Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the Middle of everywhere
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I understand how you feel. My mil was similar with planning my wedding. We hadn't had a great relationship while her son and I were dating, so I figured I would be nice and include her in the planning process of the wedding. I really meant it more as she could go to shops with us and maybe throw out an opinion or two...but she took it as PLAN the wedding....but of course have my parents pay......for things that *I* didn't want anyway! I was really upset about it and went crying home to her son and he called his mom up and told her off. Ummmm....needless to say it didn't end well. She barely even came to our wedding (which happened to be in her backyard!)....her husband forced her to come and you can tell how mad she is in all of our wedding pics (fuuuuuunn). It took YEARS to mend that blight. Thankfully now we are good, but she still has control issues. For instance, she likes to take my kids on their birthdays. Sounds nice, but ummmm...maybe *I* would like to actually see my kids on their birthdays! I kid you not I only got to see my daughter for about an hour on her last birthday and that was because I got her out of school for a little while! I appreciate that she wants to be involved, but she is also selfish in being so diligent to do things ON their birthday. I have had to walk on egg shells around her to keep from ruining our relationship that took so long to mend. So most of the time I just deal with it. =(
I think it is really a personality issue with yous mil. My sil is the same way. She plans pretty much all of the events in our family...including my kids' bday parties!! (and she is just married in!). She doesn't let me have any say and if I put in my opinion, most of the time it is shot down pretty quickly. I haven't confronted her about it because we are so close and would hate to hurt that....so again...I just deal with it.=(
She is currently planning a 40th wedding anniversary party for my parents. It is a great concept and I had planned to do the same......although she wants to do a SURPRISE vow renewal! She is big on everything being a surprise...but some things just shouldn't be! I had talked with my parents on their 35th wedding anniversary about doing a vow renewal and neither felt it necessary. My dad's comment was, "I married her once, I shouldn't have to marry her again." Ummm...yeah so we will see how this goes! I am sure my parents will be gracious, but I think it would be better to get their ideas first. But again, she likes to make everything a surprise. I appreciate the idea, but sometimes it is just more stress than it should be. She threw a surprise 30th bday party for me. I liked the concept.....although same as your concern, I showed up looking like complete and utter crap! I mean pjs, no make up and messy hair!! And of course not only family was there, but other people....yeah I felt like a million bucks *rolls eyes*. (to top it off, I was leaving for a cruise the next morning...and had A TON of stuff to do! I couldn't relax and enjoy the party...I kept making lists in my head of things I needed to do when I got home......VERY late. I think I didn't go to bed until very early in the morning...ugg) If a surprise is going to be in place, then preparations should be made to where it doesn't make the surprisee feel uncomfortable. Like last week she threw a surprise party for my brother (her brother in law). Well first off the idea of having a party was my moms...but when we told her about it, she was like "we should make it a surprise!". I immediately said, "no, I think the party itself is enough." But unfortunately she convinced my mom of it, and needless to say the party was a BIG stress. People were showing up late and almost blowing it and she wanted to proceed without my dad (as he was late), that is when I put the brakes to it and said no...we are going to wait for him.....so even though it made her mad....we told my other brother to stall my brother. She is very controlling and this didn't sit well with her...but I couldn't let her leave my dad out just because it didn't fit HER plans. Once my brother showed up, she was like, "why are you wearing nice clothes?!?" (he had been invited over to help move shelves)...but my other brother was like, "I told him we might take him out to eat afterwards and told him to dress nice." Thankfully he cared enough about how my brother felt...but it was obvious that she didn't and was almost irritated to see him in nice clothes. ERRRR!! Ok sorry...got off on a soap box...lol
Basically I get your point! lol
I unfortunately don't have much advice as most of the time I have just had to go with it and sacrifice MY desires for others. But if it is really that important to you, then I would tell your mom to kindly try to change the plan. =)
My sil planned my last baby shower (thankfully she didn't do it as a surprise). It was a nice idea, but she planned it on a holiday weekend in which most of my friends had plans already. She was disappointed when only two of my friends could come. I didn't mind that not many of my friends could make it, I did however not like that she was insistent on doing it on that weekend, even though I told her that it wouldn't work for most of my friends. She was upset that most of my friends couldn't come....although she didn't blame herself....but my friends for "not caring enough to come". eeesh. I have decided with this pg...if I can get away with it...that I don't plan on having an actual baby shower....but maybe just do a diaper shower to where friends can just bless us with diapers/wipes/money/ gift cards if they want...instead of having an actual party.
Blasted soap box! lol
I hope it all turns out to be a great event for you!