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Give me all your best tips

1K views 33 replies 13 participants last post by  Metasequoia 
#1 ·
For having a positive, natural unmedicated childbirth. This is my first birth and I'm feeling more and more nervous.
I am in the process of hiring a doula and I am signing up for a hypnobabies class. Also, considering chiropractic care. Took my first prenatal yoga class yesterday. Anything else that might be helpful ? Can anyone share positive first birth stories? As you know from another post of mine, I'm giving birth in the hospital, which makes me a bit nervous, although they are supposed to be natural birth friendly. Anyhow, tips and stories would be welcome.
 
#2 ·
I love this question and request @Ble530!

There are so many great things to do to prepare for a beautiful, empowered and natural vaginal birth. I am sure you are going to get a lot of feedback and suggestions. Here are a few of mine off the top of my head and in no organized order-
wait as long as you can to head into the hospital and have your doula be with you at home during early labor to help you and DH decide when is a good time to go.
eat and drink before you get there to keep up your strength- you want to be sure you don't fatigue just because you are not eating or staying hydrated.
Work with the hospital to get a hep lock vs an IV (this will be easier at admittance if you are hydrated!)
Have a thorough birth plan that addresses the specific practices in the hospital and midwife practice you will be birthing with that helps them to identify your needs and wishes. Go over it with every practitioner you could be giving birth with, have it in your file and bring it with you to go over with the nurses you will be working with.
Be on the same page as far as birth preferences with your hubby and doula as well as how to talk to each other and how to advocate for your needs/ wants when/if things are hard or you are feeling pressured to make a decision you didn't plan for
know the cascade of interventions well so that you have a clear understanding of what to expect.
Work with the care providers on the positive- not the defensive: ask them "what do you do to promote healthy normal vaginal childbirth for first time moms?" Use their language when talking with them so that you know you are all saying the same things.
read and watch and listen to all of the positive, beautiful and amazing births you can in the hospital and out of hospital.
Rein in your fear and learn to trust yourself, your body- strength, wisdom, intuition and inner voice.
move around as much as you need and want to
be ready to make all the noises, be in any position, have people looking at you and don't care. Let them deal with it! It is always easier for care providers to have you on your back, laying down. It is not easier to give birth in that position, unless you are on drugs! So, all this to say, move! Babies do better, mama's do better and things go quicker!

Thats all for now! You are already doing so many great things for yourself! It can be a really hard thing after the initial scare you had to find a place of trust in your body and this innate process. I am glad you are thinking of these things now! Perfect timing!
 
#3 ·
On a super basic level, what worked for me the first time (and next few times too actually) was to just know that it was going to be super painful. And then it would get more painful. And then, it would probably even hurt worse than it did before. And at some point it would be done and I'd have a baby.

First and foremost, taking I wasn't interested in taking drugs because of the baby. Additionally, taking drugs for me wasn't really going to be an option since most drugs stronger than OTC make me nauseous and out of it and I wasn't interested in that and the idea of being confined ("trapped") to a bed with an epidural was not remotely appealing. I hate the idea of not being able to move if I want to!

And that is pretty much what happened in my hospital birth. I ended up with back labor and it was nice to have counter pressure on my back during contractions. In all my labors I have found low moaning and swaying to be helpful as the contractions progress.

Something else to think about, the positions that might make the contractions feel more painful, are also working to open you up and get the baby further down the canal, it's hard not to fight against it, but I really do think letting the pain work for you is a good thing in the end!

I have not read any natural birthing books or taken any natural birthing classes. I choose to use the words contraction and pain because, I'm not about to convince myself I'm not feeling pain. ;) And that's okay with me. Having a baby is painful. And it's wonderful.

Once when I had to describe labor/birth in three words I chose: exciting, exhausting, and wonderful. Because, really, even though I will never quite forget the pain, it's not the part that stands out.

I think I've posted this once already, but I am really looking forward to labor and birth. I enjoy the process and love to know that my body is doing all that hard work to get the baby out. I like seeing what helps me feel better and what doesn't. During my second labor I was sitting in a rocking chair through a contraction and I felt my daughter's head descend quite a bit! It was the most amazing feeling and I will never, ever forget it.

My first and third babies were back labor and my middle baby was on the front. Contractions in the front are so, so much easier for me to handle, so I'm hoping for that again this time around!
 
#4 ·
My first (natural, vaginal) birth was in a hospital with a midwife. :) I had no idea what I was doing! I had just turned 23 and had never been on the internet (makes me sound so old!!) so I think you're already way ahead of where I was going into it.

I disagree with Wild Rose on one point. :) Pay attention to your body and don't assume you need to wait and wait and wait to go to the hospital. If I'd waited at all, I would have had a car baby. :D Some mamas have fast labors, even with first babies! As soon as I woke with that first contraction and went to the bathroom and saw bloody show, I called my midwife and she told me to hang out at home. When I called her back about 10 minutes later to ask if the anesthesiologist would be there, she told me to come right in. :lol
So I did and I had zero interventions and a wonderful birth.

In retrospect, I would have done a few things differently like remain on my feet. Instead, I laid in the bed and huffed and puffed through active labor/transition and it was REALLY hard. That was the first and last labor I spent laying down.

The rest of my labors happened on my feet, pacing or swaying until baby crowned. Then, with all of them, I sat down and semi-reclined so that I was half-way between sitting upright and laying down on my back - and this worked really well for me - no tearing, very comfortable. Never once did I do knees-to-chest or any coached pushing.
I think staying on your feet for as long as possible allows baby to descend beautifully and to stretch everything nicely. I didn't even have swelling after birth, I think because of the slow, gradual descent because of being upright.

So sometimes, even though everyone poo-poos it, laying on your back or semi-reclined, is the most comfortable position FOR YOU. I just don't recommend spending your labor like that. :)

Breathing through the urge to push. Try not to let anyone tell you to push. Wait until you can't help BUT push, and then try not to, try to just breathe through it and let your body do it. Less tearing/swelling.

Remember that you're an animal and this is what your body is designed to do. You're no different than cats, dogs, horses, etc. Your body knows how to birth a baby, so trust in that. Embrace the earthy goddess-ness of birthing! It sounds hokey, but if you can get in that primal zone, birth is such an empowering, natural, earthy, beautiful event. :love Don't be afraid of it, embrace it. Think about meeting your baby - especially if you're struggling, just think about how close you are to meeting him/her! Those surges of love for baby while you're in labor are some powerful medicine!
 
#5 ·
I went to natural birth class and read books that told me if I was not afraid it would not hurt and the screaming child birth is for movies. Imagine my surprise when it hurt like hell! I like the advice to accept that it hurts and roll with it. I also was in labor for 3 days and ended up with interventions because it had been too long. I am going to stay home forever this time so I'm not on the clock at the hospital. And so I can eat! I also @metasequoia advice about pushing.
 
#6 ·
I'm going to come out and say that I don't think it hurt that much. It's intense and uncomfortable, but moving really eased the discomfort for me. Maybe because in my mind I didn't think of it as pain but envisioned a baby coming down through my body? I've never had back labor, and while I think it's a blessing to have quick labors, those quick labors are intense! I've always said that I don't know how my births would have gone had I had longer, more average labors.

I think focusing on a baby being the prize is helpful. Maybe pack some things that will be reminders of the prize at the end to focus on in the hospital - pictures of the most recent u/s, the going home outfit, a picture of baby's space at home (crib, co-sleeper, something baby-related) and try to focus on what you're working towards so the pain doesn't seem meaningless, you know? Meaningless (without a purpose) pain is the worst, imo, but when you know that your body is simply working to ease a new life into the world, it's different.
 
#7 ·
I've only done it twice before but the best tip I can think of is to trust your body and to enjoy it. For me I didn't experience pain exactly, it was more like seriously hard exercise for me. I try hard to remember that I'm not being damaged but my body is doing some seriously hard work. I too move a LOT, just pacing back and forth works for me. If you are thinking "this is going to really hurt" then it will in my opinion. It's transition where I think I really can't handle it anymore but it is so short a time!! Squat if you can for the pushing stage and relax.
 
#9 ·
If you are thinking "this is going to really hurt" then it will in my opinion.
I do also think that our attitudes going in, can shape our experience. But, for me, I needed to know that it was going to be painful - because that is how I was able to prepare for it. Then, when it's "not that bad" I am pleasantly surprised. Rather than horribly surprised when it actually hurts.

It definitely is a different kind of pain though. I still claim migraines and UTIs are way worse pain. I also think where you feel the contractions makes a huge difference. Having experienced two back labors and one regular labor, the "regular" version was so, so much less painful.
 
#8 ·
I am watching this thread closely too, as this will be my first time bringing a bambino into the world as well. My mom has said the same thing that all of you seem to echo, that having the opportunity to move around naturally as much as possible is really helpful to keeping things progressing. If anyone has any tips specifically directed at someone having a first-time homebirth with a midwife, feel free to post those too because that's what we're doing and I'd love to hear any things that you recommend preparing ahead, having access to during labor, etc.

Thanks for the wisdom!
 
#10 ·
I also think that attitude will shape your experience. Fear causes your body to lock up and locking up is not what you want in labor.

I've used Rescue Remedy in many of my labors when I feel myself slipping towards panic. Do you have anything that you know can get you out of the direction of panic and feeling safe? My candle-lit bathroom and being alone in the hot shower did this for me - and just focusing on swaying my hips during contractions. Once I get grounded again, everything goes smoothly. It's always just in my head, no outward signs of panic, but sometimes being trapped in your head isn't good. :lol So I know that I often need to just turn my brain off and trust my body.

Try to accept that there could be pain, but try not to fear it; think of it more like the bodily function that it is rather than a medical event.

As for a homebirth, just be willing to labor in whatever space you feel safest and most comfortable in. I try not to be attached to any one location or plan of how it's going to go. I like my bathroom and my bedroom; those are my safest spots, but if I end up somewhere else, I'll try to embrace it. I don't think I want to try to walk up or down stairs once I'm in active labor and my upstairs is more private and cozy than my downstairs space - plus, that's where I'll stay for a couple of days, so better to have baby there.
 
#11 ·
Yea I told myself it wouldn't hurt and read it wouldn't hurt and it really really did. I wasn't prepared. I had long back labor and he was born facing up and the nurses said my labor was pretty grueling...and I'd thought if I just stayed positive and embraced it I wouldn't have pain. It makes more sense for me now to accept it'll probably hurt. Being ambushed by pain was very discouraging.
 
#13 ·
Yes, @Metasequoia, I'm trying to stay mentally open to the baby coming to join us in whatever part of our home that she needs to, although of course I'm a little partial towards the bedroom.

We are planning to have a water birth, so the birthing tub that our MW brings will be set up (in the living room most likely, just due to space) as another possible space that I can use if I need to.

I know I need to plan to essentially be in bed with the babe for a few days afterwards to allow my body to heal and to get the hang of breastfeeding, what things did you guys prepare for yourselves to make this possible? I.e. did you have books, entertainment, snacks, etc. already in a basket in your room, or did you have somebody who came each day to check on you and made those things available to you? My hubby would normally take care of all of these things for me, but he starts Grad school the week the baby is due so there won't be any "paterny leave" for him unless he wants to fail out of his cohort. So I'm trying to decide what things (frozen meals, etc.) I should have prepped and what things I should rely on my mom to take care of for me (She's taking two weeks off of work when the baby comes so she can help pinch-hit for hubby taking care of me during the days when he's at class.

Thanks for the tips, sorry if you experienced mamas already wrote this on a bunch of other threads but it's nice to have in one place for those of us with too much attention deficit to go back through and read every single thread! ;)
 
#16 ·
I know I need to plan to essentially be in bed with the babe for a few days afterwards to allow my body to heal and to get the hang of breastfeeding, what things did you guys prepare for yourselves to make this possible? I.e. did you have books, entertainment, snacks, etc. already in a basket in your room, or did you have somebody who came each day to check on you and made those things available to you? My hubby would normally take care of all of these things for me, but he starts Grad school the week the baby is due so there won't be any "paterny leave" for him unless he wants to fail out of his cohort. So I'm trying to decide what things (frozen meals, etc.) I should have prepped and what things I should rely on my mom to take care of for me (She's taking two weeks off of work when the baby comes so she can help pinch-hit for hubby taking care of me during the days when he's at class.

Thanks for the tips, sorry if you experienced mamas already wrote this on a bunch of other threads but it's nice to have in one place for those of us with too much attention deficit to go back through and read every single thread! ;)
I really, really think it's important to have a support person you want around those first few days. I know everyone is different, but I feel like just knowing someone is even in the other room will be a big help. So, please, have your mom there as much as possible when your husband isn't able to be. (And it seems like she will be, but I wanted to emphasize that!) Being alone just feels so...alone. I get a little weepy just thinking about it. That said, I don't really care to have visitors! But my husband and kids are more than happy to help me out and my parents are always close by.

So, what I have nearby is WATER, WATER, WATER. Nothing compares with the intense thirst I would feel when baby latched on. I, personally, am not hungry in the beginning, so it is very helpful to have someone (my mom!) making me food and bringing it to me -- and telling me to eat it! I don't really stay in bed, I can't imagine being in bed for days on end! I do migrate between napping in bed and then sitting in the living room. If you have Netflix or something similar, this will be the perfect time to watch a whole series, even if it is 7 seasons long. :)

Maybe plan a comfy spot to sit outside too, if you are into sitting outside.

Okay, since this seems to be the place for it, can I just bring up body fluids for a minute? For the first-timers...be prepared to have lots of body fluids from you and baby all over you for at least a few days. Um...it gets a bit disgusting. And I get so sick of wearing plastic pads that I stuff prefolds in my underwear. And then, chances are your shirt will be wet with breastmilk, and your sheets. Actually, I think my own body fluids leaking those first few days are worse than the baby's! I lay a flannel/fleece pad under my breasts when I sleep to hopefully catch all the leaks and not have to change the sheets as often.
 
#15 ·
For me, it hurt. With each of them. Quite a bit with the first and the third, medium with the second. But as long as I was comfortable mentally, the pain itself wasn't unbearable, and I didn't feel panicky. It was more of a put-my-head down, focus inwards, and let it happen sort of a pain. And it really did end up mostly forgotten afterwards. (Except peeing afterwards. That.Was.Hell. with each of them.)


re: Sounds - There was no screaming - although I think with my third especially there was a lot of straining that probably got pretty loud - but it wasn't like a horror movie or anything. Just imagine you're pushing a realllllly heavy box and you put your all into it. With my other two, I didn't even get loud, although I did moan a bit with my first. (Call me uninhibited.)
 
#19 ·
Before I forget - for those of you FTMs having a hospital birth, there's a new post in March's postpartum thread by a mama who had her first baby yesterday - a planned water birth in the hospital. She makes some good points and I think her "team" was what allowed her to have the birth she wanted in that setting. A good read!

I like to stay in my bedroom (and use the bathroom right next to it) for a day or two after birth just so that my internal bits have a chance to heal. It's probably not at all long enough, but it's better than no rest. Plus, just laying in bed, gazing at your amazing newborn might be all the entertainment you'll need. :love
I just lay in my "nest" (my bed :)) with baby and I eat, and I drink, and I rest/sleep, and we figure out nursing and get to know each other. God, how I LOOOVE those first couple of days!! I can't wait!!
My kids come to me and we have cuddles and they check out their new sibling and they're all very nurturing, asking if I need anything - so sweet.

Water is HUGE! @Emanresu is so right about there being nothing like that thirst when baby latches on - and it goes on for weeks/months, so always have a huge pitcher of water every.single.time you sit down to nurse.

I have some mama cloth, but I like to use sposie pads at first just because there's so much goop coming out. The plastic-y pads can be very irritating but the cotton-y ones aren't bad - Kotex, I think, are cotton-y - Always brand are the plastic-y ones that just get so gross. Anyone know any organic brands of cotton-y pads? I figure it's only a week or so that I use the sposie pads, so I just grab the conventional ones and then switch to cloth once the discharge slows down.

As for food...like I said, I'm ravenous for a while after baby comes, like waaaay worse than pregnancy. I have a good care team between DH, my mom, and the kids. As long as I have the kitchen stocked, they'll make stuff.
I would absolutely make it a priority to have helping hands around for at least the first week, two if you can. Even if you need to hire someone, I'd do it. I've never had a c-section, but for sure you'd need even more help if you ended up with one. And I've been fortunate to never have PPD or PP weepiness (I'm in BLISS not being pregnant anymore and loving the new babe!) but you never know how you'll feel PP, so having a solid support network is a good idea.

LACTATION CONSULTANT! This was my biggest gaping hole of support with my first baby. If I'd known to hire an LC, our nursing relationship could have been saved. But I trusted that my midwife and the hospital nurses were professionals and if they couldn't help me, it was hopeless.
Same trouble with my second baby and I found myself an LC and she saved us. 15 years later and I still struggle with the guilt of not searching out an LC to help my firstborn and I. And those 8 weeks of blood, sweat, and tears will haunt me forever. :(
Maybe you'll be one of the fortunate ones for whom breastfeeding is the simplest thing in the world, but maybe not - so be prepared! I'd suggest finding an LC NOW, not waiting until you're a sobbing mess with bleeding nipples and a hungry baby in your arms. Find a few, meet them, and keep the card on your fridge of the one you like the most - then it's a no-brainer should any troubles arise, PP.
 
#22 ·
I'm on baby #2 so probably not the best person to be handing out tips and advice but I can share some encouraging experiences :)
I LOVE labor. I cannot wait to do it again. Later in the day my son was born, I told my husband I could do it every week. It was so interesting physically, psychologically, and I was fascinated observing myself and the way my husband and midwives responded to me. There was so much love! It was so enjoyable. Plus, of course, the excitement and hormones really rev you up. It might be my favorite thing to do. I don't say that very often because people usually think I mean because you're getting your baby, but that is only part of it. I just love laboring.
And this opinion was established from a birth with back labor (wouldn't have felt much of anything if we could have stopped the back labor), a sunny side up, giant headed baby who was extremely close to being born en caul (so pretty much a "dry birth" whatever that means). I'm not saying it was a walk in the park despite those things. It was very very hard work. But it was so powerful and amazing and interesting and fun through it all!
 
#24 ·
I'm on baby #2 so probably not the best person to be handing out tips and advice but I can share some encouraging experiences :)
I LOVE labor. I cannot wait to do it again. Later in the day my son was born, I told my husband I could do it every week. It was so interesting physically, psychologically, and I was fascinated observing myself and the way my husband and midwives responded to me. There was so much love! It was so enjoyable. Plus, of course, the excitement and hormones really rev you up. It might be my favorite thing to do. I don't say that very often because people usually think I mean because you're getting your baby, but that is only part of it. I just love laboring.
And this opinion was established from a birth with back labor (wouldn't have felt much of anything if we could have stopped the back labor), a sunny side up, giant headed baby who was extremely close to being born en caul (so pretty much a "dry birth" whatever that means). I'm not saying it was a walk in the park despite those things. It was very very hard work. But it was so powerful and amazing and interesting and fun through it all!
I don't think having had just one baby discounts your feelings/thoughts/advice at all! On the contrary, I've learned a ton from mamas with less children than I have. :)
 
#26 ·
@Emanresu, I'm also really happy to read how many of you love labor, because as a FTM, people look at me like I have a third eye when I tell them how excited I am to go through the process of labor! They're like "oh honey, you have no idea what you're in for!" Which is true, you never know until you're in it, but at the same time I've spent so much time researching and listening to other mamas who did natural births that I feel like I have a hint of what to expect, and then the rest of it is a blank canvas that will be painted on the day of.

Did any of you hear the same kind of "it will be miserable just brace yourself" attitude from most people if you told them you were looking forward to the birth process? It's funny because I don't even tell most of those people that I'm having a natural homebirth, I can't even imagine what their reactions would be if I did. ;)
 
#27 ·
Oh yeah, all the time. At most I would say something like "We're using hypnobirthing at a birth center so my experience might be a little different." Usually I just smiled and ignored them. Practice for when you've got a 3 month old and everyone wants to give you advice. I think a lot of people thought I meant I was looking forward to having my baby, though.

More interesting to me is on the after side, when you tell people you loved it, they have to excuse that away. Not sure why it can't be something some people like and other's don't.

I doubt this is what most women mean when they say that to you, but it is one of those things that you really can't know until you experience. It seems like you understand this, I'm just saying it because I love talking about birth!! It's an absolutely unique experience (I'm so curious if it's going to similar be similar and different this time!). I'm a big researcher, too, and I understood parts before, but.....it's sort of like if you learned all airplanes, how they work, what they do. And then someone took you flying :)
 
#28 ·
With it being your first time, and not knowing you at all, its hard to give advice or say too much one way or another. I had my first at a free standing birth center, my labor was probably 6-7 hours, I had really bad back labor and then hemorrhaged a lot after and tore really bad. I can say that if I had been in a hospital I definitely would have asked for the meds, even though I'm a totally natural person and I don't like drugs. It is just hard the first time.

Are you a petite woman or do you have wider hips? That can make a difference. Pushing a baby out through a teeny opening might be more difficult than one that is more stretchy and not so closed off. You don't have to answer my question, its just something to think about.

I've learned that my body is built for efficiency and so in general I have shorter birth experiences than most people I have heard about. My second one was only about 2-2.5 hours in duration.

I guess what I can generally say is true is that the first time is usually the very hardest, and it won't be as hard with the next one(s) if you have more. It is advisable to work on communicating with your baby and getting a strong spiritual/emotional connection with him/her so that if he/she is in a less than ideal position then there is a chance you can communicate for them to turn. If that sounds like gibberish to you, try to find a Body Code practitioner and they can help you be more connected to your baby.

Anyway, other than that- educate yourself and trust your body and that you have angels who can help you in your hour of need. God bless!
:)
 
#29 ·
Are you a petite woman or do you have wider hips? That can make a difference. Pushing a baby out through a teeny opening might be more difficult than one that is more stretchy and not so closed off.
I'm small - a size 0-2 and all of my babies came shooting out with the first labor being the longest at just over 3 hours. :) I have very slim hips, too.

This post destructs the myth of wide hips = easy birth and narrow hips = difficult birth/c-section:
http://thebirthteacher.blogspot.com/2008/12/shes-got-good-birthin-hips.html

Pretty fascinating post!!
 
#32 ·
@mamamargo, my heart goes out to you! :hug I was fed the same drivel my whole life as my own mother had 3 "necessary" C-sections and was told her body could never birth a baby vaginally, and we have very similar stature and body type. I went on to easily birth 3 babies vaginally, the second and third were so fast and easy! And my babies were not small, they ranged from 8-15 to 9-11.

In fact, just this past month I caught the baby of a 5'0" Asian mama who wore a 2-4 pre-pregnancy. Her sisters, mother, grandmother were all horrified she was planning a home birth because she was so "small" and what if she needed surgery? Well she oozed her 9-14 baby boy into her bathtub with no pause for the shoulders and nary a tear. :love It is SO important to surround yourself with positive, affirming stories in pregnancy. You CAN do it!
 
#33 ·
Love these stories @blissful_maia!

I have never found a correlation between mama's size or shape and an inability to birth her baby, no matter the size!
I have had mama's who are asian and really petite with big nordic dads and those babies are perfect sized and come out beautifully. Our stories of birthing are so important, just like our stories of nursing. Let's keep sharing them, okay?! WE have so many here that are positive and for those who had a hard time, share too. It is nice to be able to prepare for birth together in ways that help us all have the experiences we want. Weather that is exactly like before, nothing like before (!) or the first time and needing to have a sense of the terrain.

The only correlation I have found in birthing is with mamas who are really tight in their pelvic floors. It is hard to release that tissue to let baby come through when everything is so tight. So, my only thought here is to practice optimal fetal positioning as well as pelvic floor lengthening and structural alignment. We have spoken about this here and there so we have already some info on this. Also, mama's who are taking magnesium in the 3rd trimester tend to have much quicker, less painful and smoother labors.
 
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