***Bitter Sushi Ladies February 2011 Thread*** - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-08-2011, 01:52 PM
 
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So the hpt at 1dpo was positive (not darkly so, but def there), and the one at 3dpo was half again as faint.  I expect the trigger shot to be gone enough from my system to have a blank test at 5dpo with the way things are thus far, so anything that shows as positive after that I should be excited over :)

 

Good luck Lavatea!

 

Welcome back Grahnola!  Both of you are in my thoughts.

 

<3 to you all.


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IUI#4 success! Welcome Guy V 11/14/12
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:49 PM
 
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This cycle has been super odd for me. I am still not sure if I ovulated super early or not. It should happen in a couple of days, but no signs so far. Meanwhile, my temps are doing weird stuff, so they really are not of help. No matter what, this is an odd, odd cycle.

 

I am sitting here... Sometimes (often) I find I need the quiet alone time before bed (way too late) to process my thoughts. I seems to have moved on to another new phase in the past two months. No more tears... the sorrow is somehow quieter and calmer, more accepting of reality. And, yet, painful.

 

While it shocks me, really, the feeling that I would rather adopt is here again. Adoption and special needs. However, I feel silly but I an grieving the little boy whom we will never adopt. I fell in love with his photo on a website and finally found out his country a couple of days ago. I can normally look at those photos and just pray for those kids. This little guy, however, just felt like he was mine. It is crazy: He looked about as different from me as possible, but he just felt right. Then I found out that he is in the one and only country that we will never be able to adopt from. I suppose I am thankful, as it would have been terrible to try and have the rules of this country or the lack of money prevent us from adopting him. This matter, the rule of the country he is in, is so clear that there is absolutely nothing I can do. I feel silly to say it, but my arms feel so empty. I miss this baby, even though I never even saw him live. (Lesson 492373636 to me about how infertility messes with one's head.)

 

Wishing you all lots of strength and peace this week!


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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Old 02-08-2011, 04:50 PM
 
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rcr - No, I didn't test this morning. I only have one more cheapie test. Trying to decide if I should use it tomorrow (12 dpo) or wait a few days. I guess it will all depend on my willpower in the morning. I'm trying hard not to analyze every little twinge, but it is so hard! I'm also trying to visualize a friendly uterus, lol.

I have to work again tomorrow and then I'm off for five days. Hoping to take it somewhat easy around my would-be AF time (assuming she doesn't show). I read somewhere that some doctors recommend pelvic rest at least around the time when you would have your AF to possibly prevent m/c. Thought that might be worth a shot since I do seem to have pretty strong contractions post-BD O (if you know what I mean).

I also plan on ordering more Vitamin E (I've been out) and starting large doses of Vitamin C as well. My friend sent me a link that recommended both Vit E (which I've read elsewhere) and megadoses of Vit C to maintain pregnancies. I've been taking my baby aspirin and folic acid each evening already. I'm out of prenatals, so I'll have to order more of those on payday, too. My insurance doesn't kick in until March, and if I'm treated by a doctor before then it becomes a pre-existing condition, so I'm not sure what to do in the meantime. Is there somewhere I can get progesterone (besides cream)? I've read that the cream may not provide high enough doses to sustain a pregnancy. I don't know that low progesterone is my problem, but I'm paranoid.

And as hard as I'm trying not to obsess, I've already started thinking of OB and midwife care. I know I want to deliver with the midwife I picked out for Avery's birth, but I really feel with my multiple losses that I should be seen by an OB throughout the pregnancy. Do you think one would see me knowing up front that I don't plan to deliver with her? I have to pick a new one b/c my old one is in a different city and won't be covered by my insurance. I just don't want to be rejected if the OB doesn't think office visits are enough. I don't want to lie, but maybe selective silence is OK? Thoughts?

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Old 02-08-2011, 08:35 PM
 
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lavatea - fingers crossed for you!!!  Praying you've got a sticky one!!!!!

 

miriam -  good luck to you tomorrow!!

 

LTB - what are some websites that you have found that are for adoption?  I'm hoping we don't have to go that route but you never know.  I don't even know if we could afford it.  How much does something like that run do you know?  hug2.gif to you!!!

 

kparker - I know in my body it take like 5-6 days for a trigger to get out of my system, but I know everyone is different.  Fingers crossed for you that you get your BFP!!!

 


After 5 failed IUI's & 6 failed IVF's we threw in the towel w/ ART and then got a NATURAL miracle BFP! Hoping and praying it is finally our take home baby!  Mother to our twins boys in heaven -lost at 22.5wks on 6/20/09 and 1 other little angel in heaven.

Our Miracle has arrived... Caden James...

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Old 02-09-2011, 04:39 AM
 
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Well, BSLs, I'm not counting myself completely out, but it doesn't look good. I broke down and tested this morning (12 dpo, CD 30) - didn't we all know I would - and I can still see a line, but it's not any darker than two days ago. And both lines are so, so faint. My temp was only 98.1 this morning, too. Just seems like maybe it should be higher?

Maybe these are evap lines, but I haven't got evap lines before on these tests so two in a row seems suspicious. If AF doesn't show by Friday I'll buy some tests then, I guess. Since my O was unusually late this cycle, I suppose AF might stay away another 3-4 days and it still not mean anything.

Blegh.

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Old 02-09-2011, 08:47 AM
 
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Lavatea - crossing my fingers and toes for you and sending more prayers your wayhug2.gif

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Old 02-09-2011, 10:27 AM - Thread Starter
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Lavatea :hug I hope it works out. I am sorry the line is not getting darker.

 

I am wondering if you are having problems with implementation? I agree, two faint lines, plus the one a few months ago, seems really suspicious. I thought false positive BFPs were supposed to be something of a rarity.

 

AFM - they are taking the little eggies out of me on Friday.


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Old 02-09-2011, 11:08 AM
 
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rcr - what would I like it to say? ....well technically I am 6 weeks pg and hoping that it will stick but we have been TTC #2 since December 2008, 7 losses ( all between 7-10weeks), no known cause.

 

I am slowly going insane during this wait.....

 

Thinking of you lavatea hug2.gif and everyone here grouphug.gif


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Old 02-09-2011, 01:22 PM - Thread Starter
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Ok, I added you Grahnola. Let me know if you want anything changed.


Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

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Old 02-09-2011, 01:58 PM
 
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Grahnola - Welcome! As a veteran of lots of miscarriages, my heart goes out to you. I hope this time things are different!

 

Lava - With my last pregnancy I had very light lines for the first few tests, then they suddenly started getting darker and darker. Please keep us updated. Thinking of you.

 

rcr - Wow; Egg retrieval! Good luck. I can't wait to hear about it!

 

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Old 02-09-2011, 04:21 PM
 
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Hello, all!  I am doing a quick check in, hoping to see updates.  Deeply hoping that Jane is still with the BFPs and DDCs... Have you heard from her?  Lavatea, my fingers are crossed for you, too; the test being no darker could certainly be okay as they are not exact in their sensitivity and varied lines don't necessarily reflect the different levels of HCG.

 

I am not obsessing, but still hopeful.  My temping was odd this month.  First, it seemed I was Oing late, I finally had physical signs of O about five days later than normal.  But then my temps stayed low, so I though we were anovulatory this month (first time) because I thought my body had tried to O and failed.  The temps were low a few days and my waking time was a little inconsistent, but we tapered off the BD effort at some point while I wrote the cycle off--then I skipped a few days temping.  Now I think my temps are up but have been having bad sleeping patterns so IDK for sure when I O'd.  We probably stopped BDing too soon if I did O, I may in fact be anovulatory since the few high temps weren't reliable, so I still think this cycle is a write-off.

 

Oh, well, I keep thinking of you all but am managing not to obsess.   I am on CD 25 of a usually 30-day cycle and could be 3-5 dpo but also might not have O'd.  My cycle hasn't been like this before and if anovulatory I guess it might actually be a long time before the next.  Part of me likes not knowing much.  I am so darn mad at TTC I feel better not expecting and not knowing.  Have any of you ever felt like that?

 

Oh Grahnolla, I am so very sorry for your losses.  I can hardly imagine the ups and downs you have been through.  Please stay PG so you can graduate right away from our bitterness.


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Old 02-09-2011, 04:24 PM
 
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Okay, was just on another mom message board I'm on and... hopmad.gif

 

Two people pregnant with "surprise" babies, one, at least, definitely not very happy about it. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?? How on earth do you ever accidentally conceive a child?? WHY, UNIVERSE?? WHY NOT SEND THE BABIES TO THE PEOPLE WHO WANT THEM??

 

Sorry for the shouting. It's just... unreal. Everyone on that board just seems insanely fertile (except 2 or 3 who I know suffer from infertility, but have kids through adoption). I can understand why they're less excited about it (one is expecting her 3rd, one is expecting her 4th, and life circumstances aren't quite what they'd like)... but it's just a slap in the face. Bleh.

 

Sorry, that's all I have to say.


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Old 02-09-2011, 04:55 PM
 
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...


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Old 02-09-2011, 06:58 PM
 
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Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers today. So far no AF, so that's still a small victory. I don't know much about pregnancy tests and dye and all that, so if the tests aren't necessarily supposed to be darker, then that makes me feel somewhat better. I think the fact that they are so super faint in the first place is what's really bugging me. If the first one had been darker, I probably wouldn't even have tested a second time.

I'll try to post pics tonight or tomorrow. Heck, maybe I'm crazy and there's no line at all. I didn't even show DH yet so no other eyeballs have confirmed that there is a line, lol.

rcr - Sounds like you're making progress!

Welcome, Grahnola!

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- Hoping for a surprise this cycle for you. I think if this whole BFP(?) thing doesn't work out for me this cycle I will chill out like you do. I think I feel this way every month, though. And then I get paranoid that if I don't obsess then somehow we'll miss the window and won't conceive for yet another month, but it will be all.my.fault. Whatev. I so hate TTC.

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Old 02-09-2011, 10:02 PM
 
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Lava - Fingers Crossed!  In my experience, sticks don't get darker on a day-by-day basis, but do over time, ie, tuesday is not darker than monday, but thursday IS darker than monday. 

 

MbA - I'm very optimistic about this cycle for you. 

 

 

AFM - Doing fantastic, hanging out in my 6th week.  Had my second ultrasound on tuesday, with a HR of 119, and everything measuring perfectly.  Statistical miscarriage rate is down to something like 7%.  I've never been this pregnant with a healthy seeming babe before - always been something "wrong" already. 

I am happily doing the "recurrent miscarriage" protocol as suggested by the RE.  I have weekly ultrasounds (miscarriage goes down in habitual miscarriers with weekly ultrasound, which is whack and has no known mechanism for action) and I'm on progesterone suppositories (also no known mechanism of action, but also reduce miscarriage rate, so I'm doing that too).  I declined the acupuncture. 

 

 

For my BSLs - I'm putting together care packages for you in the next couple of weeks.  Pregnancy Tests, Ovulation Sticks, Progesterone, etc.  It's all gotta go!


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Old 02-09-2011, 10:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane View Post

Lava - Fingers Crossed!  In my experience, sticks don't get darker on a day-by-day basis, but do over time, ie, tuesday is not darker than monday, but thursday IS darker than monday. 

 

MbA - I'm very optimistic about this cycle for you. 

 

 

AFM - Doing fantastic, hanging out in my 6th week.  Had my second ultrasound on tuesday, with a HR of 119, and everything measuring perfectly.  Statistical miscarriage rate is down to something like 7%.  I've never been this pregnant with a healthy seeming babe before - always been something "wrong" already. 

I am happily doing the "recurrent miscarriage" protocol as suggested by the RE.  I have weekly ultrasounds (miscarriage goes down in habitual miscarriers with weekly ultrasound, which is whack and has no known mechanism for action) and I'm on progesterone suppositories (also no known mechanism of action, but also reduce miscarriage rate, so I'm doing that too).  I declined the acupuncture. 

 

 

For my BSLs - I'm putting together care packages for you in the next couple of weeks.  Pregnancy Tests, Ovulation Sticks, Progesterone, etc.  It's all gotta go!


Glad things are going so well for you, Jane!

Would the test get darker say Wednesday from Monday?

Here are a couple of phone pics I snapped. The lines are pretty much as hard to see on the picture as in real life. I'd say they were evap lines if they hadn't shown up within the ten minutes. Plus I haven't had any kind of second line on any of the other HPTs from this batch. So two in a row? Now, whether something's up and I'm making low levels of Hcg or I'm pg and something's wrong or I'm pg and everything's fine but early...well, I just don't know.

Hope this pic posting works. I see people do it, so here goes...

500




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Old 02-09-2011, 10:30 PM
 
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Here's a close up pic. It's worse than the first one. Am I crazy?

500

 


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Old 02-09-2011, 10:34 PM
 
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I see both.  To me, bottom is darker. 

IMG_0430.JPG

Darker, but not by much, no?


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Old 02-09-2011, 10:39 PM
 
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Does this make it any easier to see?

500

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Old 02-09-2011, 10:41 PM
 
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Jane, you make me feel so much better! I remembered your lines so much darker than that, lol. Yay, maybe there's hope for me!!

Out of money for tests until Friday, so I'm going to hold off testing until Saturday morning. I might pee on some OPKs just for the heck of it, hahaha.

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Old 02-10-2011, 12:43 AM
 
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Lavatea, our dd was a very faint line 13 dpo. I think the problem here is not a faint line, it is the fact that you kept testing, IYKWIM. Most people would stop at that point, so there is not so much talk about what happens or does not happen to faint lines.

 

I am having the first cycle for a looong time where I have no signs of ovulation approaching by cd 16. Well, I had them right after af, but doubt I actually ovulated. I am blaming this on too much progesterone last cycle. Yet, I am only using cream, so I am not sure it should be able to cause this. (It is so often mentioned how the creams are so weak...) Whatever. I am actually kind of enjoying this limbo. I am tired of ttc and looking for what to do, what is the "plan" in my life (not mine) when it comes to kids.

 

Dd (soon 6) and I were in a store yesterday. All of a sudden she started crying and said she she has been praying for 3 years (true) and there is still no baby. She said it hurts her to see all the little outfits and that she no longer likes seeing a friend's baby. (I had wondered what had happened, because she liked loving on that baby not so long ago, and did not want to have much to do with her last time.) This was sad and interesting, as I have been calmer about things, lately. I do know that it is hard on dd that her younger friends keep getting more siblings. (One pregnancy we found out about just last week.) It was hard to know what to say... Dh and I can be thankful that we at least have dd. She, however, cannot not, you know. We at least have one child, but she has 0 siblings. Interestingly, I think in her own way dd goes through the same things I do: She loves babies and would love to have one to cuddle. She cannot understand why others are given so many kids, even if they don't look after tham very well. I have always known she was hoping for a baby, but had not realized how many emotions she has about it. 

 


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Old 02-10-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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LTB - You're right, I should probably just stop testing altogether. If AF shows, no amount of testing is going to keep her away.

Your poor DD. How heartbreaking. My DD talks about a new baby a lot (she also talks about dead babies), but at least she has DS to play with. I can't imagine her being an only child. Not that it would make the ache go away, but could you get her a special pet? Someone furry she could take care of and hug on. Maybe that would take the sting out a bit?

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Old 02-10-2011, 09:12 AM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane View Post

AFM - Doing fantastic, hanging out in my 6th week.  Had my second ultrasound on tuesday, with a HR of 119, and everything measuring perfectly.  Statistical miscarriage rate is down to something like 7%.  I've never been this pregnant with a healthy seeming babe before - always been something "wrong" already. 

I am happily doing the "recurrent miscarriage" protocol as suggested by the RE.  I have weekly ultrasounds (miscarriage goes down in habitual miscarriers with weekly ultrasound, which is whack and has no known mechanism for action) and I'm on progesterone suppositories (also no known mechanism of action, but also reduce miscarriage rate, so I'm doing that too).  I declined the acupuncture. 

 

 

For my BSLs - I'm putting together care packages for you in the next couple of weeks.  Pregnancy Tests, Ovulation Sticks, Progesterone, etc.  It's all gotta go!



Jane - What do you mean that miscarriages go down if you have a weekly u/s? I didn't know that. I have read over in the pregnancy forums that some people think that u/s's increase miscarriage rates. Of course, here I am getting u/s's like every day because of IVF, but I really been worried about all of the u/s enough to look into it. There is nothing I can really do about my frequent u/s's, because they are pretty much required for IVF.

 

I am glad to hear that you have a heartbeat (um not you, the baby). That would make me feel so much better.



LTB - that story about your DD made me really sad. I am sorry. :hug

 

Lavatea: I say it, but I don't agree that it is getting lighter. They both look about the same to me. I still have my fingers crossed for you.

 

I have some femera that I didn't use because my cycle was canceled. Is anybody on femera and want some?

 

AFM - I have six eggies. I hope there are a few more, and I hope that they are all good quality and make it. Retrieval is tomorrow morning at 9:30, so please send good thoughts my way. I am really nervous. I gave myself a shot in the butt (hcg) last night. It still hurts.


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Old 02-10-2011, 09:17 AM
 
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rcr - Lots of prayers for you today. smile.gif A bunch of us need to get out of here!

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Old 02-10-2011, 09:51 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks Lava. I am not a fan of DDCs at the moment, so maybe if we all leave together it will be more tolerable. I hope we can leave together. love.gif


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Old 02-10-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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drive by posting: Just updating... I posted yesterday about how my chart was so weird and maybe even anovulatory, but I hadn't recorded some of my temps because I thought some of the low ones weren't post-O.  Well today I put those in and FF gave me an O day after all.  My lowest coverline ever, latest O, and my temp was a freakishly low 97.2 the day after O (normally a temp I'd see pre-O) but that's what I've got.  With my high temp today anovulatory is not at all likely.  So I know yet one more thing about my cycle that doesn't mean I'm pregnant.  Interesting, though.


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Old 02-10-2011, 10:50 AM
 
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I know!  It's weird, isn't it?  I'll pull the reference when I can find it. 

Jane - What do you mean that miscarriages go down if you have a weekly u/s? I didn't know that. I have read over in the pregnancy forums that some people think that u/s's increase miscarriage rates. Of course, here I am getting u/s's like every day because of IVF, but I really been worried about all of the u/s enough to look into it. There is nothing I can really do about my frequent u/s's, because they are pretty much required for IVF.

 

I am glad to hear that you have a heartbeat (um not you, the baby). That would make me feel so much better.

 


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Old 02-10-2011, 11:28 AM
 
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Jane - I would really like to see the reference too. I am absolutely petrified about getting pregnant again (to the point that I am having anxiety attacks because we're about to start TTC again), and I would love to know about anything, anything at all that might increase the odds of me not miscarrying the next one. Glad you are doing well! This is GREAT!

 

Rcr - Good luck tomorrow! I'll be sending good vibes your way all day long.

 

LTB - So sad about your DD. I totally understand. DS has stopped asking about babies as often, but now draws pictures of dead babies in their Mommie's tummys. Heartbreaking. I feel like I've let him down SO much. He deserves better, and may never get it.

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Old 02-10-2011, 11:46 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by collieflower View Post

Jane - I would really like to see the reference too. I am absolutely petrified about getting pregnant again (to the point that I am having anxiety attacks because we're about to start TTC again), and I would love to know about anything, anything at all that might increase the odds of me not miscarrying the next one. Glad you are doing well! This is GREAT!

 

Collieflower and others with miscarriages.... Maybe you have done this already, but please do look into the immune stuff. If there are 3 miscarriages without cromosome issues, some doctors feel immune problems are very likely (like 70-80%, if I remember correctly). BUT, I know very little about miscarrieages, so don't believe me on that without research. Interestingly, some of the women with immune problems have developed those due to a first pregnancy. This is why it is possible that is my issue. However, I also read something here today that sounded like me: insulin trouble (or so it feels, not confirmed) and weight is "heavy normal." I think something like insulin and blood sugar problems could also be my problem. In that case losing weight could be the solution, except that I am not able to lose more than 5 lbs without gaining the rest right back.

 

I have so desperately wanted to ger pregnant, but these days my mind really plays tricks on me. I just want to adopt and even that has changed: I used to think as young as possible, but now I think a toddler would be just fine, even great. My thoughts and emotions change so much that I feel very strange.


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Old 02-10-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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LTB - Thanks for the suggestions. I have actually had all of the immunological testing and the testing for insulin sensitivity. I've even been tested for gluten sensitivity and about a gazillion other things. Everything comes back normal. Argh. I am now focusing on gaining weight (I am a bit on the thin side, but have a normal BMI) and de-stressing.  BTW - All my siblings are adopted, and two were actually older (3 and 6) when they were adopted. Happy to talk on the side about it, if you are interested.

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