Midwife Rant - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-12-2014, 09:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Midwife Rant

Ugh, I was so annoyed at my midwife appointment the other day, I think I'm just feeling a bit sensitive... This is my DH's first biological child and she turned to him and told him how unprepared he might be for the reality of birth and said to gain some exposure watching videos and reading books or maybe even taking a class. It was a bit insulting because he's super involved and already has been looking into things, he also knows me really well and can already assume that his role is to support and stay kind of in the background--not uninvolved, just, I prefer to have my space in general until I get to the pushing. We've discussed all of this. He knows my previous birth stories, what I liked, what I didn't. At this point in the game, especially since he's been at every appointment thus far, I'm just kind of surprised that she would really assume that we haven't already been preparing for this.

It's honestly perfectly reasonable advice, and typical, too, but it felt more insulting because how little involvement my ex had in anything--and it's the same midwives so she's very aware of it. I swear he didn't read or watch anything, neither of us took a birth class, and oh, on top of it, we just trusted ourselves and our midwife to get through the experience, and we ended up being just fine. I think it's kind of sad the bad rap that men get for being uninvolved, uninterested or just plain grossed out by birth itself. It can certainly be true, but just...ugh. I know, I'm hearing myself rant and I'm making a mountain out of an ANTHILL (it's not even a molehill), I'm just feeling frustrated.

It also didn't help that none of the US techs or midwives seem to genuinely believe how early I felt movements, or how consistently I feel them even now, or my own palpation skills of my own uterus (I was an LMP once upon a time so I am very familiar with my own anatomy). It's very frustrating when people kind of look at you like, "Oh yeah? That's nice that you think that you know your own body." It's like when your baby smiles and people tell you it's just gas. Not everything is gas, people! On my third pregnancy I think I am aware of the difference between gas bubbles and a tiny alien using my bladder as a punching bag, thanks!

Ugh, rant over. Thanks for the vent!
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Old 06-12-2014, 09:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, the other thing was I was kind of joking about how the only things that got me through the first trimester was clear soda and french fries and she kind of raised an eyebrow like, "Well, we usually stress at about 20 weeks to cut all of the soda and simple carbs out, especially since you had such a big baby last time. I know you didn't have GD or anything, but just to be safe.".

I know I made it sound worse than it was, it was mostly a joke, and hell she even said tater tots were what got her through. Honestly I rarely drink the high fructose corn syrup sodas I mostly stick to the Dry brand or the juice ones or Hansen's. And even then I can hardly drink a half a can/bottle a day. It's normally sporadic, I'll have one a day for a few days and then not have any for a good long while. I wasn't drinking any when I was pregnant with my son, I'm pretty healthy overall, I just make big babies who like it in my belly so much they decide to stay an extra 9-10 days!! Of course they are big!

My DD was 8lb 15oz, and yes, lol, my DS was 10lb 15oz.

I'm just tired of the, "You're HUGE!" and "That is going to be one BIG baby!" comments from friends and family, being the butt of everyone's jokes, and then to hear the midwife thinking I somehow did something unhealthy to have such a big baby. Ugh...

I get it, I do. But, it still is a sucky thing to hear.
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Old 06-12-2014, 10:25 AM
 
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Rant away mama!! I get it. I got so tired during both my pregnancies, hearing, "wow you're so small". I happen to make small babies; and I swear to god I was ready to punch people who said things like, are you sure you're eating enough?! OMG ppl, I gained 33# with both my my kiddos.-- you just can't win! Hang in there mama- I'm not sure why people can't just say, "you look great". Much more appropriate!
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Old 06-12-2014, 02:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for that! It's so true that you really can't win.

I was so frustrated because I tried to tell my mom it was bothering me after she blurted out about how big I was I half-jokingly said, "Alright, that's your one 'big' comment quota filled for the day, I don't want to hear any more today please.". She looked at me, her jaw hit the floor and I sh*t you not she said, "Are you kidding? I'm not going to watch what I say, THAT is a big belly and THAT is one BIG baby!". Oh man, I was so frustrated I almost broke into tears. And then everyone responds with the "Oh, it's just pregnancy hormones" look. You know, instead of the "it must be that time of the month" it's just disregarded as some over the top pregnancy hormone nonsense not just that it stings a bit to be told over and over again how huge you are getting. I'm 5'2" and I, for the most part, only gain *baby* since I have little to no torso and it just sticks out in this huge basketball by the end. I get it, it's kind of comical and startling, but seriously, who greets someone like that? It's bad enough I've got everyone running up and touching my belly at family get-togethers, but adding a nice "You're HUGE" doesn't make it any better. I totally agree, what ever happened to, "You look great!" or "It's SO nice to see you!".
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Old 06-12-2014, 03:24 PM
 
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it's funny how people can say something rude, hurt your feelings, then just put it off as pregnancy hormones. Why can't people just say, "you look beautiful"...


I am 5'2" also and get a huge belly. This being my third baby, I have gotten bigger even faster this time around. I will be five months next week Wednesday and I feel huge. The last thing I want to hear is someone confirming it. My daughter told me I was looking really fat and I told her that it kind of hurt my feelings and the baby isn't fat it is baby. Later that night I told my hubby what she said and he chuckled and said, "well you are getting a little chubby" I could've decked him right then. I have kept up with my exercises and running because with my last two I definitely did get chubby and this time around I have been making a conscious effort to keep the chub down.


Hang in there though hun! If your midwife hurts your feelings I think that you should tell her. In the professional world it is important to keep your non professional opinions to yourself, and it is good for her to know if she hurts your feelings because then she won't do it again. She probably meant well about the hubby comment, but the comment about soda and fries... eh, she could've worded it differently.

Breezy married to my sweetie pie David With two beautiful children that love each other very much and a bun in the oven due Nov. 5th, 2014


Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.

-Benjamin Franklin


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Old 06-12-2014, 04:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree, I definitely know she meant well, I know I'm just being too sensitive and I think it just came out a little weird when she said it because even DH noticed both comments and he's definitely NOT pregnant.

I really appreciate the sounding board, I can really see where I'm just feeling kind of emotional and overwhelmed with a bunch of little unrelated things popping up and it blows everything out of proportion. Can I just blame Mercury Retrograde?

It's also nice to know I'm not the only one who wants to deck someone once in a while! Ahaha
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Old 06-12-2014, 05:37 PM
 
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um yeah I would have been really annoyed. All of those comments were unnecessary. I got the comments that I was huge and also too small in the same 24 hr period. It is insane how much people want to comment and feel like that is ok. I have a short torso and go straight out. It is a baby people, just say I look good and healthy and that you are excited about the baby. Is that really so hard?! And yes I get really worked up about it too and I don't think it is just pg hormones, you aren't really faced with such day in and day out scrutiny as you are when you are pg. My dad called my mom shamu once....he has never forgotten it nor repeated it for any of his subsequent four children

married to my love , in love with MJ born 1/18/10 and PJ born 4/6/12 waterbirth.jpg and now due with a surprise 11/14!
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Old 06-12-2014, 05:40 PM
 
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oh and I HATE the condescending look that people give when they do not believe you about feeling the baby move or where they are. I can feel my baby's body now and I have felt it move since 9 weeks. Why would I lie about that and why can't people believe it? My mw has been super awesome about it and just asked if I had felt the baby move and how often. Plain and simple and wrote it down.

married to my love , in love with MJ born 1/18/10 and PJ born 4/6/12 waterbirth.jpg and now due with a surprise 11/14!
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Old 06-13-2014, 09:13 AM
 
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Originally Posted by flavorfull1 View Post
um yeah I would have been really annoyed. All of those comments were unnecessary. I got the comments that I was huge and also too small in the same 24 hr period. It is insane how much people want to comment and feel like that is ok. I have a short torso and go straight out. It is a baby people, just say I look good and healthy and that you are excited about the baby. Is that really so hard?! And yes I get really worked up about it too and I don't think it is just pg hormones, you aren't really faced with such day in and day out scrutiny as you are when you are pg. My dad called my mom shamu once....he has never forgotten it nor repeated it for any of his subsequent four children
Shamu... I bet he never lived that one down! Men are so annoying hahaha. When I was pregnant with my second we were all sitting down to eat spaghetti; including hubby's best friend Chris. My husband made a joke about me being a freeloader and getting a free ride off of him (I am a STAHM). I slowly looked over at him with the death stare and his friend stood up and just walked out of the house with a muffled, "uh oh, I am out of here" It took me at least three years to get over that one. Needless to say I was seriously hurt and pissed off.

Breezy married to my sweetie pie David With two beautiful children that love each other very much and a bun in the oven due Nov. 5th, 2014


Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.

-Benjamin Franklin


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