shouldn't there be rules for talking to pregnant women? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-25-2014, 09:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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shouldn't there be rules for talking to pregnant women?

Honestly, I would take 500 unsolicited belly touches over people telling me that I look big for being 28 weeks. I have had so many people in the last week tell me "watch out, you got a way to go!" or "Wow, only 28? You still have some time" "I wonder why you are so big right now" and before all I heard was how small I looked. PICK ONE, PEOPLE! Either way it makes me not want to leave my house because I am going to punch someone and go to jail one of these days.

I just had to vent.

I've gained 30 pounds already and I know that is the amount that is "recommended" but I also think my body is doing what it needs to. I don't eat perfectly but I know it isn't horrible, either. Watch me pop out a big, HEALTHY, baby and make tons of milk because I gained the weight, jerks.
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Old 07-25-2014, 09:54 PM
 
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People always have something to say either you are to big or to little. I remember when I was about seven months along with my first my DAD told me to slow down or I would never lose the weight, gee thanks for the support. I don't understand why people think just because we are pregnant it is appropriate to ask "how much weight have you gained?" or "are you sure you are not having twins?"
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Old 07-26-2014, 09:27 AM
 
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i try and laugh it off as what people say does get contradictory. 'really big' 'so small' 'twins?" and commenting on how i'm carrying. most people are drawn to a pregnant belly and want to say something but they might not know what to say. try to laugh and change the topic a bit. 'yes i'm exciting the baby is growing well' also usually when i say it's my third it shuts people up as they can't tell me 'how it is', i already know. ha!
the rules should be 'you look great' or 'how exciting to be expecting, congratulations'

Jese Mom to Elaina (April 2007) & Macy (June 2010). #3 m/c at 10 weeks (July 2013), #4 m/c at 9 weeks (october 2013). Announcing baby Kayla, born October 21 2014.
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Old 07-26-2014, 06:10 PM
 
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I'm getting the same thing. Don't let it get to you, people are just weird and they have no place to comment! I was off from work for a few days and someone thought I had taken a leave of absence and had the baby already!!!

28 weeks on Tuesday . . .
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Old 07-26-2014, 09:40 PM
 
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The other day, I told another pregnant woman that I'm expecting in October. She said, "And you don't look pregnant at all!" Which is not true - I am definitely, obviously pregnant, with a big ol' belly and enormous boobs. I'm much bigger this time than I was at this point during my first pregnancy.

I can't decide if she was trying to be nice, or if she thinks I'm just this fat all the time....? LOL.

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Old 07-27-2014, 08:11 AM
 
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I can relate. Several times a week people ask when I'm due. I tell them early october, and they say something along the lines of, 'Oohhh, so you still have the whole summer.' Or 'Ooph, still a long way to go then?'

Really, people?

This morning I had my first happy, 'baby must be coming soon!' I just said, 'Nope. Not that soon.' And walked away.

I feel like a PSA is needed. Here are some appropriate things to say:
- You look beautiful!
- What a lovely belly.
- Would you like my seat?
- A fall baby!
- How are you feeling?

Or, just don't say anything!
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Old 07-27-2014, 11:41 AM
 
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After one or 2 really offending comments I completely got into antisocial mode when I go out in public. I wear sunglasses which I do not take off in the store (but here in sunny Arizona that's not that strange), but it does keep strangers from approaching you or making eye contact and talking to you. I also wear thin scarves over my shirt and hang them long so it hides the belly a little, even though at 28 weeks I can't hide anything anymore LOL. I will also just look people dead in the eye and tell them "I'm not pregnant" and walk away when they ask me something, just because I don't feel like talking to a complete stranger about it. I have gotten very sensitive during this pregnancy and really can do without the comments so that's how I deal with it . Maybe not ideal, but hey better than being upset afterwards..
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Old 07-27-2014, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eriamel View Post
After one or 2 really offending comments I completely got into antisocial mode when I go out in public. I wear sunglasses which I do not take off in the store (but here in sunny Arizona that's not that strange), but it does keep strangers from approaching you or making eye contact and talking to you. I also wear thin scarves over my shirt and hang them long so it hides the belly a little, even though at 28 weeks I can't hide anything anymore LOL. I will also just look people dead in the eye and tell them "I'm not pregnant" and walk away when they ask me something, just because I don't feel like talking to a complete stranger about it. I have gotten very sensitive during this pregnancy and really can do without the comments so that's how I deal with it . Maybe not ideal, but hey better than being upset afterwards..
Haha, I am in AZ, too. Are you in the PHX area? I am in Prescott, it has been stormy here!
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Old 07-27-2014, 03:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SomethinWitty View Post
Haha, I am in AZ, too. Are you in the PHX area? I am in Prescott, it has been stormy here!
Yes, East Valley in Mesa, yesterday was quite stormy..
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Old 07-28-2014, 07:42 AM
 
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I haven't gotten rude comments. Or maybe they just didn't register as rude. People always ask when I'm due, and when I say October, a lot of times I'll say it feels like a long time, or if they say it's a long time, I just take it to be sympathy for having to do my third trimester in Iowa August. My belly feels big this time, but aside from a bit of hip spread and boob growth, that's the only place I'm carrying weight, and surprisingly, I've only put on like 12 lbs so far (not counting the 8 I lost and put back on when I was sick). Last pregnancy, I gained more and had quite a few "are you sure it's not twins" and "you look ready to pop," but mostly in fun from people I know mean nothing by it. With my first, I had random strangers telling me horror stories and the works, but now that I'm wrangling two kids, they wisely leave the stories at home. Funny enough, I'm not sure I've ever in 3 pregnancies had an unwelcome tummy rub. I was just thinking about that the other day.
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Old 07-28-2014, 01:40 PM
 
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I can tell my stomach has gotten bigger just by the way people have started talking to me. (Also, by looking down. Or in the mirror. This baby has been on a growth spurt this past month or so!) All of the sudden, a million people at church ask me how I'm doing/feeling. I'm just like, uhhhh... fine. Then they look at me expectantly, as if I should have something to add. Not sure what else they want to know - am I in labor at this moment? Have I felt any sudden urges to squat and push? I know they mean well, so I'm not upset, I just have nothing much to say!

Monkey (30) + Pirate (28) = a forever family (5/10) - Baby Bird (8/12), our long-awaited first, one (9/13 @ 7w 6d), and Baby Yummy (10/6/14)

PCOS
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Old 07-29-2014, 09:47 PM
 
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I don't think I get rude comments, maybe I'm just out of it enough that they don't register. I figure that most people are trying to make awkward small-talk and it's just awkward for everyone.

The comments I get most of all is the question, "Oh, is this your first or your second?" Then there is stunned silence when I tell them it's my fifth. The next question is how old my other children are followed by more stunned silence and disbelief that my oldest is 15. Then usually a comment on how my kids are fairly widely spaced. Sometimes a bewildered question wondering how old I am. I totally take this all as a great compliment because it seems that I look far younger than I actually am and I'm very much okay with that.

I'm also a little weird in that I'm pretty okay with people wanting to touch my belly even though I'm usually pretty protective of my personal space when not pregnant. I just feel like it's such an amazing thing to share and such a limited time to share it. If it's the thing that will brighten someone's day, I'm okay with that.

Gillian - Wife to an amazing DH, Mother to 5 wonderful kiddos.
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Old 08-04-2014, 04:07 PM
 
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I've been letting good people touch my belly. Not ungood people, lol. This takes some wrangling at the psychiatric hospital where I work sometimes lol
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Old 08-04-2014, 05:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I haven't gotten many belly touches and I honestly don't mind them that much. And I don't even feel that people's comments are really rude, just STUPID. just don't tell a person that they look too big to be where they are at in their pregnancy...seriously.
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