Roller coaster of emotions leading up to delivery--anyone else? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 07-07-2014, 03:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Roller coaster of emotions leading up to delivery--anyone else?

Due to placenta previa, we have a scheduled C-section for this Friday (37 weeks, 2 days) to avoid going into labor. Other than near constant bleeding/spotting since about week 24, this has been a pretty non-eventful pregnancy (my first).

As I get closer to delivery, I'm going through a lot of different emotions and thoughts. I guess that is probably normal? But I thought I'd share in case anyone has insight or also wants to share what they are going through.

I haven't felt a strong bond with the baby during pregnancy and not much in the way of emotion, aside from a few times we had to rush to the hospital for heavier bleeding and I was scared we'd lose the baby or that it would come early. My intense emotions at those times makes me believe that I do love and will bond with the baby when it is born.

But I can't help but keep thinking this past week, knowing it's coming, that I'm afraid I won't love (or even like) the baby or being a mom. One thought that comes to mind a lot is that having a baby feels like probably the strangest thing that has ever happened to me.

I have fears: fears of the surgery, of the baby being OK since it'll be early, of the post-operative pain and recovery. When I think about having the baby, it makes me want to cry because my life is about to change so drastically. I cry thinking about how it will no longer be just my husband and me (it's been just us for about 9 years). I also fear I won't bond as well with the baby b/c it's born via C-section and I won't experience any labor hormones at all.

At the same time, I feel some level of excitement to find out if baby is a boy or girl and see what s/he looks like. But I feel overwhelmed at the idea of caring for a baby while recovering from birth, and being home alone and not working for months (or indefinitely).

I think a lot of it comes down to BIG CHANGES all happening at once: motherhood, recovery, baby care, my marriage, my work life, etc. I've never been one who is good with change, and it just seems like a lot all at once. It all feels very surreal like I can't believe it's about to happen.

IS THIS NORMAL?? Please tell me how you feel (or felt) in the final days before your delivery? THANK YOU.
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#2 of 6 Old 07-07-2014, 04:12 PM
 
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Yes, you are normal. 100% normal. The fact that you are willing to acknowledge your worries and emotions is very healthy. Your life is changing, so nervousness and anxiety about is to be expected.

I will make one note though, have both your partner and yourself read bout the signs of postpartum depression. Not saying that you will experience it, of course, but if it does, the sooner you seek help, the quicker you'll feel better.
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#3 of 6 Old 07-07-2014, 04:22 PM
 
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Quite appropriate thoughts and emotions. It's a whole new experience... one that nobody can prepare you for... and one that very few women enter without feeling quite taken by their little beings.

With my 2nd, I knew I was going to be a single mom. I didn't want the baby at all. I had picked out adoptive parents to raise him, and was all set to go on with life without him. No emotional connection. Then my family convinced me that it would be okay to keep him, that they'd help me, that they were having a hard time thinking of their little being being cared for by somebody else. In the end, I decided to keep him. But I wouldn't love him. Certainly not as much as I loved my first.

Then he came.
I loved him right away, in an instinctual way, but it took me a few days to really really feel a connection to him. Soon he completely won my heart. 13 years later, I couldn't even fathom not having him in my life. He's incredible. And has taught me so much about myself, life, my part in the grander scheme of it all...

It's overwhelming being on the verge of motherhood. That's okay. Trust. Trust in yourself, in your partner, in the flow of the Universe, in this beings presence in your life.

Warm hugs to you, mama friend.
Enjoy the ride!

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#4 of 6 Old 07-07-2014, 07:14 PM
 
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I remember with my first I just got to the point where I was SO sick and tired of being pregnant and wanted to meet her already!!

This time around it's been tougher, including struggling with depression during the pregnancy. There are some days where I think 'I don't even want this baby! I want my life to go back to the way it was! How can I love this baby as much as W?' and then other days I just cannot wait to meet him/her, see their face, snuggle, think of our amazing growing family, etc. etc.

It's normal to be on a roller coaster of emotions; heck! we have a crapload of hormones in our body in much larger quantities than we're used to!! As mamaBlue suggested, read up on baby blues, postpartum depression, etc. Know the signs. If you can, have someone visit every day for the first week or so (or longer, if possible). Honestly, DO NOT try to do anything the first week, except take care of you and baby. It's a big adjustment!

Theatre-techie at heart, married to a theatre-techie hubby,and mama to an incredible baby girl, (h20homebirth.gifJan 14, 2012) and expecting a surprise in July 2014!  We are having a blastbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif, andfemalesling.GIF.
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#5 of 6 Old 07-07-2014, 08:43 PM
 
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O mama, you are NOT alone!

I dont even know how to say what I feel, but know you are not alone!

What pregnancy does to my head: dizzy.gif
What new babies do for my heart:   treehugger.gif

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#6 of 6 Old 07-09-2014, 02:28 AM
 
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You sound like just any normal first time mama! I went through the same exact motions. Lots of worries, fears of the unknown, not knowing what to expect and how to deal with it. I had absolutely no babies around me growing up and did not know how to bond with baby, if I should breastfeed at all etc. But it all came naturally after the birth. I cannot speak for cs delivery but I am sure your bonding with the baby will just go fine. Just go with the flow and your intuition will help you. Talking with other moms helped me a lot when I got insecure about things. You are on the right path.

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”
―Socrates

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