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#1 of 11 Old 06-21-2014, 07:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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big baby

thank you for reading this super long post!
I have lots of anxiety about my baby,s size. I am not sure how to live this pregnancy peacefully.
baby one was over 9 pounds, born in hospital with OB
baby 2 was 11 pounds 2 onces and was a home birth with midwifes.
there was a shoulder dystocia, but with position change, they where able to get baby out with no sequela.

Now I am 24 weeks pregnant, measuring 29cm, and I really feel this baby is huge.
i know that if she is too big, I will end up with a c-section....and it is OK (well not really, but I am working on it).

the stuff that freaks me out, is all the other bad stuff that large babies are more at risk of getting: like still birth or intra-uterine death, respiratory distress at birth etc. I keep thinking that something super bad is going to happen.

The fact that my 11 pounds baby needed 3 weeks of NICU and was taken away 5 minutes after home birth doesn't help.
Neonatologists that took care of him didn't think that his respiratory problem had anything to do with his size or the way he was born....but I think that size played a role.

Usually, I am very relaxed, I tend to focus on positive outcomes....but I can't seem to do it now.

I know that the vast majority of large babies are fine.
but knowing this doesn't seem to help.

I had a good trust in my body last pregnancy. I knew that my body wouldn't grow a baby too big for me. I thought that doesn't matter the size, my body will push baby out, and he will be healthy.

Now I don't believe that at all. I think that my body is defective, that it grows huge babies. I feel like my babies suffer because of the inability of my body to help them grow normally.
I really don't want to see another baby go through what DS2 whent through.

I am hoping to find a way to be in peace with all this....
any ideas?
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#2 of 11 Old 06-21-2014, 01:11 PM
 
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What does your care provider say?

My first baby was 8.3 and my second baby was 9.3 and this baby seems on track for being another 9lber, maybe even closer to 10 if it goes over due. I'm measuring ahead but not that far ahead. I'm just trusting that since my GD test came back ok and all my US seem ok that things will work out! But I haven't had an experience like yours (yet, and hopefully not at all).

I'm sorry you are feeling stressed and I think that's a normal feeling.

I guess for me if I was in your position, I would be planning what tests and such I would feel comfortable with during pregnancy so I could feel calmer during delivery.

I would probably skip the one hour GD screen and go straight to the 3hr.
I would be willing to do a couple more late term ultrasounds. I know they can be wrong either way up to 2 lbs, but they may help a little in easing your stress' if you are having to make some choices on delivery.

This isn't a case of "suspected" big baby... this is you being worried due to past experiences and wanting to avoid them again while getting the best outcomes. Now from what I understand, some moms do measure bigger the more pregnancies they have, so that could be at play here too.

Can you discuss your fears around labour/big babies with your care provider?
Are you willing to look at an earlier induction?
Can you discuss your wants/choices if you were to have a csection?
And discuss if there are ways to avoid the NICU and other problems possibly associated with having a big baby?

Your fears are all really real, and definitely owning them and looking into ways to feel better about some of them are important. I think that by taking control of the possible outcomes, which could be many and varied, and the possible ways you might get there will help you feel more peaceful.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with this and I understand why you would. Sending good thoughts mama!

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#3 of 11 Old 06-22-2014, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you for your post!
it is helpful to just read that maybe, I am not crazy.....

My 3 hours test with DS2 was completely normal, but I still suspect that I had GD with him.
this pregnancy is not planned, so when I had a positive test, I got a glucometer and started monitoring myself, increased exercise and modified my diet.
So I gained much less this pregnancy. Then I asked a referral to the high risk pregnancy clinic, and they started me on insuline (since 9 weeks of pregnancy).
despite all that, I think I am growing a huge baby again.
I think I didn't heal psychologically from the birth trauma and Ds2 NICU stay yet. he is 2y.o now, but it seems like yesterday.
I have to talk more to my obstetrician (who is a family doctor).
last time I saw him, when he measured my fundal hight and told me I will need several ultrasounds I just burst in tears and couldn't really talk to him.

even thaugh I will most likely have good outcome, I can't seem to focus on that. I only think of the bad stuff, and this is really not me.

early induction is not recommended for macrosmia or GD, so it is not an option.
I chose a family physician that des only obstetrics, so the decision for c-section would be not a reflex, like with an OB. He would have to really think about it, and then refer me for an opinion.
If c-section is needed, then I would probably ask for a c-section after labor spontaneously started (since baby will be ready to be born)....but if we did that with DS2, he would still needed his 3 weeks of NICU stay, I would just also had a major abdominal surgery on the day he was born.
I am a physician, so that, I think, doesn't help.

I think sharing your experience and maybe good outcomes with huge babies will help me.
It's always good hearing that my fears are normal.....because sometimes I am wondering if I am crazy.....
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#4 of 11 Old 06-22-2014, 01:36 AM
 
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Nope not crazy. Totally normal!

I'm glad to see that you have been completely proactive in finding ways that *you* can control. You can't control baby's weight for sure but you are doing what you need to do to try and "do what you can".

I get being scared. I had "a lot" of normal and regular interventions with my first. And I wasn't listened to which made the interventions keep adding up as things continued to go wrong. I took a LOT of fear coming from that birth and poured myself into labour and birth for my second. I had as opposite a labour and delivery you could have (barring the fact I managed to avoid a csection the first time) and it was healing in a way. I have a lot of obstacles to my choices in care this time and I've had to make some choices that are not what I want in order to try and get as close to my ideal as possible in the setting I'm in. I know that fear. It may be coming because of a different reason, but it's a similar fear all the same.

You are taking as much charge of your health as you can and your babies health as you can. The rest is kinda up to "fate" and "it is what it is". Unfortunately you can't change what will happen, but you can keep working towards figuring out what YOU need to happen in regards to labour, delivery and a possibly NICU stay. For me it's the unknowns and unprepared for's that get me in the moment. If I can prepare and at least know ahead of time what all the options and possible outcomes for and prepare myself physically/mentally/emotionally for those outcomes I can let go and allow life to happen.

Can you possibly see a counselor or similar a few times before your birth? Is there a way that you can let go of your fear (either through preparedness or acceptance of all possible outcomes)?

And most of all... Is there a way you can forgive your body and yourself? You are not to blame and yes your body may grow big babies but it's doing what and how it knows to do things. It messed up a little last time, and it may or may not mess up again. But it needs forgiveness and acceptance as well. Unfortunately until that baby is born, you will not know how it did in it's job and there is a great possibility it will surprise you.

Keep doing what you are doing. Being proactive, questioning yourself and asking for peace and finding out what the best options are for you and your baby. If you can figure out what *you* want and need to be okay with any outcome, then the peace should follow it.

I wish you luck and sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs. Feel free to vent or talk things out or whatever else you need. Your feelings are real and I am guessing very very normal. Just keep working on doing what *you* can to feel in control.

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#5 of 11 Old 06-22-2014, 10:05 AM
 
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I can only offer my experience, as I tend to grow big babies, too, and passed the GD test with flying colors both times. My first son was 9 lb 13 oz and had mild shoulder dystocia. The midwife was able to maneuver him out, though. My second son was 11 lb 3 oz and was posterior. He was much harder for me to birth, but there was no shoulder dystocia. This time I'm hoping for a "small" 9 lb baby who isn't posterior. LOL

That said, I have fears, too, that I have a hard time putting to rest. Both times so far I have had retained placenta that had to be manually removed and both times I hemorrhaged badly, requiring multiple blood transfusions. I know that one is more likely to hemorrhage when birthing a large baby and I'm expecting that it will happen again (while hoping, of course, for the best possible outcome). I've spoken with my midwife about my fear of dying and not being around to raise my babies. She promises they will not let that happen, that they are very prepared and are expecting my particular complications. A C-section wouldn't really help me because there is also a greater risk of hemorrhaging involved and my body has proven that it can birth large babies. So for me I guess I worry about what happens after I give birth, probable retained placenta and hemorrhaging. My midwife said that the worst case scenario would be an emergency hysterectomy (which isn't desirable but certainly more desirable than death). She assured me that she didn't see that happening, either, though. I try to focus on what I can do to help bring about the best outcome. I tend to have low iron in pregnancy (the only time my iron is ever low) and have been taking supplements for a while now. I'm also having my iron levels tested more frequently than normal. Keeping my iron level up will be beneficial should I hemorrhage again. I'm also eating iron rich foods, cooking in cast iron, etc. I'm working on visualizing positive outcomes. It is hard, though. Like you, I kind of feel that my body has failed me. The reasons may be different than yours. But the effects of the perceived failure and the fear that it could happen again are incredibly weighty and difficult to manage.

My sister just had her 5th child, another home birth. She, too, has big babies (though none that were 11 lb.) and doesn't have my issues with retained placenta and hemorrhaging. I'm envious.

I've never had a baby that needed to stay in NICU and can only imagine how difficult that experience was for you, as well as the fear that it could happen again. I would try to focus on the factors within your control (such as diet) and then visualizing the best outcomes, along with relaxation techniques. Meanwhile, I know from experience that's much easier said than done. <3
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#6 of 11 Old 06-23-2014, 04:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for your posts Delightedbutterfly and Poetrylover.
Your posts are very helpful!
I am better today. My husband insisted I take 2 weeks off work, and he will decrease his work for those2 weeks to stay with the kids, so I get more rest. He thinks that I tend to see negative outcomes when I am sleep deprived and overtired.
It was hard to accept stopping work for 2 weeks (I am self employed and the main income for the family). I have never stopped before, other then planned vacation. We will see if it helps. I will try to get an appointment this week with the family doctor that does my obstetrical care to discuss my fears and make a plan.
Dlightedbutterfly: I think you are right, and I will really try to set up a plan A and B and C, and maybe more, but at least, I will feel prepared and less scared.

Poetrylover: Your retained placenta and haemorrhage is scary. But if it helps, I have never heard in my practice a mom lost to post-partum haemorrhage. I know it can happen, but it is extremely rare. Manual revision helps, but it is not fun for you!
I am also envious of your sister. and now, I kind of hate all normal birth stories I have ever read before, and Inna May's spiritual Midwifery and Guide to childbirth and other stuff I read during my 2 other pregnancies! I feel like their stories don't apply to me.
I am jealous of all my friends who do hospital births, get epidurals early, give birth vaginally lying on their back, and then get to do skin to skin with their babies! I won't have this kind of birth, but it seems so unfair that I really try to minimise any medical procedures during birth (with DS2 being a planned home birth), and still get crappy outcomes.
When you where telling about posterior babies, it reminded me that both my babies where posterior until that last moment of birth, then they both turned and where born. My midwife thought that with Ds2, the shoulder dystocia would have been avoided if he remained posterior.
So now I kind of prefer having a posterior baby, even though I imagine it is not fun!

thank you so much both for you posts!
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#7 of 11 Old 06-26-2014, 07:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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update:
I met with my doctor yesterday (I requested an appointment outside of the prenatal visits). He was really good. he listened to me for over 30 minutes.
I told hime all about Ds1 birth and his stay in NICU, then why I chose home birth, the DS2 birth and NICU, then my fears and concerns.
He sow where I am coming from.
He thought that I shouldn't get ultrasounds routinely, as they are not reliable for baby's size.
He thought that this baby is going to be big, but smaller then DS2.
He has no doubt that I will be able to deliver vaginally, and that's the safest option.
He thinks that I am doing much better during this pregnancy then I did in my last. Much less weight gain, never any sugar in the urine (but i had sugar regularly in my urine with Ds2), I am on insuline and checking my sugars 6times a day. He thinks that all this should lead to a better outcome then with Ds2.

And I thought about it a lot. And I am thinking this baby deserves to have a mother that believes in her, that is optimistic, that will work with her as a team to bring her to the world.

So I am much better know! Now I am actually excited to give birth again!
there will be relapses in the next weeks, but I should be able to bounce back.

thank you so much for your help!
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#8 of 11 Old 06-26-2014, 12:14 PM
 
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Yay! I'm glad that meeting with your Dr and having a really good chat with him helped!

I'm glad you are excited again! This will be great mama!

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#9 of 11 Old 06-26-2014, 03:08 PM
 
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I'm so glad to hear that!
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#10 of 11 Old 06-27-2014, 05:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you ladies!
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#11 of 11 Old 06-27-2014, 08:16 AM
 
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So many, many congrats to you on receiving reassurance and coming to a more peaceful place!
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