fighting with partner :( - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 2Likes
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-27-2014, 11:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
hotmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Cali
Posts: 485
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
fighting with partner :(

Anyone else going through a rough patch now? I know I've been moody and emotional. He may be up to his limit on dealing with it. However I'm not trying to be difficult, I just feel like tired crap. I do feel angry sometimes, Just mad at the world. I have GD, the diet is gross and makes me grumpy. My sciatica has me limping and I'm just so tired.
Literally He's been annoying me so much, I have been snapping at him. Although I apologize, he snaps back. He's usually so very sweet, the last 3 days have been awful. Now he's saying I'm not allowing him to be a man, I don't respect him or his opinion. No one listens to him in the house, all because I refuse to circumcise. We haven't talked about it for months, I thought we agreed. I feel horrible hearing that. I said I'm sorry, but you married a hippy
mom. He says you already have a hippy son. I just want to get along. He's imploding and venting on me. Hes so emotional about this but didn't care that I didn't vaccinate. Weird. Anyway praying for peace here. ...
hotmom is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-29-2014, 01:20 AM
 
ctownmamabee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 5
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A couple weeks ago my partner and I had some pretty rough arguments for 3 days in a row. The worst part was he had been out of town working for a month and I was so missing him. Lots of miscommunication, lots of hurt feelings, lots of super intensely emotional reactions from me, and a lack of patience from him. Honestly, I think sometimes the reality and stress of woah! baby coming, money, life, work, etc. occasionally just hits a head. It's our first. Just like we experience some crazy emotional changes during pregnancy, I think men do too.

I will say that although I was feeling so upset and hurt, and for awhile was like "I'm not apologizing! He's wrong" - a good talk with my best friend helped me realize it was only making me feel worse. She suggested I try and have tenderness and love in my communication, even when it was hard, even when I DON'T feel like I want to. It's made a big difference. It's not always easy. Sometimes I want to just lose it and yell and be upset... but then I realize that all that intense emotion is just not good for me and baby right now.

When I first got pregnant a few friends said, "oh, we had our worst fights ever while pregnant" and I thought that was so odd... now I get it. Ramped up hormones, stress, the unknown.

Big deep breaths! It will pass! Sending love and patience. I hope it gets better for you
xo
ctownmamabee is offline  
Old 07-30-2014, 04:56 PM
 
SierraBella's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 970
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
It's an important issue for both of you. I don't understand how the decision not to circ makes him any less than a man.. but I guess it could. Is there anything else that you would compromise on in exchange for the not circ'ing? Can you 2 see a counselor together to try to work it out?

 In Love stillheart.gif with my best friend & mama to three beautiful little boys! stork-suprise.gif Expecting #4 Oct. 2014!
SierraBella is offline  
Old 07-30-2014, 06:08 PM
 
sillysapling's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 807
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 53 Post(s)
He either has issues around circumcision or is latching onto it to vent his feelings about other things. I'm going to assume the former. Men can definitely have unacknowledged and unresolved issues related to their own circ. It's a little like when an abuse victim starts abusing others because if they can continue believing it's normal behavior, they don't have to face that they're victims. Circ'd men will sometimes be very insistent on circumcision because if they acknowledge that circumcision isn't the best option, they have to face that what happened to them was wrong.

Has he made any rational arguments in favor of circumcision, or does he just feel strongly about it without any clear reasons? If he has rational arguments, it wouldn't be a bad idea to sit down and discuss it like the adults you are. Really listen to his reasons and respect them- that doesn't mean go along with it, but it may help if he knows you respect his opinions. It sounds like he feels you don't, if your conversations about circ have just been "It's not happening no matter what you say"- I can understand why he feels that way. If he has proper reasons to want to circumcize, there's no harm in listening to them and letting him know you do care about how he feels- you can still keep your child intact.

If he doesn't have actual reasons, I suspect that he has a lot of unresolved feelings that he won't acknowledge. I'm not sure how you can handle that and you may want to ask on the circ board.

(if he's intact- I have no idea, that's just really weird)

sillysapling is offline  
Old 07-31-2014, 10:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
hotmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Cali
Posts: 485
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Thanks ladies, great calming responses. Yes I believe pregnancy is a huge stressful scary life event. I'm decidedly fighting against my moodiness and choosing peace instead.
No he has no rational reasons for circing. His only thought is, he should look like dad. I've shown him research and drs opinions. He's blind to that. Things have gotten better after a good cry and me withdrawing to sleep on the couch. I think he's still adjusting to being a stepdad and his idea of how children are to behave. We have different parenting styles and he's bothered by it. He expects a strict house and I'm very laid back, happily so.
Just taking it one day at a time.
hotmom is offline  
Old 08-01-2014, 06:12 AM
 
adsc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 72
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
Yes, we've had some pretty intense arguments- actually, one while he was still out of town on work! About two weeks ago, I became so angry because of something he said that I got a nosebleed that SPRAYED blood everywhere for what seemed like forever. at least 15 minutes, I'm guessing. A lot of times I feel like he is more moody than I am (I'm really NOT THAT moody!!), and it's probably because, while I am typically aware of my emotions and why they are occurring, it seems like my husband is pretty oblivious to what's going on with himself emotionally.

We do have the benefit, though, of not having such a major difference in opinions about something that has to be decided without compromise. I wish the best for you guys in working out this difficult situation.
adsc is offline  
Old 08-01-2014, 11:23 AM
 
sillysapling's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 807
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 53 Post(s)
It was a little different for us than it is for straight couples (I imagine) because it was painful for my partner not to be the one who was pregnant. But, yeah, we definitely had worse fights. I really think that NGPs (even dads) need a lot more support during their partner's pregnancy, right now there's this assumption that they don't need much. The pregnant partner can't be expected to be the sole support, and if the NGP gets more support then they'll be in a better place to support their partner.

sillysapling is offline  
Old 08-01-2014, 02:37 PM
 
SierraBella's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 970
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Hotmom- it's especially hard with a step family situation, I know! (((HUGS))) I think counseling would be a good thing for the both of you to try to work these issues out. If he won't go to counseling, you can still go and have them help you with communication issues on your side. Personally, I wouldn't budge on the circ issue, but I would budge elsewhere in our partnership. I'd also make more of an effort to try to maintain a balance of strictness and laid-backness, if possible. Maybe there are things that you could be more strict about (bedtime, homework, chores), but still allow ample free-time/play-time. ANd if you do, tell him that is your intention- that you want to create a balance of parenting styles so you are both feeling heard and understood. If he feels respected in his decisions, he will likely respect yours more as well.

 In Love stillheart.gif with my best friend & mama to three beautiful little boys! stork-suprise.gif Expecting #4 Oct. 2014!
SierraBella is offline  
Old 08-10-2014, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
hotmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Cali
Posts: 485
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Thanks! Things have been going really well lately <3 Im controlling my emotional behavior much better

The Circ thing.... just comes and goes. Im going to try to get him in to talk to dr Fleiss if I can. DD is sick so maybe thats a blessing! lol I rarely go otherwise

ELY -Mommy to many

hotmom is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off