Bitter Sushi Ladies: January Edition - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

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#241 of 433 Old 01-19-2011, 11:38 PM
 
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Jane, I think I see it! Can't wait for another update from you! And I also think we really need the positive vibes around here! Don't change a thing, that's my vote.

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#242 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 03:59 AM
 
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Jane, please don't remove it. I am normally not a fan of the "do you see anything" posts anywhere, but we need a reminder here that a BFP is actually possible among us. I hope it indeed is one! :)

 

11 or 12 dpo and obvious feelings telling me that af will arrive in a couple of days, if not sooner.

 

I spent hours with a friend and her toddler yesterday. She has been through a LOT in life, so she understands and I don't really struggle with her little one. She made an interesting point to me: If you have allergies, they can be healed by injecting more of the same. But with infertility it does not work that way, she said. The is little to be gained by torturing oneself by spending my time with families who don't understand my pain. She helped me to figure out my strategy for survival: I am going to limit time, drastically, with friends who are likely to annouce another pregnancy or who have babies and try to find more people with older kids, whose youngest are dd's age. That way I can try to move on to the next phase, where dd is doing girl things, and don't have to, endlessly, be doing baby and toddler things with others, while not being able to have that myself. It is hard that almost all of my friends want big familes and are nowhere near done.

 

I have previously struggled with a lot of guilt about this idea or not socializing with, well, my friends. However, it is not fair to my family and dd (who is growing up fast!) to need to deal with my moods after I have gone to help a friend. I think I have a particularly tough time with the idea of saying no, because I grew up with a mom who was a midwife and a real baby person, and had "cases she helped," rather than friends. My sister also, though not with kids, acts this way quite a bit. She is a doctor who gets called to friends and family to help (without pay) when people get sick. So... I feel like I am the only one saying that my emotions matter more than those of the people who would like to ask for my help... or something. It is hard for me to say no, because of the idea I have of myself. You know, I am the person, who helps and that is that. Now I feel like I am, in words or (lack of) actions about to say that I am actually a selfish person who only cares about her own, little world. (To some extent, though, I think infertility can do just that to a person.)

 

I just started to wonder if some here have a hard time reading my posts. (If so, please, please feel free to skip them.) I think I am in a different phase than many here. I don't feel much hope that we will have another child, and am simply trying to process things enough to heal and survive.

 

I think I am a bit less angry than I was some months ago but more believing that it will never happen. Every cycle proves it more and more: There is a problem and, it seems, I cannot even begin to figure out what it is. While I am not quite as jealous, I still do have a really tough time with "helplessness" in people. If you cannot take care of two kids, please keep your pants on. (This is my thought about a particular friend. Struggling is ok, but sitting there as if you cannot even try is not. If this is the situation, do not have more and more kids. Would I say that to her? Nope.) So, yeah, it is not as if bitterness will leave me for years, if ever.

 

I am finally starting to figure out what our future might look like, just the 3 of us. It will be wonderful, just because life with dd is wonderful. We will cope and will have so many of our dreams, I think. No one can have it all... (And what terrible people many of us would be if we could.)

 


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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#243 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 04:09 AM
 
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Jane, my vote is that it is totally fine to post that. I don't know about others, but I am truly happy for BSLs and others that have been trying a long time that do finally get pregnant. Now, I have a real hard time mustering the same for people who get pregnant right away, which isn't really logical, but there it is. As for trying to see a line - I am not good at line hunting, but I think I see a pink smear that isn't in a clear line shape, whatever that means. I hope it is good news when you test again!

Mommy to  N baby.gif, born 2/20/12.

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#244 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 04:18 AM
 
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Jane, leave it.  I see *something*, and I really need to focus on someone maybe having something good happening.  Let me obsess over your peed-on-stick!

 

LTB, you are not selfish for not "helping" people who make you upset and sad.  I think your plan for finding people with older kids is a great one.  You can still help people out, have friends and a life, and not be made miserable by other people who have what you want and don't seem to appreciate it.  I, for one, enjoy your posts--it's comforting to see a person realize that things can turn out differently than what they expect, and still find acceptance.  When I read your posts about hoping to adopt one day, it gives me a little bit of strength to go on.  I don't know why, exactly, since it's unlikely that DH and I will ever adopt a child, but it gives me something.

 

I have missed tons of posts--I've been reading, just haven't had the will to post much.  CD 7 here.  Nothing to report, except DH saw his endocrinologist and she approved all of the supplements listed by rcr in last month's thread for him.  (I like to check with her before supplementing him, since sometimes herbs can have an unfortunate effect on diabetes.)  His urology appointment is next week.  I don't know what to say about that.  I hope we find out some good news, I guess.  Then I have an appointment to check on my developing MS, also next week.  Hopefully there will be no change.  So, yeah, that's my life right now.


A and M, June 2012
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#245 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 04:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy View Post

I just started to wonder if some here have a hard time reading my posts. (If so, please, please feel free to skip them.) I think I am in a different phase than many here. I don't feel much hope that we will have another child, and am simply trying to process things enough to heal and survive.



LTB, I don't have a hard time reading your posts. We are all in different phases, but at least for myself I can relate a little. I definitely still have hope that I will eventually get pregnant, I do think it will probably happen for me one day even if it takes 5 more years. But at the same time, I can no longer feel that it will happen for sure . And even if I do get pregnant, I am at double risk of MC from my PCOS. So, my brain cannot avoid the thought that it is very possible that I may never have a child. So I need to come to terms with that, "adjust my dreams" as you said in a previous post. So, in my opinion, posts about processing, healing, and surviving are relevant to all of us.

Mommy to  N baby.gif, born 2/20/12.

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#246 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 04:23 AM
 
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musicoholic:  Hi!  Could you change my front-page blurb to:

 

TTC #1 since November 2008, with PCOS and Male Factor.

 

Thank you!


A and M, June 2012
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#247 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 05:09 AM
 
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Jane (I still think of you as Apricot!) - I see it and I say leave it!!! This is so exciting. You have been here for quite a while, wisely coaching us all along and providing your knowledge and insight regularly. I think we'd all like the opportunity to rejoice with you.  Keep us updated!!!!

 

I've been super-busy lately and haven't had time to post, but I've been reading along and keeping up on everyone's news. Maybe I'll find some time later today for a marathon post....

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#248 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 05:57 AM
 
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Jane - I also see it and say leave it!!  I always feel like seeing a BFP now and again gives me a little hope that maybe one of these days it will work for me too!  Congrats and can't wait to hear an update of if it is even darker today!!!!  joy.gif

 

LTB - It sounds like you have a good plan in effect!!!!  I have struggled with hanging out with friends with kids at times but what really gets me at times is all of my nieces and nephews.   I really feel guilty at times about that b/c I've always wanted to be the favorite aunt, but it is harder for some reason for me.  Maybe b/c I start to wonder if this is what my little girl or little boy could look like since they are blood.  I don't know, maybe that sounds really weird.   Anyways, I like your plan and think your "strategy for survival" sounds like a healthy one.

 

Kinza - Wow, it sounds like a lot is going on in your life right now with appointments for both you and DH.  I'm sure it will a weight off your shoulders once they are over.  fingersx.gif for no changes with you MS and I hope they go well for both!!

 

Miriam - I thought your name/profile pic looked familiar!!!  I love thread stalkers, especially if they post... they just make you feel loved!!  joy.gifDon't you just love that whole "weight off my shoulders" feeling!!  I'm the same way and haven't even pulled out the thermometer or the CBEFM testing strips yet.  I'm totally thrown off since my lmp was back in Oct. so who knows where the heck I am in my cycle right now.  I sure wish there was an easy way to bring AF back right now for me so I can move on with my life.  My fingers are crossed that your "brain vacation" ends with a BFP and will shock the heck out of you!!! scared.gif (sorry i know that is the scared one, but the only one i could find that kinda seemed like shocked). That would be great if there was another BFP on here!  If not good luck with your next fertility adventure!!  Is it Clomid with IUI???


After 5 failed IUI's & 6 failed IVF's we threw in the towel w/ ART and then got a NATURAL miracle BFP! Hoping and praying it is finally our take home baby!  Mother to our twins boys in heaven -lost at 22.5wks on 6/20/09 and 1 other little angel in heaven.

Our Miracle has arrived... Caden James...

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#249 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 08:51 AM
 
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Thanks for being my support team, BSL. I'll leave it.
link
I'm not willing to call it, but I think October is calling.


I will also admit to stalking the IVF thread.

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After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

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#250 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 09:02 AM
 
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Jane, you must have a photo for us from this morning, don't you? ;)

 

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. I think reading and writing here has helped me move a bit, mentally, in the past few months. Who knows what the future will bring. I just want to be able to live normally enough right now, even when avoiding some people and all that. I think the very worst would be if infertility ruined our only child's childhood in any way. She has been affected, especially, as she would really like a baby in the family. Yet, I need to try to keep it as good as possible.


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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#251 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 09:34 AM
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MBA - I had the same kind of relief the month that DH and I were both sick and didn't BD at all. Not that I really stop drinking during the TWW anymore, but it was nice to not worry about if I shouldn't be drinking, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by musicoholic View Post

yeahthat.gif

Or someone who comes on and their first ever post says "oh, we've only just started trying!  I'm 8dpo and got a bfp!!"  ....  and then starts giving "advice" to the rest of us.  eyesroll.gif

 

Dunno about anyone else - but I vote for leave it how it is too... you deserve it!! 


Yea, and then they say that the key to a bfp is just to "relax" or to "stop trying" gggrrrrr. That should be against the MDC user agreement. wink1.gif
Quote:
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Thanks for being my support team, BSL. I'll leave it.

I'm not willing to call it, but I think October is calling.


I will also admit to stalking the IVF thread.


I can't tell if I see anything or not. Where is the line supposed to be - under the blue flowers? What a cute test.

I used to stalk the IVF thread, before I joined it.

Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

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#252 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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Hi all: joining your ever-so-popular thread which has been mentioned on another She Knows board. I've been trying since April 2010 with no luck. Age 38 with no known issues although there is argument as to whether I truly have PCOS or not (docs get confused because I ovulate regularly). On Metformin. Have tried Femara and Clomid with no luck. Have not done injectables yet but am looking towards IVF starting in March or April. I diagnosed a short LP and have been taken progesterone ever since although some docs say they don't believe in LP defect.

 

Biggest challenge (besides not getting pregnant) is trying to get the doctors to pay attention and focus! I am forced to work with my HMO which doesn't have the greatest of Infertility Clinics.

 

You guys seem like a bunch of awesome ladies and I feel blessed to have your wisdom!

 

Krista


me (40) DP (47) TTC since April 2010, 5 IUIs & 6 at home w/ fresh
Short luteal phase, septum resection in Sept 2011
Jan 2011 a BFP! Try #11 angel.gif 8w2d (blighted ovum)
April 2011 BFP! Try #12 angel.gif 9w2d (no heartbeat)

Nov 2011 BFP! Try #14 angel.gif 8w0d (twins, no heartbeat)

June 2012 -- Moving onto IVF with PGD

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#253 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 09:59 AM
 
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Yeah, the flowers are between tge lines.
I added a link above to today's text next to yesterday's.

I love the David tests. I'm pretty sure they are 10 mIU and are 10 for $1.89, free ship.
The ovulation tests are more, 5 for $3.50. Deal extreme FTW.


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After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

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#254 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 10:08 AM
 
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Jane - Is todays the one on the bottom and yesterdays is on the top???  I see the line!!!!  Yeah!!!!!joy.gif

 

kgulbransen - I'm new here myself but wanted to say Welcome to you!!!!   hola.gif Hope your stay is short and sweet!!!!


After 5 failed IUI's & 6 failed IVF's we threw in the towel w/ ART and then got a NATURAL miracle BFP! Hoping and praying it is finally our take home baby!  Mother to our twins boys in heaven -lost at 22.5wks on 6/20/09 and 1 other little angel in heaven.

Our Miracle has arrived... Caden James...

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#255 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 10:32 AM
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I see it I see it!! And I never see line!

I see a line on both of them. Is one the same one you posted before? I totally want to come with you to the Oct DDC (and stay there for 9 months!)

Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

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#256 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 10:34 AM
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Oh, and welcome Kgul I got so excited about Apricot's news I forgot to say that.

Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

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#257 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 10:49 AM
 
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Hey.... Does anyone else wonder why this section is not among the ones that cannot be googled? Some of you ladies are brave, writing with your photos there and all. I would be too worried about offending someone in my bitter rants. TBH, I think most of the forums should be viewable only for those who are registered users.


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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#258 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 11:22 AM
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LTB I didn't know any of the forums couldn't be googled. Which ones?

And yea, I agree, it would be nice if the world could not see this. I would be a lot more open with my identity if that were the case.

Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

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#259 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 11:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Kinza:  have updated you.  smile.gif

 

kgulbransen:  welcome!  I've added you to the list in the first post - would you mind checking it's okay for me?  

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#260 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 11:30 AM
 
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I was under the impression that there are some forums that cannot be googled. Those being the same ones that you cannot view until you have a certain amount of posts. Very few, though!


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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#261 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 11:44 AM
 
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Tao and parents as partners, and the abuse forum cannot be googled.

Homebirth Midwife biggrinbounce.gif

After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

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#262 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 12:10 PM
 
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Jane, yay! I see it! I think you have ended our dry spell. smile.gif

 

And, music, did you test? Your post almost tempted me to. orngtongue.gif I bought some cheap(er) HPTs online with my OPK order. Got 10 for less than 1 costs in the store. I'm boring, though, so I won't likely test for awhile. I take negatives pretty hard.

 

Welcome, to our new lovely ladies and sending lots of love to everyone here. I've been reading along but been busy with work, and now I think I'm coming down with a cold. I've been sick at least once (sometimes twice) each cycle since we've been TTC. Granted, my cycles are long, but that's just annoying on top of annoying. Boo.

 

9DPO today and am luckily distracted by enough other things to take the edge off the wait. For the moment. winky.gif


Mama to our little boy (3) babyf.gif , the amazing super squirmer, almost born in the taxi...

and our new baby girl stork-girl.gif, caught by her daddy in our bathtub!

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#263 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 12:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Nah...  I'm the same with negatives.  Although I've become the same with positives too.... eyesroll.gif  AF is due Tuesday...  so we'll see what happens.  Although my temps are still weird (for me).  Who knows.

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#264 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 12:32 PM
 
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Jane, I so see it, how exciting smile.gif I want to joy.gif but I know you aren't ready to call it yet.


I had to listen to preggo next to me (who is not even able to test yet it is so early) gloat about how easily she gets pregnant, on the first try!! I had to hear her tell each client, and then on the phone, she had to come back where I was eating lunch irked.gif How she will eat those words if she is not pregnant. She is so sure though, because she feels exactly the way she felt when she was pregnant with her son (who was also conceived on the first try) I am at the end of my rope, I am so glad to be home, I have top hear it even if I try to block it out because she is right next to me.

I am waiting for myself to have to pee so I can take an OPK, I accidentally bought a few instead of HPTs. I have heard the afternoon id a good time to take them. I am angry at DH, so second guessing this whole thing greensad.gif I feel like an idiot, and depressed. Why am I so obsessed with this??? I just keep thinking of that day in the ultrasound room. How I entered with excitement, and left in tears. I feel the need for an escape, maybe I'll go do something productive like another blog posting.

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#265 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 12:38 PM
 
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JANE!
I totally see it (on today's)! Now you hang onto that baby, please. Stick little one!

OK, so I have been totally AWAL. I know - but I have been thinking it's good for me. I just peeked and saw Jane/Apricot is pregnant and had to chime in...

I got my HSG a week and a half ago. All clear. I am now 3dpo. Next month, I will retake blood tests and get a follicle count. If the results are questionable, I will take the clomid challenge test. I will then go on femera for 3 months. All real bd-ing. (Which, surprisingly, I still like after 18 cycles ttc)

Anyway, wishing you ladies the best!

blowkiss.gif

 


Mama to Little Beedust.gif born April 2007 -

Expecting a new little one in Mid-October, after 3 1/2 years TTC

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#266 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 01:14 PM
 
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BelovedK, could someone not ask her to stop? I mean if I happened to be her client (or any of us), she would be losing a client. It is just not ok to talk that way, I think, unless you are talking to friends. To strangers... that is pretty thoughtless. Imagine if someone had just miscarried, etc.

 

I have noticed that there is a night every cycle, where I just sit on the couch and browse the sad sections of mdc, trying to talk af into coming that night, instead of the following day. I just feel it starting soon (yacky crampy, you know) and hate the wait. That will ruin most of tomorrow, or the day after. It seems doubly cruel to have to deal with all the feminine issues, which do nothing other than remind me of how things aren't working right. I am probably really annoying dh y staying up this late. I just don't really know how to explain this particular matter to a man. He would probably just wonder why I don't go to sleep since I am not feeling well.


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#267 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 01:36 PM
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Quote:
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Tao and parents as partners, and the abuse forum cannot be googled.

That makes sense.
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JANE!
I totally see it (on today's)! Now you hang onto that baby, please. Stick little one!

OK, so I have been totally AWAL. I know - but I have been thinking it's good for me. I just peeked and saw Jane/Apricot is pregnant and had to chime in...

Hi Jenger.


Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

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#268 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 02:04 PM
 
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BelovedK, could someone not ask her to stop? I mean if I happened to be her client (or any of us), she would be losing a client. It is just not ok to talk that way, I think, unless you are talking to friends. To strangers... that is pretty thoughtless. Imagine if someone had just miscarried, etc.


Her clients are all either TTC or pregnant, or have toddlers running around. They are goading her on. She knows of my struggles, she is the one who quoted Down's Syndrome stats to me. It's not like I don't know that, it just sucks that I have to hear it. I can't help hoping she is not pregnant, even though I like to wish people well. I would HATE to wish my infertility on anyone else. I honestly wish her the best, I just wish she'd shut tf up.

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#269 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 08:26 PM
 
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...


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#270 of 433 Old 01-20-2011, 08:55 PM
 
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Jane - I see it I see it I see it!!!! I'm doing the happy dance on my couch right now..I know you are feeling cautious though, but I can hardly wait for the rejoicing to start!

 

kgul- Welcome and I hope you don't have to be here long!

 

Beloved - : (   That coworker of yours is really on my nerves, so I can only imagine how bad she is on yours!!! Grrr

 

LTB - I agree that focusing on your DD is a wonderful thing, and I don't think it's selfish to distance yourself from those friends. I have had to do that myself for my sanity during the last 6 months or so. It's not that I don't want happiness for everyone else, but there is just a point where I have to protect myself from a state of complete depression. A big part of that is for my little boy. I really truly want him to have the best childhood possible, with or without siblings. And of course I'm still really hopeful that it will happen for us, but if not, I need to make sure he is not missing out on siblings AND a mother at the same time. My mother was depressed much of my childhood. Not due to infertility, but other things, partly just her nature. I really hated it. And I refuse to do that to my child. Anyway, I'm still hoping and praying for you. Oh, I also think that you can be very giving and compassionate to others besides those with babies and toddlers. There are so many people out there who are hurting, and I feel confident you can find ways to help others in a way that won't leave you raw and hurting yourself. (((hugs)))

 

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