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#331 of 351 Old 11-04-2009, 08:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Apricot View Post
When I miscarried in April, I gave myself the salve that, as long as I was pregnant by my due date, December 5, I'd be okay. That's also my 12 month ttc date, ish. December feels so fast approaching. I feel bitter now some days, that's new for me. Previously, I could really be joyful when holding newborn babies and be there for my clients experiencing unplanned pregnancies. Mostly that's still true, but I'm feeling the edges of dark and bitter sink in. I guess I should join the bitter ladies now.
Part of it is inability to plan things. I can't plan a reasonable maternity leave when I'm not pregnant. Will I ever be pregnant again? I just turned down a huge job offer because it's not compatible with my childrearing goals and ideals. But, should I be grateful for the opportunity to make ivf money? Arggh. My ability to pretend to be zen about the whole thing is rapidly falling apart.
Apricot, I've been following you with empathy on the One. You are most welcome here, although I'm sorry you're going through this bitter journey. I agree with LZP and enigo, and everybody...this little crew is a safe haven for bitterness that we don't want to direct AT others, but that is still building inside of us. There's nothing wrong with letting it out in a safe way, surrounded by people who "get it," so that you are able to continue on with your regular life. I remembered that you work with newborns and I admire your courage to continue as your desire for your own little bean grows. Several of us here have been through m/c and passing due dates. My heart goes out to you, and I hope that you, like myself, find some sense of peace as that date passes. The bitterness doesn't go away, but regular life asserts itself more I think as that milestone is no longer staring you in the face like a deadline. I hope you're pregnant before you hit it. Sorry for the ramble. The bottom line is, welcome.

ps - sorry for my absence. My hubby is back and I'm so happy to spend time with him! I'm 5dpo and this progesterone seems to be working (my temps are sky high)....OR I'm coming down/fight off H1N1. I'm surrounded by it all day at school, so it might be the latter. argh!

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
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#332 of 351 Old 11-04-2009, 09:15 PM
 
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Thank you Tear. I appreciate it deeply.

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After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

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#333 of 351 Old 11-04-2009, 10:08 PM
 
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This last mc, I got pregnant ON my due date for the first mc. Gawd, I hope I don't have to wait until May to get pregnant again.

I just did a spin class at the gym. Incredible! Dark room, loud loud music with music videos...I needed that. Then...there was a video by Fuel called Hemmorage...let's just say there is a scene where a woman is lying on the ground holding her stomach. I almost hyperventilated. I'm such a fricken mess

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#334 of 351 Old 11-05-2009, 12:52 AM
 
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Then...there was a video by Fuel called Hemmorage...let's just say there is a scene where a woman is lying on the ground holding her stomach. I almost hyperventilated. I'm such a fricken mess
AHH!! I cried at work today because someone I kinda knew a long time ago had a miscarriage. I probably would have passed out or thrown up at that video, not sure which.

Jessica, wife to Greg since 7/04, mama to the rainbow1284.gif Gman 7/06, 3 brokenheart.gif , rainbow1284.gif Asher 1/11 and a wonderful surprise due in August!

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#335 of 351 Old 11-05-2009, 08:39 AM
 
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Yeah thankfully it was dark so no one saw me choking back tears!
It occured to me last night that if I continue to do the spin class, I will have to see that video every time. Funny the lead singer looks like a grown up version of my 3 yr old son with white hair and bright blue eyes.

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#336 of 351 Old 11-05-2009, 12:58 PM
 
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My dear friend sent me an email to let me know she passed her baby in a miscarriage, the night before the scheduled d&c. She said, she thought that since it was her second one it would be easier, emotionally. And she has 4 living children.

It doesn't get easier. It doesn't matter how many children you have (adopted, born, or stepparenting).

Every little pregnancy milestone is a treasure, but now it's fraught with (BUT.. I miscarried that one when I was this far too.. so I'll hold out until we pass that additional milestone).

I wish I had the innocence I once had.. that solid knowledge that a bfp becomes a baby, and you just have to endure aches and pains and nausea and irritability for 9 months, then poof.. you deliver a live child and live happily ever after.

In the meantime, I take great consolation in the fact that I adore snuggling other people's babies and I smile when I see roundly pregnant women looking like a pear waiting to be picked off the tree. I still find joy in their pregnancies and I pray I get a chance at one more before old eggs knocks me out of the game.

Kelli, Upstate NY mama, dh FarmBoy, raising 6:, his, mine, and ours.

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#337 of 351 Old 11-05-2009, 10:53 PM
 
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congratulations praying4baby!!! wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!

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Oh YAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!
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Originally Posted by enigo View Post
Go YYYM!!!!!!!
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Originally Posted by Nanette56 View Post
YYYM I had a feeling those condoms would go out the window! Yay for DH finally coming around! I'm psyched for you
thanks ladies! nanette, i would forget the fertility monitor (i wrote "ferget the fortility monitor," oy) even with temping! at night before bed, i started laying a stick out on top of the toilet or by the sink so that i'd remember to use it.

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i'd much rather be "inconvenienced" by a pregnancy than put it off only to wonder "what if this was the cycle?"
you are definitely right. maybe i won't take vitex this month, since it may be what's responsible for making my ovulation date a bit earlier the past two months... but i'm undecided on that still. i'll probably blather about that later.

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and I'd be delighted if you could take over the thread... would you mind?
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Anyway, YYYM I'd be thrilled if you took over the thread!
okay, i think this month i would be a terrible threadmistress, as i keep NOT logging on. i started this new p/t job (and i bring DD with me), so i've been having a little bit of trouble remembering how to give myself "me time." i can't promise i'll be any better any time this month. so... anyone else? anyone? bueller?

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(Not that I'd mind not being able to drink wine at Christmas dinner this year - or Thanksgiving, for that matter!!!!) I'll take MS while making holiday cookies this year- GLADLY!!! I"LL TAKE IT!!!! PLEASE!!!
: that we will both be drinking juice on new year's eve!

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Now i am feeling the (ill) effects, and am actually excited to get back on the wagon of eating healthy, cooking at home, and just generally taking care of myself again.

oh, and my neighbor went in yesterday to "have the baby" I think she was either induced, or had a CS. I'm not sure, and obviously, they didnt tell me about it. DH overheard the neighbor's husband talking to another neighbor about it loudly outside.

I am actually a bit excited about it, which is strange. i wish i knew if it was a boy or a girl...! it'd be nice to make something for the little one. maybe this is more of what I need... her PP horemones surging around in the neighborhood to get me knocked up? Oh how i wish I could just stop thinking about it.
good for you - sounds like a great outlook, in terms of taking care of yourself and also in terms of thinking of that new baby on the block as some extra baby dust your way.

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AFM - I've been super sick.
i hope you're feeling much better!

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I will also say that it is a year for me now. even though the dream is lost, I still get a bit upset that we passed the year mark with great timing every month and no baby to show for it (but 2 heartbreaks) I know you ladies understand and many of you have also passed that year mark. I think that is why I am so emotional


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I got back from the OB today.. good news! We saw a little heartbeat going like crazy..


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You know now I have the issue of trying to decide whether I should wait a few months or not. Last mc I waited a cycle or two to TTC again and then it ended up taking forever! It still ended in another mc. I may as well have tried right away. I am actually thinking about TTC as soon as I O again.
they say you are more fertile right afterwards, but just do what feels right to you. i think that trying right after or not trying right after, unless your doctor has a differing opinion, really only depends on what you feel most comfortable with.

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Then...there was a video by Fuel called Hemmorage...let's just say there is a scene where a woman is lying on the ground holding her stomach. I almost hyperventilated. I'm such a fricken mess
oh my god, i haven't seen that video in years, but i vividly remember it.

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I guess I should join the bitter ladies now.


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I wish I had the innocence I once had.. that solid knowledge that a bfp becomes a baby, and you just have to endure aches and pains and nausea and irritability for 9 months, then poof.. you deliver a live child and live happily ever after.

In the meantime, I take great consolation in the fact that I adore snuggling other people's babies and I smile when I see roundly pregnant women looking like a pear waiting to be picked off the tree. I still find joy in their pregnancies and I pray I get a chance at one more before old eggs knocks me out of the game.
sending good vibes your way! and i hope your cyst is going away.

tear, that this month's progesterone works fine without any issues whatsoever, and that those lovely temps have nothing to do with swine flu!

afm, nothing exciting. on CD4 and wondering if i should take soy CD5-9, take vitex until O, or not take either one this month and just see what my body does on its own. a year ago i was hoping i'd be able to either have a baby or at least be pregnant by DD's 2nd birthday (which is in just over a month), so this month is the last shot. i hope we make it, but we'll see.i'd love for that to happen, but i know that it might not, and even knowing that i already know how disappointed i will be if it doesn't work out. which is silly, because it's such an arbitrary date, and if it doesn't happen by then it will still happen SOME day. so we'll just see. i am just glad that the condoms are out of the picture!

oh, and vitex question for anyone out there - my bottle says to take all month long except during AF, but i read somewhere else (and maybe from some of you) that it isn't meant to be taken like that. either it should only be taken until O, or something else entirely that i can't remember. thoughts?

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#338 of 351 Old 11-05-2009, 11:40 PM
 
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YYYM When I took Vitex, I was told to take it until O, and to discontinue after O, and then pick it back up again after AF ended....and I put the sticks right in front of the toilet, so hopefully that will help- if DS doesn't move them when he uses our potty (he's got his own, and he still uses ours!!-gah!)

AFM- My appointment with the RE is tomorrow at 8am EST. Nervous as hell. Wish me luck...I will report back tomorrow afternoon and let ya'll know what happened. It's a first appointment, so doubt that anything substantial will be resolved, but at least we'll have a "plan."

Have a great night ladies

Wife (32) of 8 years to DH (33), Mom to Logan geek.gif (7), and Tristan and Cael, twins.gif the wee ones, born 3/18/11! And OMW a surprise babyf.gif due 2/2013!
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#339 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 08:28 AM
 
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AFM- My appointment with the RE is tomorrow at 8am EST. Nervous as hell. Wish me luck...I will report back tomorrow afternoon and let ya'll know what happened. It's a first appointment, so doubt that anything substantial will be resolved, but at least we'll have a "plan."
Good luck today! We have our first fertility appointment on Monday. ahhhh!

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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#340 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 09:19 AM
 
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Good luck today! We have our first fertility appointment on Monday. ahhhh!
ahhhh!!!! Excited for you!!! I get my rhogam shot on Monday. Let's hope we both have GOOD appts. I hope you get all the answers you are looking for

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#341 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 09:37 AM
 
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Tear and Nannette,
I can't wait to hear how your RE appts go. I had a referral for one just before I got preg, but since I don't have insurance I really can't do anything about it.
I'm so sick of hearing about my 39 yr old eggs anyway.


I'm so tired lately...my son just gave up naps and now goes to bed earlier but wakes up at 5am. Plus there is the stinkin' time change, annnnnd the fact that I am trying not to drink coffee...sighhh I feel like I slept on the lawn last night. So I forgot to temp because he woke up this morning (and yesterday) screaming "I want a piece of gum!!!" He sleeps with me so this is of course 6 inches from my face.
What? Right....OK gum...Dad's out in the living room, he has gum, bye don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.

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#342 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 11:39 AM
 
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ahhhh!!!! Excited for you!!! I get my rhogam shot on Monday. Let's hope we both have GOOD appts. I hope you get all the answers you are looking for

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#343 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 12:41 PM
 
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Please talk me down?

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/MaerynPearl

I got my temp rise indicating O on cd15 (totally normal for me) even though my EWCM pre-and-post-then was scarce and barely stretchy. None of the copious amounts I have had months prior.

I decided not to temp during my trip (it would, by far, not have been accurate. I have missed sleep, slept at odd times, gotten little sleep and then overslept with an extra warmer in the shape of my very loving and cuddly DF) and I am finding this is not a good thing...

Remind me... because I KNOW better... that you can get O pains after you O... and that semen can LOOK like the longest, stretchiest EWCM you have EVER seen even over 12 hours after the last time you DTD (DTD around 7am, got the stretchy semen out of me around 9 or 10pm, just before bedtime)

I really know better, honestly I do... I shouldn't want to be wrong even... but I want to! I want a baby soooooo bad... but not NOW. This is the worst timing we could POSSIBLY have. I do NOT want to go into labor while saying our vows!!!

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#344 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 12:44 PM
 
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Please talk me down?

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/MaerynPearl

I got my temp rise indicating O on cd15 (totally normal for me) even though my EWCM pre-and-post-then was scarce and barely stretchy. None of the copious amounts I have had months prior.

I decided not to temp during my trip (it would, by far, not have been accurate. I have missed sleep, slept at odd times, gotten little sleep and then overslept with an extra warmer in the shape of my very loving and cuddly DF) and I am finding this is not a good thing...

Remind me... because I KNOW better... that you can get O pains after you O... and that semen can LOOK like the longest, stretchiest EWCM you have EVER seen even over 12 hours after the last time you DTD (DTD around 7am, got the stretchy semen out of me around 9 or 10pm, just before bedtime)

I really know better, honestly I do... I shouldn't want to be wrong even... but I want to! I want a baby soooooo bad... but not NOW. This is the worst timing we could POSSIBLY have. I do NOT want to go into labor while saying our vows!!!
AHH... Maeryn.. I am so glad you are having this issues!
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#345 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 01:39 PM
 
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This is the worst timing we could POSSIBLY have. I do NOT want to go into labor while saying our vows!!!
eh, worst things have happened. I personally think if you want a baby do it. It's not like if you are knocked up on your wedding day your guests would think anything less of you and if they do, well that is just none of their business. I woud however get on his insurance ASAP if you do find yourself with an "accident." I feel like I am pushing you to get married on paper .

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#346 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 02:19 PM
 
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good luck at your appointments, nanette and tear!! hope that you get some good information and resources!

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Dad's out in the living room, he has gum, bye don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.
sleep has been rough in our house the past couple nights as well. hope you get some more rest soon!

MP, i have to agree w/pinokoi - what a great dilemma to have! it must be better to know that being together might bring about an oops than wondering how he is, across the globe. and you never know - maybe you O'd when you first thought and these other things are odd coincidences. it has happened! but we'll see soon, and don't worry - things will be great either way. =)

afm, cd5. been feeling pukey and exhausted throughout AF. i can barely deal with either symptom - they're awful. what the heck? last time this happened, i had a cyst that first made me think i was pg. an ultrasound from post-O last cycle shows i'm cyst-free, though, so why this extreme nausea and fatigue? mean body, making me feel pregnant just for kicks. i would test if i hadn't just had AF and lowered temps. siiiigh.

edit: okay so i used one of my millions of ICs and tested, JUST so i wouldn't let myself think about it anymore, and i found myself STARING at the place the line would be if there was a line. at first it was so obviously white, and then i stared at it until i was about cross-eyed and was just looking at the dent. if i'm doing this at CD5, this does not bode well for my 2ww. what is WRONG with me anyway? good lord...

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#347 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 04:01 PM
 
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edit: okay so i used one of my millions of ICs and tested, JUST so i wouldn't let myself think about it anymore, and i found myself STARING at the place the line would be if there was a line. at first it was so obviously white, and then i stared at it until i was about cross-eyed and was just looking at the dent. if i'm doing this at CD5, this does not bode well for my 2ww. what is WRONG with me anyway? good lord...
I have SO been there. There's nothing wrong with you (says the obsessed lady on the other end of the computer)

afm - oh no, swine flu? Could be....shakes, chills, deep chest coughing, and 100.9 fever hit today. that's not too high, but....I have five kids out every day this week, and two confirmed swine flu cases among my students. aaaargh!!! And for the weekend, too! I hope I don't have to miss my appoitnment on Monday!

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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#348 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 04:36 PM
 
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Tear That's awesome! I'm excited that you have an appointment- I think it really helps just to have a plan sometimes. Teachers are planners after all I can't wait to hear what your doc says! Good luck, and try not to catch the flu!!

Kel and Jessica

Enigo It's sooo hard to sleep with them when they get to age 5 and beyond. (DS finally asked to sleep in his own bed when he started K-THANK GOD) Feet in your stomach and face and elbows everywhere. I would wake up some nights so pissed at lack of sleep that I walked to the guest bedroom and let my DH deal with it! No wonder you felt like you slept on the lawn! Hope you can catch up this weekend.

Mae- I'm with Lauren!

YYYM I've POAS during AF- I think everyone has! It's not crazy- it's been known to happen dammit. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AFM- Ok, so I had my appointment this morning. It lasted for about 2.5 hours. It was awesome! You're pretty much babied (no pun intended) the entire time. Met with the Nurse in her office to go over the health history and make small talk, then she brought us into the RE's office, where she kinda did the same thing, and started with the basic tests- She took me into the exam room, and did a Vag. Ultrasound, (I have a beautiful uterus apparently, there was lots of ooing and ahh-ing over it, a whole heckofalot of good that it's doing me) Ovulating from my right ovary this month (in the next 2 days, which is exactly what I told her lol) HOWEVER, the left ovary looks like PCOS, though she said I didn't present with any of the symptoms. She had me do a bunch of blood tests, all hormone ones, and then I'll do the fasting tests including the PCOS testing on Monday morning. I'll have the results on Wednesday- I can just call in, and they'll leave me a message. I will have an HSG done on CD 8 of this coming cycle (about 2 weeks), and then meet with her again on December 7th for my follow up. Depending on the results, she will probably prescribe something and we'll lay out a strategy. I'm so relieved. Even though I don't have answers, I feel like we made some progress taking this first step. *whew* ok, done thread hogging!

I hope you ladies have a fabulous fabulous weekend!!!

Wife (32) of 8 years to DH (33), Mom to Logan geek.gif (7), and Tristan and Cael, twins.gif the wee ones, born 3/18/11! And OMW a surprise babyf.gif due 2/2013!
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#349 of 351 Old 11-06-2009, 05:13 PM
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WOW! so much activity has happened since my little explosion! I hope that no one took offense to that, especially you, HulaJenn, we get a little defensive around here sometimes... I really do value your input, experience and advice here at MDC. seriously.

Nanette- about your RE today!! It sounds like you have a GREAT practice. mine basically is a blood test only type place, and unless you dont respond to clomid, they dont do the HSG, or the scope or anything... anywho, I am relieved for you. and woo hooo for a beautiful U! I bet it takes one or two cycles. Sometimes the stress of just wondering if something is wrong is enough to keep a nice BFP at bay.

Tear- PLEASEDONTGETSICK PLEASEDONTGETSICK PLEASEDONTGETSICK! I hope you are well for your appt with the specialist- those things are hard to come by!! at least the weekend will give you some time to cuddle up with chicken broth, hot tea, a vaporizer (what my mom calls them from when i was little- maybe it's a "humidifier" these days?) and some good girly movies... that always makes me feel better.
I've missed your updates, but i'm glad you and DH are spending time together! he was away for a while!

enigo- I'd go for it if I were in your position. I didnt after the MC, bc the doctor told me not to... (although I did have a D&E so maybe that's why) but only for one cycle, and even then, I was sad that we didnt at least try. I was in no mood though. If you're in the mood, and it feels right, I'm with the other girls here- go for it. and as for the spinning class incident- I got that twinge of panic in my tummy when i read the title of that song- so glad it was dark in there. you are SO strong. i just have to tell you that again.

YYYM- maybe we can just continue this thread for now, since there arent many people moving around here anyway...? as long as Lis doesnt mind? It would be interesting if this was the cycle for you- since it'd be within your theoretical deadline. I'd LOVE it if it worked that way for you!!! But, like you said, it's all a crapshoot- and the desired result would be delightful.. but accepting that it might not happen- well it just hurts even thinking about the possibility.
And- this is the first cycle in 4 cycles that I havent tested during AF. no joke. I take at least one test during AF, even if it's BAD... just because i think, well, it could be me this time who thought it was AF biut it was just breakthrough. we've all been there sometime! admitting we have a problem is the first step to recovery!!!!

Lauren- i can't BELIEVE it's time for your rhogam shot already!!! you are SO far along. WOW. that is well... it's just fabulous. please give us all the baby dust you can spare. we'll take it!

pinoikoi- so glad to *hear* that your appt went so well. Yay little beating heart.

Mae- i'm glad youhave these concerns now!! but, FWIW, I did also have lots of "lingering" fluids all day on weds from a tuesday night romp that strongly resembled EW. but, it still got my hopes up for a way earlier than early O! so, i guess I'm saying, it's possible that its O, but probably not what you hope for/hope not for. I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO happy for you that your DF is back in your arms safe and sound!!! it must be wonderful. Now get off MDC and get back to making up for lost time!

AFM, I think tonight I will be sealing the deal that i will get pg soon. we are getting me a new car. (new to me) it is unnecessarily expensive. it is more car than I need. it is impractical. and we will barely scrape by if i were to get pg and stay home with a child anytime within the next year. (which is really the only option for me mentally- to stay home- at least right now...) BUT, i'm just SO DONE with going without things because of the What-If factor. it goes against the financial goals we set for our 'having a family' finances. ((it even partially goes against my desire for simplicity, but it will be a car that we have forever- until it dies!)) but we've been living like that for over a year now... and it's tiring and really boring. it was fun at first, thinking that we were being so productive in plannign for our child's future... not anymore. so, now i will live like a semi-youngish person with a 2 income household who isnt planning to have kids. and hopefully, be surprised.

(but, did i perhaps jinx myself that it has a third row?!?!) I told DH that if within one year we're not at least expecting, then we have to take up a hobby that requires a lot of "gear" - camping, kayaking and mountaineering come to mind, but suggestions for anything else that would be more appropriate for my lazy a$$ but still require lots of gear are welcome!! and we live in the very non-rugged mid atlantic... ha! so, mountaineering is totally not even possible.

The babymoon isn't over! Our long awaited A born 7/18/10, making us laugh and smile every day.
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#350 of 351 Old 11-07-2009, 11:41 AM
 
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LOL its all good... im fighting the urge to get my hopes up!

and i only get on a few minutes each day while he checks his important stuff on his comp.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#351 of 351 Old 11-07-2009, 12:39 PM
 
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come check out our new thread!

If anything needs updating let me know. I can't promise to be the best threadkeeper. But I'll try

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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