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Unplanned pregnancy

3K views 117 replies 19 participants last post by  BallardBaby 
#1 ·
I've been debating whether to create this thread. I know there are people in this DDC who've tried so hard for their babies and I can't even imagine how annoying it would be to bump into someone like me who wants to whine about how easily she gets pregnant.

But I've noticed others who've mentioned that their pregnancies were unplanned too, and I'd really love a place where we could talking about all of our associated excitements and disappointments.

This is my third unplanned pregnancy. I got pregnant once on the pill (never missed a day), once while using a condom and this pregnancy I was using FAM and not sure if it was the pullout method three days before O (DH pulled out a good five minutes before he finished) or the unprotected sex 3 dpo that did us in but obviously something went wrong somewhere! Sorry if TMI but I'm still trying to figure out what happened...

I had been really starting to feel done and like my family was complete. Hubby was sure he was done, and we had started serious research on the "Big V." I was starting to workout again, to write again professionally and was starting to look forward to not having tiny kids anymore. We also just started my oldest (she's 4) at Waldorf and we love it and were hoping to be able to scrimp to afford that for both kiddos down the road...

What's that saying, that when you make plans, God laughs? I am not a religious person, but I consider my surpregnancy with DD 2 to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. It taught me that I don't always know what's best and that surprises can be amazing!!!

I'm trying to hold on to that knowledge, to remember that I was a little depressed when I found out about her, too. To remember how amazingly important she turned out to be for our family! I'm trying not to constantly stress about money and stress and energy.

But sometimes I do need to vent a little. When I go to hubby, it makes me sad because he has even more anxiety/ uncertainty about this pg than I do!! And one of my friends was horrified when I told her about my negative feelings. I think you really can't understand if you haven't been there.

I know how blessed I am to never have dealt with a loss or infertility. But I sometimes feel overwhelmed at this burden. I'm hoping you mamas can help.

One thing that has always helped me in the past, that is almost like a mantra for me, is that nine months is a long time, that a lot can change in nine months. With DD2, the month before she was born found me hungry for another baby. I felt so lucky that I wouldn't have to wait.
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#102 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by HouseofPeace View Post

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there really isn't an emoticon that really sums up my honest response to what i just read!!!!

this was the only one that fit that didn't involve anger or hellfire.
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It honestly could be completely different for all I know. In my mom's case she had a bunch of ovarian cysts that were causing her a lot of pain so her whole uterus had to go. Honestly though, knowing the anatomy, I can't see how they would do a tubal without making a separate incision.
 
#103 ·
My mom had her tubes tied after me, 30 years ago. All of her babies were born vaginally, but she has an ENORMOUS scar across her belly that looks like a c-section. It's probably 8" long. Seeing her with that when I was little and then later learning it was from that procedure horrified me about tubal ligation.

But then more recently a friend from high school had her tubes tied after she decided she didn't want to ever have kids, and they went in through her belly button (or right next to it), and she made it out to sound like not a big deal at all. If I remember correctly she went home the same day.

I'm sure a good doctor makes all the difference, but it's amazing how smooth they can make things these days.
 
#104 ·
how did the big V go?

saw an OB for the first time yesterday! can i just say that i was SO GLAD to hear the heartbeat. probably my only Dr's visit this pregnancy.

measuring 22 weeks, and Dr said my due date should be more Aug 12th/15th instead of 18th. whatever. going to aim for 18th and then hope i go before! never gone before a due date before! (Dr also was looking at my 41 week, 41+ week, 42 week, and 41 week births and doesn't see either diet or predisposition to premature labor. my earliest was born ON his due date. i was so proud of him!
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also already gained 22lbs. UGH. i hate looking. the nurse was surprised though and then wrote it down as 132 instead of 152.
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and i had to correct her.

i don't know how i could aim to keep it lower than 40lbs this pregnancy, but my midwife would probably say she's prefer 45 b/c she's biased towards me having a little extra weight and eating enough vs. trying to stay in weight and depriving me/baby of nutrients. since my diet is 90% clean, it's hard to cut out the few treats i do enjoy! and i've yet to have a LARGE baby. 7lbs 15oz, 7lbs 9oz, 8lbs 8oz, 7lbs even (and i gained 45 lbs that pregnancy), and 8lbs 5oz. all between 18-22 inches long. i don't eat a lot of carbs, but also find if i cut them out i start having crazy cravings.
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wish i hadn't seen my weight, but now to try and let it go. nurse said exercise doesn't help, it's really diet. exercise helps w/ fitness and strength and all that, but not good in pregnancy for maintaining weight. i also know i've gained some muscle- doing pilates has bulked my legs up some already! but i also have a lot of extra junk in the trunk (i get pregnant in my butt first!) and my bras are 34G and 32J.... up a bit.... i always wonder how much weight my breasts gain!

SO TIRED HERE and a little frustrated w/ husband. he was out Friday night and Sat night til midnight for work. then home Sunday but mostly useless and napping. and then he was gone Mon/Tuesday for a conference away. Today he overslept, (he usually just wakes up and leaves after feeding himself and getting tea or something) and then he grabbed MY tea which i had just made. I often make him tea, but today was so pissed that he was going to leave w/out helping at all- no helping get kids together, chatting, just taking care of himself, that i LOST IT over the stupid tea. i haven't slept in for 2 weeks, and haven't slept well for a few nights, and i get so irritable when tired. i was so angry that all he has to do is wake up and take care of himself. if he's hungry, he goes and buys food, he doesn't have to cook for 5 people first, settle them in, and then try to feed himself while bouncing up and down to refill water, milk, clean up a spill, fight people off his food, etc. if he wants tea, he has a lovely wife who will serve him tea or coffee (usually w/out him even asking) but he never thinks to return the favor?? i prepare my food and the kids food, and his food if he's not being picky. i do the shopping w/ all 5 kids, i put them to bed at night while he washes dishes (which takes him 2 hours and he expects me to help in after i put the kids to bed), i do homeschool during the day, naptime, make all the meals and do all the laundry and housework EXCEPT dishes. and i'm EXHAUSTED. i just can't understand why he wouldn't even try to think of how to help me sometimes instead of just doing what he wants. and when i say things like 'could you help me ....' it's always like i'm asking the impossible and just demanding so much from him ALL THE TIME.

can i send him to training school? or i'll go to training school and he can stay w/ the kids for a few days while someone teaches me how to chill out!
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#105 ·
I so, SO get it. *hugs* I don't have as many kids, but I get those same feelings. Especially about how he can just get up and do what he wants without thinking of all these little people. And they just don't get it.
 
#106 ·
thanks, lactating girl!

the night culminated w/ me sitting on the floor howling 'I'M TIRED!!!! I'M TIRED!!!!!' over and over again while weeping. when pregnant, sometimes i just want my mommy. or someone to put me to bed and take care of stuff.

i'm normally very energetic and level emotionally, even during pregnancy, but there was definitely extreme fatigue and a major hormone shift recently. he took the next morning off to let me rest in a bit. and he's also just been there more for me the last few days as he kinda noticed i'm not gonna just keep holding it together. it's amazing how long we can hold it together for before just crumbling into messes.

baby has hit a major growth spurt- today my belly is insanely different than just 3-4 days ago. and we enter our 3rd weekend in a row w/ husband out working. he's taking monday off though. so i'm happy about that. off to catch up on laundry, dishes, cooking, and read about 2000 books to the world's most beautiful whiny people!
 
#107 ·
i just want to point out that my husband's response to my grumpiness and trying to communicate how tired i was was simply to repeat 'i know. i'm tired too.' which just wasn't helping me.....
 
#109 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandmleona View Post

I don't know how you do it all, HouseofPeace. I don't keep up with nearly as much as you do. I get similar responses, though. This morning I kept saying I'm running away. My husband's response was how many kids are you taking with you?
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yup. i think we've had that discussion too!!!

i don't keep up too well. read an American Girls book to the girls, and had one less kid this afternoon. but laundry didn't get done. i did prune some trees. and ate a dozen almond spice cookies. then some egg drop soup w/ homemade stock i made last night, and some carrots and cucumber. exercise fell off the radar this week too.
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i always think 'there have to be other local moms who get this desperate feeling! WHERE ARE THEY?' (cause maybe we could take turns having movie days at each others houses! i can take on another 3 kids easily on days when i'm not yanking my hair out.) b/c i just don't seem to find them very often locally. i also find that people don't think i'm EVER like that. but Little League has started so maybe i'll meet a few!!!
 
#110 ·
Oh HoP, you and I could be best friends.
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. And swap kids....and homeschool co-op.....and have clean house days.
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. Sometimes I think I should move to SLC where 7 bedroom houses are affordable, and moms staying home with big families are a dime a dozen!
 
#111 ·
Well, the v went off without a hitch! Surgery took five minutes, was completely painless, and hubby wasn't even sore afterward. It's pretty amazing. It was hard having to let him "recover" all weekend and not being able to lift anything for a week so I'm glad we did it now, when I can still force myself to do the heavy lifting, and not in a few months, when I could really hurt something.

There were two other couples in the waiting room of the clinic with newborns with them and both parents looked so tired and out of it. I just kept thinking how glad I was to not have an allegedly incapacitated husband lying on the couch while I cared for a newborn and two small kiddos.

In other words, get 'er done, ladies, if you and your man are ready. Driving home from the clinic it dawned on me that I will never have to think about birth control again, that I can have sex with my husband any time I want, that I won't have to be the one that stops us right when it's feeling soooo good, that I'll never likely again stare down a shock of a positive pregnancy test.

Also, it was so much easier to deal with the finality of it while I could feel the kicks and rolls in my belly. We are not done just yet. But after this will be just right for us!!

Two days after the V, we found out we are having another little girl ( all three are girks!). If I'm honest, it's what I really, really wanted. I am so excited!!!!
 
#112 ·
So glad it was so easy on him! Was it the scalpel free procedure? I'm trying to talk my dh into getting it done. He is hesitant about anything permanent, and I'm trying to be respectful and patient, but I am DONE.
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#113 ·
Yep, it was scapel- fee and needle-free, performed by Charles Wilson aka "Dr. Snip" at Seattle's The Vasectomy Clinic. There was a feeling of a slight rubber-band snap at the very beginning when the jet-puffer applied the anesthetic. Then nothing at all. I watched the whole thing. It was so minor you wouldn't believe it. Hubby said getting his flu shot was way more traumatic :)!
 
#114 ·
i need to find this guy here!!!

it's not easy to find someone local.

my husband's dr said there was no real difference in no-scalpel v/s scalpel but this sounds so undramatic! i'm wondering if we should really find a clinic that specializes instead of just a urologist....
 
#115 ·
My hubby had his done Friday too. We were all into the idea of the no-scalpel, but my husband's doctor said the same thing about not a big difference. DH didn't really like the numbing part, but other than that it's been smooth sailing. No pain (tiny bit of discomfort is all) and he's doing grand. I totally agree that it's been hard to really have him stay off his feet. I want him to go get me stuff and help deal with the kids! Today was the last day of that though, so yay!

I am so excited that we are just done. I'll never have to worry about getting pregnant again. I'll never have to BE pregnant again. In a way it's making me cherish this pregnancy that much more, just knowing that it's the final time. This pregnancy has also been good about keeping me reminded that I'm happy to be done. Like the heartburn I'm experiencing right now or the cold I had last week!
 
#117 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by lactatinggirl View Post
I am so excited that we are just done. I'll never have to worry about getting pregnant again. I'll never have to BE pregnant again. In a way it's making me cherish this pregnancy that much more, just knowing that it's the final time. This pregnancy has also been good about keeping me reminded that I'm happy to be done. Like the heartburn I'm experiencing right now or the cold I had last week!
i'm just now facing the 'this might be the last time' and it's surprisingly intense for me! i love babies (2 new ones at church and i want to steal them and snuggle them), i love my little toddler, i love my children. part of me is ready to be done w/ being a manatee shaped seedpod for another human, and part of me will always cherish it. probably good to stop while i'm still in love w/ this all!!! this pregnancy has been so easy that i'm really kinda struggling w/ LAST ONE even though i'm exhausted and overwhelmed. but part of me thinks i need to just keep this part of my life alive by helping other women going through it. either through midwifery, doula work, or just as a support for women in early motherhood. IT'S DAMN HARD. and wonderful. and i wouldn't trade it for the world, but i also don't want to pretend that someday's aren't more than i can handle!!!

i think that's why my husband is getting the work done. he's caught on that i can keep frustratedly and overwhelmedly doing this, but it's not what we want for the next decade of our life. i'm kinda blown away by the thought of what the next stage of our life might be. excited. very very excited.
 
#118 ·
It is definitely exciting and sad. Especially then it is so final. Just a few days ago a neighbor told me she might try for a fourth and I felt a rush of excitement, thinking that I might try for a fourth, then a sudden realization that hubby is sterile now, then a jolting reality check: girl what are you thinking?? You don't want to be pregnant again !! This all happened in less than a second. But I think there will always be part of me that wants a zillion babies. And there will always be a larger part of me that thinks that other part of me is nuts!! But both parts will be hugging this last little baby sooo tight and never wanting her to grow up
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