Who will be with you during labor? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 09-01-2014, 03:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Who will be with you during labor?

I'm curious as to who people want there supporting them during labor. For me it'll be DP, and my mom. Possibly my best friend. I was there for the births of her two daughters. DP is supportive, but I think he'll really not know what to do. My mom used to be a doula, so it'll prob all come back to her.

Cass, DP Justin, and big woof sister Lola anxiously awaiting the arrival of baby boy Kellan, due 11/18

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#2 of 28 Old 09-01-2014, 04:46 PM
 
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The first time I had my mom and DH. This time just DH since mom will be with DD. Even when I had both only one was in the room at a time.
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#3 of 28 Old 09-01-2014, 04:54 PM
 
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Just DH, I don't like an audience.

Casmira, that's so cool that your mom was a doula!!
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#4 of 28 Old 09-01-2014, 04:55 PM
 
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i don't have any family in the area, so it'll just be me and dh. i think that's how i'd want it even if i did have family nearby, though..more privacy, less stress.
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#5 of 28 Old 09-02-2014, 03:28 AM
 
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Hubby will be there (it will be the third child he gets to deliver). Him and my OB already have planned him assisting given everything goes well. And then his little sis will be in the room as well. She has also delivered babies before, so it wil be nice having them both there. The perks of having EMT certified firefighters in the family haha. All their deliveries were literally in the middle of major roads before the ambulence showed up.

As for other family members and friends, we are going to have a packed waiting room. We think it's because they all feel awful for missing Connor's birth, and the aftermath. Shrugs. As long as they don't try being in the room, I don't really care.
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#6 of 28 Old 09-02-2014, 07:29 AM
 
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Just DH. I can't imagine having anyone else there. My midwife does bring an assistant/doula with her too.

Mama to a DD, born 5.20.2012

Expecting #2 in Early November 2014!

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#7 of 28 Old 09-02-2014, 12:08 PM
 
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Just DH for me. I'm a total introvert so lots of people stress me out, on good days, so during labor it would be like my worst nightmare lol!
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#8 of 28 Old 09-02-2014, 12:41 PM
 
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I'll have my partner there, of course. One of my best friends will be there also, she is going to be my "doula." I couldn't imagine her not being there as she is trained in multiple spiritual/energy healing practices and the crystal bowl, which helps calm me. I want my 7 year old to be there but I need someone to be there for her also, so I'll have her and another friend will there and in charge of her. Of course my midwife and her crew. So, I'll have a full house. But, it is my home and I plan on setting up in my bedroom so I can kick people out if I feel like its too much. I've already said "no parents." So my mom will not be there and neither will my partner's mom. Unless I feel like calling my mother in, I don't think I want that energy. She was there when I had my daughter and I couldn't stand it. She didn't do anything horrible, it was just the fact that she was there... lol
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#9 of 28 Old 09-02-2014, 01:19 PM
 
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I think just my husband. My parents are far away, and my mom originally offered to come down and stay with us/nearby for several weeks beforehand and after so that she could be there, but I'm not sure that would work for me. We are close, but like others are saying, there can definitely be bad juju on occasion and I don't want to deal with the strong emotions she can have.
I have been told that in the actual delivery room we'll have a full house - I'm counting at least 10 people, which is insane and I'm hoping I won't feel self-conscious. At my last birth, it happened so fast that the nurse/assistant hadn't even arrived so it was just my husband and the midwife in the room.
I am so jealous of all of you who have best friends coming! I can think of a couple of girl friends who I would love to have with me but they are all too far away.
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#10 of 28 Old 09-02-2014, 03:39 PM
 
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Normally I would just want my hubby, I denied my sister being there, I am also a serious introvert, but my best friend who is due a month after me asked if she could be at our birth. Since she is having her first one shortly after hubby and I decided it would be a beautiful gift to give her to experience our birth and I will be at hers. We also have the same midwife which is cool.

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#11 of 28 Old 09-03-2014, 12:37 PM
 
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I am not sure, but I do know I don't like a crowd. There have been times where I was in a room by myself (with dh and mother in next room).....then other times I wanted my dh there. I do know about this time. I figure I will have dh close (but maybe not in the room). And will probably only have my mom come after it all.
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#12 of 28 Old 09-04-2014, 06:32 AM
 
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My DH will be there, this is his first baby. My Mom will be there because doesn't everyone want their Mommy when they are hurting? My doula will be there, as well as my birth photographer. And my BFF will be there as well as my 11 year old daughter. My BFF will be in charge of my daughter and taking her out if she is getting upset at all. It will be a full room, and I can't wait!

At my daughters birth I had my DH, my Mom, and my BFF there.

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#13 of 28 Old 09-05-2014, 03:19 AM
 
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Just DH and my midwife who also brings an assistant. I've been fighting a battle with my mother in law who wants to be all up in my vagina while this is going on and doesn't understand this is why I want a homebirth...less stress. *sigh* I don't want anyone not my husband or midwife near my HOUSE for a week postpartum.
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#14 of 28 Old 09-05-2014, 04:07 AM
 
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Lol. That sounds like me gypsytrkr.
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#15 of 28 Old 09-05-2014, 04:34 AM
 
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#16 of 28 Old 09-05-2014, 11:49 AM
 
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My DH will be around for labor but doesn't wish to be in the room for delivery and I can respect that. My midwife and her assistant will be here. Not sure if my kids will be home or not but they won't be in the room with me. If I go into labor during the day, I can call someone to pick them up. If I call a sitter to get them though, any of my sisters or inlaws will spread the news about labor and I am afraid it will cause others to pop in and see how we are doing. If I go into labor at night while the kids are asleep I will be just fine. They will sleep through anything.

For some reason I am just not worried about labor support. For my other 2 I as happier locked in a room alone and didn't want anyone around anyways.
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#17 of 28 Old 09-05-2014, 01:18 PM
 
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I'm with some other posters. I really don't need much in the way of support until transition, the I'll be laboring alone until that point. What I'll need more is someone to watch my two kids while I work! At the birth itself, though, it will be DH, Midwife plus her one or two assistants.
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#18 of 28 Old 09-06-2014, 09:32 AM
 
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With my first two, my husband was the only one who came with me to the birth center. The midwife and nurse were there for the births, and maybe a few hallway-recruits with my second, as he was born in the caul and the midwife was very excited about this. This time, we are planning a homebirth (because we have moved away from the birth center and this is the only way to have a water birth with a CNM), and so it will be my husband, the midwife and her helper(s), my mom (hopefully!) to help with the kids, and a friend of mine who is hoping to someday be a doula and who'd planned her own homebirth but ended up transferring to a hospital during labor. It sounds like a bit of a crowd, but I figure we might as well make a grand finale of it. Maybe I'll even get a labor/birth photo out of it (I have none from my other births). I am glad my mom will be around - she doesn't live near us and wasn't in town for my first birth. She stayed in our apartment with our first son while my second was being born, so she's never been there for any of my births and she is a big advocate for natural birth, so hopefully she will be able to be a bit involved this time. I go into my own world during the real work of labor, so I don't know that I'll even notice all these people around me!

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#19 of 28 Old 09-06-2014, 09:35 AM
 
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Also, as a woman who will never have daughters, I feel really sad that I likely won't be involved in my grandchildren's births. Maybe I can become a doula, too, and my daughters-in-law will want me around!

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#20 of 28 Old 09-06-2014, 03:18 PM
 
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Hi! I haven't been posting much as life with 2 little ones and no hubby at home gets a little crazy.
Anyhow, I am having my 3rd homebirth and planning on having hubby midwife her assistant and possibly my mom there to take care of the kids. My last one I labored at night and had the baby at 5am so hoping the girls will stay asleep and meet the baby shortly after it's born.
I really wanted to have professional pictures taken this time around but the tight budget won't allow for it. Maybe will ask a friend to do it for me. :-)
Trying to keep it small and intimate.
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#21 of 28 Old 09-22-2014, 08:31 AM
 
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My husband, our doula and the midwife. I don't want nurses, staff, doctors, or a flipping marching band in there (which is how it seems a lot of births end up!!!)

If my mom wants to come, I will consider it, but she hasn't mentioned it and I'm not sure how I feel about that right now. I'd probably want her in the building somewhere, but not necessarily in the room. If I could figure out a way to have my dog present, she'd be there though. lol
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#22 of 28 Old 09-22-2014, 09:46 PM
 
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I am wondering what my dog will think of labor (homebirth)... eh, he will probably be sleeping in the stuffed animal box without a care in the world. I am a pitbull mom too, lol. Such sweetie pies...

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#23 of 28 Old 09-23-2014, 06:18 AM
 
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I am wondering what my dog will think of labor (homebirth)... eh, he will probably be sleeping in the stuffed animal box without a care in the world. I am a pitbull mom too, lol. Such sweetie pies...
Best dogs ever.

I would definitely have a plan in case he gets anxious or protective of you. My female is hardly what anyone would consider protective, but every so often it shows up. My male (passed away on Mother's Day this year) was a different story and could have been a... problem... had I had a home birth. He was sweet as pie, but messing with him when he was angry or protective was not recommended (except me, I'd mess with him any time. lol)

It's not like you can train for this particular experience!

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#24 of 28 Old 09-23-2014, 03:28 PM
 
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Oh my boy is the MOST laid back guy you could imagine. I definitely hadn't even thought about him being anxious or protective; he is just a big lumbering oaf. He is extremely passive; all he needs is a sharp word if he is not minding his manners and he is immediately put into his "place" in the pack. But my husband and I are great pack leaders. A pit definitely needs a strong pack leader. It just makes me sad that so many people are so scared of him. My son and I were on our walk today and this poor lady was so scared of our Baraboo that she moved a good 20 feet away from him to walk by us, and he doesn't even pull on the leash or bark.

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#25 of 28 Old 09-23-2014, 05:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Best dogs ever.

I would definitely have a plan in case he gets anxious or protective of you. My female is hardly what anyone would consider protective, but every so often it shows up. My male (passed away on Mother's Day this year) was a different story and could have been a... problem... had I had a home birth. He was sweet as pie, but messing with him when he was angry or protective was not recommended (except me, I'd mess with him any time. lol)

It's not like you can train for this particular experience!
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Oh my boy is the MOST laid back guy you could imagine. I definitely hadn't even thought about him being anxious or protective; he is just a big lumbering oaf. He is extremely passive; all he needs is a sharp word if he is not minding his manners and he is immediately put into his "place" in the pack. But my husband and I are great pack leaders. A pit definitely needs a strong pack leader. It just makes me sad that so many people are so scared of him. My son and I were on our walk today and this poor lady was so scared of our Baraboo that she moved a good 20 feet away from him to walk by us, and he doesn't even pull on the leash or bark.
Do you all have any advice on introducing the new baby to your pups? I have a Bullmastiff. Also the biggest sweetie pie, but she does like her space. We would never allow kids to crawl on her or anything. I'm always amazed when little kids run right up to huge dogs! Our last one was a male, and he pushed 170. Kids were constantly running right up to him. Our female now is a runt at only 100lbs. I just want to make sure we start out the right way. I cant say I'm actually worried about it, I just want to prepare for the best outcome I love my furbaby too!

Cass, DP Justin, and big woof sister Lola anxiously awaiting the arrival of baby boy Kellan, due 11/18

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#26 of 28 Old 09-24-2014, 07:08 AM
 
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My background:
"Hobby" dog training - 12 years
Basic obedience and "difficult dog class" for a local training club - 6 years
Competitive dog sports, including obedience, conformation, protection, agility and weight pull - 5 years
Protection sport decoy and training - 4 years
Behavior evaluations for rescue - 9 years

I wrote this for another forum I'm on:

1. if you are going to change routines (no dogs on bed, no dogs on furniture, etc) when you bring the baby home, start changing them immediately. That way, the new habits will not be connected to the introduction of the baby. Making giant behavior changes at the same time as the giant change of adding a baby to the family is a recipe for some serious problems with the dog.

2. Regression is normal when you add a baby to the mix. The dog might start chewing, might start peeing in the house, might start acting out in other ways. Make sure to give the dog some extra attention, and some alone time, to get them past some of the behaviors. Normally they last for a few weeks to a month. Do not punish the dog, they are not being "defiant" they are reacting to stress and that's not a conscious decision. Ostracizing them to the back yard, to another room or to their crate will not help either, and may cause even more bad behaviors.

3. No matter how cute it is, no matter how friendly your dog is, never EVER allow your child to poke the dog, pull hair, pull ears or anything else. EVER EVER EVER. Your dog might tolerate it (until the day it doesn't tolerate it) but eventually, your child may end up around someone else's dog and that behavior that is saintly tolerated by your dog could get your child seriously hurt or killed. I can't stress this one enough. And remember, as your child gets bigger and stronger, your dog is getting older and often weaker due to joint problems, age infirmity, arthritis, etc. So the dog will likely get less tolerant over time, not more.

4. Crate training is a great idea. It gives the dog an absolutely safe retreat from kids and babies. Under no circumstances should kids or babies be allowed in the crate, with or without the dog. That is the dog's space. It's not cute, it's a place where a LOT of bites happen.

5. As previously mentioned, obedience training is a great idea. Look for a trainer that starts all positive; training collars (choke or prong collars), harnesses and head halters should never be required in class.
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#27 of 28 Old 09-24-2014, 08:08 AM
 
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Thanks for the good info PitBull - our dog is 11 and will be almost 12 bythe time this LO is here. She is now deaf and is losing her vision. Shestartles easily now because she can't hear things around her. She is very sweetand never growled or gotten angry with DD (9). However, I am concerned withadding this LO just because it is so different for her this time around. Shedid so well with DD that I hope she transitions nicely. We had to be super vigilantin getting DD to understand that not all dogs are like our dog. You have to bevery careful with them as they are still animals.

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#28 of 28 Old 09-24-2014, 05:42 PM
 
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great info pitbull mom!

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