Mothering Forum banner

Horrible Sibling Rivalry

2K views 5 replies 5 participants last post by  jr37 
#1 ·
Dealing with a first time sibling who is pissed. My3Beasties helped tremendously with breaking the news.

Here's what's up: She's 9 and our family is blended. I'm step-mom and we're all good and happy family style. She seems excited about baby at times and asks me a lot of questions and makes a lot of comments positive and funny when it's just her and I. The problem is her daddy anxiety. She is major daddy's girl (but so was I and this daddy is awesome, too, so I get it) and has become fixated on him and cries a lot about not wanting to be a big sister and not wanting to share him.

No matter what anyone tell her she can't get past thinking that he'll have no time for her once the baby comes.

I wish there was something we could do to make it better and help her trust us that she'll always be part of him and that "sharing is caring" as the Care Bears say.

One thing that is a bother is she wants him to promise that no one else will ever call him dad. Ahhh!! It feels good to vent but is there ANYthing you all can think of that might help her?

Thanks!
 
See less See more
#3 ·
Have you ever read Siblings Without Rivalry? It's a super easy read, and while I read it years ago and can't remember much to share, I found it really good.
 
#4 ·
I also loved that book and need to re-read it. My DDs are less than two years apart, and hard as that was, I think it's be even harder to have a child who was so mature and sophisticated in her thoughts! To realize daddy won't be able to focus as much on her and their relationship will change.,,that's a hard one because she's right! Of course he won't love her any less, but still. I know I'm probably not helping much here, just wanted to emphasize that this sounds challenging!

My only idea is for her and her daddy to take up a special thing together--her pick. Whether it's campfire girls or Thursday night roller skating or a certain pizza place they go just them. Once a week or month or whatever works. She decides what, they start it now, and then promise her it'll still happen on the assigned date once baby comes. Of course barring family illnesses or whatever boundaries you need to set. But then no matter what, they keep doing that just them. HTH!! Grace to you!
 
#5 ·
Thanks ya'll. I'll definitely check out the book. They spend a lot of time together and that's one good reason why she's jealous. He is amazing. I'm glad I never found it so hard when my sis came along when I was 10 I'm happy to say but my parents weren't divorced. I can empathize just because I know her sensitivities about needing more equal time with dad, which she is getting a lot more of these days. This time with him will hopefully bring her more security as she turns tweeny. :)

Thanks for the input everybody.
 
#6 ·
Dealing with a first time sibling who is pissed. My3Beasties helped tremendously with breaking the news.
Here's what's up: She's 9 and our family is blended. I'm step-mom and we're all good and happy family style. She seems excited about baby at times and asks me a lot of questions and makes a lot of comments positive and funny when it's just her and I. The problem is her daddy anxiety. She is major daddy's girl (but so was I and this daddy is awesome, too, so I get it) and has become fixated on him and cries a lot about not wanting to be a big sister and not wanting to share him.
No matter what anyone tell her she can't get past thinking that he'll have no time for her once the baby comes.
My brother was just 1yr and 1 month older than me but, since he was so well bonded with his parents and was NOT mentally prepared for my arrival, I believe he was devastated by my INVASION of his perfect world and then injured even more when our parents abandoned him to focus all their love and attention onto me. He absolutely HATED MY GUTS from day one and our parents did nothing at all to help him happily accept me or stop him from bitterly abusing and punishing me for ruining his perfect life with his daddy and mommy.

I wish there was something we could do to make it better and help her trust us that she'll always be part of him and that "sharing is caring" as the Care Bears say.
One thing that is a bother is she wants him to promise that no one else will ever call him dad. Ahhh!! It feels good to vent but is there ANYthing you all can think of that might help her?
Thanks!
All I can think of is what might have help my brother and I - promote love and respect within the family as much as you can and MODEL it most of all. If the girl is already jealous and insecure, something is not right there, IMO, so I'd examine that issue before the newbie arrives.
good luck
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top