Previously EC'd toddler will not pee on potty - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 08-27-2014, 01:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Previously EC'd toddler will not pee on potty

I've posted on the EC forum a few times. We started EC around 8mo, everything went great, then our lives got stressful and around 11 mo kiddo just would not pee on the potty. There doesn't seem to be a specific negative association or trauma, he'll sit on the potty just fine, but he won't pee.

Now kiddo is 16 mo and still won't. If we catch him while he's pushing, he'll poo on the potty, but he will not pee on it. If we put him on it whenw e know he has to go, he'll hold it until he gets off and he pees so quickly that it's very hard to catch him 'in the act' and get him on it.

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#2 of 9 Old 09-03-2014, 09:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's starting to get really bad and I'm at a total loss of what to do. If he's in diapers, we don't notice a signal- he just goes. If he's out of diapers, he'll hold it to the point of sobbing until he just can't hold it in anymore and if we try to put him on the potty, he just doesn't get the idea. We haven't been able to get him on the potty fast enough for him to pee on the potty, if anything he may be stopping and going back to holding it.

It's frustrating because he clear has full control over his bladder, I just don't know how to communicate "pee/poo goes in the potty" in a way he'll understand. I'm sure that as soon as he makes the connection, he'll basically be potty trained immediately. I still don't understand why he went from being so great on the potty to refusing to go on it.

He seems to be working out how to get his diaper off himself, we've also been having issues with leaks (especially at night, no matter what we use) which causes big issues for him because he gets very upset when he leaks, diaper changes are an ightmare... if I thought diapers were no big deal, it'd be one thing to keep using them until he's ready, but diapers are causing problems as well and I really think he'd be happier if he'd just learn to use the potty.

I really don't know what to do.

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#3 of 9 Old 09-03-2014, 09:17 PM
 
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Bumping and following along! I have a 15 month old who did great early on. I was not surprised when he stopped signaling when he started to walk, but now he signals and wants to sit on the potty but won't pee in it. He will pee outside and sometimes when held over the sink. He will also sometimes tell me or take his diaper off when he is wet. Mostly he just wants to tell us then go on playing without interruption.
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#4 of 9 Old 09-04-2014, 04:30 AM
 
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I really don't have much experience with EC. I experimented with it a little but was never dedicated enough to ever feel more than lucky that we made it to the potty on occasion.

So, my advice comes from a diapering mom...

If my DC was experiencing what your DC is experiencing, I would try to figure out an EC/diapering solution that addresses comfort over potty learning right now. If BM on the potty is working, I'd keep with that.

If leaking at night is a problem, I'd change-up the diapers a little and talk about the need for a change just before bed. You can talk to your DC about the need for night-time changes before sleep, which may help with that. I had great success with wool at night and there are some great, super absorbent liners that could help.

If you know that right now he can't pee on the potty and cries without it to the point of sobbing, I think I would be sure to get him a diaper as soon as he signals that he needs to pee. I'd do this for a while, until this stage has passed. If you pick-up a signal really early, I suppose you could offer the potty or the diaper and continue along that way but I would really avoid a situation where he is crying and holding pee.

It's possible that him trying to get his diaper off could be a part of this puzzle. Maybe he wants to feel even more autonomy. Maybe you can shift the focus to autonomy with the diaper. Show him how to take it off and even put it on. Maybe set up a little "diaper or potty" station where he can be autonomous. At 16 months, he'll probably need help but maybe putting focus there will take some of the stress out of the situation.

For a more EC perspective, maybe cross-post.

Good luck!!
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#5 of 9 Old 09-04-2014, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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IdentityCrisisMama, thanks for the long post! I don't think I need an EC-specific perspective at this point, the only difference is that if we'd never tried EC I would just assume he isnt' ready- but I know that he used to be willing to use the potty and now won't so I'm very confused.

Right now, I think the biggest issue has nothing to do with EC/not, and it's this:

I have a toddler who has full control over his elimination, but either doesn't understand "pee/poo goes on the potty" or just doesn't want to.

We've changed up the diapers a few times, he can leak through any brand we've tried. We even tried the night time dry disposable diapers, but apparently whatever chemicals they use really aggravate his skin and he screamed bloody murder as soon as they got wet. We do change before bed, he doesn't like getting his diaper changed at any itme of day. He doesn't mind it getting taken off, but really hates them being put on.

He's only done the crying thing once, we weren't sure if he did need to go until he did. Before that, he'd just try to go somewhere private and pee without much fanfare. It turns out he's likely sick, which may've been the problem.

The autonomy may be the issue, he does sometimes enjoy playing the game of figuring out how to stand up from and sit back down on the potty. I also think he just may not realize that we want him to go in the potty and I'm not sure how to get that across. The last time he peed on the potty was probably 6 months ago, at this age he may not remember that he's supposed to. I've been trying to teach him the words 'pee' and 'poo', but I'm not sure if he's getting it.

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Originally Posted by OrmEmbar View Post
Bumping and following along! I have a 15 month old who did great early on. I was not surprised when he stopped signaling when he started to walk, but now he signals and wants to sit on the potty but won't pee in it. He will pee outside and sometimes when held over the sink. He will also sometimes tell me or take his diaper off when he is wet. Mostly he just wants to tell us then go on playing without interruption.
I'm glad to hear someone else has a similar problem! He definitely says when he wants his diaper off- he'll walk over and hand us a diaper.

I'm not sure if it would help to teach him another place that's acceptable to pee, or where to choose. I'm actually considering, if this keeps up for a few more months, putting the potties we've used away and bringing in a completely different one and only putting him on it when he's signaling or right after he's peed (hopefully getting him to go on it in the process). :/

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#6 of 9 Old 09-04-2014, 12:17 PM
 
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I did EC with my oldest starting at three weeks. By 12 months she maybe wet one diaper a day. Then a few months later (my memory is shot) she abruptly refused the potty. It became a big thing. I backed off and just put her back in diapers. At 3.5 she finally potty trained.

When she was articulate enough to talk she told me, "You made me sit there and 'try' when I didn't have to go and it made me really mad."

I no longer talk to her about her bathroom habits (she's six) and we are getting along much better.
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#7 of 9 Old 09-04-2014, 02:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sillysapling View Post
...but I know that he used to be willing to use the potty and now won't so I'm very confused.
My experience with two kids out of diapers is that there is some powerful emotional stuff there. I do think the EC folks are on to something with the concept that we basically train kids to use diapers. It may be that being covered or in some other way he has developed an association with letting go of pee and having a diaper on.

My own kids developed that too, to the point that they needed an entirely uncovered bum for a LONG time during potty learning. Even light undies would make them feel like they could pee in their pants. :-)

I think the main thing is to have them be heard. I definitely think it's a balance between being supportive but then not putting too much energy into the process.

I think putting the potties away for now is a great idea. Perhaps your LO will prefer to pee outside or on the toilet when he's ready to get back into potty learning.
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#8 of 9 Old 09-05-2014, 04:36 AM
 
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My son has been ECed since he was a few weeks old. He's 17 months old today, and he's been in cloth undies for a few months now. What really worked for us, when he went through his "I want to MOVE, not sit on the potty" stage, was to offer different places. Now that the weather is nice, I usually bring him out to our dog yard. Distractions also help, so I call the dogs out with us and tell them to go pee too. DS loves signing "pee" while the dogs are peeing. When we're at work, we just use the toilet, and I often grab something for him to hold as a distraction. He's been getting over the need for it, but sometimes if he's cranky it helps.

I hope that helps!
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#9 of 9 Old 09-08-2014, 11:15 AM
 
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I appreciate the reminder that distractions can also be useful in elimination communication. Just like I use distraction for other things . .. I will try!
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