I haven't really told anyone this, but I am having a hard time feeling any attachment to this pregnancy and baby. Instead, all I can think about is the horrible third trimester
I don't feel excited about a baby.
I'm Catholic and I do accept and embrace the teaching on birth control. I'm all about having a huge family. I'm hoping to have at least 8
It's not the baby itself that I am dreading or having a mental issue with. It's just the pregnancy. I can't get past it. The third trimester is just so friggin' hard on me. My back makes it impossible to function anywhere near normal.
I think part of it is that I got pregnant without knowing I was ovulating. I'm usually so aware of my body, and I thought I would have another month or two before my first post-partum cycle (LO was 13 months when we conceived this time). I was counting on that month or two to wrap my mind around another pregnancy... but surprise!!!
Part of me has also felt like things are off because I never had a real period. I very lightly spotted when I wiped for a couple days, and that was all. I feel like that could mean my hormones are all off, so I have been totally expecting to miscarry (how very positive of me!). Not hoping to miscarry... don't misunderstand me... I don't want to lose this baby. But if I did... I wonder how upset I would be. Perhaps that dream I mentioned in another thread was just reflecting how I feel.
I'm hoping that when I have my ultrasound on Tuesday, and I see that there IS a baby there and it IS okay that I will start to attach emotionally.
Perhaps I should cut myself more slack. I've felt so abnormally rotten with this pregnancy that that might account for some of my lack of enthusiasm.
Okay...end of confession. I hope y'all don't think I'm a heartless beast!