Four's a crowd? Ultrasound... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 08-25-2014, 04:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Four's a crowd? Ultrasound...

I have an ultrasound coming up next week (yay!), and my 13 year old is very curious about coming along. I would love to have him there, and have talked to him about the reason to have an ultrasound, and how sometimes "bad news" is discovered. He seemed very mature and cool with this...

My other son is 16, and while he's a bit less interested in this process, I think it would be wonderful to have them included in the experience of seeing their little sibling wiggle around in x-ray style.

What do you think? Too young? Too personal? To potentially traumatic?

It's very important to me that they are part of this experience, and have a healthy relationship with their sibling to be... Given the age gap, a little extra energy may be required to make this happen...

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#2 of 9 Old 08-25-2014, 04:53 PM
 
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I think that if they WANT to come, they should come, but that if they don't really want to, then it is fine for them not to. They are old enough to understand the deal, and to make their own choices. And whatever they choose should be supported.

  • I don't think they are too young.
  • It is personal, which is why I don't think they should be forced if at all uncomfortable.
  • If there is bad news, it will deeply effect them whether or not they are there. There is no way to spare them from it.

Chances are, it will just be a very wonderful experience, the focus will be on the baby, not you, and they (or he if just one comes) will feel like more a part of things.

Congratulations!

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#3 of 9 Old 08-25-2014, 05:06 PM
 
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I totally agree with Linda on this one.

As long as the boys are cool with it and the u/s doesn't have any restrictions on how many can be in the room (some do), I think it would be FUN to have them there! Of course, that is if they want to be there! OOO! Good luck at the u/s. Are you finding out the sex or keeping yourself in the dark?

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#4 of 9 Old 08-26-2014, 05:20 AM
 
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I also agree with Linda. My boys were 10 and 13 with my last baby and they really enjoyed the ultrasound and I let it be their choice. I had the same intentions for the birth, but we didn't end up staying home. Now my boys are 16 and 19. The 16 will have the same options. The 19yo lives too far away though.
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#5 of 9 Old 08-26-2014, 10:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, Ladies. I would never force either one of them to do anything they didn't want to do (though sometimes I strongly encourage things if I think it's a really good idea for them to experience, and their resistance comes more from fear than an actual lack of desire)...
@jodieanneanton , at this point I have no real desire to find out the sex. That may change at the ultrasound, but my true want is to be surprised when the babe to be is born. To be honest, I'm really hoping for a girl, given that I already have 2 boys, as does my husband (4 boys total), and I would love to raise a little girl (I'm a tree worker/wood worker/ carpenter lady and would love to instill my late found sense of what being a girl really could mean, if that's the direction she's called toward... an opportunity that took me 30 years to explore... at the very least exposing her to a woman role model who doesn't conform to the gender role of society- doesn't even present that gender role assignment during her early upbringing...) I fear that if I found out now that it's a boy I'd be a little disappointed during the rest of the pregnancy, where as when we meet, if it's a boy, I'll just be so enamored with this blessed little being that gender really won't matter.

Thanks for the nudges, ladies... I've invited them both, if they chose to accompany me. I hope they do, but won't judge if they're just not interested...
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#6 of 9 Old 08-26-2014, 12:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happyday8598 View Post
I fear that if I found out now that it's a boy I'd be a little disappointed during the rest of the pregnancy, where as when we meet, if it's a boy, I'll just be so enamored with this blessed little being that gender really won't matter.
This is EXACTLY why I didn't find out with my 3rd. I had 2 girls and wanted more girls. "Not boys. They are scary." I would say.

It was the absolute best to be surprised at birth (I am doing it again) and not dealing with the gender disappointment I would have with an u/s.
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Sewing, gardening, home birthing, co-sleeping, extended nursing, cloth diapering, baby-wearing, home schooling, attachment parenting busy mommy to dd1 (7), dd2 (4), ds (1) and two in heaven. 
 
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#7 of 9 Old 08-26-2014, 02:12 PM
 
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I have 3 boys. With #3 , I wanted to know at the u/s so that I could get any disappointment over with quickly. That worked well here. Yes, it was another boy, and I was quickly happy and looking forward to a 3rd boy, since I knew what to do with boys!

We'll find out again with this one.

I had the "surprise" with the first, and meh... I wasn't actually surprised. I felt like he was a boy the whole time, and there he was. No surprise at all. I felt like #2 was a girl, but u/s showed us differently (the OB's exact words were, "It's a boy... a BIG boy!" ). I was more surprised at the u/s than I was at birth. Since then, I've found out with each one at the u/s. I've had no problem bonding with any of my babies during pregnancy, knowing their gender. I think it actually helped me bond more. But everyone is different!

No input on the OP's original question really. I will probably have my kids at the u/s, and mine are much younger (5, 7, and 10). I'm still debating that though. I need to ask around and see what the waiting room time is like if you're just seeing the u/s tech, because if it's a long wait like regular appointments, I'll leave the kids at their grandparents' house and just show them the video afterward.

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
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#8 of 9 Old 08-26-2014, 02:33 PM
 
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My two are considerably younger, @happyday8598--five and three--but we're electing to bring them along as well. Our thinking is a lot like Linda's; if there is bad news, they will have to learn about it anyway, so we might as well all be together. We're also planning to find out the baby's sex, as long as Baby is amenable to that, so we figure this will be a very nice opportunity to make the new sibling a bit more real to the older, but still very young, brother and sister. They are super excited about it!
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#9 of 9 Old 08-27-2014, 05:26 AM
 
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I have 3 boys already. I decided not to find out with the last two because I did not want to be disappointed. For me findin out with labor hormones coursing through your body is the best way. I do not want to find out this time, because I am terrified of my attitude if I find out it is another boy.
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