older siblings? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: would you or are you allowing older siblings to be present for later birth(s)?
Yes 1 50.00%
No 0 0%
Maybe 1 50.00%
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#1 of 4 Old 07-16-2014, 03:55 PM - Thread Starter
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older siblings?

So, I've got two munchkins already, one who is 6.5 and one who is 4.5. Since we own a smaller livestock farm, they have always been rather familiar with the whole biological concept of procreation though we do try and keep at least the human part of actually making the baby to just the biological facts and functions. (I actually had to draw diagrams like some of the basic ones from the first sessions of sex ed from elementary school this time!)

Anyhow, the main question is this: will you allow your baby's older siblings to be present?

how old are your kiddos and does that or will that change your answer in the future?

what are you planning to provide for your older children's needs?

Personally, I'm torn. We are planning on a hospital but all natural birth(same place and all as #2 's birth so no worries there) We are planning on having my hubby there, just like always and he's my main support figure. (no doula). I'd love my children to have the option to be there but I'm not sure how best to support them without making myself feel uncomfortable. We live with my in-laws and they often care for our girls but I definitely don't want them there for the birth. (my mother in law has a tendency to hover and it would drive me battier than usual here) My own mother might be fine but she's 5 hours away so it simply may not be practical. we have a close friend who is aunty to our girls and that'd be fine but she also has a farm to manage and run, thus perhaps also not practical. My sister lives in town but her work may not be flexible (but it might) but I'm not sure how comfortable SHE would be being present.

any other suggestions? at 4.5 and 6.5 yo, I don't want to offer something that may not work out and have them bummed out. i also don't want to make tentative plans and then surprise them with the option without being able to prepare them for what they may witness. While sheep just tend to get it over with quietly here, I know it's not as quick and clean and quiet with me...

any suggestions? I'd love to be able to offer them the option with preparation but just haven't found the "right" way for us yet... any suggestions and/or opinions would be helpful!

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Farming mama to DD1
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(10/18/07), DD2
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(10/3/09) who are always 
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DS born 8.21.14
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and wife to loving hubby
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#2 of 4 Old 07-16-2014, 05:36 PM
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My kids are 14, 12, 9, 7, 5, and 2. They will stay next door at my mils.

My oldest daughter was at my previous two births. She was 7 the first time and it was a homebirth and 10 the second time and it was a planned hospital birth. Both times we had a friend who was training to be a midwife come help with her. The hospital's policy is that any child under, I can't remember - 13 maybe???, has to have their own adult to watch them. Since our friend is no longer in the state and we don't really have anyone else to take her place we are not going to be taking dd this time. She is a little disappointed but also said she was glad not to have to hear me screaming.
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#3 of 4 Old 07-20-2014, 01:29 PM
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Mine are 6, 4 and 2
With previous births we have asked if the elder siblings have wanted to be present and each time they chose to visit their grandparents instead. Obviously they were still very young and required a lot supervision so as long as they were happy to go we were happy to let them so we could focus on the new baby entering the world.

This time however we are in a new home and my parents live on a cottage on the property. We have discussed and prepared the children for birth and have advised them that they can be as involved as they wish, if they would like to go to their grandparents they are welcome, if they want to watch movies in another room that is fine and if they wish to be in the same room as me then they are more than welcome. So we will see how it goes. Personally I would love them to be a part of the birth as I believe in modern culture we are too far removed from it, but I like that they will be able to do what they are comfortable with in the moment.

So firstly I would suggest speaking to your children about the birth, including discussions on how you might sound and act and how it's normal, read books about the birth etc, and then ask them if they would like to be present and go from there.

With this one as with our last two births, we have a doula/midwife assistant we can call who is happy to help with the children. Perhaps this is something that could help you out of your dilemma, a doula who is happy to supervise/entertain the children as necessary?
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#4 of 4 Old 07-21-2014, 06:39 PM
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I only have DS who is 4. He says he wants to be here. We watched several birth videos and talked about how babies are born. I'm a midwifery student, so he is used to me talking about birth.

I have a friend/my mom(depending on when the baby decides to come) lined up to come and keep an eye on him, and if he gets antsy, she'll take him to her house. If we need to transfer into the hospital, my MW said that he could come along, but kids get bored in small delivery suites, so I'd likely get someone to stay home with him.
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