issues with that.  

I'll tell you my tactics......  :) 

 

No diapers/pull ups unless it's nap time.   She also could hold it during a nap. 

She has been sleeping naked on a hospital bed pad just in case.

 

I made a huge deal production out of going to the store and letting her pick out her very own brand new pack of undies.  Then again, once she kept a pair dry for a day or 2.

She does have Minnie undies that my mother had picked up for her and we've talked about them, she knows where they are and mommy and daddy wear undies (has unloaded my drawers a few times and put them on her head...) I let her wear them for a bit today although she really had to go poop so it was a quick session before I let her poop in the diaper.

 

I offered reminders also, including flooding her with water to make her go more to 'know the feeling" of having to go.

If she had an accident and it was on the floor, I made her go get a towel and together we cleaned it up. No shame, no yelling.  Just simply, go get a towel and lets clean this off the floor.  No one wants pee on the carpet/floor!!  This stopped after she slipped and fell in her puddle once.  :/  Since she has older siblings, she wants to do what they do.   A few mentions of her siblings using the potty and having the oldest tell her how cool it is to pee in the potty and not your undies and that it was yucky seemed to sink in with her also.  I would also make her go get her own clean undies if they got wet. 

She does drink a lot during the day, mostly water, some coconut milk, She would def love to help cleanup, perhaps too much! But worth a shot. Unfortunately she has slipped on the puddle, more than once, laughed it off and ran away duh.gif

 

She frequently will just pee herself, too busy playing.   I told her that if she kept the same pair of undies on a whole day, and they were dry at bed time, I would take her to the store and get her a (matchbox) car.   After a few trys at this, it worked and she is very proud of her brand new police car.  OMG I love this - she is obsessed with cars, plains, trains...love my little tomboy.

 

Have you tried corn starch on her rash?   My youngest also would get horrid rashes, which I now know was also her dairy issue!   At the suggestion of my dad of all people, I tried the corn startch and it cleared it up within days.   He said that is what his mom used. Have not done cornstarch, may check that out.

 

As far as your FIL.....I'm not sure what advice I have to give.    we know consistancy is key with PTing, maybe if you tell him again, the "rules" so to speak, he will catch on. 

 

What kind of phobia is she having?  Just sitting on the potty, or actually going?   My YDD went thru a phase I also called a phobia.  She would scream and cry b/c it was dark in the bathroom.   Even tho a stool LIVES under the light switches in both the kids bath and the downstairs bath and she was fully aware on how to operate the light switch b/c she can and did turn her bedroom light on.  I would tell her to do pee pee checks, and we'd all "go" before we left the house.   She'd refuse, throw a fit, wouldn't go near the bathroom.  But as soon as we got in the car or to the store she'd have to go.   I have no advice other than hang in there.  It seemed like once she realized that when we are at the store, the bathroom is not so nearby.  If we are at the park, there isn't one, she started to "go" before we left w/o throwing a fit.  The "phobia" so to speak is that she refuses to sit on any potty.  I have a bjorn in the bathroom, and there's some summer's something or other from the neighbor with a cushioned seat in the living room, and there's 2 regular toilet in the house if she wants. She will occasionally sit on the living room one to watch mickey mouse but once she has to pee she jumps up and refuses to sit, will run around crying and whining crossing her legs which she then resorts to asking for "booby time" which in this case is a plea for comfort rather than asking to eat.  So it's like a combo of sitting and going without a diaper that bothers her. 

 

Seems to me that it's a sort of power struggle.    They want to be big, but still want to be the baby.   I looked at it as well, she'll get it.   There are not any (normal functioning) kids in school in diapers.   It will happen, I just need to teach her and give her time to do it herself. 

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Old 07-19-2013, 09:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Too bad about disposables giving her a rash. My DD started getting an awful rash from her nighttime diapers around that age and we started using one disposable at night. Probably because it pulls the wetness away or something but it works. Otherwise I was spending the whole day working on getting her bum to clear up and just as it was getting better by the evening the night diaper would take us back to a sore bottom.

 

Are you using stay-dry type of diapers? Natural fibres are awesome but in some situations the polyester stay dry layer in pocket diapers really helps. Sometimes it's not enough but worth a try if you haven't. A little more on the diaper advice than potty, sorry, but we haven't done the potty thing yet.

I have motherease one size diapers with covers, I believe they are 100% cotton, so while they do a phenomenal job at wicking up all the moisture as it comes out of her, it doesn't keep it from her skin.  So that's pretty much the pattern we're on.  I might have to see what options there are for diapers to get up through this for the night time.

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Old 07-20-2013, 05:04 PM
 
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I have motherease one size diapers with covers, I believe they are 100% cotton, so while they do a phenomenal job at wicking up all the moisture as it comes out of her, it doesn't keep it from her skin.  So that's pretty much the pattern we're on.  I might have to see what options there are for diapers to get up through this for the night time.

We have those in addition to our pocket diapers too and that's when she was getting the rashes. The best I could figure out is that as she got bigger her pee got stronger or something and that's why it was irritating her skin? Anyway, I did get some 100% polyester fleece from the fabric store and cut some as a liner for our ME diapers to help keep the moisture off her skin. It did help but not completely. Still, you may want to try it.

 

Can't have any cotton in the polyester though or it will absorb moisture and not keep it from her skin.

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