I am so incredibly frustrated!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 04-02-2015, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Unhappy I am so incredibly frustrated!!!

I am completely at my wits end with potty training.

My son is going to be 4 in May. We first approached potty training when he was 3. He did well for awhile, but then seemed to just lose interest. We let it go for a bit, and started back seriously several months ago.

My babysitter's girls were trained on a single day. ONE day. She didn't use any "magic" method, they just seemed to get it and wanted to go on the potty. So, her and I have been trying to come up with ideas but it's hard because her girls were so easy.

We have tried the following
-stickers and a sticker book when he pees on the potty
-larger rewards for pooping on the potty
-putting him in underwear so he can feel when he's wet (he usually hates being messy but for some reason this didn't phase him)
-letting him be naked (he just pees on the floor)
-taking away whatever he's playing with if he goes in his pants
-letting him "earn back" his toys if he goes in the potty
-buying a large "prize" for him to earn when he goes on the potty all the time

The taking away of items worked for awhile but now he knows he can just earn them back by peeing on the potty. I really don't know what to do at this point. I HATE taking things away from him and I hate being upset with him. It's like he gets it, but just isn't interested. Please help!
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#2 of 11 Old 04-03-2015, 01:54 PM
 
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I am so sorry you are having trouble! Have you tried doing a reinforcement assessment with him? Meaning, have you assessed the value of the prizes that he is earning? What seems like a big reward for us may not be so for him. I am curious to hear if you have tried this as a start and then maybe I can help more I work with children with developmental delays and have a few ideas for you once I know more!
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#3 of 11 Old 04-08-2015, 05:35 AM
 
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I feel your pain, really. I started PT with my DD when she was 3 and, like you, tried everything. I purchased that 3 day method online, and that worked for peeing. Pooping she started to hold, and she wound up with encopresis and sees a specialist for it (she's nearly out of the woods with it and about to turn 8! I'm sure your son won't be as extreme as she is/was).

Her encopresis Dr. told me that some kids just don't want to be bothered with going to the bathroom (this is my DD!), and it's not because the parents are doing something wrong.

My advice is to try the 3 day method (one key aspect of it is to get rid of all diapers/pull ups, forever, and have the child throw them in the garbage themselves) and to always pay attention to how often he poops and if more than a couple days go by can his Dr. about giving miralax, exlax, etc. to keep things moving.

Good luck!
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#4 of 11 Old 04-09-2015, 04:01 AM
 
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It is so frustrating when potty learning turns into an issue. He is probably already aware that it is an issue with all the methods you have tried.
I think it is time to give him responsibility for his body's "doings"; he is almost 4.

Give him a few days in advance and then get rid of diapers.

Tell him very excited that in x-number of days he will become a big boy that goes to
the toilet when he needs to (no more diapers from that day - night time pull-ups is ok).

No rewards, I really don't see why. It messes up things in my opinion.

But true interest, YES... Did you go to the toilet? How did you do? How does it feel in your belly now etc.

Now to the FUN part. He makes a mistake!
1) "Oh, you made a mistake, your all wet and the floor as well" You NOTICE with minimum emotions.
2) "Now I will show you how to fix it"... Now you show him how to take of his clothe, put it in the washing maschine, where he goes to find new clothe, (if it is poo at least let him be present while you "show" him how to clean it) etc. Also the floor needs cleaning.
You help him the first times but after that expect him to do it by himself (here you could take away toys/turn of movie until he does). It is very time consuming; but will fix things... most importantly his body-awareness.

The trick here is not be emotional about it. His body functions should be his resposibility and should be natural thing...

Hope it helps
Helle
Little One's World
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#5 of 11 Old 04-11-2015, 07:46 PM
 
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I agree, he's old enough to help clean up. For some kids, part of not wanting to use the potty is that it means having to drop everything- if he has to drop everything to clean up, then going to the potty can start being easier.

Also, does he have clothes he can easily take off and put on himself? Being fully independent about all of this may help. One thing that helps some kids is to help him get on the potty and then "suddenly remember" something you had to do in another room so that he has privacy to do his business.

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#6 of 11 Old 04-18-2015, 02:40 PM
 
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when my biggest was having extended problems, and was having 'accidents' at 5, i started making her clean up her own mess and totally not engage in the poop. i had her clean the underwear, bath herself, and sometimes i would call it bed time if it was close enough to that time. the less i engaged with her, the better it became, and then the sticker book. i withdrew from the issue for a few weeks, than started 'rewarding' her with sticker/praise. it seemed to work.
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#7 of 11 Old 05-12-2015, 06:28 AM
 
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I have another idea.

I know my kids started to eat green vegetables when we had dinner with other kids who loved veggies. I wonder if the same idea would work for your son. Have another little potty trained friend come over and just "model" it for him. I know it sounds strange but once he learns how "cool" his friend is for using the potty he might start liking it as well. Just be careful not to compare them but let things be natural.

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#8 of 11 Old 05-12-2015, 08:37 PM
 
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It's so frustrating I know. My ds regresses often, he just turned 4. He does have access to his pants and underwear so when he has an accident he takes things off and puts on new dry undies. It does allow me to not be so agitated that he peed on himself now that he just changes himself and I imagine it takes a bit of pressure off of him too.. From me


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#9 of 11 Old 06-20-2015, 05:54 AM
 
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I can definitely sympathize. My oldest was 5 before he was even day trained to pee. Pooping took longer. Finally, at 5 1/2 we are about ready to start night training. We tried everything!!! What finally worked for him was #1 maturity. #2 We finally found something he cared about as motivation. With him, we had a mystery envelope displayed in the bathroom. Each day we put in a card with a toilet goal such as go pee 4 times or poop once. If he met the goal he would earn a preset reward such as ten minutes of iPad or staying up 15 minutes late or playing a game with mom or dad before bed. He never knew what was in the envelope or what his reward would be. Some days he would make it, other days not. We just reset the goal and reward daily. He also got an M&M for peeing and 5 for pooping each time. So if he didn't make his big goal, he got something anyway. He really liked this and within two weeks we finally had him trained right before his 5th birthday. We started working on him when he was 2 and it took three years so I definitely get your frustration.

On a side note, we have a 3 1/2 year old who is not interested either and will be having boy #3 in about 7-8 weeks. We still have many years of frustration ahead of us, lol!

Good luck!
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#10 of 11 Old 06-23-2015, 08:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Little One's World View Post
It is so frustrating when potty learning turns into an issue. He is probably already aware that it is an issue with all the methods you have tried.
I think it is time to give him responsibility for his body's "doings"; he is almost 4.

Give him a few days in advance and then get rid of diapers.

Tell him very excited that in x-number of days he will become a big boy that goes to
the toilet when he needs to (no more diapers from that day - night time pull-ups is ok).

No rewards, I really don't see why. It messes up things in my opinion.

But true interest, YES... Did you go to the toilet? How did you do? How does it feel in your belly now etc.

Now to the FUN part. He makes a mistake!
1) "Oh, you made a mistake, your all wet and the floor as well" You NOTICE with minimum emotions.
2) "Now I will show you how to fix it"... Now you show him how to take of his clothe, put it in the washing maschine, where he goes to find new clothe, (if it is poo at least let him be present while you "show" him how to clean it) etc. Also the floor needs cleaning.
You help him the first times but after that expect him to do it by himself (here you could take away toys/turn of movie until he does). It is very time consuming; but will fix things... most importantly his body-awareness.

The trick here is not be emotional about it. His body functions should be his resposibility and should be natural thing...

Hope it helps
Helle
Little One's World
This is close to what i did with my ds and it worked. We gave him some warning that we were going to take away the diapers in a few days, and we did. When he peed on the floor i said very calmly "pee goes in the toilet, not the floor", and we cleaned it. He was only 2.5 so i think i had to help him clean. He never once poooped on the floor, i think most kids hate doing that.

I also read somewhere that kids hate having to stop playing to go to the bathroom so we put toys near his potty so as to make it a special experience. Maybe a special toy that's only for potty time, we had a special book.

Good luck, sometimes you get lucky (like your babysitter) and sometimes you don't. Try not to take it personally.
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#11 of 11 Old 07-10-2015, 10:57 AM
 
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I am just up into getting my daughter to use the potty. She just turned 3 but she was potty-trained for poop when she was around 10 months and went every time she pooped but one day she just stopped doing it and from then until just a couple of months ago going to the toilet was a complete no no. She has from about late winter/early spring used the toilet occasionally and in periods been without diapers but refused to use the potty most of the time and asked to have a diaper instead. At times she has changed her diaper herself too and just pulled up her pants and went on with her life and we have not know she has done so until she peed on the floor. When she started showing interest I told her that she would soon be too old to use a diaper so this summer we will start practicing before it is too late and no diapers fit. I pointed to the fact that she has had a lot of diapers leak due to simply peeing too much at the same time and said that this is a sign that she is getting so old that diapers will not work soon. A couple of weeks ago she started saying no to using a diaper at day care and I said fine, let's go there without one (telling the staff and saying that they should do as they pleased if they would put it on later) and she managed several days without a diaper there and when I started our vacation I have had her out of a diaper at most times except at night and when we go on long car trips. She is doing great. There have been accidents but not a lot of them. I do not require her to help me with anything but that she goes and sit on the toilet until I am done cleaning up.

We have used no rewards or punishment but I have told her that she did well when she went pooping as this was much more of a struggle for her. I think she initially did not want to poop and held it in a bit but with some raisins and story time on the toilet a couple of times she has managed to be able to poop rather well this week *knock on wood*.

We are going to visit relatives now for a week. It will be "fun" but hopefully she will do OK there too. She has managed two trips to town without a diaper so we hope for the best. She will be in a diaper when we go there though as there is no guarantee we can stay exactly when she needs to go. I will still take her to the bathroom every time we stop to give her an opportunity to "do without diapers with a diaper on". We have not pushed nights but she is usually dry at night and have been since she was a baby but we keep them on for safety. When she has managed being without diapers for a couple months we plan to get rid of that diaper too. It is going very smoothly now but since she has gone back once it is a little nervous.
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