MIL visit is already annoying me... - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-20-2014, 11:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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MIL visit is already annoying me...

And it is still 3 weeks away.

In a nutshell: our first son will be here monday (via induction. ..we are so excited.)

Both our families are out of town. My parents are on their way now for the birth and an open ended period of time...probably 2 weeks. They are staying in their rv...neither will be in our home too much. My dad likes his me time and my mom will be working remotely for her job. Additionally, their aim is to help...not dominate with baby time.

I am like my dad...need peace and quiet. Dont like to chit chat or hearing repeated stories of when my dh was young or other stories ive heard more than once.

My mil likes to talk and is oblivious to cues other ppl give to stop talking. It drives me insane.

She invited herself to stay for 10 days in our home...a 2 bedroom condo and possibly my 13 y.o. niece will come with her. Our son will be 2.5 weeks old. I told dh before she stated her plans that I did not want her to stay more than a few days. While he knows his mom can be a lot, he doesnt back me up and doesnt see how it can impact our family in serious ways including bonding, routine, breastfeeding, and my mental health. I feel like a weakling bc I dont speak up to her but the way she announces her plans is with such authority and excitement I dont know what to do to stop it. She is oblivious. This is the lady that stayed with us for two days after our wedding. I feel like her aim is to spend max time with the baby and expect unsolicited advice and baby hogging. She means well and means only love but the result is usually overwhelming and just too much. She is very involved in her other grandchildrens lives that live near her and has expressed regret for only having 10 days woth our son.

She cant afford a hotel...can barely afford the gas and time off work to come. No one else to stay with...

This tirned onto quite the venting sssion but...help! Advice on how to stay sane...I dont feel like I can change the terms of the stay itself.
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Old 06-22-2014, 07:12 AM
 
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If you keep your feelings bottled up, you'll only be building resentment that will quite possibly end up being directed at your husband. There is a great book called, Crucial Conversations. I highly recommend it. As you begin your life as a parent, you will, inevitably, need to have a relationship with your mil that you feel you can express yourself and be heard. If nothing else, and even if she doesn't understand your feelings, at least you'll feel good knowing that you've spoken your truth. It doesn't have to be confrontational to have crucial conversations, and you don't need to feel guilty for having your feelings. You are more than justified in wanting quiet time and alone time with your new family. I would also suggest trying once again to express your feelings to your husband about the effects your mil is having on you.
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