1st Trimester Anxiety support Group (For all women) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 143 Old 06-21-2014, 07:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Also, my cousin recently told me that fear is living in the past and anxiety is living in the future... I find this to be so true. So as hard as it is, when I feel either fear or anxiety, I realize, "Hey! I am not living in the NOW!" It helps bring me back to the right now, to what is really important and what I DO have control over. Like loving on DH, making myself healthier, playing with my kids or whatever.

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#32 of 143 Old 06-22-2014, 07:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by iixivboots View Post
Can we talk concrete strategies for getting through to the next scan or whatever?
The thing I'm finding most helpful right now is an inner mantra of "Life as usual," which I guess is a practice in staying present, but I think it serves as a reminder that I truly can't do anything productive other than continuing to go through our days just the same as before. Tomorrow I get my first beta drawn, and freaking out about it won't change the results.

Also, as someone said upstream, I don't know why but I do feel differently about this pregnancy. With my first pregnancy I didn't have a care in the world - and all was fine. With the second, I was totally neurotic, peeing on sticks everyday and freaking out that they weren't getting darker, checking for blood every time I peed, and I miscarried at 8 weeks. Same thing with my third pregnancy, although that miscarriage began almost immediately. This time I'm feeling more like the first - the anxiety is more background noise and I feel pretty positive. That said, I will feel MUCH better with some solid betas in my hands.
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#33 of 143 Old 06-22-2014, 09:40 AM
 
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I too am experiencing some anxiety, but is about my first appointment tomorrow. I had a traumatic birth with DD2 and this next appointment is dredging up the past. I had a lighting fast labor and my baby was born in the car. No one delivered her-- she was caught by my pants. The ER staff panicked and did EVERYTHING. WRONG. Delivering in the car was a cake walk in comparison to what happened within the hospital doors.

So, now I booked an appointment with the local midwifery and 6 weeks later they called telling me they had no appointments available with a midwife for that week, plus the following week. They booked me with OB for the initial appointment. Which was fine until I realized it is a man. I'm so unhappy.

At DD2's birth, the male doctor was so unprofessional-- he made no attempts to hide is contempt and disrespect for me. He visibly rolled his eyes during the repair of my tear. He mashed down on my stomach during the third stage, which they only gave me 10-15 minutes before they began to needlessly intervene. When I refused ointment for my baby's eyes, he implied I had an STD. I will never forget his face or his callous and unprofessional conduct.

Should I tell this new OB? What can I do to get over it? I thought I was "over" all of it. And the car portion of the story I am "over". But man I am terrified to have some guy anywhere near my ladybits in the name of "medicine".
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#34 of 143 Old 06-22-2014, 01:51 PM
 
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Should I tell this new OB? What can I do to get over it? I thought I was "over" all of it. And the car portion of the story I am "over". But man I am terrified to have some guy anywhere near my ladybits in the name of "medicine".
I'm so sorry you had a bad experience. I would absolutely tell this OB. And his nurses. Do you know his name? You could google him and see if there's reassuring reviews?
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#35 of 143 Old 06-22-2014, 03:19 PM
 
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Constipation + gas cramps remind me of strong period cramps. Freaks me out everytime, but I'm not spotting and it doesn't last very long.

I found out we were losing the pregnancy last time two days from now so I think I am just on edge. I wish I could just skip the first trimester.. it sucks anyway. lol.
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#36 of 143 Old 06-22-2014, 06:32 PM
 
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hugs @alivewithyou .

First trimester definitely sucks. It EXTRA sucks for people dealing with infertility, I think, because you go from the anxiety of infertility to the anxiety of keeping the pregnancy. Hugs. Do you have a dating scan scheduled soon?

Now I am going to watch all of Cosmos, ha. I have got to keep my mind off waiting for this ultrasound!


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#37 of 143 Old 06-22-2014, 06:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by iixivboots View Post
hugs @alivewithyou .

First trimester definitely sucks. It EXTRA sucks for people dealing with infertility, I think, because you go from the anxiety of infertility to the anxiety of keeping the pregnancy. Hugs. Do you have a dating scan scheduled soon?

Now I am going to watch all of Cosmos, ha. I have got to keep my mind off waiting for this ultrasound!
We have an ultrasound this saturday (I will only be 5 week, 3 days) to make sure baby isn't in a tube or anything and to check for how many there are. After that I will have to schedule for the actual dating. I doubt i'll see a heartbeat this saturday.

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#38 of 143 Old 06-23-2014, 06:26 AM
 
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@alivewithyou I feel your pain so hard right now! Everyday my bloating and gasiness gets worse and the cramps keep coming and every time I go to the restroom I expect to see AF. It just feels so PMS to me (but way worse honestly) I really need to relax lol. I'm trying not to let my anxiety take over but it's tough. I agree, 1st trimester blows and I'd fast forward right through it if I could. Good luck on the ultrasound even though it's still a few days away.

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#39 of 143 Old 06-23-2014, 06:35 AM
 
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@bren94 , right? To top it off I have a lot of discharge (which I think is normal) but it always feels like blood.

I need to stop peeing on things. I took a clearblue digital today hoping for the 3+ weeks and only got 2-3 weeks. I know that urine tests aren't as sensitive so my numbers could still be above 2,000 and not show up on the test. I also took a wondfo cheapie and was very happy to get a thick dark (as the control) line. Never seen one of those on a wondfo before! I officially only have cheapies left so I think I need to be done ha ha.

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First Beta at 12DPO-186. 15DPO-598!

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#40 of 143 Old 06-23-2014, 06:54 AM
 
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@alivewithyou I sure hope the discharge is normal because I'm in the same boat. & I also always mistake it for blood, it's such a relief to see it isn't. I admire your guts to keep POAS because I'm kind of way too scared to. I'm afraid if I do a CB digital it'll still say 1-2 and I might not be able to handle that. Honestly though, it sounds like we're both having normal, healthy pregnancies.

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#41 of 143 Old 06-23-2014, 08:33 AM
 
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Originally Posted by bren94 View Post
@alivewithyou I sure hope the discharge is normal because I'm in the same boat. & I also always mistake it for blood, it's such a relief to see it isn't. I admire your guts to keep POAS because I'm kind of way too scared to. I'm afraid if I do a CB digital it'll still say 1-2 and I might not be able to handle that. Honestly though, it sounds like we're both having normal, healthy pregnancies.
It's very normal to have lots of discharge. As long as it doesn't smell funny, or is associated with burning and itching. I usually wear pantyliners throughout pregnancy.
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#42 of 143 Old 06-23-2014, 01:02 PM
 
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"My baby is strong, my baby is healthy. My baby is loved."

This is pretty much what I'm sticking with today when I feel myself sliding into worry.
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#43 of 143 Old 06-23-2014, 04:22 PM
 
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"My baby is strong, my baby is healthy. My baby is loved."

This is pretty much what I'm sticking with today when I feel myself sliding into worry.
I am going to try to keep that in my head, as well. I had doubled beta numbers again today (I keep going back for betas until the ultrasound, I think) so that's a little bit of relief. I catch myself thinking that things can go wrong at any point and I have to actively try to push those thoughts out of my head.

Next week our family is going to visit my MIL up north and there will be lots of relaxing and swimming, so I am going to try my hardest to not worry at all the whole time, and just enjoy the time off with everybody.
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#44 of 143 Old 06-24-2014, 05:03 PM
 
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I got my first set of labs drawn - progesterone looking good at 20, HcG was at 1144 at 4w5d. My midwife said the range was like 1080-56000 and thought it was a little low, but she couldn't remember how far along I was and that looks like the range for 6 weeks. I go back tomorrow to check for doubling.

Goodness, testing certainly creates as much stress as it relieves!



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#45 of 143 Old 06-24-2014, 05:14 PM
 
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I had a very unsettling dream about having a miscarriage last night. It was so real in the dream. I wish my brain would leave me alone at night.
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#46 of 143 Old 06-24-2014, 06:13 PM
 
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I had a miscarriage dream last week. In the dream I wasn't that upset, but when I woke up I was sad and worried and distraught. I was upset that the dream-me was so cold and unfeeling.

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#47 of 143 Old 06-24-2014, 07:07 PM
 
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@luckiest , those betas sound good to me, high even for that early!

Sorry about the dreams, those must be so distressing.


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#48 of 143 Old 06-24-2014, 08:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jodieanneanton View Post
Also, my cousin recently told me that fear is living in the past and anxiety is living in the future... I find this to be so true. So as hard as it is, when I feel either fear or anxiety, I realize, "Hey! I am not living in the NOW!" It helps bring me back to the right now, to what is really important and what I DO have control over. Like loving on DH, making myself healthier, playing with my kids or whatever.
I peeked in here after you told me about this thread in the roll call, and I saw this post. I just wanted to tell you this was a very helpful post that resonated with me and I have been thinking of it often the past few days. Thank you.
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#49 of 143 Old 06-25-2014, 08:30 PM
 
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We did a quick abdominal scan at the office today hoping to see something solid since I should be 6+5. Alas just a sac. My uterus has a giant fibroid and is tilted because of it so it really doesn't mean anything. The same thing happened during my last pregnancy but I can't stop the yucky thoughts. I am not bleeding and have no reason to be concerned and this crap almost led to a D&C of a healthy pregnancy last time. I wish someone could just knock me out until I get to end of first tri. I keep talking to the babe in my belly and focusing all my energy there. Light and love for my uterus and what will be, will be.
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#50 of 143 Old 06-25-2014, 08:49 PM
 
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@chiromommy : I'm sorry, that has to be so hard. At least you have experienced it before though so that is a good sign. That still has to be scary though.

Ladies, I think I am going to have a nervous break down long before I see a heart beat lol. I have no reason to be worried other than I wish I had stronger symptoms (I know, I will regret saying that probably). I have mostly just been wiped out and exhausted. Saturday is our first scan but we aren't expecting to see too much yet.. hopefully just a sac in the right place.

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#51 of 143 Old 06-26-2014, 07:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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@chiromommy ((HUGS)) I am sorry the u/s is leading you to more worry. It sounds like you have a good attitude about sending all that love to your baby. I am sure he/she is feeling all that great energy. Do you have another test on the horizon to check on things again? Where are you going from here?

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#52 of 143 Old 06-26-2014, 07:52 AM
 
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@chiromommy ((HUGS)) I am sorry the u/s is leading you to more worry. It sounds like you have a good attitude about sending all that love to your baby. I am sure he/she is feeling all that great energy. Do you have another test on the horizon to check on things again? Where are you going from here?
We will check again in a couple of weeks. I'm trying not to read too much into it. I think my low progesterone and tilted uterus just make early pregnancy extra anxious but my risk of miscarriage is no greater. My goal is to relax and not stare at the ultrasound machine sitting by my office.
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#53 of 143 Old 06-26-2014, 03:28 PM
 
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I had a miscarriage dream last week. In the dream I wasn't that upset, but when I woke up I was sad and worried and distraught. I was upset that the dream-me was so cold and unfeeling.
Maybe it's not that you were unfeeling, but that you felt strong enough to handle it. Better than feeling like you're not in control.

I had a dream last night that there was spilled red fruit punch all over many parts of the carpet all over the house and it sat for a while. I couldn't work the carpet shampooer so our rugs were just going to be ruined and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm thinking it was a control issues dream.

Three kids and one on the way.
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#54 of 143 Old 06-26-2014, 04:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a miscarriage dream, too... it was weird. I knew I was having a miscarriage because my son's penis was bleeding as though he had had a circumcision.

Strange how dreams work. Miscarriage occasionally crosses my mind (though I don't let myself stay there) and that day I was struggling with the knowledge that one of my client's son was getting circumcised in the next 24 hours and I was sick to my stomach over it all day. I see now that my dream was probably a bizarre cross between these two things.

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#55 of 143 Old 06-27-2014, 04:28 AM
 
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Feeling a little anxious this morning about the baby. This past week I've been pretty optimistic about the growth and flow of development, but out of nowhere, I'm waking up concerned.
I didn't really feel any symptoms yesterday, after a bunch of days of feeling sensitive in the boobies and nauseous. I was exhausted by 7pm, but other than that, felt like my normal self 100%.
I've been trying to feel the excitement of the possibility of new life within, without attaching myself to the outcome. But the further I progress, the more happy I am about the future.

I try to tell myself, well, there's no cramping, and no blood flow, so at least for now, you're still pregnant. But then the voice that read that babies can die and take a few weeks to release themselves comes in, probably just to stress me out, that dastardly voice, and I feel a bit less hopeful. I miscarried at 12 weeks last time, but never had any symptoms, so suspect the pod had stopped growing a few weeks earlier.

I finish my 1st trimester on my birthday, about 5 weeks away. Oi. Please pass super quick, 5 weeks! I really want this sprout to stick around!!!

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#56 of 143 Old 06-27-2014, 05:48 AM
 
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Shortly after I posted, I had a "chat" with the little sprout. I let "her" know I loved her, and was really happy for her to be growing within me. I also told her she had me nervous, and that those sensations in the breasts, and the nausea were helpful for me to experience, because it relieved my stress in wondering what is going on under the layers of skin, fat, tissue, organ, etc. That at this point, the only way I've been experiencing this connection with her was through these symptoms. Within 15 minutes I was feeling nauseous and extremely fatigued.

These rest my nerves quite a bit. But I think I'll ask a friend if it's too early to hear a heartbeat, and if not, could she please check for me.

We're pretty wonderful, us ladies, for the trust we must put into these first few months. Even if it waivers at times, the love and trust are there, even if by default...

Love to us all!
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#57 of 143 Old 06-27-2014, 06:57 AM
 
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I've been feeling a little less zen as well. Warning: what I'm about to say might sound really stupid but remember this is my first pregnancy! SO yesterday I went over to my dad's house to visit with my sisters and he has a very sweet but very heavy and stocky bully (the dog), she gets so excited to see me and started jumping up on me and landing her paws on my uterus. She did this like 4 times before anyone helped me get her off! Everyone just watched, knowing I'm pregnant. It wasn't terribly hard but it was rough and it just freaked me out, I ran out crying to DH about it and started getting some strong cramps. I guess they weren't any stronger than the ones I had before but in the moment they were obviously unwelcome. My aunt very insensitively said (in front of my 10 year old sisters) "Maybe you're having a miscarriage." I burst into tears and had to leave. It was a whole lot of drama but it had me really shaken up. There was no bleeding, my boobs are still sore, and I've felt the usual little twinges since then but I'm just SO WORRIED. If the dog didn't do anything then what if my stress did? I decided to make a doctors appointment just in case.

June 18th, 2014
EDD February 26th, 2015

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#58 of 143 Old 06-27-2014, 07:20 AM
 
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Idk about the stress part of it, but I can almost guarantee you the dog didn't hurt anything. Our bodies do an awesome job of protecting the baby with all the fluid. Plus your uterus is still below your pelvic bone so that's protecting him or her too.

Honestly, I doubt the stress hurt anything. The cramping is probably just from twisting or moving quickly. Still, for peace of mind, it's good you made the appointment

And I'm sorry everyone was so insensitive!!!!!
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#59 of 143 Old 06-27-2014, 07:20 AM
 
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Oh my goodness, @bren94 . It doesn't sound stupid at all--that would freak me out, too! The good news is that at this point, your uterus is still so small that there's no way the dog actually got anywhere close to it. And even if for some reason she did pounce directly on your uterus, you're still okay--women's bodies are very, very well constructed to protect their babies. But of course it scared you to death, and of course you want a professional's reassurance! You don't *need* to worry, but I fully understand that naturally you are worried anyway.

I can't believe your aunt would say such a thing straight to your face while you were so upset, and in front of your young sisters to boot. Not cool at all.

Re: stress: Frankly, I am pretty irritated by these studies and publications with their news that stress can harm a developing child. Seriously, that's supposed to help anybody?! RELAX OR YOU'LL HURT THE BABY. Yeah, super-relaxing, thanx bunches. Jeez. While I don't think any of us can go wrong encouraging ourselves to enjoy and be happy and think good thoughts, at the same time, it is just not productive that now when we experience stress, the very thought of having been stressed actively SCARES us. Vicious cycle.

You are okay. It's only natural that you don't feel okay right now, but I promise you--you are okay. Lots of hugs. I'm sorry this happened and is bothering you so much.
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#60 of 143 Old 06-27-2014, 07:45 AM
 
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Thanks girls! I needed that reassurance. I feel so much better hearing that right now. What my aunt said really got me worked up. Now I'm mostly angry that she would say that.

June 18th, 2014
EDD February 26th, 2015
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