A Hurtful Thing - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 07-08-2014, 08:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A Hurtful Thing

This sort of does and sort of doesn't have to do with pregnancy.

I recently quit my job because it was too much stress for too little pay and my whole life was work and not my family. From the moment I started that job there was too much to do and not enough people to do it. And it never ended. I did not have experience in that industry, but I did know a lot about programming, certain programs, and other things that made me a good fit to help out and get many things done. I ended up with three very important ongoing projects/tasks that I was running for multiple facilities. So quitting just didn't seem to be an option. I used my MIL's health issues as an excuse to jump ship and I stayed on and trained people for each thing, which processes were also documented for. So after leaving, I have heard that my co-workers are not allowed vacations this summer because there is too much to do and they still have not found my replacement. This happens all to often at many places of business these days, but I did feel guilty leaving. And even worse hearing that my fears were confirmed, my ex-co-workers are suffering in my absence.

Turns out I conceived on the last day of work, which I did not find out until about a month later. It was not my intention to leave and grow our family, but that is how it happened. I even had a yard sale the week before I got the BFP and got rid of a ton of baby stuff!

So here's the thing that I wanted to share. I am Facebook friends with all of my co-workers including my supervisors. I just found out today that my immediate supervisor unfriended me on Facebook. I know, this is not important, but it still hurts. We were very different people, but I still liked her. And it seems that I stopped seeing things from her around the time that I broke the news to a friend from the office that I was pregnant. I wonder if it's because she's mad at me for leaving, mad at me for getting pregnant, or maybe she never liked me. Hard to say. I will just have to get over it.

Anyway, just wanted to get it off my chest. I'm hormonal, so I'm thinking it's okay to do so.

Three kids and one on the way.
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#2 of 10 Old 07-08-2014, 08:25 PM
 
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Ouch. I'd be hurt, too--particularly after all you did for the organization, even though it was costing you. I'm sorry. That stinks.

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#3 of 10 Old 07-08-2014, 08:25 PM
 
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(hugs)

I'm sorry you're dealing with all that, Valerie. Having someone un-friend you like that can be so hurtful. Maybe it has nothing to do with the pregnancy, though? Maybe she just feels like you have less in common now that you don't share a workplace. Still, I know it hurts.

For what it's worth, it sounds to me like you made the right decision in leaving your job. Based on what you shared, it sounds like a difficult environment that doesn't treat employees very well. You held up your responsibilities by training etc before leaving. The conditions that followed are the responsibilities of the employers. You have nothing to feel guilty about!
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#4 of 10 Old 07-08-2014, 09:16 PM
 
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That is so hard to deal with You have to leave places like that that suck the life out of you. Your job can effect your whole attitude on life and an unhealthy attitude can lead to an unhealthy life.
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#5 of 10 Old 07-09-2014, 06:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the kind words.

I will probably never be a super career woman. My mother grew up very poor in a large family and she found her escape through work, so she is very successful financially. But I guess I went the other direction and decided to stay at home, breastfeed, and all the homey things that moms do. When I was a kid, I did not want to be at daycare, I wanted to be home. But with my kids, I try not to just assume that they want what I wanted. My first loved to be at home like me, but the second two just love being at daycare. So it was an easy decision to take a break from work and consider my next steps toward a job with a better work-life balance. Looks more like I'll be at home for a while now that another is on the way.

I was thinking more about it. When someone unfriends you on FB, it's like saying, "You can be happy, or you can die, and either way I won't care because I won't even know about it."

Three kids and one on the way.
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#6 of 10 Old 07-09-2014, 06:54 AM
 
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I second what knitty and sarah said.

I was on FB for a few years, and I know I cleaned out my friend list a couple times. I deleted people that I didn't really talk to... it wasn't that I didn't like them or that I was mad at them. I just didn't want a huge friend list and a huge newsfeed, so I whittled it down. Maybe that's what she did?

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#7 of 10 Old 07-09-2014, 08:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by cagnew View Post
I second what knitty and sarah said.

I was on FB for a few years, and I know I cleaned out my friend list a couple times. I deleted people that I didn't really talk to... it wasn't that I didn't like them or that I was mad at them. I just didn't want a huge friend list and a huge newsfeed, so I whittled it down. Maybe that's what she did?

Every time we move I whittle it down. Our rule is "people we make an effort to see in real life."
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#8 of 10 Old 07-10-2014, 06:54 PM
 
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Sarahknavy, I have the same rule. I also include people I love dearly even though I know we'll never cross paths again. But Facebook has been an awesome tool for re-connecting with friends from several duty stations ago!

Valerie, is it too weird to ask her why, in a non-confrontational manner? When I cull my list, I sometimes get a message. I'm ALWAYS happy to explain that I was just editing and it was nothing personal, then I re add them.

This situation would be under my skin too.
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#9 of 10 Old 07-11-2014, 07:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't think she would get the message since we're not friends anymore, it would go to her "other" box or whatever it's called. But I'd rather not ask. If she meant to do it, then it was her decision. And if she didn't, then she is welcome to add me again.

I try to connect with mostly family members because my family is all over the country. But every once in a while I will get rid of people who were on my friends list who never returned a message. It's like, I'm not here as one of your adoring fans, if I send you a private message, you could at least acknowledge it or send an answer. I usually ask a question, not just "hey, what's up", I don't have the time for that. So, I have unfriended a few that way. I also get into little arguments because I'm too crunchy for some people so we will go our separate ways temporarily or permanently. I'm thinking that may have something to do with my ex-supervisor. She was really into conventional medicine, and maybe some of my posts were just too much for her.

Three kids and one on the way.
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#10 of 10 Old 07-12-2014, 08:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Valerie11 View Post

I was thinking more about it. When someone unfriends you on FB, it's like saying, "You can be happy, or you can die, and either way I won't care because I won't even know about it."

Not so sure I would agree with that. I like to keep my friends list very close and personal. If someone is not really a part of my life any more in a real way, or I don't know them well, or if they just fill up my newsfeed with obnoxious things that clog up my feed and keep me from being able to see the important things that my close friends and family share, I am very likely to hide them from my feed or unfriend them, depending on who they are. It's usually not personal, but if they are someone who is just an acquaintance and not part of my daily life or not not family, I am less likely to friend them in the first place and more likely to unfriend them later. Not because I don't like that person, but because that's what I use fb for, to keep in touch with the important, close people in my life.

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
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