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#1 of 19 Old 07-17-2014, 01:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Picking your provider

Hi Everyone,

I relocated out of state a few weeks ago, so I won't be using the midwife/obgyn I had originally used for my previous pregnancy (ended in a miscarriage in April ). I am curious as to how you ladies chose your midwife or obgyn or team? I've been doing some research online, but I'm just kind of feeling overwhelmed with it all. I chose my original team based on their proximity, reputation, and the comfortable feeling I got from them. I am really interested in going with a midwife, unfortunately in the area I live in doesn't have a lot of variety.

Thanks!
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#2 of 19 Old 07-17-2014, 02:28 PM
 
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Hi klee! I knew I wanted a home birth so I interviewed four midwives and asked for references. I spoke with the midwives' clients and chose my amazing midwife based on how compatible she was with my beliefs and because she had caught over 1,000 babies.

If you're leaning towards a midwife, I would recommend seeking out like-minded moms in either babywearing groups, La Leche League, or even contacting your local birthing center, if there is one. There's also a Find Your Tribe section of the Mothering Forum that is divided into states, so you can inquire there! HTH!

Happy housewife and mom to big Z, born at home 1/2012. m/c 07/14 @ 5w and happy to get back to trying!  
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#3 of 19 Old 07-17-2014, 02:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by montessorimama1 View Post
Hi klee! I knew I wanted a home birth so I interviewed four midwives and asked for references. I spoke with the midwives' clients and chose my amazing midwife based on how compatible she was with my beliefs and because she had caught over 1,000 babies.

If you're leaning towards a midwife, I would recommend seeking out like-minded moms in either babywearing groups, La Leche League, or even contacting your local birthing center, if there is one. There's also a Find Your Tribe section of the Mothering Forum that is divided into states, so you can inquire there! HTH!
Awesome thank you! Did you do a home birth for your first birth? I am really interested in a home birth.
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#4 of 19 Old 07-17-2014, 05:19 PM
 
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I am planning a homebirth as well. My first birth was an emergency c-section, my 2nd a hospital vbac (HBAC is not legal where I was living in AZ), and this time a homebirth is exactly what I want after those experiences.

I am a doula and our birth community is pretty close so I have met almost all the midwives. I chose the one I want to use because of her personality and her passion for birth. I appreciate how kind she has always been to me, and I just know I will feel that kindness from her throughout my pregnancy and labor.

I think when trying to pick a midwife it's less about the research and more about calling all of the ones in your area and just chatting to see what kind of feeling you get. Many midwives will sit down for a free consultation to see if you click.

Mama to my angel baby Drew (9/22/06), Alexia (10/26/11) , and hoping for a in 3/2015!!

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#5 of 19 Old 07-18-2014, 12:58 AM
 
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I have already had an amazing vbac. This time a home birth
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#6 of 19 Old 07-18-2014, 04:26 AM
 
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Awesome thank you! Did you do a home birth for your first birth? I am really interested in a home birth.
Klee - Yes, I did have a home birth for my first (10lbs @ 41w gestation!!). It was an amazing experience, but it's really not for everyone. You have to have a lot of faith in your body, you have to be willing to go at it drug-free,, and you should have a good support team! I couldn't have done it without my midwives, they were my backbone! Choose someone who has lots and lots of experience, because birth is really unpredictable. Ask lots of questions, meet in person, talk to other moms they've worked with.

If you're curious about home birth, you can read our birth story here: http://thefullmontessori.wordpress.c...e-birth-story/

Happy housewife and mom to big Z, born at home 1/2012. m/c 07/14 @ 5w and happy to get back to trying!  
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#7 of 19 Old 07-18-2014, 06:22 AM
 
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I can't afford a home birth, and have used a birth center for both children. The first was a water birth, the second a hospital transfer due to meconium and a cord tied around her arms so her heart rate dipped. They needed me on a monitor. It wasn't bad! Nothing like I had been led to fear--except the water option (a trickling, cold shower) was pathetic. The water really helped my pain so the second birth was more painful but faster than the first (albeit long!) I will go with the midwives again, although it's frustrating not knowing which will be present. In fact, my least favorite midwife was with me during the birth but in the moment of birth she was awesome. I think it taught me that someone can turn me off in an office visit but have their stuff together in an impressive way during a birth.

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#8 of 19 Old 07-18-2014, 09:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you ladies for your responses. I am certainly considering a homebirth. My husband and I started to speak about this, but I'm not sure how comfortable he is with this. I feel like a birth center may be a happy medium, though there aren't many in our area. I'll keep you'll ladies posted.

Thank you for sharing your birth stories as well. Very informative and inspirational.
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#9 of 19 Old 07-18-2014, 09:47 AM
 
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My husband was very worried about homebirth until he met the midwife, and until he talked to some other dads who had been through it. Then he was excited and he will tell anyone who asks how great it was. And also- my mom gave us her silent treatment (if she doesn't agree with something she just makes hmm noises-so annoying) but then after DD was born she was bragging to everyone how awesome her daughter is and how she was following the family tradition (her own mother was a farmer and had 3/5 born at home, as did many relatives). Such a turn around! Lol.
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#10 of 19 Old 07-18-2014, 12:46 PM
 
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Your husband has to be 100% onboard so you don't have to deal with reassuring him when you're in the middle of labor! I dragged my husband to every midwife interview, made him watch three homebirth documentaries, and read him passages from Ina May Gaskin books. If he's not totally supportive, try to find a happy medium. You don't want to deal with "I told you so's" in case of a transfer!

Happy housewife and mom to big Z, born at home 1/2012. m/c 07/14 @ 5w and happy to get back to trying!  
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#11 of 19 Old 07-19-2014, 02:52 PM
 
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I, unfortunately, will be scheduling a c-section this time. I've attempted 3 natural births, the last of which was an attempted home-VBA2C with a direct-entry midwife. Each of them has resulted in a last-minute c-section, despite every effort on my part. I have MAJOR birth trauma. Honestly, even reading about birth kinda freaks me out. I have aversion to hearing about other people's births... it's kinda nuts. I think I'm going to seek some therapy before I have to do this one. But I'm also going to plan and schedule a c-section on my own terms. That way, I'll have at least SOME control over the events, which has been a major issue with my dealing with my previous birth attempts. So, I chose a provider I think will respect my wishes, and who comes recommended. It helps that I work for the hospital system to which the OBGYN group belongs, so I'll have full access to my medical records, I know a lot of the docs, and I'll get an employee discount on my bill.

Good for all of you having, or having had homebirths, though.
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Last edited by Yaliina; 07-21-2014 at 10:10 AM. Reason: typo
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#12 of 19 Old 07-19-2014, 03:47 PM
 
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Yaliina - That sounds tough to deal with! Have you heard of "Birthing from Within"? I've heard of women getting good results in working through their birth trauma, even if they choose to go with a c-section again. I've been reading about family-centered c-sections and it seems like a very supportive thing to do if you can find the right provider. Good luck!

So, I just heard back from my midwife - she'll take me as her client again!!! I'm so happy, she's just the most amazing person - straightforward, no-nonsense, and utterly professional. I can't stand mothering types, I want someone who'll make the tough calls and be a rock when I'm falling apart mid-labor and feel like I can't do it. She's perfect. Now, just have to wait, and wait, and wait for this pregnancy to progress!!!

Happy housewife and mom to big Z, born at home 1/2012. m/c 07/14 @ 5w and happy to get back to trying!  
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#13 of 19 Old 07-19-2014, 05:44 PM
 
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I will second birthing from within. I had a traumatic birth with #1 and I'm not a very new agey type of person but I found it really helped. I also worked with a therapist on some PTSD treatment - desensitizations, visualizations and some tools for labor. I think you having control will make all the difference. I'm so torn this time. Hospitals really trigger my PTSD and I'm not sure I can have a fear-free birth there. We have a birth center in the area for low risk but it's actually AT the hospital so it's not that big of a difference for me stress wise. I will just have to see how the pregnancy goes first though. If only I could fly my midwife from my daughters birth 3000 miles...think she wants to do it? Stupid state licensing
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#14 of 19 Old 07-20-2014, 07:16 AM
 
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sleepymama - I would be distraught if I had to birth in a hospital, I'm so sorry that your state makes it so hard to use a midwife!! So, is the birthing center your best choice at this point?

Happy housewife and mom to big Z, born at home 1/2012. m/c 07/14 @ 5w and happy to get back to trying!  
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#15 of 19 Old 07-20-2014, 08:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yaliina, I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences and emotions behind them! My heart goes out to you. I hope you find a sense of calmness around you upcoming birth.

I decided to reach out to a midwife in the area and hope to set up a meeting with her, my husband, and me to discuss a homebirth and any questions.
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#16 of 19 Old 07-20-2014, 10:15 AM
 
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sleepymama - I would be distraught if I had to birth in a hospital, I'm so sorry that your state makes it so hard to use a midwife!! So, is the birthing center your best choice at this point?
Oh no, sorry to be confusing. I meant my old midwife isn't licensed in my state. There are homebirth midwives here. I met one last year I liked but then I miscarried. Our insurance doesn't cover it and we have a 3000 deductible. I need lots of prenatal testing (I am high risk due to my sons heart defect and I also have primary hypertension) so I have to get lots of ultrasounds including a fetal echocardiogram. All of that is under our 3K deductible. So if I were to homebirth, she would charge me another 3K on top of that. 6K out of pocket is a lot of money . If I didn't need all the prenatal testing and it was just 3K for the midwife that would be ok.

My blood pressure tends to actually be better during pregnancy- dilated blood vessels and all. I actually just went off my meds a couple days ago because I was down to 90/50 and feeling really dizzy all the time! My NP said I might be able to get away with staying off at least for the first half. If the baby's tests are all norm and my BP is ok and we maybe can work out a sliding scale, it might work out. Sorry for the novel!
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#17 of 19 Old 07-20-2014, 01:40 PM
 
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Oh no, sorry to be confusing. I meant my old midwife isn't licensed in my state. There are homebirth midwives here. I met one last year I liked but then I miscarried. Our insurance doesn't cover it and we have a 3000 deductible. I need lots of prenatal testing (I am high risk due to my sons heart defect and I also have primary hypertension) so I have to get lots of ultrasounds including a fetal echocardiogram. All of that is under our 3K deductible. So if I were to homebirth, she would charge me another 3K on top of that. 6K out of pocket is a lot of money . If I didn't need all the prenatal testing and it was just 3K for the midwife that would be ok.

My blood pressure tends to actually be better during pregnancy- dilated blood vessels and all. I actually just went off my meds a couple days ago because I was down to 90/50 and feeling really dizzy all the time! My NP said I might be able to get away with staying off at least for the first half. If the baby's tests are all norm and my BP is ok and we maybe can work out a sliding scale, it might work out. Sorry for the novel!
sleepymama - Ahh! That makes perfect sense... Isn't insurance just frustrating??? We also have a stupid deductible, and our insurance probably won't even consider the midwife as a legitimate medical expense because she's a lay midwife (not CNM), so we're going out of pocket. It must be so nice to be off your meds, though! There's a silver lining to the first trimester after all!

klee - Hurray! Let us know how it goes! And remember to interview at least three if you can!

Happy housewife and mom to big Z, born at home 1/2012. m/c 07/14 @ 5w and happy to get back to trying!  
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#18 of 19 Old 07-21-2014, 10:29 AM
 
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Thanks for all the support, ladies! It's been a really hard road. And it's made worse when my FIL makes infuriating and degrading comments. Right after we told him we're pregnant, he says, "Do me a favor: don't mess around with midwives and such. Just go directly to the hospital." I wanted to scream at him! It makes me SO MAD and makes me feel SO IMPOTENT that I have failed every attempt at a natural childbirth, and it makes it so much worse when ignorant, insensitive people rub it in my face. I just want so badly to SHOW HIM that I'm not wrong- natural childbirth is the best way, is totally DOABLE! But, unfortunately, it seems that it is not doable for ME, and I'm powerless to change it.

Sorry for the outburst. It's nice to have a safe place to say it, though.

Wife to since '98; Homeschooling, working on my doctorate & becoming crunchier by the day; Mom to DSs: 06/10,12/05, & 1/99 & 1 on the way (3/15)
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#19 of 19 Old 07-22-2014, 01:12 PM
 
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I chose my provider sort of "backwards" - I knew wanted to birth in a hospital so I picked the one which works closely with midwives and supports them fully. Some hospitals merely "tolerate" midwifery patients, and it can lead to really awful experiences if there's an emergency transfer. At our hospital, even the OB patients who are low risk usually deliver with the midwives.

I had wanted to use one of the natural birthing suites at our hospital (which even have a soak tub), but risked out at the last minute. Since the nurses and midwives knew I'd meant to be in there, they were pretty good about respecting my wishes (though I did have an epidural after 12 hours of back labor, no regrets there).

Honestly, I no longer think unmedicated childbirth is the holy grail of life experiences: feeling supported and respected during childbirth is, and I think that's really at the core of a lot of negative experiences with interventions. If I was looking for a new provider I'd probably start with someone who has a good relationship with their backup OB / hospital. I want to know that if things get hairy I'll still be with a practitioner who respects me and my choices as a patient.

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