Smart Ass Replies to Rude Questions - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 01:42 AM - Thread Starter
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Smart Ass Replies to Rude Questions

I am now 34 weeks along, and I am fairly big. It seems like every day someone is asking me if I am having twins (I am not), or commenting on my size. Does anyone have any clever responses? I am really tired of fielding these questions!
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#2 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 06:31 AM
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Originally Posted by ernverry View Post
I am now 34 weeks along, and I am fairly big. It seems like every day someone is asking me if I am having twins (I am not), or commenting on my size. Does anyone have any clever responses? I am really tired of fielding these questions!
It's not exactly the same thing but people keep asking me when I'm due. I say never, I am trapped in a time warp and this is a scientific experiment gone awry. My husband actually came up with it and it leaves most people speechless.

I can't believe people are asking if you are having twins. It would never, ever occur to me to ask someone that. I get annoyed when someone says to me "Well, you look terrific." Or when they comment about being pregnant in the summer. (Which I totally do on purpose)

I honestly wish people would ignore the fact that I am pregnant already!
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#3 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 08:46 AM
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Ugh. I wish the comments would stop, too, even though the ones I get are universally well-intentioned. No, security guard, I don't need you to tell me not to go into labor on your shift because you don't want to call an ambulance. Thanks, random stranger, for the congratulations and gender-prediction! Two weeks, every single solitary person at my office who needs to know when I'm planning to go on leave if they don't come early!

I have no advice--I try to not take it personally, and remember to leave all the poor preggos alone when I'm not and they are and everyone is bugging them. But it's kind of like asking newlyweds when they're going to have kids--no one seems to be able to help it.

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#4 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 08:50 AM
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I have measured 37 since week 24. I am beyond DONE with people questions. some days I field them better than others.

I thought when we did an ultrasound to check for twins, it would shut people up. NO!!!
"O one can hide, you know..." gah!!

What pregnancy does to my head: dizzy.gif
What new babies do for my heart:   treehugger.gif

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#5 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 09:01 AM
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I work with a lot of older folks and am literally the first person ever in the office to be pregnant. Most have kids in their 40s.

What I find most annoying is when I'm meeting someone new and with introductions they say things like, "and clearly she's having a baby..." Or "she's eating for 2." It's like, obviously I'm pregnant, we're at work, let's talk work.

I feel like once you're pregnant, people don't ask you normal questions about you and your life. It is all baby and all encompassing. People keep asking me if I just want to grab and hold every baby I see. I do not feel that way. I wouldn't exactly consider myself a "kid person." Definitely excited about having this baby, but I do not find every child simply adorable. It's definitely a transition period for me.
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#6 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 10:39 AM
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I constantly get these comments, "Is it twins?" "Are you sure???" "You're sure big!" "Your fourth! Wow!" "Aren't you so hot being pregnant in the summer?"

I really don't like strangers staring and commenting on my body. I find it so rude. When people comment on the twins/my hugeness, I just say, "You know, I never get tired of hearing that!" I thought this would get the message across without being too direct, but most people don't seem to get it at all that they've said anything wrong. I wish I had the guts to deny being pregnant when strangers bring it up. I would love to reverse the discomfort, but I can't bring myself to lie so directly about it.

I have my annoyances for all these comments. Yes, I live in the southern US and I'm due in July/August. Yes, I'm hot. Aren't you? It's 95 degrees with 80% humidity. Aren't you hot, too??? I think that's going to be my new stock response -- "Isn't everyone hot in this weather?"

When they give me big eyes for having my fourth child, yes that bugs me. I don't feel like four is that many. I'm not getting a show on TLC anytime soon. A generation or two ago, I wouldn't have raised an eyebrow. More than two or maybe three now, and I feel like people see me as some kind of weirdo. I like kids and wanted a big family. I wish more people could respond positively to this. And why on earth does EVERYONE who sees me without my other kids physically with me assumes that this is my first? That's one of those mysteries of pregnant interactions that I haven't figured out yet.

Coworkers focusing on it, yes, that's annoying, too. I went to a conference last month, and someone I barely know, a man, was looking at me and talking to the person next to him. When he saw me looking, he said, "Carrying low -- that means a boy, right?" And that made me so uncomfortable.

I try not to get too riled up about all this, because I have multiple friends who struggle with infertility and would love to have these problems, but they do wear on me sometimes. The stranger at the store might only have the conversation with me once, but I do this several times a day, every day.

I'm not hating being pregnant or anything, but I look forward to when the world won't treat me like nothing but a uterus again.
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M/C at 8 weeks -- May 2000. DS #1 -- March 2001. DS #2 -- November 2002. (Ten year break!) DD -- October 2011. M/C at 8 weeks -- May 2013. Expecting #4 late July.
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#7 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 10:57 AM
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I have been big for the past couple of weeks already and never, not even in my other pregnancies, carried my belly high. It sits quite low. We live in a small town and I get constantly asked when I am due. They won't believe it is still a few weeks since this belly of mine is soooooo low. Well, not everybody carries the same way.

I just tell them it will still be awhile. I stay vague about my actual due date. Nobody needs to know but family. I also keep the planned home birth very private because that is nobody elses business but mine and since it is not very common here, I sure wanted to avoid hearing all the 'good advice' people would have had with that topic.

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”

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#8 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 12:14 PM
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I've been asked if it's twins since I was in the 2nd trimester. Sometimes I'm inclined to say "no, actually it's quadruplets!" or something in that manner. People are annoying, but something about a pregnant belly gives everyone something to comment on. "Wow, you're enormous! But you're all baby!" Um, wtf does that mean? Thanks for the compliment? It depends on my mood, and I've been very moody, so some people unfortunately will get their lovely comments ricocheted right back at 'em! Seriously, do "surprise" twins even happen anymore? Wouldn't I be aware if I felt double movements? And then, getting questioned about having #3 , "Well, you said you were done at 2... how do you know there won't be a fourth?" that is another one that pisses me off! I don't care who is asking the question, my reproductive life is between me and my husband, so when someone decides to go there, I harass them about their reproductive choices or something uncomfortable... can't help it! I hear you all, and completely feel the same way!
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#9 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 02:22 PM
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I too get tired of the comments. I've been told how huge and tiny I am in the same day. Always if it's a boy or girl and how hot I'm going to be for the next month.

The one that bothers me the most is "Are you getting excited?" I know people are just trying to be friendly and make conversation, but I really wish they would think about what they are asking. Do you really want to open up a conversation about how not excited I might be? A friend of mine was telling me that a friend of hers was undecided on keeping her baby for quite a while and was truly not excited at all. She hated that question.

I have a coworker that asks me how I'm feeling EVERY SINGLE DAY. I've just started saying huge and uncomfortable, or pregnant.

I'm also surprised with how many people openly ask how we conceived. I'm sure they are just curious and we are pretty open about it, but it's SO weird. DW just started her new job a couple of weeks ago and one of her employees asked if we used a donor and how we did it...awkward.

Me (31) DW (28) 2 puppies and our sweet little love born 6/19/14
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#10 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 03:04 PM
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We have 2 sets of same sex couples were friends with in the area who are also pretty good friends with each other.

The one couple were really good friends and I would feel completely comfortable with asking them how they conceived (they are not trying), the other couple we play cards with once a month and they're trying to conceive. I'd say we're pretty open but even then, I did not ask them their method as I just didn't think it appropriate. It's hard for me to believe near strangers would ask such intimate questions.

Even though I know they are trying, I don't ask every time I see them "how's it going?" because I think that is just as rude. Don't want to put any added pressure if they haven't and I figure they'll say something when the time is right.

Another question I've been asked and that I think is pretty rude is, "was it planned?" 3/4 of the planet wasn't "planned." Do people really want the real answer?
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#11 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 03:33 PM
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I'm not in his DDC or even pregnant, but this thread was highlighted, and I got sucked into it because I've experienced this kind of brazen rudeness with all of my pregnancies. It's definitely changed how *I* treat pregnant women. I actually don't even talk about pregnancy or babies unless they bring it up. I figure that pregnant women probably want to talk about subjects enjoyed by non pregnant people--books, philosophy, sales at Macy's, sports, paint colors for the living room... Like someone said, you're human beings, not walking uteruses.

Snarky responses? "Excuse me? Twins?? I have a rare abdominal goiter, and if you don't mind, I'm a little sensitive about it."

Hang in there, mamas! And brace yourselves for the ridiculous comments you'll hear about your newborns!

“It is simply no longer possible to believe much of the clinical research that is published, or to rely on the judgment of trusted physicians or authoritative medical guidelines.” - Marcia Angell, M.D., former NEJM Editor Private Parts are Private Property!
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#12 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 03:42 PM
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We should just all pretend to burst into tears. I think that would stop the comments soon enough.
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#13 of 15 Old 06-13-2014, 07:49 PM
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How many people at the farmers market over the last several weeks have asked me if i am going to go into labor at the many times have i been asked "are you sure there's just one in there?" or boy, you are carrying low...people are so blunt. I try to just roll it over, but sometimes...

Mama to 4yo dd Piper, loving wife to Dave and preggo for the second time...due in Early July!  Hurray!
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#14 of 15 Old 06-14-2014, 11:45 AM
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I get the opposite! I have a long torso so I look pretty small. People always say "omg! You are 35 weeks? I look like that the day I find out!"

And I had theis funny line when people would ask "how are you feeling?" I say
"Large, and in charge!" They always laugh. And then make a snide remark about how small I am.

Iv gained 20 freaking pounds!!!! Do you think I always look like this!!!

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#15 of 15 Old 06-14-2014, 12:59 PM
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"When are you due?"

A little sensitive for me. I'm not telling anybody my EDD, I'm planning a home birth, and my first was a borderline preemie - so I'm sitting here with my fingers crossed that I actually get to 36 weeks. I usually say something like, "Oh, if it stays in for another couple of weeks, I'll be happy."

"Do you know what you're having?"
"My older child wants a puppy. I'm leaning toward velociraptor."

I also get the "Are you having twins?" or "What hospital are you using?" or "You look like you're ready to pop!" or "Is it a boy or a girl?" constantly.

"What hospital are you using?"
"We're not." Half the time I say that just for the dumbfounded look I get in response.

At the Farmer's Market today, some stranger told me to not go into labor right there. Thanks, bro. I'll try. I really don't want to do the baby juggle in the middle of your vegetables and beef jerky.


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tiny.human v2.0 summer 2014

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