iixivboots, ((hugs)) I hate dealing with insensitive care providers who don't understand. I am sorry you had to go through that and that money is such a stressor for you. The thing about pregnancy is that EVERYTHING is sooooo personal. So, know that when I share my opinion and story about u/s with you, I am totally just expressing what I found to be true for me. It is not a judgement of what others do differently. But, also remember that I speak my truth after going through 2 m/c (one at 6 weeks, one at 12.5 weeks.) Then, I had an anxiety filled -and ultrasound filled- pregnancy with my next baby. So, I speak from a place of "I have been there" and "I am right here with you."
My thought about u/s, especially early u/s, is that they are really don't do anything. Meaning, they do not change outcomes, they do not improve outcomes. They give you a picture of the reality inside of you for that moment, and that moment only. For me, the ultrasound offered immense relief momentarily... but fear and anxiety ALWAYS bubbled up shortly after. Sometimes, I had a few days of relief. Sometimes, I had a few hours. Anything can happen at any time and I knew it. So, seeing reassuring things was reassuring, but only for a moment.
Now, alternatively, let's say that an u/s showed an impending miscarriage was on the horizon. Is it really better to know what is going on inside if it is a bad and unwanted outcome? Walking around not knowing and then discovering m/c through bleeding/cramping by surprise SUCKS! You know what else sucks? KNOWING that you are carrying around a non-viable pregnancy but still looking and feeling pregnant...waiting for the m/c to finally happen. I experienced both of these scenarios. Both of those alternatives suck because pregnancy loss sucks. Either way, you are sad and upset, heartbroken and angry.
So, this time, I am not having any u/s done. I am just enjoying each individual day because that is all I KNOW that I have in the moment. It is probably frustrating to feel like you are "skimping" on "prenatal care" due to lack of resources. But maybe the above perspective will help you see that an u/s is not really prenatal care. It does not improve outcomes for your baby to to be "seen" and measured at this early and most tender stage of development. There are other ways to reduce anxiety that offer longer lasting results.
I can come back later with some ideas about that... for now, my computer time is up.
Sewing, gardening, home birthing, co-sleeping, extended nursing, cloth diapering, baby-wearing, home schooling, attachment parenting busy mommy to dd1 (7), dd2 (4), ds (1) and two in heaven.