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#121 of 351 Old 10-14-2009, 02:19 PM
 
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Hey Ladies!!! I'm not sure how much I'll be on in the next few days, so I figured I would share my set on Flickr now - I'll add photos to it as we travel!

Rhiannon!!!! I'm holding a whole mess of joy in for you til December!

The mystery of life isn't a problem to solve, but a reality to experience.
| @jovialady is Kiya ~ TTC 3 years & counting for a ~ Connsumte BookDragon|
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#122 of 351 Old 10-14-2009, 02:51 PM
 
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Oh you betcha that's what I did. I had to tell them my LMP was Aug 9, so they would be OK with my O date of the Aug 23rd. LMP was actually like July 23. It was a strange weird cycle.
Something else weird. The last cycle I got pregnant (and lost) was strangely long as well. My cycles had been pretty regular and then out of nowhere I had a long cycle and Oed late and got preg again. Of course I lost both of those. I'd certainly rather not be pregnant only to lose it again. Maybe next time I have a long cycle I'll hold off (I love the irked smilie)

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#123 of 351 Old 10-14-2009, 02:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by enigo View Post
Oh you betcha that's what I did. I had to tell them my LMP was Aug 9, so they would be OK with my O date of the Aug 23rd. LMP was actually like July 23. It was a strange weird cycle.
Something else weird. The last cycle I got pregnant (and lost) was strangely long as well. My cycles had been pretty regular and then out of nowhere I had a long cycle and Oed late and got preg again. Of course I lost both of those. I'd certainly rather not be pregnant only to lose it again. Maybe next time I have a long cycle I'll hold off (I love the irked smilie)
enigo, I have noticed a similar pattern, but it was with Oing early. The 2 times I Od early I got pregnant.

My thoughts are with you, I know you must be in alot of pain. Be kind to yourself

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#124 of 351 Old 10-14-2009, 03:52 PM
 
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As if you ladies do not know how my mind works, I have to share this convo with DF with you guys lol...

[1:47:16 PM] Mae: wanna know something weird?
[1:47:31 PM] Mae: my periods going to start tomorrow... and Im excited for it O_o
[1:47:37 PM] DF: lol
[1:47:53 PM] DF: because it means a good time frame for when I get home, huh?
[1:47:59 PM] Mae: well that
[1:48:00 PM] Mae: and
[1:48:06 PM] Mae: its my last period before you come hooooooooooooome

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#125 of 351 Old 10-15-2009, 07:30 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MaerynPearl View Post
As if you ladies do not know how my mind works, I have to share this convo with DF with you guys lol...

[1:47:16 PM] Mae: wanna know something weird?
[1:47:31 PM] Mae: my periods going to start tomorrow... and Im excited for it O_o
[1:47:37 PM] DF: lol
[1:47:53 PM] DF: because it means a good time frame for when I get home, huh?
[1:47:59 PM] Mae: well that
[1:48:00 PM] Mae: and
[1:48:06 PM] Mae: its my last period before you come hooooooooooooome
That is sweet


I was a bad girl and tested, well, I wasted a dollar oh well, I know it is too early, but I just wanted to have something to obsess over.

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#126 of 351 Old 10-15-2009, 09:03 AM
 
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I'm just sitting and enjoying my heavy period, as the cyst I'm growing allowed it to finally start, 5 days late. The u/s said 48 mm. Yuk. Can't do IUI this month with a big cyst. I'm just waiting it out. At least AF came, so I have hope of 28-30 days wait instead of a dose of some hormone to get me back on track. Irritated that my birthday is in Nov. and I'll likely have year 3 of no pregnancy on my birthday. Lost two babes this past year at 6 and 10 weeks so I'm not just whistling dixie. But yeah, at least my cycle started and I"m not just brown spotting. And my husband is still excited about TTC.

Kelli, Upstate NY mama, dh FarmBoy, raising 6:, his, mine, and ours.

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#127 of 351 Old 10-15-2009, 10:50 AM
 
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Working hard today, but just wanted to drop in and say have a great day ladies!!!!

Oh, and PS- I still haven't tested! Not a whole lot of hope, but an itty bitty shred. Holding out till FF says (Sunday-15dpo).

Wife (32) of 8 years to DH (33), Mom to Logan geek.gif (7), and Tristan and Cael, twins.gif the wee ones, born 3/18/11! And OMW a surprise babyf.gif due 2/2013!
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#128 of 351 Old 10-15-2009, 01:40 PM
 
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AF is on her way today... not here yet which is odd but should be soon.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#129 of 351 Old 10-15-2009, 02:53 PM
 
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Oh Kel - , I'm sorry. Sorry so much seems to be piling up on you at once.

Nanette- good job not testing!

Lisko - I feel the same way - like emotionally protecting myself and assuming it didn't work. I hope you're wrong though

LZP- good luck on your car quest, that sounds super fun!

Rhiannon - thinking sticky thoughts for you

Mae - So cute, the convo btwn you and df... I'm still so happy for you two. yay last period alone!

Tear

AFM So, I went to the obgyn lady, who's really an NP for my physical or whatever and asked her a million questions. She doesn't think I have anything wrong with me and thinks it's very unlikely I've suddenly developed blocked tubes. I have Kaiser insurance, so I'd have to go to a seperate fertility 'intake' person and see if they would cover an hsg, which they probably wouldn't, since I've already had kids and it's unlikely. So, whatever. Oh, and she had the social worker waiting for me when I got dressed, since apparently I'm too emotional or something. I guess she wants to direct me towards counseling and mental health stuff. Dh and I were cracking up last night, wondering if the OB/GYN has an emergency social worker button under the desk that she presses when patients get too talkative. Also I was told that I "know too much." and maybe that's stressing me out. (?) All this does is add fuel to my conspiracy fire that the medical community wants us to be clueless about our own body. The only thing I demonstrated knowledge of was my LP, and maybe a couple other basic things.

So, to continue my novella here... Dh and I had a huge like, almost fight, then big talk all night and he really opened up. I was freaking out and feeling weird cause everytime I get my period he kind of blew it off and acted like he was fine, etc. So we came to the conclusion that it would probably be good to acknowledge the end of a cycle, grieve it together, do something special together, and sort of reaffirm our commitment to this. I wasn't even feeling like he wanted to try anymore, and he just opened up and made very clear to me that he wanted this and that's how he deals with pain and sadness is to push it out of his mind and move forward. Which, I try to do that, but it always comes out somehow. So we talked for along time and I just felt connected to him again and okay about everything.

So, thanks for listening if anybody got this far....

What's everyone gonna be for Halloween ? Let's have a virtual Halloween party and everyone say what they're gonna be and what they're gonna bring for a treat (or a trick).

Mom to two boys, 7 and 10.  Expecting 3rd boy any day now with DH (his first).

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#130 of 351 Old 10-15-2009, 09:53 PM
 
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I'm so sorry I'm such a downer, but please read my post. I'm angry I could cry all night.

Court, I'm so glad you talked with your DH and came up with a way to grieve together monthly. It totally feels like it's come to that with us, too, that each month is true grieving. Thank you for sharing that with us. I'm thinking of being Alice the Fairy for Halloween (ok, Storybook Day at school). Anybody know that David Shannon book? I love it!

Kiya, I love the travel gnome!!!

Beloved, sorry about the bfn today. It's still early.

Nanette, thanks for the flowers, and for you!

enigo, how are you doing honey?

Lisko, no freaking kidding it's way too cold here!! What gives? How are you holding up? I hope you don't need to HSG.

LZP, I'm glad you're diverting yourself with the car search. I know you must be really frustrated waiting to O. I'm sending you super fertility beams!!!

oh oh...gotta go. and : to everybody else!

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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#131 of 351 Old 10-15-2009, 09:58 PM
 
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Courtney that is hilarious about the social worker button BUT I would have been seriously peeved at the condescension. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I am glad though that DH and you were able to have a breakthrough conversation that'll go a long way.

I think a virtual Halloween party sounds like fun!!! I am going to be an evil fortune teller I am volunteering readings at a huge costume gala, and have to work 3 hours, but then can eat and drink from the open bar (I will know if ity is a BFN for sure by then)

afm, I have been offline all day, I got home from a short workday and instead of playing on here, I practiced my sword dance for over 2 hours (well over) then performed it for DH. I am nervous about the upcoming performance. It is a Halloween hafla, and I am dancing a tribute to the pregnancies I have lost, and will be doing hard sword moves (hard for me) while shrouded in a veil trying not to get the veil tangled around the sword, then I spin and release the black veil from my head to reveal a white costume, and the song I am dancing to is so beautiful I feel like I am going to cry every time I hear it, let alone dance to it. I probablt will cry

I realized that I am coming up on my first due date (November 9th) and my year mark for TTC


I know I am on the fence right now, thank you all for still being there for me while I wait and see how this plays out

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#132 of 351 Old 10-15-2009, 10:24 PM
 
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I get to be a witch TWICE

Halloween and DSs boyscout meeting... everyones supposed to come in costume.

We also made Skeletons out of plastic containers this past week at his meeting... SO CUTE. Its taller than DD and when I went to go hang it up in the tree she had it sitting in her room on the couch. She said it was her best friend. LOL


ETA: DS just started whining and it surprised me. Tomorrow is Doughnuts for Dads at his school. Rather than wishing his biological could be there for it he whined that he wishes DF were home already so he could take HIM. Then he said he cant wait for Muffins for Moms. I promised I will be there for that... no matter what I will make sure I can.

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#133 of 351 Old 10-16-2009, 08:53 AM
 
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Apparently this turned into a rant somwhere along the line, so please forgive me.
I feel a little beat up these days. I am fine and don't even think about it one minute and the next I just feel like lying down all day. Luckily for me I have a 3 year old who won't even let me sit! We went to a local botanical garden/park yesterday with my friend who was pregnant at the same time as me both times. So she has a daughter my son's age and a new daughter that would have been about the same age as the first one I lost. We had a lot of fun, I ran all over with the kids, but when I got home I felt like crap.

The waiting for action is the worst thing ever. At least with the last mc, even though I had already lost the baby, I didn't know until the bleeding started. This time I know he's gone, but I have to wait for blood. I swear I'll never be able to stop looking at toilet paper! I've been looking since I conceived my son! Isn't that weird? The last mc was so absolutely horrible that I still can't talk about it. (It's even tough to write that!) I had thought I would get a d+c this time, but I can't bring myself to do it. If in 2 wks when I go in again nothing has happened, I suppose I'll have to do it.

I don't even know if I can do this again. I mean if I get pregnant again and have yet another mc? Oh man I can't even tell you. I'd have to be institutionalized! My poor son is still talking about his baby brother in there and trying to look in my belly button (He wanted a brother bad, since I figured I had a 50% chance on having a boy, I figured I wouldn't say anything until we knew for sure ). I would rather never be pregnant again if I knew I couldn't keep it...

Another thing that has really upset me...when I saw the doctor on Tuesday, she told me "I would have told you he (I hate using "it") wasn't going to make it at your last appt." Can you imagine? So she didn't see me last time, just the nurse who gave me false hope for the past 2 wks, even when I knew something was wrong, she told me they were seeing just what they should see. They knew it was a lost cause 2 wks ago!! I would have been all the way to crazy and back by now!
Plus they took 11 vials of blood to test for everything on the planet, and no call back. (The girl told me she has never taken that much blood from one person before) Can you imagine? I know they are busy, but if you take that much blood I should F'n get dinner out of the deal at least! I know they only call if they find a problem, but come on!

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#134 of 351 Old 10-16-2009, 10:01 AM
 
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enigo,
I feel your trauma. Our baby died in June and there was no sign. I opted to wait to m/c at home but it didn't work. At 10 weeks there's some additional risk so we opted to do misoprostol for contractions and 4 excruciating days later I had a fever and a d&C. I would wait the two weeks at home again, but I'll schedule a d&C after that to avoid the cytotec contractions that weren't productive enough to expel completely.

My blood results took 2 solid weeks to come back - fwiw. It's not a fast turnaround on certain hormone results my RE said. I'm so sorry for you. That was a horrible summer for me. http://kellikolz.blogspot.com/2009/1...membrance.html

Kelli, Upstate NY mama, dh FarmBoy, raising 6:, his, mine, and ours.

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#135 of 351 Old 10-16-2009, 10:51 AM
 
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Enigo- At least your doctor is trying to find out what is wrong. In most cases, whatever it is CAN be fixed/prevented with quite simple measures, be it progesterone cream or a shot early in pregnancy of some hormone or other you may be lacking.

My doctor had two healthy children. When I got pregnant with my daughter, she was trying for a third... and got pregnant at the exact same time as I did. Our due dates were days off from each other. But she lost hers at 10 weeks.

A few months later, she was pregnant again... only to lose it again. After the second loss, her doctor ran tests on her and found one simple little problem (a hormonal imbalance but I forget what hormone it was. it wasn't progesterone though). They tried, what she said would be her last try.... she wanted 4 children but after two losses had decided to give one more try and if she lost it she would give up.

I think it was only a matter of months before she got pregnant again... and her identical twin girls (babies #3 and 4... completely natural twins, like she was given another chance with her losses) will be 4 next month.


ETA - just updated my blog with the story on my miscarriage. Not the whole story. I cant talk about the whole story even to this day. Just about how badly the doctors treated me pretty much.

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#136 of 351 Old 10-16-2009, 11:24 AM
 
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LZP Soooo true! Do you have a CarMax nearby? I get all my cars there- never any pressure. They get $100.00 commission whether they sell a Lexus or a Kia.

Lisko That's great about the HCG testing- I hope you get some answers soon!


Court So sorry to hear about that mess- how do they NOT expect you to be sensitive and upset? What a bunch of idiots. I just wanna beat them over the head after hearing some of these stories. And as for your DH, that seems to be the standard for ALL of them- they shut it all in and pretend not to care, but it tears them up inside- I think they feel like if they're not too emotional about it we won't be either. Unfortunately that's not really how it works Here's hoping this cycle will be much less stressful~!

BelovedK The dance sounds so beautiful. I'm sure it will help to express and release some of the pent up grief and pain you're feeling with that anniversary date coming up.

Mae Did you tell DF about what your DS said? It must've made him feel so special!

Enigo What a B! How could she not prepare you? I mean I understand about adding stress to an already delicate situation, but compassion seems to be absent in that office. I hope you get the results back soon from them, and you get some answers. It's the least they can do!

AFM, I'm expecting AF tomorrow. I'm pretty sure she'll be on time. Not even upset about it, just glad I didn't bother testing. I'm getting a little stronger every cycle...Less than a month until I get to see the RE. The thought gives me lots of hope- well that and keeping busy with my races- I ran the Race for the Taste 10k at Disney last weekend- and just signed up for 3 little 5ks in the next few months- with a grueling 50k relay race through the swamp in February! Enough to take my mind of TTC a bit, which I'm grateful for.

Oh, and I would totally be a bellydancer for Halloween- as long as I didn't have to expose my tummy AND I'll bring some Reese's Pieces and a Guava Cheescake.

Wife (32) of 8 years to DH (33), Mom to Logan geek.gif (7), and Tristan and Cael, twins.gif the wee ones, born 3/18/11! And OMW a surprise babyf.gif due 2/2013!
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#137 of 351 Old 10-16-2009, 02:55 PM
 
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new smaller time window for DF coming home...

no longer first or second week of November...

its

OMFG

3-5 NOVEMBER!!!!!!!

(and again, I start to cry. That is less than 3 weeks!)

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#138 of 351 Old 10-16-2009, 03:02 PM
 
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Yayyy Mae!!! So happy for you!!! That's so exciting

Wife (32) of 8 years to DH (33), Mom to Logan geek.gif (7), and Tristan and Cael, twins.gif the wee ones, born 3/18/11! And OMW a surprise babyf.gif due 2/2013!
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#139 of 351 Old 10-16-2009, 06:03 PM
 
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enigo I would be so , actually I am for you. How could they have put you through all of that when they knew???!!!???

I am absolutely speechless

I am too rushed right now to say much, I am getting ready to have my friend/teacher come by and help me run through my dance. I am SO nervous, SOOOO nervous. I had a new kind of coffee this morning, and then a cup a bit later, and didn't eat much I have been on edge and nervous feeling all day.

I am wondering what look I should have on my face as I dance, because if I look sad, I just look kind of mean I was thinking a wistful smile, but what if I cry?? Oh, I may be too nervous to cry. This is going to be a tough audience, many of which are dancers (most are great and supportive, but a few critical ones )

I will test again tomorrow, and then have to restock up on DT tests.

I am expecting a BFN.

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#140 of 351 Old 10-16-2009, 09:49 PM
 
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Since AF has officially hit... and since I now have an actual small date range as to when DF will be home... I can officially declair

WIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!

no manipulation of the cycle needed, I will O about 4 days before he gets home (between 6 and 3... but i go with 4) and have AF the week he will be on base without me before another 2 weeks together (which we will have to be careful toward the end of but that is fine)

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#141 of 351 Old 10-17-2009, 07:15 AM
 
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I guess I am out DT test this morning at 11dpo. BFN, stark and white I am more upset than I thought I'd be

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#142 of 351 Old 10-17-2009, 07:23 AM
 
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Awww beloved I'm so sorry girl. Doesn't matter how many times you get a BFN or when you get a BFN in your cycle- it still hurts like hell every time. I'm expecting the witch today. Tried to jumpstart it with a little BD this morning, but no such luck. I always try and prepare myself for the inevitable, but I know it'll still be hard Glass of wine or a mixed drink tonight ought to help.

Wife (32) of 8 years to DH (33), Mom to Logan geek.gif (7), and Tristan and Cael, twins.gif the wee ones, born 3/18/11! And OMW a surprise babyf.gif due 2/2013!
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#143 of 351 Old 10-17-2009, 07:28 AM
 
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Thanks Nanette I'm sorry about your af I hope she gets it over with.


I don't know what next cycle will bring.

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#144 of 351 Old 10-17-2009, 08:54 PM
 
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I'm an auntie again! She's beautiful and tiny and adorable and I'm going to love her so much and I wish I could be there to give her her first American hug. And I'm also, of course, aching inside. Our baby would have been less than a month old.

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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#145 of 351 Old 10-17-2009, 09:17 PM
 
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Beloved - there is still hope

Tear - nothing I can say can make it better... but I know how it feels. My oldest nephew was born on my due date for my lost baby. Like, the exact day, same year. We were pregnant together until I lost it. I'm not sure it will ever get easier to see him without automatically thinking of my loss. I don't take it out on him, or his parents, but it is kind of hard to deal with

AFM Low grade headache today... like... I dont want to move. I have to, but I dont want to.

First time I have left the Diva Cup in long enough to leak. Over 12 hour (didnt change it right before bed and slept quite a while) but not bad at all.

Today is Sweetest Day. I dont know how widespread it is though my area tends to celebrate it quite a bit.

I forgot. So did DF... but yet today I got three VERY sweet cards from him... one of them with about a paragraph written in it about how he cannot wait to be my husband and the father of our children. I cried.

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#146 of 351 Old 10-17-2009, 09:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MaerynPearl View Post
Today is Sweetest Day. I dont know how widespread it is though my area tends to celebrate it quite a bit.

I forgot. So did DF... but yet today I got three VERY sweet cards from him... one of them with about a paragraph written in it about how he cannot wait to be my husband and the father of our children. I cried.
Huh. I didn't know today was a holiday. Dang I could have used that for all it's worth.. Yesterday I asked dp to make me a hair appt... and he forgot.. I asked him at 10 am to call and at 6 pm he calls me to get the phone number.. 8 hours later and he remembers me? I informed him that right now I should be NUMBER 1 on his priority list..

so today he took me to Kohl's and I went shopping and then we went to a bazaar with the kids and I stocked up on homemade jams and jellies and a pecan pie.

Perhaps if I had known it was sweetest day though I could have gotten something else? New boots? hmm.. I will have to give that some thought..

FWIW, the first 10 years we were together he got me a gift for St. Patty's day.. because I told him the first year we were together that since I am Irish he has to give me a gift... yep, he fell for it. I finally told him a couple of years ago that that isn't how it is supposed to work. (I think he might have been on to me though )
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#147 of 351 Old 10-17-2009, 10:04 PM
 
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Thank you, mae. I'm sorry we share that weird and confusing emotional twister. I can already feel how much I will love this little angel, yet my heart is breaking in two. I've cried myself sick tonight, and yet I can't stop looking at her picture and longing to hold her. I wish I could just be there to be a part of this.

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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#148 of 351 Old 10-17-2009, 11:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tear78 View Post
Thank you, mae. I'm sorry we share that weird and confusing emotional twister. I can already feel how much I will love this little angel, yet my heart is breaking in two. I've cried myself sick tonight, and yet I can't stop looking at her picture and longing to hold her. I wish I could just be there to be a part of this.
Oh tear lots of to you I'm sorry she's so far away from you. That has to be so hard. A good cry always seems to help get some of it out. I hope things start looking up for you soon. Congrats for becoming an auntie though. She is one lucky little girl, to be loved so much already, and know that she can feel that no matter how far away you are

AFM- AF started today. I knew it would, so managed to keep busy all day so I haven't really had time to be that upset about it. Our first cold front came through today (70s is our cold front here in FL) so hitting SeaWorld tomorrow with the boy-should be a beautiful day. I hope everyone else is having a great weekend

Wife (32) of 8 years to DH (33), Mom to Logan geek.gif (7), and Tristan and Cael, twins.gif the wee ones, born 3/18/11! And OMW a surprise babyf.gif due 2/2013!
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#149 of 351 Old 10-18-2009, 01:04 AM
 
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know that she can feel that no matter how far away you are
oh my gosh...that just made it real for me. I thought of how wonderful it is to hug my little niece Nell, and how she asks for me now and what a great feeling it is to think of her, and I realized that this is going to happen with this brand new baby girl too. Thank you, Nanette. Thank you for helping me cry my first true solid tears of joy for this little baby.

I'm so sorry AF came today Enjoy yourself at SeaWorld tomorrow, and btw, enjoy your 70 weather. We're happy with 40 now. lol..

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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#150 of 351 Old 10-18-2009, 11:32 PM
 
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Tomorrow should be first day off AF... (damn I LOVE having three-day AFs)

Im almost tempted to change my status in threads to waiting to O... but its still waiting for DF.

We have started looking at homes in the Jacksonville, NC area. We cant actually move until we are married... and then the waiting list is about 8 months so we will need an apartment in town while we wait for housing.

THEN

after we are moved in together and married and happy and all... THEN we can TTC.

And I am so frustrated.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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