My 3 year old son will not go IN the toilet. Sigh... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 12-28-2013, 08:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been trying to encourage our DS (just turned 3 two weeks ago) to use the potty for the past 6 months now and NADA. Sigh... He is great at holding it in for 4+ hours (will even stay dry overnight in underwear), but will not go in the potty.  He will sit on the potty and we will read for about 20 minutes and nothing.  As soon as we are off the toilet he'll have an accident.  OR...he'll tinkle, we'll run to the potty and sit for 20 minutes and nothing.  As soon as we're off, he'll request a diaper and he immediately pee's in the diaper... A LOT.  Not quite sure what to do to get him to go in the toilet.  He has no interest in any type of reward since we don't use reward systems for anything.  We've tried the timer and that just annoys/frustrates him.  He either fights us on going to the b-room or he'll quit and request the diaper after 3 trips to the potty.  We can't use pull-ups because he calls them and uses them like diapers.  Sorry, but I'm bit frustrated and don't know what to do.  I have a feeling that since he was late in eating solids (10 months), late in speaking (3 yrs), he'll also be late in using the toilet.  Sigh...  Any suggestions?  

 

Thanks.


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#2 of 13 Old 12-28-2013, 05:59 PM
 
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Hi there alonsmom. Sometimes we moms are way more ready for potty learning than our babies. Each of them gets interested in their own time. The best suggestion I have for you---do nothing for a while. Let him lead you with his interest when HE is ready. It will go so much more smoothly if you totally let this be led by your little one and do not even mention it. They all learn, and the less pressure, the more successful all around. Children often get into power struggles around this when they see how badly YOU want it, and it is just not worth it to go there.

 

Make it a non subject,non issue, and he will lead you when he is ready!


 
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#3 of 13 Old 12-28-2013, 08:47 PM
 
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I agree, do little or nothing. Let the decision be his. Sitting on the potty for a long time just creates a negative image of it for him. I can understand why he is frustrated.
It will all just click one day and he will do it.
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#4 of 13 Old 12-29-2013, 08:53 AM
 
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My DS will be 4 in April. I'd say he has been 100% potty trained for the last 1-2 months. Before that, he would pee in the potty, but poop in his pull-up. That went on for a while. Kids do things in their own time. I was getting a little worried that it was taking so long, but it happened. It will happen for your DS too. I made the mistake of comparing the potty training timeframe to my DD's. She was 100% at 34 months. Don't worry, he'll get there when he's ready.


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#5 of 13 Old 12-30-2013, 07:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone!  I really appreciate your responses.  I just keep hearing from others that the longer you wait, the harder it is.  Also, seeing all of his little friends going to the potty and their parents saying, "oh,...he's not potty trained yet, i see." gets to me sometimes.  :)  I'll let him lead the way then and stop the underwear time in the afternoons.  I'll also make sure that I have a preschool backup for next year, just in case he's not potty trained by then.  ;)  (He goes to a Montessori, so they all need to be potty trained by the time they enter the ages 3-6 classroom.  Thank goodness, he's a December baby!!  LOL)

 

Thanks again!!  :)


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#6 of 13 Old 12-30-2013, 08:00 AM
 
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Originally Posted by alonsmom View Post
 

Thanks everyone!  I really appreciate your responses.  I just keep hearing from others that the longer you wait, the harder it is.  Also, seeing all of his little friends going to the potty and their parents saying, "oh,...he's not potty trained yet, i see." gets to me sometimes.  :)  I'll let him lead the way then and stop the underwear time in the afternoons.  I'll also make sure that I have a preschool backup for next year, just in case he's not potty trained by then.  ;)  (He goes to a Montessori, so they all need to be potty trained by the time they enter the ages 3-6 classroom.  Thank goodness, he's a December baby!!  LOL)

 

Thanks again!!  :)

Not true in my experience. It's hard if they aren't ready, easy when they are. With my DS, I just accepted that he was 100% peeing in the potty and 100% pooping in his pullup. Once I let go and said to myself that he will someday poop in the potty, it happened! Funny how things work that way!!

 

Don't let what others do/say bother or worry you. You never know how hard it may have been for them too. I had a friend who said her DD was potty trained at 1.5 years. But, she kept having accidents, regularly. To me, that's not potty trained. And remember, we all learn things differently and on a different timeframe. Good luck!!


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#7 of 13 Old 12-30-2013, 08:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you!!  You all are making me feel better.  Sometimes it just takes a few encouraging words to get you back on track.  ;)  That is true about the accidents.  One of y DS's little friends is like that!  Has been "trained" for 6 months, but still has accidents and has issues with pooping.  Okay.  This momma has now accepted that her high energy, strong willed little boy will go potty on his own time, just like he did with eating solids and talking.  :)

 

Thanks!!


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#8 of 13 Old 03-30-2014, 04:12 PM
 
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I think the saying the longer you wait the harder it is, is not accurate. With ds I tried potty training very early and all it meant was more work, stress, effort and frustration for me. I should have just waited until he was 2 1/2 or 3 because starting him at 20 months did not mean he was trained by two, it just meant I was training him for over a year. 

 

With dd, who will be 3 next month, I just don't have the patience to train her with out her showing any interest. She has yet to pee on the toilet. The closest I got was last week when she was in the bath and didn't want to pee in the bathtub. I got her out and tried to convince her to go pee on the potty. Nope. I layed a diper on it and told her to sit and pee on the diaper and she refused. I decided to leave her alone for a couple minutes and she just peed on the floor. She tells me she is a baby and that is why she wants to pee in her diaper. She is also big for her age so that makes it seem worse and is in size 6 disposables, that is the largest size!


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#9 of 13 Old 03-30-2014, 06:22 PM
 
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My son was out of a diaper for a month then decided he would not use the toilet. However he finds it so funny to pee in the bathtub and aim for the hole. It works every time and I figure it is a good transition.

After a day or so of that I offered three chocolate chips for going in the toilet. They worked too. We are about 10 days with only one pee in his pants now.

Poo he was still doing in the diaper but he has learned he has to go stand in the bathroom. And a few times he has gone in the empty tub when naked. That has helped as the poo doesn't seem so scary to him now. He really doesn't like poo and I think that is why he has refused to do it in the toilet.

He is 2.5 and was very ready and showing signs for months before we started.
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#10 of 13 Old 04-02-2014, 12:59 PM
 
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The potty training road for my DS has been anything but smooth and straight.  I introduced him to the potty at 15 months;  he is now 3.5 years and still having accidents.   My mother says I started him too late.  I believe I started him too early.  I went through those years (maybe not many years, but it seems like a long time) of frustration, running behind him with a rag to mop up puddles on the floor, washing out wet pants and undies umpteen times a day, feeling badly about my parenting skills every time he fails to go on the potty.  I was never sure if he should be in diapers, or out of them.  Should he have had cloth diapers, or undies, or go barebottom?   All that time, he probably just wasn't ready yet, for whatever reason.  And today, when it seems like we had been making so much headway (he's been pooing on the potty consistently since December), he's wet his pants several times, and I'm still wondering if I'm doing something wrong, or if he is just at a particular developmental stage where accidents are common.  It's difficult at this period to say to oneself "one day I will laugh over this... or forget altogether how it was" (as so many mothers I've spoken too seem to say they don't remember having any difficulties), but some positive self-talk may help in overcoming the feelings of inadequacy.

I understand your frustration, when it seems that other mothers are having more success and getting their children 100% PT'd earlier than yours.  Even my mother, who raised 6 of us, seems perplexed when I express my difficulties to her.   Like I said, I think sometimes one's memory isn't perfect, especially when it comes to the busy period of raising very young children.

 

Alonsmom, your own experience has reminded me that every child is unique and will learn in his/her own way and time.  You are not alone!

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#11 of 13 Old 04-06-2014, 05:26 PM
 
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I would do nothing because given time, your son will eventually find that potty and become comfortable using it. I realise him not wanting to use the toilet because my little girl was wary for a while. Instead of my reacting negatively, I made sure she didn't see my face screw up or any such reaction when she peed on the bathroom floor. Then one afternoon Juniper came in to find me squatting on the loo, and smiled. I placed her potty closeby and lo and behold - she sat on it! Yaay! I praised her lots and since then (a year ago), she's always used her potty. One of my older sisters said that young children learn by association. Until then I never thought about it all that much.

 

I know things are hard on you right now, but give your little boy all the time that he needs. I am sure things will work out well in the end. :)

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#12 of 13 Old 04-18-2014, 07:03 AM
 
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The late to talk thing makes me think he's gonna take awhile. Mine did.
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#13 of 13 Old 04-20-2014, 10:55 AM
 
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My little boy seems to be coming back around to using the potty again.  I think he does just need time to process things;  he's learning and experiencing so much at this age.  I remember a bit of my own experiences toilet learning when I was not quite as young as him, and it wasn't so straightforward for me either.  Seeing him using the potty again is reassuring, though.  Helps me to understand that I'm not doing anything particularly wrong.  I just need to relax a bit more.

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