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-   -   Son can't seem to go in potty (http://www.mothering.com/forum/17518-potty-learning/1423538-son-can-t-seem-go-potty.html)

mrstovar 06-13-2014 01:50 AM

Son can't seem to go in potty
 
My son will turn 4 next month. I started potty training him on Tues. and he's very cooperative, the thing is, if I give him an old cup to piss in, or seat him on the potty or the toilet, he can't go. He won't try for more than a few minutes at a time and sometimes he refuses to try at all. And forget about a BM. If he needs to do a BM he asks for a diaper.

I have had some success with letting him play in the tub with a couple inches warm water, with the shower curtain drawn, until his piss comes, maybe within 30-45 min. He is very private about elimination and has been for some time. He can hold it in a long time and of course is dry all night. How can I help him? Or if he needs to sort it all out himself, how long till he figures it out?

pumabearclan 06-16-2014 12:45 PM

In much of the world men do not urinate standing up. They sit down, which is the only hygienic option unless you have a urinal in your home. Men in other cultures do not like to splash their restrooms and clothing with urine - this is why they sit. So if it was me I would encourage the natural seated position.

Since your son is private about this then stay out of it as much as possible. Let him do this for himself. The only thing I did for potty training (for my daughter) was to rave about the satisfaction, ease, and sanitation of using the toilet. Be sure that there is a potty available that he can sit upon without your help and let him show you what he can do - that's my advice :)

mrstovar 06-16-2014 05:22 PM

How long did you do this before she started using the potty? How old was she? I would prefer my son to be out of diapers by his 4th birthday, definitely by the end of the summer.

pumabearclan 06-17-2014 05:30 AM

She was toilet trained by 3, I can't remember exactly. My daughter was in a preschool from 2-3yrs and I think that helped a lot as well because *everyone else was doing it.*

I think that you are sending him the message that he can urinate almost anywhere (bathtub, cup, toilet) when there is really only one place that is hygienic and acceptable and that is the toilet. I reread your post and you've only been addressing this with him for a few days. It probably takes longer than a few days for him to overcome his anxiety or discomfort with the idea, and I think he definitely needs some proper instruction as to how to succeed.

Give him a few basic nonnegotiable instructions (close the door, sit on the toilet, wipe if necessary, flush, wash hands). It's a set routine, it's not up to him to decide where and how he goes; he will have to use a (semi)private toilet facility and observe good hygiene in elimination if he is going to succeed in life. He may be feeling weirdly confused because he probably realizes that adults don't pee in the bathtub or a cup and doesn't know how to gain any skill or confidence with these mixed messages.

You could tell him that young men and women do things to take care of their bodies all by themselves, and it's time for him to take charge since he has shown what a responsible little guy he is in so many ways (find some examples). There are things he will not be able to do if he continues to wear a diaper (school is one). If he wants to have more opportunities and independence he will have to learn to use a toilet. You can explain this to him.

Toilet use seems to be a big area of anxiety and frustration some for kids. You can be assured that he will not be going to work in diapers :smile:, so he will get this business resolved eventually. Be patient & don't feel pressure. At his age he will probably take to it right away when he decides the time is right.

mrstovar 06-17-2014 10:25 PM

Thank you for your reply and explanation. I've backed off just a little on the not using a diaper bit; (though I did chat with him yesterday about there being less oders with using the toilet since you just flush it away). I'm asking him to wear his boxers unless he feels a pee or poop coming on, I'm helping him manage getting his own clothes off and on by himself and get his diaper and help put it on, and I am encouraging a bit of privacy when he's doing his business (though he seems extremely anxious about me going too far away). This is working reasonably well. I feel like it is progress, though less than I had hoped for. All the stuff I read about toilet training in three days...is not happening here. He is working on mastery and independence in a lot of areas right now. I love how he lights up when he has has just accomplished something..."I DID it!" or "I did it all by myself!"

pumabearclan 06-18-2014 05:17 AM

That all sounds awesome! I think he seems ready to master the toilet very soon with your good guidance :)


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