Help with 4+yo boy with SPD, still struggling with the potty - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 01-04-2014, 06:54 PM - Thread Starter
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My 4yr old (sept) so we're getting close to 4.5, is still not on the potty. He's had moments where he was "close"... 80% during the day would notify me/teachers at school that he needed to go. But he's regressed over the past few months.


We've also just had an evaluation that diagnosed SPD, and while that's great for explaining why he doesn't Realize that he's about to release; or why he doesn't tell you that he just did..... diagnosis doesn't help real world scenarios.


I haven't met yet with his therapists to find out their solutions, and maybe I should just wait, but thought I'd ask....


The only thing he will notify you on is a solid poop. He knows it's coming, and he'll run; and if he doesn't get to the potty on time, he'll walk weird and notify you that he poo'ed in the pants.

But if it was loose poop, that will stay in his pants without notifying you.


So he is aware of that, but not anything else.


Over Christmas break we've resorted back to Naked, and naked it great as long as I'm on top of it. He has no issue with going on the potty, as long as I remind him. But if I forget.... he doesn't alert me that he's peed on the carpet. I have to be that negligent mom that finally remembers and ask him, and he's perfectly happy to say "oh yeah, I peed on the carpet"... and he'll then go get a towel and put it on the spot. He knows exactly where he peed. I mean, he's almost 4.5 and cognitively aware of what's going on, that it needs to be cleaned up, etc.


I don't know what to do.

Just because he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, does that change that he shouldn't be going on the potty? Do I just keep him in pull-ups until HE decides to deal with it - he is old enough to understand that Mommy doesn't like it, teachers don't like it, other kids at school comment that he "peed his pants"? On top of not being aware that he's about to go, he also seems to have no issue with being wet (or messy, if it was loose). So the social stigma, even at his age and peer level is not kicking in... and no, he is not ASD.


Preschool is obviously not available to take him to the potty every 40 minutes like I could at home - should I take him out of school for a month and focus on this?


Because he is somewhat stable on the potty for solid stool, I suppose I'd be OK with him being in pull-ups until he decides. I mean, at some point it becomes a selfish issue.. what I'm really able to deal with. And I suppose I'd be okay as long as I don't have to clean messy pants every day.


But he's almost 4.5yrs old! :) Even SPD, even anything... shouldn't it kick it at some point that you do not want to be walking around in wet pants? During his regression of the past 4 months, we've tried everything.. and I mean everything. All the tricks we tried at 2.5.  Bribery of toys - lovely colorful charts on the wall, what you get at One pee, what you get after 5 potties in a row; cereal in the toilet to make it a game to see if you can hit it; punishment of taking away toys if you make a mess in your pants (and the punishment came from my MIL mother of 7 kiddos, and it only lasted 2 days and I just couldn't hack it, seemed wrong to punish for bodily function... but if that's your idea, I could try it again).


I mean, I've been all over the spectrum.


I'm up for any advice. Even if it's just... let it go for now and stick with pullups. I just need someone else to tell me that :)

single, WAH mom, to my only very kind & sweet lil man
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#2 of 4 Old 01-11-2014, 12:11 AM
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Hi JordanKX. I can feel your worry and earnest desire to help your little one. :hug


I would suggest you post over in Special Needs Parenting and get some input from parents with children who have SPD. I think your son's special needs can be better addressed with the SPD as a background factor. I'm sure we have some in our community who've gone through much the same and can offer some advice. Good luck!

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#3 of 4 Old 01-15-2014, 10:38 PM
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Hi Jordan. Potty training boys is sometimes very difficult. Don` t get too worried if you don`t succeed in the first tries. What helped me on potty training boys was that i tried to make the process as much fun as possible. Ensure that there are plenty of activities to keep your child busy during the process, and use a timer to indicate when it is time to use the potty. Most children will look forward to hearing the timer go off, as it means that they will be able to get up and try their hand at being a ‘big boy” or “big girl.”

Patience and consistency also to be applied throughout the potty training process in order to ensure that your child knows what is expected each step of the way.

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#4 of 4 Old 01-16-2014, 12:40 PM
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Hi my son turned 4 last November he still poops on his pants. He pees successfully on the toilet and will tell me anytime,anyplace that he wants to pee..the moment you put him on the potty to poop he cry his lungs out and refuses to go. He occasionally gets constipated but nevertheless he goes well.
i tried everything...... I started potty training him 2 years back with no luck..
He goes to school during the day surprisingly he doesn't poop his pants there...when he gets home is a deferent thing all together...
He will look at you and just do it anywhere anytime without any patterns.
His been struggling with his speech since was exposed to deferent languages at 1st we thought that was the problem but his speech has improved and he can understand clearly when we speak to him and he can speak but still does his business on himself.
His a very smart child and it hurts to see him like this...

I tried bribe,rewards,punishment with taking his toys everything that I cud think of but nothing! No luck
My son is stubborn he will not do anything that he doesn't want to do regardless of what we do and how we do it..we so nice and understanding to him about it but nothing! He does this once or twice during the day or night ....and I'm left with cleaning him, i tried getting him involved in the cleaning process but WOW the mess was just to big to handle..

My breaking point is now that he has started doing it and telling me afterwards which I just can't understand, if he knows where poop goes y does he still do it on his pants PLEASE HELP. I'm really frustrated and beyond hurting about this since now that this is starting to knock his confidence down..
How do I help my baby without making him feel bad about this.greensad.gif
My husband thinks that this is not a medical issue since he only poops his pants when his with us...I just don't know wat els 2 do or think I'm really in need of your advices...
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